Yummy Kipper War

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[edit] November thunty third: The night before the day after skirmish

This was a skirmish that led to the well known Yummy Kipper War that in itself formed part of the wider Bren/Mary Stonehouse conflict. As with most skirmishes around the world both parties seriously underestimated the level of Stonehouse cider they were facing into and this had far reaching consequences for everybody, even famous people with cars and moustaches like the golfer Pawdeedeeraghead Harrystown and the rugby lad Briony OhDribble. On the night in question Bren had made the decision to cross the invisible line separating two drunk people in the taxi on the way home. Waiting on the other side of the line in expectation of an assault was Mary, a bag of chips and a half filled bottle of Smirnoff Ice. As Bren lunged Stonehousedly into the dark he was met with both chip and bottle. On arrival home Bren then went for a little sleepy after a rub of his cock off the cat Jade's Goody.

Bren getting ready for a crack off Jade's gick

Jade's Goody relaxing and having a little personal rub following a good gicking by Bren

[edit] November Thunty Furth: Yummy Kipper War

On waking Bren had another rub off Jade's Goody before the waft of fish made its way upstairs. After a quick sniff of Jade's arse just to make sure it wasn't him Bren realised there may the chance of some lovely Yummy Kippers. He bounded downstairs after wiping himself on Jade. It was at this point a vague memory of being chipped and bottled the night before made itself known to his precise and military mind. He says to Mary 'here yu did yu chipz and bottlez me in de bleedin taxi r wat'. Mary went in all guns blazing 'shurrup up ya pox bottul, yu tryed tu stick yur battereded sausage up me gick, eat yur bleedin Yummy Kipperz r i'll stab yu in de mickey'. Bren was about to reply when he realised it better be good as all the childers were watching and it appeared even sniggering a bit. So Bren made a tactical error of Gallipoli proportions, stinking of Jade and Stonehouse he gave Mary a puck in the face and a kick in the gee before you could say ' der's a kick in the gee for ya'. Mary was doubled over with gee flux when Bridie comes storming in from the left flank. She gives Bren a kick in the balls and then washes all the childers in the sink cause thats what they do in Finglas. Whilst engaged in this act and with the belligerents laid out Jade came down and had a little cat roll around on the floor. Bridie turned to wash behind the childers ears (again a Finglas staple) and slipped on Bren's wallpaper paste that Jade had left behind causing a vicious grazing and ultimately an uneveness in the thickness of growth on her hairy arms. When it appeared the main combatants were too busy stroking their gee and hairy arms respectively, Bren rose from the kitchen floor and gave the childers a good old fashioned, hungover no Yummy Kippers, kicking up the street.

After a good kicking, Mary gives her gee a good worrying

[edit] Aftermath

Bren and Mary continue to live lovingly with each other in the GoAwn Heights in Finglas though Bren continues to drink Stonehouse and kick her in the gee when he thinks she is getting a bit ahead of herself and making him look stupid in front of the childers. Jade on the other hand is doing less well with all that sloopy juice causing skin irritations and a loss of hair. Some say this vicious conflict acted as an incentive nay a roadmap for the George Clooney inspired Yom Kippur War in the early Ninety Seventy Threeties. This is extremely plausible though George Clooney denies ever having been in Finglas or having had a crack off Jade's Goody.