You have two cows/8

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This article is part of the You have two cows series.


Cow-field-19.4

CIA: You never had two cows. They were never here. Neither were we.

Anaesthesiologists 
We have numbed your two cows.
4chan 
You have 2 /c/fags.
Anime nerds 
Kawaii Japanese cows are sooooo much better than American baku baku cows, foolish darkInuyasha93-chan!
Arabians 
You have two cows. You sacrifice them for great Allah.
Binary 
You have 10 cows.
Bohemians 
You don't have two cows, because you can't 'have' anything.
Cable Repair Men 
We'll fix your cows sometime between 7:00am to 9:30pm on Wednesday. We might also steal your TV while we're at it, and fuck up your carpet with our shoes.
CATS 
ALL YOUR TWO COWS ARE BELONG TO US.
Conspiracy Theorists 
Your two cows actually never landed on the moon. They also discovered advanced technology by digging up a crashed alien spaceship.
Emos 
You have two cows. They hate you. You hate them.
Gamers 
You have two cows. You sell the same milk to them over and over again in different packaging and they scorn other producers' milk because "it's the same thing over and over again"
Gamers 2 : You have two cows. The gamers whine for decades that they want you to market the milk to them in new ways. Then you try, only for them to bitch about how much it's a gimmick and that it's no good. They continue to whine about wanting new ways and how similar all the milk is.
Gamers 3 : You have two cows, one is named FPS, another is RPG. RPG is not allowed under ANY circumstance to do the same thing twice and must give something new every two seconds, otherwise it is flagged as a crappy cow and nobody wants its milk. FPS is allowed to be as mind-numbingly simplistic and repetitive as any other cow and the milk is worshipped as seacred anyway.
Gamers 4 : You have two cows. Everyone whines about how bad your milk is but you still make a lotta money just putting cheap unpasteurized milk out on the market because those suckers buy it anyway.
PC gamers : You have two cows. Because you have your technology to milk cows, those who don't use it are tards and fags, while you deny the elitists and idiots are nonexistent in your technology users. You then whine about how the technology becomes accessible to them despite how you claim you have a better version of it anyways.
Generation M 
You have two cows. You milk both at the same time while eating a sandwich, changing tracks on your ipod, and catching up on your email.
Generation X 
You have two cows, so what, you feel disenfranchised.
Generation Y 
You have two cows... I have a CowStation 2
Indie kids 
Each person has one cow. You have two cows, because you're different. Now each person has two cows, because they're different too.
Internal Revenue Service 
33% of your two cows belong to us.
Ku Klux Klan 
You have two cows. One is black. You decide it is lazy and it smells bad, so you kill its nigger ass.
Light bulb jokes 
Q: How many cows does it take to change a light bulb ?
A: Two.
Liverpool F.C. 
You have 11 cows. One of them is called Steve and takes the credit for all of their successes.
Marching Bands 
You have two cows. They won't stop making "That's what she said" jokes and talking about tromboners.
Naturists 
Mother Cow, oh mother cow.
Paedophiles 
These really cool two cows are a short ride away, and they're full of sweeties. Just get in the car.
PeTA 
You have two cows. PeTA frees them, kicks you in the balls, and petition Congress to make cows an indangered species.
Pretentious Artists 
You have two cows. WHAT?! YOU ARE NOT DRAWING ULTRA-REALISTIC?! YOU MUST NEVER EVER EVER EVER PICK UP A PIECE OF PAPER OR A PENCIL EVER AGAIN!!! YOU WILL NEVER DEVELOP AS AN ARTIST!!!!!
Porn Stars 
Sure I've done it with 2 cows before. Scene 2 Act 1: The Bull
Script Kiddies 
4ll j00r c0wZ 4r3 83l0n6 t0 u5
Statistician 
Statistically speaking, you are less than 14 feet away from 2 cows at any time.
Student Cowncil 
You vote for two cows, a president and a vice president, based entirely on popularity and the attractiveness of their cowspots. Then you excuse them from class so they can think of peppy new names for the same stuff they do every year. They have no actual influence, so they just gossip about prom night.
System Administrators 
You had two cows, but due to a server crash (and lack of proper backup) they are yours no longer.
System administrators 2
You have two cows. I just reset their passwords to #%rtT-.9hY6" and !0)Om,=J4/9>'
Vegetarians
You have two cows. You drink their milk, but don't eat any part of them.
Vegans
You have two cows. You don't use them as anything more than company.
Fruitarians
You have two cows. You eat the grass with them.
Microsoft 
You have two cows. One of them performs an illegal operation and must be shut down.
Islamic Terrorists 
Infidel cows, prepare to die at the hands of the reat Allaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! *ka-boom*
Yuppies 
You have two cows, Patrick Bateman has three, never mind baby, cows are for shits and wets.
Zoo Keepers 
Obviously, we have two cows... in the petting zoo.
Kidnappers 
We have your two cows. Unless you leave two million dollars in a brown paper bag we'll start sending them back to you, steak by bloody steak. You have 24 hours.
Baggage Handlers 
Your 2 cows got lost in transit. Sorry.
Australian Baggage Handlers 
We might know something about the two cows found in your surfboard case, but we want an unlimited amnesty first.
Sports  
You have two cows. One of them wants to be traded to another team. She demands to be traded to a contending team with a good quarterback, cause your all star quarterback is usually out in left field. Your other cow is holding out for a better contract. She refuses to play until you increase her salary by 900%
Post Modernism
You have two cows. You put them in a field. You milk them.
Halo hippies
I HAVE TWO COWS AND YOU DON'T HAHA LOLLERS! STUPID GODAMNED FUCKING MOTHERFUCKER!!!
Chuck Norris hippies
Chuck Norris kills your two cows with a round-house kick. You die.
Math nerds
Add one cow to another cow and you have two cows.
Artists
I drew two cows. They are a post-modernist deconstructionist viewing of two cows that are in a field belonging to Farmer Ben. If you just see two cows instead of my meaning, then you are an uneducated philistine and do not deserve art.
Furry artists
I drew two cow-men. They're having sex, this is so awesome!
DeviantART artists
I drew Sora and Sephiroth as two cow-men. Now I think I'll draw the Turks...
YTMND users
The robots have taken my two cows. Please send help.
Google groups
You have two posts on alt.animals.cows.
Zaire
You have two cows. They are infected with Ebola hemhorrogic fever. Now you have two cows bleeding out from every orfice. Way to go, Richard Preston.
Pickpockets
"Look! Two cows!" *Disappears into crowd*
Unskilled pickpockets
"Look! Two cows!" *Dashes off, holding your purse*
Stupid pickpockets
"Look! Your Purse!" *Dashes off, holding two cows*
Lawyers
The state has charged John Q. Cow with the third degree murder of his wife, Jane Q. Cow. We the state must try to prove three elements to you the jury. If you believe that we have met all three of these elements, please render a verdict of "guilty". They are:

1. Hamburgers are delicious.

2. Milk has calcium.

3. Oscar Wilde is God.

Most Fans in the world
You have two cows. WHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
Uncyclopedia presents: the You have two cows anthology!

Twocows

1. Analysis
2. Anime
3. Bovine Quotes
4. Cowmedy
5. Emootions
6. Endings
7. Famous Cows
8. Groups

9. This cow does not exist
10. In the Moos
11. Language of Cows
12. Literature
13. Moosical Moovements
14. Moovies
15. Non-Video Games
16. People

17. Politicowl Junk
18. Programming Languages
19. Religion
20. Software 'n Such
21. Sound of Moo-sic
22. Television
23. Travel
24. Video Games

24.3. Video Games Volume 2
25. World and Web of Cows
26. You Have n Cows
27. Science
28. Moodicine
29. Game Consoles
30. Game Genres
31. Capitalism

“You say you have two cows, but that's just what they want you to believe. They are in fact two lizards in disguise, part of a secret cabal that runs the world.”
~ David Icke on You have two cows
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