Your mom/example on wheels!
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“I'm on your Mom! ON YOUR MOM! *Snicker*”
~ Me on Your Mom
“You mom so fat, she got her own orbit!”
~ troubled African American teenager on You Mom
“I don't even have a mom.”
| ||
| Order: | 47th President | |
| Vice President: | Me | |
| Term of office: | 2023 – 2070 | |
| Preceded by: | Inanimate Sponge | |
| Succeeded by: | King Emu | |
| Date of birth: | 1900 | |
| Place of birth: | Montana | |
| First Lady: | Your Dad | |
| Political party: | Communist Party | |
Little is verifiably known about your mom. It can be determined with some veracity that she was born sometime in the 20th century, and proceeded to do dick-all with her life, during which period at some point she created you. Many have debated over just how you were conceived. Scholars have debated whether this action constitutes a departure from your mom's lifestyle of absolute worthlessness, but most agree that it does not. Most experts on the subject agree that your mom is in fact, a loose whore, and therefore the possibilities of your parentage are truly innumerible Your father adamantley denies any and all relations to you, as does your uncle.
Psychologists and uncles agree, almost unanimously, that your mom is to blame for everything that's wrong with you, and that one day you're going to be just like her. An opposing theory posited by your mom, however, points the finger rather at your father, an emotionally unavailable asshole who never provided you with a proper male role model. Your mother loved you, and still loves you, and wants you to call more often. It's not that hard to pick up a phone. Seriously, think about it. The more time you spend talking with her, the less time she'll have to share all of your humiliating stories with the neighborhood gossip (who looks suspiciously like your mom), Joe Mama. Do you want everyone to know about the time you dropped a load right in the middle of the breakfast cereal isle in Shop-rite? Didn't think so.
According to various (possibly suspect) sources your mom has accomplished much in her (according to some) extremely long life. She is credited with: Flipping the switch when God said "Let there be light", being the first American to receive a social security number, being declared a state, a country, and even a planet. She is also widely believed to have sat behind Jesus in third grade. A widely-held opionion of the masses has concluded definitivley that your mother is: Unattractive, overweight, old, stupid, lazy, poor, loose, and essentially a worthless piece of shit.
[edit] Fun facts about your mom
- Your mum enjoys black women
- Your mom is symbolized by the element Urmomium
- Your mom is still a virgin. She will probably remain a virgin unless you hire her a cabana boy.
- Your mom sells her crack for crack.
- Your mom is the Uncyclopedia:Community Portal -- everyone gets a chance to enter.
- Your mom was exceedingly popular during a brief period in the 1980s, but then again, what wasn't?
- Using 'Your Mom' as a comeback became popular again in the year 2000 thanks to bored Indiana residents who decided that the old 80s joke should be born again for this new "Generation Y.45-802.11bag version 5.1(2800)"
- Your mom got so high once at a Jimmy Buffett concert that she threw her panties at a stuffed parrot, but that doesn't mean it's okay for you and your friends to waste your lives on the devil weed.
- Your mom is so fat that hundreds of horrible jokes have been made at her expense.
- Your mom is so ugly that hundreds of other horrible jokes have been made at her expense.
- Your mom is the best comeback ever. ZING!
- Your mom would be horribly upset that you are wasting your life visiting this site.
- Your mom knows you masturbate, but loves you anyway.
- Your mom is an FBI agent.
- Your mom buys extra soft 3-ply Kleenex because she loves you anyway.
- Your mom was the 47thrd president of the United States.
- Your mom was also the 51st state.
- Your mom was subsequently made the 52nd through 78th states, because she was so fat.
- Your mom knows all about the monsters in your closet.
- Your mom owes me money, you douche!
- Your mom has apparently had sex with everyone you have ever argued with.
- Your mom is a creature from outer space.
- Your mom fought JFK in one of the greatest movie epics of all time.
- Your mom went to college.
- Your mom once tried Satanism, but didn't really like it.
- Your mom went to prom with Merv the Perv.
- Your mom is the mascot for the University of Arizona.
- Your mom is my mom. Am I confusing you?
- Your mom is so white, she makes the Pillsbury Doughboy look Mexican.
- Your mom is a sleeper hit.
- Your mom is like a bowling ball, she gets fingered, tossed in the gutter, yet still comes back for more.
- Your mom is actually spelt your mum in the UK, until the Americans ruined how she talks.
[edit] Things you really, really don't want to know about your mom
- Your Mom has a huge crush on Barry Manilow, and has been mailing him her diary entries weekly for over two decades, doodle-hearts and all.
- Your Mom only lets your friends over for sleep-overs because she gets a little action with them while you sleep.
- Your Mom secretly likes the smell of her own flatus. Now you know where you get it from.
- Your Mom bucked like Bambi in a forest fire while I was riding her last night. I had to grab her love handles with both hands to stay on. No wonder she demanded I tie her to the hood of the SUV before we started.
- Your Mom knows the exact come-on line which lead to your conception. ("Hey bitch, wanna earn a twinkie?")
- Your Mom is really a homeless man living in iRaq, Terror. The Government does not want you to know this, so they handed you over to some fat bitch.
- Your Mom thought you were an exceptionally large crap.
- Which you are.
- Your mom hates you.
- And she likes everyone, if you catch my drift.
- Your mom is actually Richard Simmons in disguise.
- The term motherfucker refers, specifically, to your mom.
- And of course, the motherfucker himself is your daddy. Who's your daddy?
- Who as a matter of fact was the worst god-damn fuck I've ever had
- In a year's time, another term, far worse than motherfucker, will gain currency. It will be so scatologically vile that most nations will establish crimes for its usage. It too, will refer specifically to, your mom.
- Your Mom is Chief Test Engineer for the Jack Rabbit Massager Corporation.
- Your Mom wears crotchless panties. And a Peep Hole bra.
- Your Mom uses duo-balls to relieve the tedium of shopping.
- Your Mom bangs like a shit-house door in a Force 9 gale.
- Your mom is really Bill Gates.
- Your Mom is also Tubgirl.
- Your Mom likes Sp00j cola. MY Sp00j cola.
- Your Mom is the chick from Two Girls One Cup
