You have two cows/7

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This article is part of the You have two cows series.

Persian:This is one cow. These are 3 cows!

King Leonidas: 3 cows? THESE ARE 2 COWS!!!!

The Matrix 
You have two cows. Do you take the blue cow, or the red cow?
The Blues Brothers 
We're on a mission from Two Cows.
The Raven 
You have two cows. They sit on the bust of Pallas just above your chamber door. Which is a pity, because it was expensive.
The Raven (2) 
You have two cows. Only this, and nothing more, Quoth the two cows, Nevermore.
"I'm the king of two cows!!! Woo-HOOOO!!!!"
The Telltale Heart 
You have two cows. You kill them and bury them beneath the floorboards. The sound of their mooing drives you mad.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Using the Infinite Improbability Drive, you accidentally turn yourself into two cows.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2)  
You have two cows, neither of which know where the tea is.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (3)  
You have two cows, but you don't know where your towel is.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (4)  
You have two cows. Don't Panic!
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (5)  
You have 42 cows.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (6)  
You have two cows. One is accidentally killed by Arthur Dent seven or eight times throughout the history of the Universe in a cycle of reincarnation, then bitches about it and gets killed for the final time by Arthur Dent, who then kills it again due to an oddity brought about by interweaving time-travel.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (7)  
You have two white mice which look like two cows.
William Wilson 
You have two cows. One of them is the doppelganger of the other. You, too, are one of the cows, though it's not clear which one. You go mad trying to figure out which is the original.
The Cask of Amontillado 
You have two cows. You get them really drunk and brick them up in your basement wall. "For the love of God, Moo-tressor!" "Yes," you smile. "For the love of God!"
The only way to get out of the ranch is by milking two cows. Once you've milked these cows, you're informed that you were actually supposed to milk four cows. The farmer hops out the window when you try to complain.
Forrest Gump 
Life is like a box of two cows.
The Moos 
Keepin time, time, time,
In a sort of Runic rhyme,
To the reeling of moos--
Of the moos, moos, moos, moos--
To the reeling and the pealing
Of the moos, moos, moos,
Moos, moos, moos, moos--
To the moaning and the groaning of the moos.
Johnny Mnemonic 
I can carry nearly eighty gigs of cows in my head.
Pulp Fiction
Say "two cows" again! C'mon, say "two cows" again! I dare ya, I double dare ya motherfucker, say "two cows" one more goddamn time!
Animal Farm 
All two cows are equal, but some two cows are more equal than others.
1984 (1)  
Grazing is being Hungry.
Running Free is being Eaten.
Having Two Cows is being Without Livestock.
1984 (2)  
Two cows are watching you.
1984 (3) 
You have two cows. Your neighbor has two cows. Between the two of you, there are five cows. This is true because the farm says so. You realize you love the farm.
1984 (4) 
You have two cows. That is Doubleplusungood.
1984 (5)  
You have two cows. You have always had two cows.
Fight Club 
Here's how to make real cows.
Fight Club (2) 
You have two cows. You do not talk about the two cows.
Fight Club (3) 
You are Jack's two cows.
Blade Runner 
Do androids dream of two electric cows?
Blade Runner #2 
I've seen two cows you people wouldn't believe.
Blade Runner #3 
All these cows will be lost.. in time. Like.. tears. In rain.
"I'll make two cows out of you"
Star Trek 
You had two cows, but then you beamed them down and couldn't beam them up again because of obscuring Pallathean energy mists. Och, captain!
Star Trek 
You have two, relatively normal-looking cows. But every new cow you get has fascinating and progressively more complex head-ridges.
Star Wars
Two wise cows you have. Well-versed in the ways of the Moo they are. One cow asks the other cow to push him off the building, and when he does, the first cow seriously regrets it. The both carry sabers of coloured milk.
You have two cows. One of them is cooked and served as a juicy beef steak and the other would die if it doesn't agree with you.
Of Mice and Men 
You have two cows. One is a retard who wants to own a rabbit farm, and the other is his apparent caretaker. The retarded cow kills some girl by yanking her hair out.
Don Quixote
You have two cows. One is an mad knight errant and the other a cantankerous but funny squire. They have decided to battle a windmill.
Romeo And Juliet
You have two cows, but they are star-crossed lovers and end up committing suicide. Now you have two hamburgers.
Russian Reversal
In Soviet Russia, Two Cows have YOU.
Dragon Ball Z
Nappa: Vegeta what does the scouter say about his livestock level?;
Vegeta: Two cows, kick his ass Nappa.
  • Nappa gets his inferior chips beaten of by the power of oʍʇ cow-a-watt chips*
Vegeta: Oh I had it upside down it's oʍʇ.
Uncyclopedia presents: the You have two cows anthology!


1. Analysis
2. Anime
3. Bovine Quotes
4. Cowmedy
5. Emootions
6. Endings
7. Famous Cows
8. Groups

9. This cow does not exist
10. In the Moos
11. Language of Cows
12. Literature
13. Moosical Moovements
14. Moovies
15. Non-Video Games
16. People

17. Politicowl Junk
18. Programming Languages
19. Religion
20. Software 'n Such
21. Sound of Moo-sic
22. Television
23. Travel
24. Video Games

24.3. Video Games Volume 2
25. World and Web of Cows
26. You Have n Cows
27. Science
28. Moodicine
29. Game Consoles
30. Game Genres
31. Capitalism

“Enough is enough! I have HAD it with those motherfucking cows on this motherfucking field!”
~ Samuel L. Jackson on You have two cows
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