Zombies

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Though it is common for zombies to discuss American Idol, very few actually audition.

Warning: zombie raids possibility. A typical sign in many Western states.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Zombies.

Zombies are an improved form of human that are often found engaging in mindless consumerism, discussions about American Idol, neoconservatism and the consumption of brains or raping and mutilating other motherfucking human beings. Although technically undead, zombies can still function relatively well in society by taking on odd jobs such as President of the United States, television game show hosts, grave diggers, and fancy rave club DJs. The first zombie ever recorded is thought to have been Donnie Osmond, but there is much debate and controversy on the topic with some experts claiming that the first recorded zombie may very well have been Mr. Fuckout

Initially, the reaction of most living people was to shoot and/or burn zombies on sight, but eventually a tense truce was reached between the two groups and zombies are now allowed to live a relatively normal existence. While the death toll attributed to zombies has been increasing in recent years, most consider it to be balanced out since those who are killed by zombies usually become zombies themselves, thus adding to the zombie workforce. Since zombies only require human brains to exist, food supplies and other resources are greatly preserved, and human brains are relatively easy to acquire by simply harvesting the young children of Third World countries, or other undesirables such as intellectuals, teachers , motor vehicle division clerks, and republicans.

Zombies are excellent household pets, as they will eat the brains of any intruders. This puts them in high demand, but, due to the fact there aren't many zombies around, they are becoming increasingly expensive, giving new meaning to the term 'costing an arm and a leg'. Zombies enjoy urban environments, but they don't mind rural locations either. They are incredibly intelligent, although they don't like to talk much. Some of the amazing discoveries found by undead scientists include:

The cure for Folk Music
The secret of the photocopier
Dinosaur resurrection
Cyanide
The exquisite taste of brains

Zombie's are the least friendly creatures in the world, next to kittens. if you meet a zombie, give him or her a big big chunk of C4! If they don't blow up shoot them with a shotgun, laugh, and take a shower. In the unlikely event you stumble upon a zombie AND a kitten, the solution is simple, simply perform the macarena and do the "cha" "cha".

[edit] Origins

The origin of zombies is disputed, the most common speculation is that in 1825 Bob had made the first zombie. ever since that it has been known that hobos, also known as persons-whom-enjoy-sleeping-on-park-benches-and-drinking-alcohol, often mutate into zombies. Some speculate that zombies were stumbled upon by a group of scientists who began experimenting on Rage infected monkies, and 28 days later caught the disease themselves. A doctor Fritz Yargenheimenschvagen in New York speculated that zombies were originally Michael Jackson's clones, which were made to feed the zombies in Thriller, as he spotted several of the decaying Jackson look-alikes breaking through a doorway while having a pint at the local bar "The Winchester," but it turned out he had actually reached this conclusion through delusion, as it was spawned from a nightmare created after a night when drunk in which Stemblinheimer watched Shaun of the Dead while listening to Thriller numerous times in an intoxicated, as he referred to it then, "zombieness binge." Others claim that they were created by the U.S. government for a weapon against Venezuela (Shut the ers up already). Also, there is a rumor going around that a team of archaeologists discovered a 24th chromosome in an ancient corpse found in the Colorado Rocky Mountains. They tested a serum made with the 24th chromosome on serial killers, disgruntled post office employees and various bums, thus creating the Z.O.M.B.I.E. (zoetic-odible-maliferous-bathmistic-ignotistic-exanimates (look these up, they all mean something (would I lie to you?))). Still others, mostly among demons and atheists, use the bible to not only strike a blow at the Pope, but also at zombies in general. However they originated, zombies have begun to run rampant in our society, often concealing themselves with guises of hobos, celebrities, and drugies.

[edit] No Room In Hell

Zombies are driven by an insatiable lust to kill the living that many presume originates from Hell or Satan or Narnia. The currently accepted theory states that they walk the Earth because there is simply no more room left in Hell; this was a result of the "No More Room In Hell Act" of 1662 wherein Satan outlawed further immigration into Hell because of "those damn dirty Americans" stealing all of the good jobs there and putting immense stress on the demonic economy. As Heaven also began refusing souls this forced the undead to wander forever in torment in the streets and alleys of ordinary society. Where we now have to deal with them. Great.

[edit] Biblical Explanation

Captain Obvious, captain of the Obvious Institute of Obviousness, says: "When Jesus was crucified, God had two choices; either he could resurrect his son using boring old divine powers, or he could use some imagination, dinosaur plasters, a box of gummy worms, and a leftover box of innards he got for Christmas, and make his son into a zombie. As God was never that much of a decision maker, he decided to do both. "Bam", he said, "I give you RadioactiveZombie Jesus!"." As a matter of fact, Brains 3:16 in The Bible: Uncut clearly tells us how Jesus emerged from his second-last eternal resting place, craving brains and covered in Barney-the-dinosaur plasters:

"And yea did the holy rock budge, not once, not twice, but thrice. Thus the lord Jesus said: "A little help?" And His loving flock of human-sheep-mutants did stumbleth over each other, and many orphan children, and together shifted the rock from its place, and it was mighty task indeed. And when it was done, the Lord Jesus emerged from his tomb in all His glory and sayeth: "Oh ye faithful ones, bestow unto me thy brains, that I might consume and feast upon them, for I grow hungry for such delicacy!" Upon which the Lord stepped forward, and stumbleth on an orphan child. The lord looked down and surveyed the child, and all proclaimed the child was blessed, and the lord Jesus picked up the child, and [CENSORED FOR THE GOOD OF INNOCENT LITTLE CHRISTIAN CHILDREN]."

Sadly the entry ends here, but we can get the gist of what happened next.

God himself, during a rare moment of divine, all-powerful, superbeing ruler of the Universe-ishness humility, claims responsibility for the existence of zombies. Apparently, God himself was a child once, the accidental love-child of Microsoft and IBM, and he did like to experiment. One day, Human Experiment #666,666,666,666,666,666, converted into a grotesque, brain-dead abomination through overuse of steroid and being fed too much crap, escaped from his hamster cage in the exercise wheel which had been modified into a getaway vehicle. It just so happened that on that very same day, God's holy whacking club was stolen by his evil twin brother, Satan. And so it was that God could only watch in mortification as Homo Sapiens-not-so-Sapiens ran into the forest and spread about his hideous, abominable ways to the rest of mankind, thus resulting in the current zombie epidemic. The end.

Of this section.

[edit] Lochie White

Studies have shown that due to his rhino shaped hair he is definatily a zombie.He hides all of his dead victims toenails in his anus and waits for them to ripen. HE IS TO BLAMEEEEE!

[edit] MJ

He is now a zombie. However this could not be confirmed until multiple DNA tests and MRI scans had been conducted due to the fact that MJ looked like a zombie during the latter part of his life.

[edit] The Differences Between Zombies

There are 7 subspecies of zombies to be found: the dancing zombies, the tamed zombie, the pirahna babies, the feral zombie, the astro zombie, the GOP zombie, and Rob Zombie.

Dancing zombies, the Michael Jackson clones mentioned above (see Origins). They tend to moonwalk towards their victims. They're quite a THRILLEEEEEEEER.
The tamed zombie is usually created in a controlled environment, where an undesirable person such as a toddler, your mom, nag or pesky neighbor is placed in a tank with a zombie that is near re-death. The zombie strides over to the person, carefully cracks open their skull with butter-knife, and eats their brain with a knife, fork and neckerchief. Simple as that. The zombie is created. The reanimated corpse the goes through an intensive regime of S&M too show it who the boss is.
Feral zombies are created in much the same way, except there is no tank and no butter-knife, and no civilized accessories. Feral zombies leap savagely upon the victim, maul them with their teeth, rip off their head with their bare hands, smash it against the floor until it cracks open and devour the brains hungrily, all the while making a rather disgusting animal-like noise that resembles that of the Crazy Cat Lady from The Simpsons.
Astro zombies, under the leadership of Glenn Danzig, were sent to rape the land circa 1980. Their prime directive: exterminate the whole human race.
Pirahna Babies - Created by tossing the cutest of babies into a pool filled with electrified mouse parts, a Pirahna (Zombie) Baby will be created, and will instantly sense other piranha babies to form a hunting pack with. Through their powers of levitation and spine tooth filled mouths, the piranha babies can strip the flesh from a living human in less than 12 nanoseconds.
See Rob Zombie

[edit] Civil Rights

Recently, the civil rights of zombies have become a flash point issue in many communities. Perhaps the most vocal and noteworthy leader of the pro-zombie civil rights movement is George Romero, who, although not a zombie himself, is rumored to be undead nevertheless. His lawyer stringently denied these rumors, and Mr. Romero himself added 'I vant to suck your blood!' Mr. Romero feels that zombies are marginalized by normal society and that eating human brains should maybe not be limited to just zombies. As of 2009, Romero hopes to open a zombie museum displaying works of zombie art, zombie music, zombie and the unveiling of the first, fresh human brain vending machine.

[edit] Roe v. Wade II

Romero also is also a strong supporter of Wade's position in the brewing Supreme Court case, Roe v. Wade II.

Yes, Wade died. Norma McCorvey (AKA Jane Roe), however is still alive and has changed her stance on the first Roe v. Wade.

Henry Wade brought charges against McCorvey for stealing his firearm. The event in question began like this: Wade was on a midnight snack run, looking for a tasty brain with which to satisfy his late-night cravings. He came across a young child named Billy Doe playing in the street. Wade, naturally, went on to eat out Billy's brain. Billy's mother, Jane Doe, came outside looking for Billy, and to her dismay saw that her son was dead. In a lapse of thought, she screamed and attacked Wane. In the ensuing tussle, Jane was infected and, left alone, would have turned into a zombie. Wade took out his legally purchased and registered revolver and was about to end the transformation. This is where the defendant McCorvey was walking by and decided to intervene. Her claim is that all life is sacred and should be protected, including unlife. Wade insists that those still in transformation should not be considered intelligent beings and when they aren't wanted by their creators, it is the creator's right to kill the un-undead. The matter is being savagely debated in all political venues, and is so hotly contested that fist fights have broken out between the Supreme Court Justices.

On an unrelated note, Jane Doe, who completed her transformation, ripped 3,741 humans limb from limb to date, and has fed on the brains of an additional 468 people. Psychologists believe that her unprecedented killing rate is partially due to feelings of abandonment toward Wade.

[edit] Suffrage

Currently, the only country that allows zombies to vote is North Korea. This fact combined with the fact that North Korea does not hold elections tends to confuse the citizens of other countries. Buuuutttt...we won't dwell on that. North Korean Chairman of the National Defense Commission, Kim Jong-il, had this to say about zombies' natural rights:

All beings in this country have an equal opportunity to succeed and prosper. This means that we do not silence the opinions of people just because they happen to be dead. Humans, Zombies, that tree, the fairy who came to me last night and told me to shoot Han, Han, the chair I'm sitting on, and even Pluto can speak their mind on whatever subject they desire, as long as they don't go against the Party, and they can vote for any official they like, as long as I also like him. Furthermore, I would not deny a zombie the right to office... as long as it's me.

A fierce battle is ongoing between the left and the right over zombie suffrage. Leftists generally believe that zombies should be able to vote regardless of how many humans they have ripped apart, while those on the right believe that zombies, if allowed to vote, would destroy the traditional values such as family and religion. Leftists in turn claim that perhaps zombies have their own values to bring to the table. Rightists usually give the lefts a blank stare and attempt to end the argument with something like, "Zombies aren't even people!" to which their opponent gives a smug smile, obviously comparing the statement with the idea of slavery. In the United States a zombie was almost given a cabinet position by president Obama, but he decided at the last minute that the appointment was too controversial. He also figured that the zombie would eat the human members in his cabinet before moving on to the oreos and potato chips, especially since it's such a tight space.

[edit] Mating

Zombies often develop relationships involving complicated, dark, sexual mating rituals and relatively primitive flirting conducts aimed at finding a proper match. During such periods of dating, a zombie's already meager cerebral activity is radically diminished. Its self-esteem can also go through major drops... not unlike the desire felt by their human counterparts. In such situations, a zombie will see his deep appetite for brains being transposed into an insatiable need for "looooooove". From this perspective, zombie love can be seen as an exact replication of the love affairs between humans, to the extent that human love affairs are hardly distinguishable from those of zombies.
When zombies commit the act of mating, if their significant others concede, they ritually bite at eachothers faces until openings are sufficient to expose the brain. Once penetration occurs, they proceed in intercourse until the insides of their heads are outside their body. This is speculated to be the origin of the term I'm going to f*** your brains out!

[edit] Troubleshooting Zombies

Luigi wants your brrraaaiiinnnsss... 'cause he doesn't have any of his ooowwwnnn...

This section is not dedicated to resolving issues of people having trouble shooting zombies, but rather addressed to PZU (Personal Zombie Unit) owners for solving issues of malfunction of their zombie specimens. If you are having trouble shooting zombies, please see the next section. Please note that zombie specimens B and C, produced in between the years of 1978 and 1991 are no longer covered by our long term customer support. If you may acknowledge problems related to zombies dancing to gay dance music, straightening their clean-cut hairs with gastric juice/pus-based gel, wearing radioactivity-induced fluorescent clothes, mumbling about Communists taking over America or performing acts of cocooning, just shoot the damn things in the head before they breed and outnumber zombie demographics! It is a matter of zombie gene superiority.

Our Limited Deadtime Warranty on your PZU does not cover zombie malfunction due to eating brains of other zombies, zombies eating their own body parts, and zombies being born through natural reproduction between male and female zombie. Moreover, it is not covering any damages related to unsolicited loss of flesh, limbs or other body parts due to the rotting process, as well as the loss of intelligence and other sensory or locomotive skills. Detailed information on how to slow down the rotting process of your zombie is contained in your User Guide (located in the section titled "How to harmlessly remove your own brain in order to feed your Personal Zombie Unit").

If you ever experience any other malfunction with your zombie, either ship it back in the same body bag mail package in which you received your PZU, perform satanic blood rituals aimed at resurrecting undead (as specified in the troubleshooting section III of the Necromancer's Guidebook), or just remove your own brain and deliver it to one of our our local zombie HQ near you, or to any ZAPER (Zombification Agency Personal Estimator and Representative) that breaks into your house.

[edit] Trouble Shooting Troubleshooting Zombies

If you have trouble shooting a zombie, and you don't know why, then perhaps you should consider using these methods in order to maximize the effectiveness of your anti-zombie, anti-Dracula and anti-Dick Cheney weaponry, and keep you and your family (and no one else) safe!

1. Point weapon at Zombie(s) (note: point end with hole at your target, and the shoulder butt against your shoulder. Not the other way around. Trust us on this one.)

2. Pull the trigger (note: be careful that there are no unwanted obstacles/neighbors/grannies/festive hats in your line of fire. Unless granny is annoying and you want to use the zombie invasion as an excuse to knock her off.)

3. Try to CONSERVE your ammo! When something is shot in the head, it will not come back (although, just to be on the safe side, it's probably best to send out slow bait, such as a toddler/neighbor/granny first before you leave your bunker, in order to determine if there really are any undead still out there).

4. If things get out of hand, and it seems that your trusty ol' magnum won't work, get out your AK-47. Shotguns are the best. But if u brought along your trusty flame thrower that might work too.

The seal of the zombie survival squad

5. Do not allow love to get in the way of your survival. Love counts for nothing in this life. Survival, sex, drugs, hot cars, and mary-j are all that count. And Noel Coward. And Noel Coward' pet iguana, Pumpkin. Oh, and that movie with the robot that has inflatable boobs and flame-throwers up it's arms. God she is soooo hot, you could drool over her like a zombie, 'cept not for the brains if ya know what I mean!

6. When you are close up against a zombie, your bunker is probably overrun or they sent you off to find some drugs and shit. If this is the case, find the drugs, do the drugs, and sit back and enjoy the show as your companions are rapidly ripped to pieces and devoured. Let's face it, they had it coming.

7. If all else fails call Ultimate Jesus, Chuck Norris, Noel Coward, and Jack Bauer. (this can also be applied as the last resort to any other problem you face in life and undeath.)

[edit] Targets

The zombie, contrary to popular belief, is picky. It will, for example, not devour an NLP (Normal, Living Person) if that person is deemed too stupid, such as when the person drools, and moans, and makes jerking insolite movements in an unappetizing fashion (it is of course commonly known that Zombies Moan at a very precise pitch, possible only thanks to the decay of oral tendons). Their favorite foods are those people who resist annihilation and run away screaming. Little do those people realize that as far as they run, they will eventually collapse from exhaustion, at which point the zombies will assume a leizurely pace to reach and devour them. Also, screaming is a very stupid thing to do, and it irritates the zombies greatly. The late professor Relkurgleblahhmoa of Princeton University says: "we zombies have extraordinarily tender earways, so it is only in self-defense that we unnecessarily devour the screamer."

Some Zombies have very particular tastes, like the Oprah-zombie, who only eats people who seek her sympathy on her show, from which she draws future prey. Others will eat from only certain body parts, like Dick Cheney who likes to eat... well, it's pretty straight forward (his first name says it all)

[edit] Known Zombie Repellents

1. Potatoes

2. Noel Coward

3. Ultimate Jesus, who abandoned his own zombiness cuz it slowed him down (note: ultimate Jesus is the ultimate repellent for all problems, Except Chuck Norris)

4. Bruce Campbell

5. Shotguns

6. Automatic shotguns

7. Automatic shotguns with lazors

8. Automatic shotguns with lazors with Noel Coward at the trigger

9. Pokemon

10. Assault rifles

11. 'Nades

12. Huffing

13. Grues and Seurgs

14. "Bird" hunting with Dick Cheney

15. Pirate Ninjas

16. Pirate Ninja Samurais

17. Pirate Ninja Jesus

18. Pirate Ninja Apaches

19. Pirate Ninja Knights

20. Pirate Ninja Grue Lawyer Mafioso Deathbomb Gore Blood-Sucking Ultimate Vampire Bat Shit Crazy F-Bombing Grannies

21. Pirate Ninja Gimli

22. Pirate Ninja Bilbo

23. Sauron

24. Pope Benedict "Siddius" XIV

25. Emos

26. Pop music

27. Cherry flavored toothpaste

28. Lawyers

29. The mullet

30. Sex

30. 4chan mods

30. The number 30 over and over

31. RROD

32. K-RUDD

33. More cowbell

34. "Removing the head or destroying the brain"

35. The "Thriller" video-clip, played backwards.

36. Chuck Norris

37. Dempsey

38. Nikolai

39. Takeo

40. Richtofen

41. Grues duh...

42. Barney

43. Samwise Gamgee

44. Swine Flu

45. RU486

46. Twinkies (Snowballs empower them)

47. FLUFFY!!!!

48. Gordan Freeman

49. Stunstick And or Crowbar

50. Monkey Bombs (or nukes will do)

51. Rocket Propelled Velociraptor

52. Samurai Sword Handled Grenade Launching Lazor Sighted Scoped Collapsible crowbar

53. Ray Guns

54. Wunderwaffe DG-2

55. Tag Body Spray

56. Dog Whistles

57. Cher Songs

58. Those "Warranty Void If Removed" Stickers

59. Spontaneous Song And Dance

60. Flame/Acid/Lava/Ketchup Throwers

61. George Bush

62. Energy Sword

63. Hannah Montana songs

64. Black People

65. Other zombies

66. Themselves

67. Jews

68. Zombie non-believers

69. People who laugh at this number

70. Your Mom

71. Small penises

72. Large Penises

73. Average sized penises

74. black penises

75. very very large penises that double as flamethrowers

76. seamen

77. Whales

78. The Halo video games

79. Bill Gates

80. Cheese crackers

81. Jewish people (as previously stated i just wanted to remind you)

82. amish people

83. penis jokes (never ever say that yours is bigger...EVER!!!)

84. Oprah

85. the number 4

86. midterms

87. chodes

88. fat kids

89. the comedy stylings of Carrot Top

90. Brad Pitt's brother, Doug

91. people of the jewish faith

92. mexicans

93. steve jobs

94. mystery google

95. holocaust survivors

96. Jalpen

97. Vegetarian Progressive Grindcore

98. PETA (people eat tasty animals)

99. Ice cubes

100. Not frozen ice cubes

101. YA MUM!!

102. Dodo's

103. Dildo's

104. Anything Ending In Do

105. Used Condoms

106. Unused Condoms

107. Condoms Currently Being Used

108. People With Spoons For Hands

109. People With Forks For Hands

110. People With Salad Tongs For Hands

111. Plasma Grenades

112. Frag Grenades

113. Spike Grenades

114. Flame Grenades

115. ENORMOUS FLAMING DEATH PILLARS OF DOOM!!!!!1!!1!!111!!!

116. Small Pox

117. Cow Pox

118. Chicken Pox

119. Headcrabs

120. Headcrab Zombies

121. Gordon Freeman

122. "The Resistance"

123. Facemelting Guitar Solos

124. Headshots (Of The Boom Variety)

125. Spontaneous Applause

126. JLS

127. Aliens

128. Nuclear Armageddon

129. The Lone Wanderer

130. Kamikaze Ninja Assassins

131. Books Over 481 Pages Long

132. The Bad Publicity From Video Games Such As Dead Rising

133. Sergeant Johnson

134. Anything Over 9000

135. Dunkin' Donuts

136. The Extortionate Price Of World Of Warcraft

137. Getting Run Over By Cars

138. Getting Run Over By Trucks

139. Getting Run Over By Jumbo Jets

140. Getting Run Over By Donkeys

141. Sneak Attack Criticals

142. Eater Eggs

143. Poor People

144. Rich People

145. People Who Pretend To Be Rich But Are In Fact Toss Pots

146. Bullets

147. Mortars

148. Turrets

149. Anger

150. The Credit Crunch

151. Gordon Brown

152. Manga

153. Twats Who Like Manga

154. Twats Who Like Pople Who Like Manga

155. Black Holes

156. Time Travel

157. "The Void"

158. Tanks

159. Photosynthesis

160. Lucky Bus Tickets

161. Rubber Band Balls

162. Monster Kills

163. Mega Kills

164. Killing Sprees

165. Flak Monkeys

166. Flak Masters

167. Rocket Scientists

168. Head Hunters

169. Vehicular Manslaughterers

170. Contrary To Popular Belief, Brains

171. Rapist Vans

172. The Xbox 360 Acheivement Noise

173. Title Screens

174. God

175. All Things Holy

176. Satan

177. All Things Unholy

178. Hitler

179. Self Esteem Lists

180. All Of The Above When Wielded By Chuck Norris (Including Chuck Norris)

181. Smelly Pirate Hookers

182. James Cameron's Movies

[edit] Ghouls

Not to be confused with zombies.

Ghouls are very similar to Zombies. They suck out your brains, skulk in dark alleyways and are undead, but somehow ARE NOT ZOMBIES. "We are Ghouls" they say helpfully, "we suck out your brains, skulk in dark alleyways and are undead, but ARE NOT ZOMBIES. I mean, weire similar in that, erm, well, we suck out your brains, skulk in dark alleyways and are undead, but, you know, we're just...we're...we're just not Zombies, OK?" They also can turn into cyoties and eat only dead people.

[edit] Deadites

Not to be confused with typical undead, these judicially possessed lawyers are relatively easy to distract with tinker toys and vague references to fancy sports cars. They are almost always busy killing or defending fellow undead in impossibly BS cases involving giant sealed canisters labeled 'army use only. not valid on Sundays' or hot pickle burns in fast food chains. Unlike a typical zombie, these cannibals will continue setting up meetings and eating Kellog's total fit long after their cranium has been separated from their shoulders. Your only chance of survival against these creatures is a chainsaw in sync with double barell shotgun with cobalt blue steel and a walnut stock. The shotgun, typically can fire up to 12 rounds before reload. You must look awesomely bad ass and say "Groovy" before you can destroy them. Only Ashley J. Williams (aka Captain Butler) has been successful with the a fore mentioned strategy.

[edit] Undead Zombie Taxonomy

Zombies are really the living victims of voodoo priests, but since everone calls rotting undead zombies lately, what the hell. It is important to be able to tell a zombie from other kinds of undead.

zombie: reanimated artificially by blood contamination. Typically in an advanced state of decay. Very slow and clumsy. Eats the living. Number of zombies needed to kill 7 teenagers: 1000
Frankenstein: reanimated artificially by mad scientist. Immune to decay. Green in color, even in black and white photographs. Very powerful. Sometimes has sex with the living but does not eat them. Number of Frankensteins needed to kill 1000 villagers: 1.
revenant vampire: similar to zombie in every way except it is more particular about what it consumes, avoiding eating and only drinking blood. Number of revenant vampires needed to kill a puppy: 10.
Muscled skeleton. Most skeletons are easily distinguished due to their nearly complete decay, but the muscled skeleton can be tricky. They suffer selective decay, sometimes affecting only the face. Reanimated by evil magic. Possess great physical power but are invariably surrounded by even more powerful opponents. Does not eat the living but laughs at and plots against them regularly. Best known example: Skeletor. Number of muscled skeletons needed to conquer Eternia: infinite.
Mummy: reanimated by ancient curse. Usually dry but fairly well preserved. Often tries to disguise itself by removing bandages. Doesn't eat anything, simply kills or curses the living. Number of mummies needed to curse 7 archaeologists: 3.
zombie-werewolf: Werewolves are rarely mistaken for zombies, but it is possible for a zombie to be simultaneously afflicted with lycanthropy and become a zombiewolf. These are like zombies in all ways, except at the full moon when they turn from slow, rotting, stupid, weak shuffling things into vicious, agile, fast, big and dangerous wolves. Number of zombiewolves needed to kill 7 teenagers: 1000, except at the full moon when only one is needed, and it will usually find the other teenagers too.
Werezombie: not to be confused with zombiewolves, the werezombie is a normal person who turns into a slow, stupid, rotting, undead zombie when the moon is full. Since they are not normally undead, they usually bleed to death as soon as their first zombie episode ends. Only with prompt, close medical attention can a werezombie survive returning to human form minus a limb or two, much of their flesh, and a bad case of gangrene. No werezombie has ever survived more than 5 months. Number of werezombies needed to kill 7 teenagers: 7, except during or shortly after their zombie episode, when 10,000 are required.

[edit] See also

[edit] External links

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