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Zyklon1

Buy the coffee, get the teeshirt and grow your hair.

Zyklon B was the name of an experimental Coffee formula developed by the Kenco Coffee company sometime in the mid-1930s. Zkylon B was mass-advertised all over the world, even in countries where the media is very tight, drawing the attention of millions and becoming the most popular coffee blend of all-time. Since its creation, and adoption by all major countries of the world, Zyklon B has gone down in history textbooks as the most delicious blend of Hydrogen Cyanide and Coffee ever developed, and is still present in 90% of households today.

CreationEdit

FritzHauber

Fritz Hauber:The Unnamed scientist.

During an undisclosed period of time in the mid-1930s, Kenco Coffee were effectively hemorrhaging money due to the failure of their then-newest blend of coffee, "Arsenic Infusion", and the company were scrambling for a solution. The legend goes that one of the Kenco flavor scientists was in his office one day, and when he went to empty a "Lethal Injection Blend" flavored sachet of instant coffee in to his coffee mug, he instead unleashed a bag of hydrogen cyanide in to his mug, only realizing his mistake once drinking the fruity blend. It turned out that this mistake was actually the largest turning point the company had ever taken, as the unnamed scientist submitted his new flavor discovery to the CEOs of Kenco, and within a week, sachets of the newly named "Zyklon B" were landing from conveyor belts, and in to the hands of adventurous customers.

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Zyklon B.

ControversyEdit

Zyklon B was most popular amongst the citizens of Nazi Germany. During state-funded Jewish shower Raves in many Nazi Rave Camps, Zyklon B was showered upon the attendees as the Nazi party hosts claimed over the intercom "open your fuckin' mouths! It's time for a caffeine boost!". At first thinking this was just a bit of innocent fun, the Jews soon realized that the intense coffee blend was so hot that it burned their skin, causing major deformation. The screams of the attendees were mistaken by the guards as laughter and happiness, and thus, the rave was not aborted. When the Nazis opened the doors, hours later, they were horrified to discover that their partying friends were little more than boiled corpses, infused with delicious cyanide.

While the Kenco Coffee company were not to blame, the Zyklon B product was dropped from all major retailers due to the hard-hitting news, and soon, faded entirely in to obscurity, only being remembered from history textbooks as the "coffee that killed the Jews". A Nazi officer, Heinrich Heine Heinz Hans Karlhansen, who was in charge of regulating the coffee temperature as it entered the rave chambers was charged for multiple counts of manslaughter, as he accidentally made the coffee "60 degrees too hot". Heinrich was sentenced to death by hanging, and was vilified by the peaceful Nazi regime, including Adolf Hitler himself.

See AlsoEdit