Zabriskie Point

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For zose vissout comedic tastes, ze so-called eggsperts at Vikipedia have a less informative, half-assed article about Za Briskie Point.

Za Briskie Point is a 1970 film zat is directed by Michelangelo Antonioni. It is about Za Briskie Point, vhich is ze briskiest point in ze vorld.

edit Plot

1ZabriskiePoint

Whoever made zis poster sought ze movie vas called Zabri Skie Point, for some reason. Maybe zey sought it vas a movie about skiing?

Zis film is about hippies. Vhich is bad, because I hate hippies. Zey're so dirty, and sveaty, and zey're alvays smoking marivana. I remember vhen I vent on vacation in Colorado a vhile ago, and zere vere hippies everyvhere. So annoying. Anyvay, ze film opens vis a confusing scene vhere ve see a bunch of hippies talking about somesing. I don't know vhat zey vere talking about, but it vas probably somesing important and I vish I knew vhat it vas. So zey're talking, and zen zis guy says he's "villing to die, but not of boredom." And at zis point I got a bit scared, because I really vas dying of boredom from vatching zis movie, and it felt like he vas talking to me from inside ze screen.

So it turns out zat ze bored guy is named Mark, and he's ze proctologist of ze story even zough ve know nossing about him aside from ze fact zat he's a hippie. Vhat's his favorite color? Favorite food? Has he ever painted a door? All zese qvestions go unanswered. And zen ze movie does somesing veird. Just as ve're getting used to Mark and his group of stupid friends, ve suddenly go to a bunch of business eggsecutives having a meeting. At zis point I vas like, "Vhat ze hell is going on? Zese guys veren't in ze movie before!" So ze eggsecutives are talking about doing business stuff in a place called Za Briskie Point, vhich is ze briskiest point in ze vorld.

Ve zen come back to Mark, who's not really doing much. Suddenly, a bunch of police come out of novhere and start fighting people. Zis scene vas really confusing and it gave me a headache, so I'm not sure vhat I saw. I sink some people got tear-gassed, and at least vun guy got shot. I also sink zere might've been a naked wrestling scene in zere as well, but I'm not sure because I had a headache. So Mark runs out of zere and rides a city bus to ze suburbs. He tries to buy a sandvich at a deli, but he fails. (I vould've just paid for ze sandvich if I vere him.) He zen valks to ze airport, steals a small plane and flies into ze desert.

At zis point, I fell asleep for a bit, so I don't know vhat happened next. Vhen I voke up, Mark vas suddenly in a desert shack vis some chick named Daria. It turns out zat she's also a hippie. Seriously, how many damn hippies can you have in vun movie? Why can't any of zem get an actual job? Maybe Mark could become a doctor, like a surgeon or a protagonist. Zese people are a shame to zeir generation. Anyvay, ze two of zem start vandering to Za Briskie Point, vhich is ze briskiest point in ze vorld.

At some point, Mark realizes zat it's a stupid idea to valk to Za Briskie Point on foot because zey'll probably die before zey get zere, so he decides to fly zere vis ze plane he stole. Daria pleads vis him to travel vis her by foot because she is an idiot, so Mark informs her zat she is an idiot and gets in ze plane vissout her. Upon arriving at his destination, Mark sees zat zere are actually two Briskie Points: Za Briskie Point, vhich is ze briskiest point in ze vorld, and Za Not-So-Briskie Point, vhich is briskie, but not ze briskiest point in ze vorld. Mark can't decide vhich Briskie Point he vants to go to. (If I vere him, I vould choose Za Briskie Point because it's ze briskiest point in ze vorld.) Vhile he tries to make up his mind, a police officer pops out of ze ground and shoots him for being a hippie. He dies. Ze end.

...Oh vait, it's actually not ze end. Daria, who is still stuck in ze desert because she's an idiot, sees ze house of her former lover and/or brozzer and/or fazzer. Or maybe just her boss. I actually don't know. So zere's zis house in ze middle of ze desert, and she's just staring at it. Suddenly, a song by Ze Pink Fluid starts playing, and Daria imagines ze house being repeatedly blown apart in a huge, slow-motion eggsplosion.

I don't get it eizer.

edit Reception

I don't sink a lot of people liked zis movie. I've only heard vun person say good sings about zis movie, and zat person vas my friend Herman. He said he really liked ze Schuhplatter scene, even zough zat scene vasn't even in ze movie. I guess zat Antonioni guy probably liked ze movie as vell, but zat's because he directed it.

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