HowTo:Fuck your Friend's Sister(s) And Get Away With It
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
| HowTo |
This article is part of Uncyclopedia's HowTo series.
See more HowTos
Most men have a dormant sexual attraction to most females that they come into contact with. Men that do not have this attraction are gay. When a man comes into contact with the sister of a friend, the attraction comes to the fore and takes over his mind. If a man does not feel this it is because his friend's sister is not hot enough. Many men have tried to have some uninterrupted time with the girl (or girls) in question but most have failed. Don't let that happen to you. What you need to know is How To Fuck your Friend's Sister(s) And Get Away With It (TM). Okay, let's get right down to it. Please be careful as to not miss read this article and believe it says, "HowTo Fuck Your Sister(s) And Get Away With It", because doing that is already easy enough and the last thing you would want is Uncyclopedia making it more difficult for you. Which reminds me, my cousin is hot and we haven't spoken in a while...
edit Step 1: Discovering the Sister
If you know your friend has a sister, skip this step. If you don't have any friends, get some and then follow these instructions.
Right then... Well, the most obvious way of finding out if your friend has a sister is to ask:
"You got a sister or what?"
Don't do this. It's way too obvious. What you should do is to ask:
"You got any siblings?"
This way, you don't sound gay or perverted (If you're interested, this also works if you want their brother). When you ask this, you should not look as lust-fueled as I know you
might will be. You should look curious and interested. If they say:
you should to ask how many and what gender. This shouldn't sound suspicious, especially if you start the conversation when both of you are really bored and feel like talking.
If they say:
you have to end the conversation smoothly, find another friend and do everything again.
If your friend says that they've only got brothers, you should ask their ages and names. It would sound suspicious if you ended the conversation after they said they had brothers. When you finish the conversation, find another friend and repeat this step until you discover a sister. When you do, smile sweetly and say:
"What's her name?"
Your friend would then tell you. Then you say:
"That's a nice name. How old is she?"
Your friend will tell you. Now, if her age seems satisfactory, you can continue to the next step. If she is too young or old or has a weird name that you don't like, find another friend and try again. If your friend is a guy and his sister(s) is/are younger than him you have to be very careful when you proceed with the next steps. If you find more than one sister and succeed in discovering their names and ages, you're a lucky bastard.
So, you know your friend has a sister, but does she fulfill your high expectations? You must find out...
You have to engineer a way of seeing your friend's sister without arousing suspicion. A good way to do this is to get really close to your friend, close enough that you can start going over to their place without being having the door slammed in your face. You should then go to their place as many times as you have to in order to
stare at see your potential sex slave "fuck-buddy"
If your friend's sister doesn't live with them, you have to find some way of discreetly discovering her location. If she's in another country and you're broke, too bad, start again with another friend. If you can find her, great! Carry on!
If you can't find her or you don't like the way that she looks, (groan) start all over again with another friend.
If you think she's hotter than Megan Fox on the sun, continue to the next step.
If there's more than one of them and only one of them is hot enough, you can decide what to do with the unworthy one. If they're both hot, you're an impossibly lucky son of a bitch.
edit Step 3: Laying the Foundations...
Before you get intimate with your friend's sister, you must make her like you.
Continue your regular visits to your friend's house. Start to talk to her, make her like and trust you. If there's two of them, perform this step on both of them. It's probably best if you do this when your friend, their parents, and any other unwanted relatives are not around. Try and sound
drunk and perverted sweet and inviting. If you're retarded shy, girls can think it's cute, but this is risky, because you might look like a whimp to a clever girl (one who isn't a blonde).
Keep trying until she likes you. (If she's blonde, you just need to tell her to like you, it always works.) Once she likes you and trusts you, you have to get closer...
Use a few pick-up lines, compliment her, stare at her, basically, make her feel good.
Don't go too far. Stop when she starts staring at you. If you stop just short of sexual
harassment abuse arousal, you can trick her into thinking that you like her as a person, when, really you just want to force your cock in the soft, tender hole that God had created for you.
edit Step 4: Let the Fun Begin...
edit If You're NOT Going to Rape Her
Once she starts staring at your cock, you're ready. if you've got more than one with you and they all stare at your cock, you're so fucking lucky! I hate you! Do the following to all of them at the same time.
Make sure the parents are not around. If your friend is male, get him out of the way too. If they have any other family there get rid of them. But if your friend is a hot girl why did you go for her sister when it would be so simple to go for her?! If she is hot, keep her around.
Look at her, catch her eye, look at your cock, and then look back at her. If she nods or smiles or does something else that blatantly says: "Fuck me now!", guide her to her bedroom and get her on the bed. Gently rip her clothes off while looking her in the eye. This will maintain the illusion that you like her and not her near-perfect, luscious body. If you do actually like her, you don't have to act.
Once she's completely naked, get your cock out and tell her to suck it. She then will suck it (hopefully). If you've got more than one girl, you can decide what to do with them. From then on, do what you like, condoms are optional.
If you kept your friend around because she's a hot girl, make as much noise as you can while banging her sister(s). She should come to find out what it is. When she does, get her involved. This should keep her quiet and you'll get more satisfaction. Just in case her family come back, barricade the door until you're done (I would like to note if they are one of those crazy church goers don't waste your time on them, unless you are 100% they will put out).
If you managed all these steps and did not get arrested, killed, bitten, shot at, or harmed in any other way, you've learnt how to Fuck Your Friend's Sister(s) And Get Away With It!