Republic of Rhodesia

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What's that? You don't agree with His Excellency, President for Life Robert Mugabe's official policies? You're trying to undermine Zimbabwe and her precious democracy, aren't you? TRAITORS TO THE REVOLUTION! WHITE IMPERIALIST PIGS! GUARDS, GET 'EM!!!

穆加貝斯坦人民共和国 Mùjiābèisītǎn Rénmín Gònghéguó Народная Республика Мугабестан Narodnaya Respublika Mugabestan Ludowo-Demokratyczna Republika Mugabestanu La Republique de Zimbobwie Mugabestan, the Greatest Country in the Multiverse, unmatched by any other, which nobody can ever insult because Mugabe said so, and that you must submit to its will or else you will die, and that it is the highest power in the Multiverse because Mugabe said so (again), and our Dear Leader Mugabe shall personally execute those who insult his homeland, formerly known as the People's Republic of Zimbabwe-Rhodesia, and guess what we're a People's Republic, but that doesn't mean it's for the people because this People's Republic is for Mugabe only Bread Basket of Africa (1965-1980) Basket Case of Africa (1980-present)
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: Yes Mugabe Can! OR In Mugabe We Trust
Anthem: Forward towards the Guns
Capital	Mugabe (Salisbury)
Largest city	Mugabegrad (Bulawayo)
Official language(s)	Oldspeak, Weird Clicky Noises, Newspeak, Corruption, Mugabelish
Government	Boliviarianism Mugabeism
National Hero(es)	Robert Mugabe
Established	Some time in the eighties.
Currency	Inflatable!
Religion	Mugabetheism
Population	Fleeing as we speak
Major exports	Black supremacy, Cricket, Furries and Asbestos AIDS can do
Major imports	Communism
National animal	Robert Mugabe
Favourite pastime	Murder, corruption, beating up White people, Spending time in Gulags

“I told you so. ”

~ Ian Smith on Republic of Rhodesia

“It's shit. Trust me.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Republic of Rhodesia

Mugabestan, the kingdom formally and properly known as the People's Republic of Mugabestan, is a quaint little country, which has recently been slightly troubled by a shortage of cash machines. It hangs around in the Southern Hemisphere, mostly.

edit Overview & History

Zimbabwean dollar banknotes are so worthless that they are used as toilet paper since they are cheaper than the real thing.

Born of all the best bits of Africa, the little country that could have kept its audiences on the edge of their seats for its entire existence. Prior to renaming themselves after one of Afrika Bambaataa's 'krew', Zimbanana was known as Rhodesia previously. Rhodesia was created as a result of God's opinion that white people are better than blacks, and should be subjugated accordingly by Ian Smith. This subjugation reached its peak in 1982 with the formation of Rhodesia-Zimbabwe, the world's second hyphenated state. The certain racist blacks threw a coup with Robert Mugabe and removed Ian Smith and the whites from political power, and for a while forgot that while the whiteys didn't run the place anymore, they still owned it all. The Ultra Commander of the Blacks (UCB) Robert Mugabe decided that his friends needed more cash and proceeded to kick the whites off their land, and give all the workers AIDS. While the rest of the world got angry at Zimbanana for hatin' on whiteys, Mugabe proved he wasn't racist by allowing his henchmen to randomly rape anyone they so desired, thus spreading AIDS everywhere and proving that he hates everyone equally. This is commemorated on I Have AIDS, You Have AIDS Day.

edit White People (Or lack thereof)

Once upon a time, in a land far-far away, called Rhodesia, many white people were happy with their lives. They played tennis all day, drank champagne, listened to the radio and watched movies on the 'bioscope'. Once that was all done, they would come home to relax, where they would drink themselves into a semi-coma, beat up some 'darkies', eat the 'darkies' and finally sing God Shave the Queen while peeing against a poster of Ian Smith (who would later become their Drag King). Upon the new millenium in 2000, the whites were thrown off their estates and became the new 'white meat' delicacy of Zimbabwe. Many of them left for Souf Effrikka, Oz-Traylia, Noow Zaylaand and in some cases, Canada Ay. They left with the few bits of alchohol their arms could carry never to return.

Zimbabwe decided to join the United States of America, after president Bush offered 20 dollars, 75000% of Zimbabwe's "GDP" (for want of a better word) for being allowed to hunt endangered animals there.

On 22 July 2008 (that's how people ignorant of American freedom format the date), due to überinflation, Communism was instated, Mugabese, Chinese, and Russian were made official languages, and the country was renamed to the People's Republic of Mugabestan.

edit Economy

Current inflation rate.

Like most of Africa, Zimbabwe, under Chairman Mugabe's frightening leadership, now exports AIDS and refugees. Robert Mugabe wanted to be a billionaire, and hence invented hyper-inflation. His economy mismanagement since early 21st certury lead to an astronomical inflation rate now.

Hyper-Inflation recently reached it's highest level yet at 231,000,000% (official) 89.7 sextillion % (HHIZ 14 Nov 08),(Don't fear, everything is OK with your eyes, the zeroes aren't trippling) , You could buy the whole country for only 100 Pounds Sterling, Between now and Saturday, everything in Zimbabwe is 99.9% off! Houses are starting at Z$20,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.99 each! Cars are only Z$5,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.59! This deal is only for a limited time! Hurry to a Zimbabwe near you! Don't bother exchanging your own currency though, You'd never be able to carry £100 worth around with you.

edit Science

This banknote including the 100 trillion is now obsolete because the RBZ introduced the new currency(ZWL) on 3 February 2009, with 12 zeros less.

In 2008, Zimbabwe made history by becoming the country that invented banknotes with the denomination expressed in exponential form. Otherwise, the notes would have had to be made wider to make room for all the zeroes. Ironically, Zimbabweans do not know how to read numbers in exponential form such as 10¹⁴ as the whole country has gone down to the toilet.

how much a chocolate bar costs.

Zimbabwe is also responsible for 90% of the world's research into how cool Robert Mugabe is. God knows who is to blame for the last 10%. Robert Mugabe also announced at a recent press conference that he has won the Nobel Prize for everything. Good on him. Moreover, he has also claimed that the current cholera outbreak was caused by Britain and America poisoning Zimbabwe's water supplies. Though we all know that can't be true because Americans are too obese to carry out such a feat, and that the average Brit would have to bring an NHS ward across the Mediterranean to poison anything at all.

edit Culture

Two children participating in Rhodesia's national sport: attempted Coup d'état.

This place is packed full of all the best culture of the region; simply put, it's harder to find more culture per square metre than anywhere else. Every month or so all the tribal leaders will make a sacrifice to the gods to thank them for the bountiful shit that they have received as a precious resources by killing a wildebeast without dying in a stampede. Meanwhile, Mugabe is so cultured he has killed or exiled a million Matabele people to prove he is not racist.

The greatest single consequence of all this excess culture is Museums, "Keep off the Grass" signs and Crazy Paving.

edit Museums

Not many people know that as little as 50% of these fall into disrepute. Unfortunately Efrem Zimbalist Jr., despite being named after the country has yet to accept his certificate, which sits on display at the National Homophonic Museum. Recently, groundbreaking ceremonies have beeen held in the city of Mugabegrad for the latest cultural enhancement in the history of ZANU-PF rule - a twelve floor edifice celebrating Robert Mugabe.

edit Censorship in Zimbabwe

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Republic of Rhodesia.

Zimbabwe is heavy on Media censorship,mostly due to the fact that their current Ultra-Commander, Chairman Mugabe, does not like people cracking jokes about him. Because of this, anyone who jokes or speaks ill about Mugabe immediately has all their works banned in Mugabestan and has a fatwa issued for their death.

edit Politics in Zimbabwe

500 old Zimbabwean dollars

Zimbabwe is a fully functioning democracy, but due to hyper inflation could only afford one politic. The same goes for political parties. They could really only afford one. It is known as ZANU-PF, an acronym that stands for Zombie Arsehole Nazis United - Paranoid Faction. They would have called themselves the ANC African Nutters (and) Communists, but Nelson Mandela had already copyrighted the name.

Democracy Zimbabwe style means outlawing any opposition, If you start opposition party Bob give you nice pair of Concrete Boots. Recently Mugabe was forced to accept a power sharing arrangement with Morgan Tsvangirai, a man Mugabe had tried strenuously to kill for the past 12 years or more. In around July 2011 a famous old general of Mugabe's ZANU party dared suggest that the boss retire; a week later this chap died in a mysterious house fire.

edit Places in Zimbabwe

Robert Mugabe probably didn't think over taking over white farms and its technology.

His Greatness the Chairman Robert Mugabe has decreed that all the place names must be changed because he could not pronounce Salisbury the capital, it has since changed to Mugabe (the Dear Leader's last name) the largest city, Bulawayo, has changed to Mugabegrad. Victoria Falls was since renamed Mugabe Falls, but quickly re-renamed afterwards (see below).

edit Mugabe (Salisbury)

Mugabe, originally Salisbury, is the capital of Mugabestan, all the government officials live there and commoners aren't allowed anywhere near it. When Ian Smith was Prime Minister is was simply a run-of-the-mill Colonial city, but now that petrol is ridiculously expensive it's roads are basically race-tracks with pavements, South African youths often go there to race their new cars and go in the Pubs (which are empty) If you are considering going to Mugabe try not to crash into a Rolls Royce with a small black man with huge glasses in it.

It is the only place in Rhodesia not names after Mugabe, except for Mugabe town (which apparently has no link with the word Mugabe.). They just renamed it "Mugabe". Mugabe couldn't take it anymore.

edit Mugabegrad (Bulawayo)

Mugabegrad (originally Bulawayo) is the second city of Mugabestan, It is well known for being the city with the most petrol stations in the whole of Zimbanana, with a massive total of 2. Mugabegrad also has the cheapest bread in the country at the low price of Z$1,000,000,000,000,000(one quadrillion or $1,000 in new currency) per loaf.

edit Mugabeville (Kariba)

Zimbabwe, the most prosperous nation on earth, where everyone's a millionaire, even child beggars!.

The city of Mugabeville is located in the north west of Zimbabwe on the river Zambezi, It's only redeeming feature is blackmarket booze and it's Hydroelectric Dam (The only one in the whole of Southern Africa that actually provides electricity, all the others just eat into government funds and electrocute engineers. This one provides more electricity to political opponents' bodies than any other single facility in the whole continent.)

edit Mugaburg (Umtali)

Mugaburg is the only city in Mugabestan where whites still form 10% of the population. Which is why Bob has decreed that it will be blown up in 2024 to celebrate his 100th birthday.

edit Mugabe Falls (Victoria Falls)

The Mugabe Falls were discovered in 1901 by a colonial explorer whose name history has chosen to forget, they were originally named Victoria Falls, in honour of the then Empress of India, Queen Victoria Saxe-Coburg. Of course, there is no water in Africa, but Victoria falls is just one of the many places where you can end your miserable life, by falling; as to speak.

edit See also

• Air Zimbabwe
• UnNews:Bangladesh blames economists: Dolar was not strong enough for Zimbabwe!‎
• Robert Mugabe's Cricket Almanac
• Northern Rhodesia

edit External links

• "Zimbabwe" from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

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