Zorba The Greek

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Zorba The Greek

Zorba the Greek (sometimes known as Xorbon-5 or Zorbalakimou) is a popular villain first appearing in the 1935 Indian movie called Alexander Nevsky. He is often referred to as Zorba the Hutt, due to the popular misconception that Greeks live in huts. He is the father of Jabba the Greek, who became an intagalactic gangsta, followin the teachins of his fatha, and starring in the 1936 Italian movie called Star Wars. Zorba the Greek largely resembles his son, with the exception that he sprouts a large, braided, white beard, which he often wears over his shoulder, in the manner of a scarf. He is shown to the right in traditional Greek dress, and is a devout follower of the Greek Orthodox religion. He is fond of all manner of orgies and parties, particularly the Republican Party and the Big Brother Party. Zorba the Hutt is famed throughout the Balkans for his heroic resistance against the Ottoman invasion of the area. In this battle, having raged for six full episodes of Dragon Ball Z, Zorba's gang ended up victorious, and as a consequence established the Greeks' dominance as the largest ethnic Wog minority in the great nation of Australia.

Following the death of his son at the hands of the drug smuggler Han Solo, Zorba the Greek traveled to the desert planet Tatooine to seek vengeance. After a gruelling Pokemon battle with Solo, the latter barely managed to escape alive, ending up in the infamous Temple of Jarrah in Bali, Indonesia. Zorba, in his relentless pursuit, chased Solo down, and once again they battled, this time in Bali, with Zorba backed by the legendary Wog Squad, consisting of young outcast Greek Australian migrants, and Solo with the help of his newfound Balinese comrades and Balinese rabid monkeys. The battle raged for hours, until Solo's right-hand man, the Lord Jarrah himself, landed a spear in Zorba's back, a sight upon which Nick Giannopoulos, leader of the Wog Squad, ran Jarrah over with his Suburu, maaaaate. With both generals wounded, Zorba threatened his opponent with a fully hectic thermal detonator, which impressed Solo. The smuggler eventually agreed to have Zorba's revenge extracted on him. An investigation into the matter revealed that Jabba had actually been killed at the hands of Princess Leia, who had proceeded to destroy the scene of the crime with a laser cannon to erase all evidence. Upon hearing of this disclosure, Zorba proceeded to extract his revenge on Leia, effectively ending his adventures with a cliffhanger. Zorba's exploits are recorded in the popular novelization The Revenge of Zorba the Hutt.

Of course, the name Zorba the Greek is synonimous to many people with the famous Greek dancing song, and this is in fact no coincidence. Although the composition of this dance has often been attributed to Mikis Theodorakis for the movie itself named Zorba the Greek, the truth, uncovered only recently, seems to suggest that Zorba the Hutt himself composed the tune, naming it after himself, for the sole purpose of interrogation of Turkish captives, whereby Zorba and his generals would link up in a circle, and begin dancing around the captive tied to a chair in the centre of the circle, and Zorba himself would constantly yell at the captive for information. As the music gradually but surely sped up, the captive found himself growing more and more insane by the frantic dancing until his head eventually exploded, leaving but a Fortune Cookie and a few Turkish delights in its wake. Within the cookie Zorba would find the information he needed to know, and forever solidified the Zorba dance is the primarily most effective means of interrogation in his gang war against Otto_da_Man.

Zorba the Greek has also reportedly been spotted nearby several Pirate/Ninja collisions and battlefields, and it is rumoured by many that he is in fact politically manoeuvring himself to soon establish his dominance over both parties, amalgamating in a legion of dreaded Ninjates, studying the archaic but deadly art of Wogjitsu. If Zorba were ever to amass such an horrific army, even Chuck Norris himself could soon be found to be rivalled - and it is feared that the powers within Zorba the Hutt's Greek moustache could soon rival those of Chuck Norris' beard, and if they were ever to meet, the Universe itself would implode at the mere presence of such awesome power. This final battle has often been prophesied in ancient religious texts, such as the Koran, the Dead Sea Scrolls, GeoActive 2, and The Da Vinci Code. It has been foretold that Zorba's legions shall follow Zorba and his 3 main generals: Nick Giannopoulos, Effie, and Tina Fey, each driving their foretold "Fully souped-up Suburus of Absolute Fully Hecticness Bro" over and across the Galaxy, entire worlds and planets crumbling in their wake. Otherwise known as "Wogment day", this dreaded event is but speculation, but as we wait, at this very moment, Zorba is mustering his forces in preparation for the final battle. Will such a day exist and bring an end to all things good and evil? Will Zorba exist his ultimate revenge upon the Galaxy? Will there be a final showdown against Chuck Norris? Only time will tell...


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