From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Zara Anne Elizabeth Tindall (née Phillips and known professionally as Zara Phillips), MBE (born 15 May 1981) is the most amazing sportswoman and is widely considered to be the foremost exponent of three-day-eventing in Great Britain. Everyone in the UK agrees that she is the greatest sportsperson in the country and as such voted her to an amazing landslide victory in the 2006 BBC Sports Personality of the Year.
She also happens to be the daughter of Princess Anne and 12th in line to the British throne.
edit Zara the amazing young
Zara was born on 14 May 1981 and was the Queen's first granddaughter. As such, the birth was a major royal event. The Queen and The Duke of Edinburgh had a private box to the right of the birthing suite and Prince Edward filmed the proceedings. Prince Charles was also there. Well, at least that's what he told Diana. Upon leaving the hospital later that day, the new grandmother described the infant royal as "amazing".horses by her mother, pretty much as soon as she left the hospital. On the way home, Anne ordered her driver to take a detour to the stables so she could check on her other babies (the royal car picked up three speeding fines on the way). That day, little Zara got her first chance to ride a horse. She immediately fell off and landed on her head, to much laughter from her mother. "That'll teach her," she was heard to remark.
In an effort to promote as normal an everyday life as possible, it was decided by her mother that Zara would not bear the title of "princess". This had the unfortunate side-effect of making reading fairy tales to the young royal quite a challenge.
“And the girl and her prince lived happily ever after, except for the fact that they were plagued by constant media intrusion into their private lives, making them wish that they'd never been cursed with their royal titles.”
edit Zara the amazing royal rebel
Zara has never been the typical royal and has developed a reputation for rebellion. This first surfaced when she was at boarding school and got caught in the boys' dormitories. Her claims that she got lost on the way to the stables fell on deaf ears.She is famous for her piercings to every part of her body, including ears, tongue, belly button, nipple, eyebrow, kidney, the list goes on. Many royal courtiers love to tell the tale of when she first came to meet the grandparents with her piercings. The Queen reprimanded her and expressed concern that her actions might bring unnecessary media attention onto her and have a detrimental impact upon her public image, as well as that of the monarchy as a whole. Prince Phillip added that she looked like "some bloody African tribeswoman".
edit Zara the amazing girlfriendOf course it is every young man's dream to one day meet their princess and have a big royal wedding in a huge church, with the eyes of the nation gazed admiringly upon them. As one of the most glamorous faces of the modern royal family (although not technically a princess, but close enough), the fair hand of Zara Phillips has been highly sought after by the most elligible bachelors in the land.
Having already attracted attention for her amazing good looks, her relationship with jockey Richard Johnson quickly hit the headlines. They were photographed all over the place: at race meetings, at the stables, at horse-racing charity galas, at anywhere associated with horses, really.Theirs was a difficult relationship from the off, often on the rails and with many hurdles to overcome. In fact, they were often at odds with each other and on their rough ride of a partnership they stumbled several times under the handicap of the paparazzi's chase. On one meeting they had a very public row, with insults accumulating as they were thrown each way. He disliked her familial baggage, while she had become increasingly irritated by his incessant use of horse racing puns. So, would they ever reach the winning post of marriage? Alas, no. They'd been together furlong time, but eventually, Zara realised that this pairing was a non-starter and took the relationship out back where it was shot.
Zara moved on and found her next boyfriend in the form of England's amazing rugby star, Mike Tindall. She met him while attending the world cup in Australia, which England would go on to win. Some say it was Zara who we should credit for inspiring Tindall and his team to their amazing victory. This is all the more amazing when you consider that she was really only there as a minder for her cousin Harry. She achieved great feats in this capacity as well, convincing him not to attend the final in Aboriginal fancy dress.
edit Zara the amazing sportswoman
In addition to winning the rugby world cup, Zara has always been an amazing athlete in her own right and excelled at hockey while at school. Observers were amazed at how frequently she managed to trick opposing goalkeepers into diving the wrong way, often before she took a shot. However, it was always going to be equestrianism that took precedence over all other sports. She won all the prizes available at school level. This was partly because she had her own horse, while all the poor kids went around the course on foot, making sound effects with coconut shells as they went. But her amazing riding ability was the main factor in her early achievements.Olympics. The nation looked on, giddy at the prospect of a royal competing for the United Kingdom on the grandest stage of all, riding under the emblem of the Union Jack, leading our chaps into battle against Johnny Foreigner, for England, and Saint George!! Hurrah!! Then Zara's horse got injured and we missed out on team gold to the Germans. At least the Queen was happy.
But of course one has to remember the other tournaments and stuff that she has won or did well in or whatever and it was these triumphs that remained foremost in British minds when we chose our 2006 sports personality of the year. The people flooded BBC phonelines with their support for Miss Phillips and a great sporting success was achieved. It was an amazing victory for an amazing person.
edit See also
|Line of Succession to the British Throne||Succeeded by:|
David Armstrong-Jones, Viscount Linley