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This article is part of the You have two cows series.


Arcade Games 
You have two pixelated cows; you must move the pixelated cows out the way of the falling pixelated asteroids. Every 50 asteroids dodged gives you another cow. All the time the asteroids start falling more frequently. You get addicted to the game until you end with 89 cows and are called the high scorer. Two weeks later someone has ended with 91 cows, and you waste your entire life trying to regain the high score. The game is called Asteroids: Two Cow Edition.
Arcade Games (2)
You have two cows. You get an extra cow at every 1 million points.
Adventure games
You have two cows, but you can't milk them and are therefore stuck being told you have to milk the cows because you didn't get the bucket. If only you knew to throw your boot at the mouse so you could get the bucket from the elephant you saved.
Bullet Hell Games
You have two cows. They shoot thick clouds of milk drops for you to dodge. Fortunately, you only die if your head gets hit with milk.
Brain Games
You have two cows worth $0.07 each. You also have a seven cent coin. What will you do with the seven cent coin?
Brain Games (2)
You have two cows. If you sell one cow and earn 50 cents, which is a 37.48% profit, then blow that profit on 37 equally priced cows. How much profit do you have left? (the answer is none)
Fighting Games
You have two cows. FINISH HIM!
First Person Shooters
you have two homoerotic bulls that lack any colour. You just go play Rambo and shoot everything. Who cares, it's all multiplayer anyways.
FPS vs RPG
You have two cows, named RPG and FPS. RPG has to do something new every two seconds before everyone says it's "mindless" and "cliche", FPS is allowed to do the same thing over and over again and it's still considered "Fresh"
MMORPG
You have two cows. You run around killing stuff to get more cows. You suddenly stop getting cows once you have gained 70, and you laugh at the n00bs. The server reboots and you lose all of them.
MMORPG (2)
You have two cows. You spend 12 hours a day leveling them up, and they get strong. They instantly get hacked.
MMORPG (3)
You have two cows. They die because you spend all your time in front of your PC, caring for simulated cows.
MMORPG (4)
You have two cows. You must decide whether to make the cows into mages, archers, or warriors. You do not understand the map and die because you walk into a high level area. You throw your computer out the window.
Open-Ended Games
You have two cows. You have all the time in the world to milk them, so you visit farms for 50 or so hours.
Point & Click Adventure Games 
You have two cows. They get tipped over by a purple tentacle. Dr Edison flushes you down the toilet.
Point and click adventure games 
USE bucket on COW. PULL UDDER.
Point and click adventure games 
You just made the game unwinnable because you forgot to USE the bucket on the COW before you milked it. Oops.
Role-Playing Games
You have two cows. One cow has a lot of angst and missing memories. The other has large udders and loves the first cow. The first cow is trying to save the world, but the other cow turns on him and kills him. That's where you come in.
Text-Based Adventure Games 
You have two cows. Do you wish to milk cow one? Do you wish to milk cow two? Do you wish to milk both cows? Do you wish to move north? Do you wish to move north? XYZZY?
Text-Based Adventure Games (2) 
You are standing in the middle of a field. To the north there is more field. To the east you see a small farmhouse. To the south you see animals in a field. To the west you see a field.
A cow lazes in the grass.
A cow lazes in the grass. You own this cow.
A cow lazes in the grass.
A cow lazes in the grass.
A cow lazes in the grass. You own this cow.
A cow lazes in the grass.
A cow is chewing cud. You own this cow.
select: tip cow kill cow milk cow
you selected kill cow
are you sure? cow is Level 7 Cow. He is huge compared to you. Attacking it would be suicide.
are you still sure? yes no
you selected yes
kill cow
You kick at Level 7 Cow.
You miss Level 7 Cow.
Level 7 Cow uses MOO AND STARE combo against you.
DIRECT HIT
HP GONE: 78
You use TIP against Level 1 Cow.
DIRECT HIT
REVERSAL
Level 7 Cow tips onto you.
you are dying. (1386)
You are dead.
Text Based Adventure Games (3)
You are standing in a green field, facing a white house. You see two cows.
You are eaten by a grue.
Text Based Adventure Games (4)
You go north. There are two cows here.
> Kill cow
I do not understand the word 'cow'.
> Look
You are in a field. There are two cows here.
> Poke cow
I do not see any cow here.
Text Based Adventure Games (5)
There are two cows here.
> Milk cow
You can't do that.
> Look
You can't do that.
> get out of bed
you are eaten by a grue.
Text Based Adventure Games (6)
You are in a field. The sun is shining and birds can be heard tweeting in the background. Before you lie 'two cows'. One of them is wearing a party hat and is named Furry, the other has a Darth Vador mask and is named Feep.
> l two cows
Huh? (Type 'help' for help.)
> l two
I don't see that here.
> milk cows
You are turned into a slimy toad!
Racing Games 
The cows race around the fields in order to win. Mayhem ensues!
Roguelike Games 
You have two M.
Roguelike Games (2) 
Do you want your possessions identified? (ynq)y
You have two cows
Survival Horrors
You have one cow, a flashlight, and a stick. You run around in the dark until some freak pops out of nowhere and kills you because you forgot to pick up that second cow in the previous room
Uncyclopedia presents: the You have two cows anthology!

Twocows

1. Analysis
2. Anime
3. Bovine Quotes
4. Cowmedy
5. Emootions
6. Endings
7. Famous Cows
8. Groups

9. This cow does not exist
10. In the Moos
11. Language of Cows
12. Literature
13. Moosical Moovements
14. Moovies
15. Non-Video Games
16. People

17. Politicowl Junk
18. Programming Languages
19. Religion
20. Software 'n Such
21. Sound of Moo-sic
22. Television
23. Travel
24. Video Games

24.3. Video Games Volume 2
25. World and Web of Cows
26. You Have n Cows
27. Science
28. Moodicine
29. Game Consoles
30. Game Genres
31. Capitalism

“On 9/11, despite the nationwide flight grounding, the Bush government had two cows flown out of the country. Doesn't that strike you as suspicious?”
~ Michael Moore on You have two cows
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