Zune
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“Did you mean: boombox ”
~ Google on Zune
“My kids CANNOT possible have one of these!”
~ Bill Gates on iPod
“It's Microsoft's iPod!”
~ Captain Obvious on Zune
“In Soviet Russia, Zune listens YOU!!”
~ Russian Reversal on Zune
“Some companies make good products.”
~ Unrelated Quote Guy on Zune
“Also it features Reversi! thats right all those features and reversi”
~ Steve Ballmer on Zune
“A radio? humph How innovative...”
~ Kazooie on Zune
“Now here's a company who when they make a product, they release it. Like when Brett Favre makes a pass, BOOM!, he throws it!”
~ John Madden on Zune
“Oh cool, you got me an iPo... oh, this is just a zune, I hope you also got a gun for me to shoot myself with.”
~ kid on zune
Contents |
[edit] About the Zune
There are a few things that everybody should know about the biggest threat to Apple's iPod. Fortunately, there are only a few.
[edit] Size
Zune is what Microsoft has created to compete with the iPod. It features a circular touch pad copying the Ipod's click wheel idea and, its brown like shit and also has Zune-to-Zune sharing (aka squirting, or cumming) at the same price as an iPod. It also sells worse, this is believed that A) Microsoft just plain isn't cool, B) Zune doesn't sell internationally, and C) Microsoft doesn't shove it in you(r face) like a Catholic Priest with an 11-year-old boy like Apple's Ipod. The original Zune came in one size, "Only 30 of these GB things?? I can get more than THAT on an iPod!!! How gay!!" Brown was the most popular color, in fact so popular Microsoft couldn't keep up with the demand, since they had trouble producing more than 5 of the Microsoft bricks). Several more have been released, including (but not limited to) "Holy crap why does it look like a shuffle with a screen?" and "Holy crap I thought the other one looked like a brick!" Due to the poorly thought out operating system, Zune owners have become frustrated with constant crashes (including the Blue Screen of Death) and unexpected battery deaths. Last year all Zunes turned on their owners and sent them to a black hole due to a buffer overflow. Zune still to this day is the greatest MP3 player ever created.
[edit] Zune Software
The Zune software will destroy your computer and delete all driver software, so in between 4 and 18 months, no Zune will be able to update through your computer unless you perform a full system recovery, deleting anything you may ever want to use on your computer. This may happen 3 or 4 times until you give up and buy an iPod, in which case you'll look super doucebaggy and you'll just be dealing with headaches from iTunes. Or better yet, an Archos Internet Media Tablet!
[edit] Purchasing a Zune
You can only buy one at GameStop, which doesn't sell them anymore due to their low sales. Microsoft response? They didn't care, as the sin of all shopping center carries them (Wal-Mart). But if you really want one without giving up your soul, don't worry! Everybody who has ever bought one has put them up for sale on Craig's list and ebay. Unfortunately, a GOOD Zune will cost you $250, months to years of frustration and anger, your family life (due to Microsoft's customer service and replacement), one destroyed Zune, and another $250 to buy your iPod (which includes more headaches with iTunes, and a sense of douchbaggery with it's packeging) (or $5,000,000 for your Archos Internet Media Tablet, which is the only logical purchase you can make after being frustrated by Microsoft for 6 months).
[edit] Zune HD
Another totally innovative and brilliant Microsoft product. It is the result of 200 years of research, development and reverse engineering the iPod touch, designed by Steve Ballmer and unaided by any human. It is a marvel marriage of Art and Science. Nothing is known about it yet, the devices is shrouded in mystery, but it is said that it runs on Unicorn tears, has the equivalent processing power of over 9000 Roadrunners, and if you use it for more than 5 minutes it'll catch fire burn for a 1000 years. Over 9000 Microsofties jizzed their pants in excitement over the new divine piece of Zune, it is said it will integrate into the X360's RRoD technology and provide ubquitious BSoD experience everywhere.
