Yu-Gi-Oh!

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Only the super cool kids have the Duel Disc Launcher. Don't you want to be cool? Just look at that hair! Don't you want to look exactly like that?

Yu-Gi-Oh! (私はゲーだJapanese for "Yes, I am gay!") is a popular Japanese anime and manga by Kazuki Takahashi, a person known to be married to the money making millionare who invented something called Inuyasha. Its plot focuses on a boy's periodic visits by a pedophile from ancient times. It is rated D (for destroy this before anybody sees it, unwatch) in all countries due to sexual innuendo, near-nudity (usually male or monster), the profusion of phallic symbols during the Penis City story arc, and showing near XXX Threesomes during DOMA.It is a popular rip off of YouGayHoe It is a children's card game that, by Law, only adults are allowed to play it. Also, only Yugi Mutou actually knows that actual rules to this actual game.

In truth, Yu-Gi-Oh! is no more than one of the recently proliferating TCG's (Testicle Cover Guards) that are made exclusively from Japanese trading cards. The storyline regards an immature boy with a delusion that his alter-ego-soul is an ancient senile Pharaoh who accidentally got himself sealed into a shiny gold necklace when he tried to do nasty things with Zork Necrophidias's second head.

Yu-Gi-Oh!, despite being a senior citizen's show, features many gay themes. These themes are cleverly revealed up for the American audience, but are still there -- Especially the bizarre scenes of doggy-style being portrayed as games of pee-on-the-person-you're-jumpin-over-in-leap-frog. But, we all know that it's still ass-ramming.

The Heart of the Cards

Seven and a HALF stars, truly the strongest card.

Code Simon's favorite card.

Throughout the history of Duel Monsters, there has always been the idea that a player, to truly be a master of the rape, must have the "Heart of the Cards", and the "Penis of Bob faget". Outsiders and newcomers should become familiar with this important principal. Little do his opponents know that the heart of the cards is a specially devised way of cheating that Phil came up with by hiding cards in his vagina? whenever he needs them.

Depending on the version of the game one is playing, the Heart of the Cards can mean one of two things:

1. If one is playing the French Édition Deux or a newer variation (or the seldom-played American version), having the Heart of the Cards means believing in the power of the proletariat to overthrow the decadent and corrupt feudal landholder class and become their own masters.
2. If one is playing the ancient French version (Édition Antique) or the modern Japanese version, having the Heart of the Cards means believing in yourself, the luck of the draw, and the fact that you can always pull a win out of your ass because the game has no actual rules- don't forget; when you're just about to lose, place your hand over your deck and yell, "HEART OF THE CARDS!"

The medieval Japanese version tended to put no emphasis at all on the idea of having the Heart of the Cards, preferring to stick to very Japanese codes of honor. I will not explain these codes of honor because, to tell the truth, you either get them or you don't. Plus, did you know that Ron Jeremy use to play Yu-Gi-Oh!? He really loved the game.

But to some it all up, in the show whenever Yugi Mutou, the main character, is dueling, all he has to do is reach into his pants and pull out his trump card that always seems to win him the game. (Warning use of this strategy can cause your opponett to cry and quite possibly wet or shit themseves.) So be careful with this power because remember Peter, "with great power comes great responsibility. Now get your ass back in bed." No not really. He just cheats beyond comparison. Also in Yu-gi always mages to win his games, for example: I need this curtain card to win...i drew it.

Suppose someone loses at the game (by the way, everyone reading this just lost The Game) and he or she really hates losing! Well, he or she can yell "I know you cheated because I have the Heart of the Cards!" Then he or she reaches into his or her opponent's chest and yanks out her opponent's heart. Then the "victor" yells "Heart of the Cards!" in front of the shocked old ladies playing bridge. Oh, sure, the "victor" will be convicted and sent to life in prison. But, the important thing is that he or she won the game, isn't it?

History

This card was hung for homosexual urges.

I'm not ashamed of the fact that I watch YuGiOh

Yu-Gi-Oh was first created when Kazuki Takahashi decided one night his life was not worth living anymore. He then promptly took between 1-12 sleeping pills emblazoned with stars, and washed it down with 6 quarts of vodka. Having made his final decision, he decided to sit back and wait for The End to come. But, much to his dismay, he was not greeted by God, but was thrown into an endless fever dream. In this dream he had visions of people paying $3.99 for a pack of 9 pieces of paper, and children fighting to the death over a game, and he was pleased. He then awoke the next day and promptly submitted his idea to Konami. They issued a statement 3 hours later saying this game was "Bat Fuck Insane, and JUST the kind of thing we would produce!" However, Kazuki's fame did not come without a price. He was forced to sell his soul into slavery in exchange for the fame Konami would grant him. And thus, Yu-Gi-Oh was born.

The Japanese Version

Before the French Revolution, regal diplomats to the East brought Duel Monstres to Japan. During this medieval era of Japan, the many wandering samurai and ninjas adopted "Duru Monsturusu" as their own. They took to carrying decks of cards on their belts on the hip opposite their sword. Though the French hadn't yet given the game real structure, the Japanese kept things in check through the use of iron codes of honor that no westerner — not even Tom Cruise — could ever understand or appreciate. No honorable swordsman respected a man who played the game dishonorably; such dishonorable men soon found their throats slit open and were disowned by their families. Arguably, these samurai and ninjas gave the game its first real sense of structure.

The Japanese version of Duel Monsters remained relatively unchanged for nearly 150 years. During World War II, Japanese soldiers — ground troops, naval crews on ships and submarines, kamikaze pilots about to go on their first and final missions — were playing a version of the game that had barely changed at all. But of course, we all know what happened: America won the war, and all the quaint old ways went out the door.

After the war, the codes of honor faded away, and the Japanese version of Duel Monsters quickly deteriorated into a mess much like the one it came from; the one the French call "Édition Antique". And that's basically where it is today. It's this version of the game that the Japanese were celebrating when they created Yu-Gi-Oh!.

The Shadow Realm

Master Shake frequently vacations in the Shadow Realm

After a certain point in the show, 4kids realized they'd have to stop being complete pussies and actually kill of some characters. Unfortunatley, being the retarded dicks they are, they avoided this altogether, by creating the "Shadow Realm". Whenever they wanted to kill a character, they would send them to this magical kingdom and hope the children would forget they ever existed, much like the old standby of telling your children their dog had been taken to a farm. Unfortunatley, their plan backfired, and the Shadow Realm became a frequent spot for tourists. It is currently a traveling hotspot, and hotel rooms are known to cost upwards of $700 a night.

The TV Series

Jimmy Wales' card from Yu-Gi-Oh!

4Kids: "Let's make that anime our bitch!!"

Yu-Gi-Oh! is as a TV seies is even gayer than the concept of the card game. The series is based on a manga that spit out a Sub and which had sex with 4Kids, Naruto, America, Oscar Wilde , Michel Jackson, your mom, that gay guy who always enjoys wrestling and produced a bastard child called Dub. The Sub wants to convince us that the Naked Pharaoh washes well and that Katsuya Jonouchi and Mai Kujaku happen to find the highest quality soaps in luxury Los Angeles stores for wealthy celebrities, while the Dub tells us that Joey Wheeler is a dog t3h smex and he is in a bestial/sado-maso relationship with Mai Valentine, the hottie of the show. Also, the Dub is made centred upon the presumption that Amerikan kids just cannot handle Japanese names... or Egyptian names.

We're very concerned.

The second show (a first was made in Japan but it was soon considered dead to the world due to too many scenes with Kaiba having green hair and not 'screwing the rules' enough) was actually originally called "Yuugiou : Duel Monsters", but 4Kids Entertainment believed this phrase to be too challenging for the viewers and decided to replace it with the dictionary pronunciation "Yu-Gi-Oh". Nonetheless, the show actually decreases the IQ of the viewers with its multiple subliminal messages and super special awesome flashy colors. Yay. Most of the lead characters in this series also tend to have belt-straps on every appendage of their bodies. This is viewed as cool by the general public and is thus copied, resulting in many slow, painful deaths via loss of circulation.

An interesting note is that 4Kids "kidified" the series. For example, scenes involving characters getting stabbed, falling to their (unseen) deaths, being killed by the army, or getting their legs cut off, were all changed to the characters being sent to the Shadow Realm, which was rumored to be somewhere in Missouri (whether or not this is based on the Shadow Realm of Japanese mythology is unconfirmed; when asked to comment, a sweatshop animator commented, "don't bother me, I'm busy screwing anime.") Asked to comment, 4Kids' owner said "Well, it's a cartoon, and cartoons should only be for kids. You see, the idea of people getting killed/mangled would warp the poor toddlers' minds, so we changed it to the much safer getting one's mind imprisoned forever. We know it doesn't make much sense, (I still don't know what the hell a dark energy disc is supposed to be.) but screamed YOOOAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!" as multipule fanboys decended upon him and ate him.

There are twenty-seven TV series consisting of said Yu-Gi-Oh!. This article will be covering two of them. The first was originally called Roflcopter Waffles Look at the Kid in the Tight Pants Play With Cards, but was immediately changed to Yu-Gi-Oh!, an awkward title for such a theme, by Malcolm X. The second series is entitled Yu-Gi-Oh GX or Gay Xtraterrestrials. Fortunately Kazuki Takahashi's wonderful Nazi friend Wilbur realized that by adding two letters, one of them being X, creates the very essence of what a good title is(although it doesn't change the title at all, it makes it worse).

Yu-Gi-Oh
The first and last series, this show follows the adventures of George Smith (distant relative of LDS founder Joseph Smith) who is brought up in a strict Mormon community and forced to wear a sailor suit. He's bored with life and entertains himself by sneeking out into the woods to masturbate. One night, alone in the woods, a Ghost calling himself "Mega Therion" appears and gives him the same Urim and Thummim with which his great-great grandfather used to divine the Book of Mormon.

AC soon reveals to young George that he is not merely a descendant of Joseph Smith, but was also his reincarnation. He then stages appointments for Yugi, giving him the name "Yugi Mutou" (Yugi being the Greek pronunciation of "George") and initiating him into the mysteries of his esoteric version of the French Deul Monstres, and is also taught the use of magick and the virtues of hospitality to become a great holy warrior of the modern era.

Soon he brings his similarly warped friends over to play poker to hallucinogens. This is discovered very quickly by their very conservative Mormon parents when they whatch footage of their children in a drugged out orgy on 60 Minutes. They promptly send them away to a mental institution. However, they learn the art of astral projection, and, through the aid of smuggled drugs and playing cards, continue in their adventures amidst the harsh conditions of the facility.

The oldest known copy of a Yu-Gi-Oh! series on AEDVD (Ancient Egyptian Digital Video Disk)

Yu-Gi-Oh GX
Yu-Gi-Oh Jee Ex is still running as of 2047, and currently has 2.5 Seasons in America from 4Kids, 3 Seasons in Japan, 3.14159 Seasons in France, and .5 seasons in most third-world countries. Altough Wilbur declines it, scholars believe that Yu-Gi-Oh Jee Ex and its story are based off of an actual manuscript of the French Revolution. This manuscript was read to prisoners before the invention of the guillotine. The first half season was known as "Season Zero" (except in ancient Rome as there is no Roman numeral for zero; instead it is known as Snakes on a Plane), and it served a a continuation to Yu-Gi-Oh. Yugi discovers that he is actually the host of the reincarnation of a pedophilic Egyptian pharaoh, and must confront the evil "Puff Daddy Zorc". Zorc reveals that he is the reincarnation of the evil Roger Slifer, the creator of the Shadow Realm, and Yugi's father. He plunges the world into darkness, and from this darkness emerges the first season of Jee Ex.

The first season differs from nation to nation. In Islamic theocracies, for example, Jee Ex teaches the "fun-damentals" of Islamic Fundamentalism. Unfortunately, "infidels" stand in the way, and will not be defeated unless they lose at Duel Monsters. Each country has its own variation of Jee Ex, but America, Japan, and France all share the same first season. This first season introduces characters, but contains no real plot whatsover, except for uncovering secret marijuana-coated cards under a school.

Season 2 is entirely designed to celebrate Duel Monster's french heritage. Napoleon Bonaparte is introduced as a character, although he is called "John" in the 4Kids version (along with Jimmy, Jack, Cracker-Jack, and Betty).
Season 3 is still running to this day, and miraculously exhibits Perpetual Motion (well, except for when The Colbert Report is on).

Yu-Gi-Oh 4 the DS(5D's!)

The series which followed Jee Ex, originally aired in Japan on April 2, AD 2101 (as a late April Fool's Day joke, TV Tokyo was suckered into thinking it was a real show and aired it as a result) A clever tie-in for Konami to sell both cards AND video games, and in order to help both Kawasaki and Harley Davidson. It involves CARD GAMES on MOTORCYCLES. Soon after the first episode, 350 Japanese children were rushed to the hospital after their heads exploded from the sheer awesomeness of this combination.

Characters

• Yugi Moto- A fourteen year old child under the employment of Chris Hansen to catch sex predators. Plays unbelievably confusing card games in his spare time. Also tends to watch pokemon when he feels unentertained from the card games! Gee now we know why he has magikarp in his deck.

• Yami Yugi- An ancient pharaoh, who, surprisingly, looks exactly the same as a 14-year-old boy. Gee, isn't that a helpful coincidence? He also enjoys watching pokemon but instead of having yugi's magikarp, he has a feebas!

• Seto Kaiba - A nerd. He can screw the rules, as he has money. He also has no life and had his ass kicked by yugi about a million times. WOW! isn't that amazing!

• Joey "Steryotypical American" Wheeler - He's a blonde kid in Japan with a Brooklyn accent. This character, sadly, makes more sense than anyone else.

• Tea Coffee- A girl who is too old to appeal to child predators, and too young to be legal. Also too stupid to have a name that doesn't mean a beverage.

• Tristen "Pussy last name" Taylor - No explanation nessecary. Sounds like barney.

• Bakura - If you have prior knowledge of this character, you are officially a fangirl. Get out of here.

• Marik Ishtar - Same as above.

• Bandit Keith - An American duelist who plays children's card games and likes to remind everyone that he is an American...in America!

Dark Magician Girl

The Dark Magician Girl card is widely sought after because of it's near unstoppable effect.

Dark Magician Girl has been convicted of committing sexual acts with minors. Evidence to support this include her running around with Yugi Muto while he was in pajamas during the Waking the Dragons saga, making sexual advancements towards Leon von Schroeder during the Kaibacorp Grand Championship card tournament, and making out with Syrus Truesdale at Duel Academy.

In the Japanese version she wore a hexagram on her chest to word off evil spirits. 4-Kids replaced this with red Kryptonite in hopes of defeating Superman.

Her Special effect lets her screw anyone she pleases for no particular reason and destroy anyone else so you should try to get on her good side.

Dark Magician Girl is sexy, so when the time is right, rip off her clothes, film her, and send it to YouTube! :3

The TCG

An Uncyclopedia user has been modelled on a card.

Many unwary and retarded humans believe that the acronym TCG refers to a Trading Card Game. This is not the case, according to Gary Brolsma. TCG actually refers to the term "Testicle Cover Guards." If you dont have a Testicle Cover Guard and you play a Trading Card Game then Jesus will kick you in the nuts. Thats right one swift kick to your nads. TCGs are found worldwide, although the majority of them have come overseas from The Rising Sun state, Japan (79th state admitted to the union). Many are based off of popular animés, including Shaman King, Fullmetal Alchemist, and Seinfeld. Pokemon was once a very popular Testicle Cover Guard, but they were so small that only children aged -39 to 7 really enjoyed the use of them.

Every year, a broken down factory in Nicuragua holds a national Yu-Gi-Oh Testicle Cover Guard convention in which duelists duel (c0mm3nc3 b47731) against each other's TCGs. The mightiest and most strategic duelist wins. Many Speds attend these tournaments because Yu-Gi-Oh is the only thing that they can do aside from drool, curse and throw fits about nothing at all. After each round of the tournament, there is a traditional whining-fest and Spedfight. In the Spedfight, the loser of the round starts crying and attempts to attack the winner, and is subsequently dragged out of the room by teachers. Then, their bodies are disposed of by being fed to a Grue, which is subsequently nuked by Kim Jong Il so that they get radiation poisoning and mutate into a pizza.

Card Sets

part of the new Celebrity card set

• Super Hyper Inoblideratinable Toxins: SHIT (announced for release in 2012)

• Labyrinth of Deconstructive Evil World-Killing Ultimate Ultra Beasts (all other sets are just variations on this set)

• Celebrity Set (Includes Hilary Clinton, Millhouse, Oscar Wilde, and Pedobear)

• 9/11 Commemorative Card Set

• Warning! Hilary Clinton is known to cause massive amounts of diarrhea and might kill you out of the pain.

See Also

• Yugioh - the Abridged series:
• Somebody made a wiki on this?
• Anime
• Pokemon
• Anime chicks
• Bullet_For_Mai_Valentine