You have two cows/26

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This article is part of the You have two cows series.


English 
You have 2 cows.
Hinduism 
You have 2 deities.
Unary 
You have || cows.
Binary 
You have 10 cows.
Negabinary 
You have 110 cows.
Binary from ASCII 
01011001 01101111 01110101 00100000
01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101
00100000 01110100 01110111 01101111
00100000 01100011 01101111 01110111
01110011
Binary from EBCDIC 
11101000 10010110 10100100 01000000
10001000 10000001 10100101 10000101
01000000 10100011 10100110 10010110
01000000 10000011 10010110 10100110
10100010
1337 
y0u h4v3 +vv0 c0vvz...nubz0rz pWn3D
1337 2 
J00 HAV 2 C0WZ U L33T SUPA H4X0R
l337 3 (Max)
`/[]|_| |-|/-\\/3 7\/\/[] [0\/\/5
Boolean 
You have TRUE cows.
Boolean (SQL)
You have two cows. One of them is true (or null), the other one false (or null).
Ternary 
You have 0t02 cows.
Octal 
You have 002 cows.
Hexadecimal 
You have 0x0002 cows.
Innumerate 
You have some cows.
Floating-Point 
You have 1.999999999 cows.
Integer 
You have 2 cows.
Greatest Integer 
You have [[1<cows<3]] cows.
Long 
You have 2L cows.
Modulo 2 
You have 0 cows.
32-Bit Wrong Endianness 
You have 33554432 cows.
64-Bit Long 
You have 2LL cows.
Scientific notation 
You have 0.002 × 103 cows.
Fibonacci 
You have no cows. You have 1 cow. You have 1 cow. You have 2 cows.
Fibonacci (again) 
You have 3 cows. You have 5 cows. You have 8 cows. You have 13 cows.
Fregeian Bovine Comprehension Principle (simplified form)
There exist x and y such that x falls under the concept is your cow and y falls under the concept is your cow and x is not equal to y, and for every z such that z falls under the concept is your cow, either z must equal x or z must equal y.
Fregeian Bovine Comprehension Principle (general form)
There exist x and y such that x falls under the concept is your cow and y falls under the concept is your cow and x is not equal to y; and it is not the case that there exist x, y and z such that x falls under the concept is your cow and y falls under the concept is your cow and z falls under the concept is your cow and x is not equal to y and x is not equal to z and y is not equal to z.
Frege-Russell / New Foundations 
\{\textrm{your cows}\} \in \{x \cup \{y\} \mid x \in \{x \cup \{y\} \mid x \in \{\{\}\} \wedge y \not\in x\} \wedge y \not\in x\}
Set notation 
You have x cows where x є {k|2≤k≤2}
String 
printf("You have %d cows.\n",2);
Shift 
YOU HAVE @ COWS>
British Shift 
YOU HAVE " COWS>
Church encoding 
You have λf. λx. f (f x) cows.
Dvorak 
tsf ja.d 2 is,;e
Reverse Polish notation 
You cows 2 × have.
Japanese counting 
You have two cattle of cow, or You have 2*1 cows.
French 
Vous avez deux vaches.
Greek Numerals 
You have β´ cows.
Roman Numerals 
You have II cows.
Roman Numerals (dj Arctic extended remix) 
You have IIIV cows.
Chinese/Japanese Numerals 
You have 二 cows.
Hebrew Numerals 
You have 'ב cows.
Pebbles 
You have .:. cows.
Intel Pentium 60 - A80501-60 
You have 2.0000000056987983 cows.
Natural numbers 
You have {{},{{}}} cows.
Surreal numbers 
You have { 0 , 1 | } cows.
Quantum physics 
You have < 1 | 1 > cows, but observing them turns them into bulls.
Integers 
You have [5 - 3] cows.
Reciprocal 
You have 1/2 a cow.
Absolute Value 
You have |-2| cows.
Rational numbers 
You have [4/2] cows.
Real numbers 
You have [1 + 1/2 + 1/4 + 1/8 + ...] cows.
Imaginary numbers 
You have -2i^2 cows.
Trigonometry 
You have csc 30° cows.
Quadratics 
You have n cows, where n²+n-6=0 and n≥0
Random numbers
You have rand(2,2) cows.
Complex numbers 
You have 2 + 0i cows.
Complex conjugates 
You have (\sqrt{2} + \sqrt{2}i)(\sqrt{2} - \sqrt{2}i)/2 cows.
Quaternions 
You have 2 + 0i + 0j + 0k cows.
Surreal numbers 
You have { -1, 0, 1 | } cows.
Fuzzy 
You have between 0 and 5 of what are probably cows.
Mathematical Induction 
You have two cows. You prove that, If you have n cows, you have n+1 cows. You now have as many cows as you want. You study Linear Algebra.
Morse 
You have ..--- cows.
Pythagorean Theorem 
Given two cows, c²+o²=w²
In the sound studio 
You have twenty decicows.
In the marketing department 
Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of two thousand millicows!
sdrawkcaB 
.swoc 2 evah uoY
Word Problems 
You have two cows. Cow A started in Boston at 6:30 A.M. and walked to New York at 5 miles per hour. Cow B started at New York at 4:00 A.M. walking to Boston at 2 miles per hour. At which town will the cows meet?
Word Problems 2 
If eight cows, over period of 10 days, can produce one gallon of milk, how much milk can your two cows produce in a period of 15 days?
Word Problems Never End
If it takes one cow 30 minutes to run a mile, how long does it take your two cows to run the same mile?
Short Term Memory
You have... um... what was the question again?
Zen
You are two cows.
Fact 
You really have 0 cows. Maths proves it.
Lisp 
'(cows (you have) 2)
Real life
Fill out forms in triplicate, then see Fact.
Quantum Mechanics  
You have two cows who have just eaten Schrodinger's cat. What does this say of the nature of reality at the bovine level?
Quantum Mechanics 2 
You have two cows. One runs away really fast and reaches the speed of light. Einstein kills the other cow, then Stephen Hawking, then himself.
Quantum Mechanics 3 (Heisenberg Uncertainty Princimoo) 
You have two cows. If I told you where they were and how fast they were going then you'd no longer have two cows
Quantum Mechanics 4 
You have two cows. One of them is an anticow. They touch. Now you have no cows. Or planet.
Quantum Mechanics 5 
You have one cow in a two-fold coherent superposition, creating an interference pattern with itself. You have a zebra.
Relativity  
You have two cows. One of them goes faster than light and goes back in time. Now you have three cows. No wait one. Or one per universe. Whatever.
Schrodinger's Cows 
Your two cows are both dead and alive.
Jung
The cows are an archetype in your collective unconscious that may have a direct affect on the subatomic particles of the body. In fact, you just are the cow.
Differential Cow-culus
You have 2.
Differential Cow-culus 2
You have e2cow X 2
Indefinite Integral Cow-culus
You have cow2/2 + C.
Russian Reversal
In Soviet Russia, two cows have YOU!!!
Gematria
"You have two cows" (יש לך שתי פרות) has the numerical value of 1756, which is equivalent to "You will arise and have mercy on Zion" (אתה תקום תרחם ציון).
Statistics
An analysis of available data suggests that you have two cows. These results are correct 19 times out of 20, with a ±4% margin of error.
Lost
You have 4 8 15 16 23 42 cows. Whatever that means.
?
You have ? cows.
Proudhonian Mutualism
Property is theft, therefore you should not "have" these two cows at all.
IM
u hv 2 bk brgrz.
MediaWiki

You have {{{Number}}} {{{Species}}}.


To successfully use this template, copy following code:

{{You_have...    
| Number   =
| Species  =
}}

Where Number should be any number, and Species should be any species.
Example:
You have two cows.

BB Code
You have [cows]2[/cows].
Text Message
U hav 2 cows. :)
Insulting
U have 1 cow + your mum
SQL Select Command
"SELECT bovines, count FROM animals WHERE count = '" & Number.Text & "'"
SQL Select Command 2
"SELECT animal, count(*) FROM animals WHERE animal = 'cow' GROUP BY animal"
Internet
http://www.tucows.com/
Hypothetical
Suppose you have two cows...
LIE
You have 3 cows.
Buddha
There both is a cow and not a cow at the same time.
Aristotle
There either are two cows or there are not two cows. There is no middle ground.
Tao
There is no cow.
Zen
Moo
Comedian
Stop me if you've heard this. Two cows walk into a bar. One says to the other, Moo.
Iambic Pentameter
Two cows you have, you surely have two cows.
Letter Poem
Cow cow U R,
Cow cow U B,
I C U R cow cow 4 me
Java
you.setCows(2);
Python 
self.has(cows(2))
Yoda
2 cows you have
Gamer
All your cow are belong to us
Uncyclopedia addict 
You have a large field, two cows, a hedge, three sheep, two cows, a tractor, two cows, a garden, a gnome, two cows, and a tractor... with two cows in it. Repetition rocks!
Unix 
[root@localhost] # cat /dev/cows > /dev/null ; echo $?

      0
      [root@localhost] #

eBay
Looking for 2 cows ? Buy 2 cows here !
MD5

bae02f74c37921ccddda87814fc8f6a7

PHP
<?php
$cows=0;
for ($i=0; $i<2; $i++) {
   $cows++;
}

echo 'You have '.$cows.' cows.';
?>
ASP
<%
Response.Write "You have two cows."
%>
Invalid HTML
<html><head>You have two cows.</body></head>
Valid XHTML
<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?>
<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN"
                      "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd">
<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en" dir="ltr">
<head>
  <title></title>
  <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="application/xhtml+xml; charset=utf-8" />
</head>

<body>

You have two cows.

</body>
</html>
Javascript
alert("You have two cows.");
ACS
# include "zcommon.acs"
script 1 (void)
{
  if (CheckInventory("Cow") = 2)
     Print(s:"You have two cows.");
}
Wikipedia Article

"You have two cows" is the beginning phrase for a series of political joke definitions.

TI-83
PROGRAM:TWOCOWS
:{1,2}→LCOWS
:Disp "YOU HAVE",(2),"COWS."
:
Piglatin

Ou-yay ave-hay o-tway ows-cay.

Opposite Day 

I don't have -2 uncows.

ASM 

ld a,2

ld hl, you_numcows

ld (hl),a

FORTH 

cow

cow

+

."

Guy who can't count 

You have the number of cows that comes after the number that's more than none. I think.

Bored person with a cowculator 
You have 2 cows. You put "+1" in the cowculator and hit =. You have 3 cows. You hit =. You have 4 cows. You hit =. You have 5 cows. You hit =. You have 6 cows...
Porn site 
Uncensored movies from just $2.99! Guaranteed authentic pair of cows! Just download the TwoCows Media Payment software, disable all virus scanners and firewalls, install it and watch the cows!
Spam e-mail 
(FROM: Canadian BovineMeds) meds on=lnie! make yuor Two Cwos the VERY BEST IN THE WORLD EVER with V1@gra.
Nigerian 419 spam 
Hello plese, I am a depozed prince who need to get my two cows out of the contry. If you gives me your bank acount informashon I will give you one of my cows in paiment.
Phishing e-mail 
According to our database, your Two Cows listing on eBay is out of date. Please send us your Two Cows within 24 hours, along with your credit card information and Social Security/Insurance number, or your listing will be deleted.
Phreaking 
If you train your two cows to moo a specific series of tones into a pay phone, you can make calls for free.
Scientology 
You pay Tom Cruise to measure your cows with his e-meter and see if there are two or not.
Amazon.com 
Customers who bought two cows also bought: two sheep, two pigs, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Impossible Creatures triggering 
[ countdown 0 THEN

set number of cows of You to 2 ]

KLF
mu-mu
Cockney
You are a bigamist.
tucows.com
You have us.
LOLCATS
U HAS A KOW. U HAD ANNUDER WON, BUT I EATED IT. KTHXBYE
Portal
The cow is a lie.
Team Fortress 2
Spay Sappin Mah Bovine!
Linux

$ cat /proc/cows/number
2
$

Identi.ca

Two autonomous cows subscribe to each others' feed.

Economist
Let us assume that you have two cows...
Uncyclopedia presents: the You have two cows anthology!

Twocows

1. Analysis
2. Anime
3. Bovine Quotes
4. Cowmedy
5. Emootions
6. Endings
7. Famous Cows
8. Groups

9. This cow does not exist
10. In the Moos
11. Language of Cows
12. Literature
13. Moosical Moovements
14. Moovies
15. Non-Video Games
16. People

17. Politicowl Junk
18. Programming Languages
19. Religion
20. Software 'n Such
21. Sound of Moo-sic
22. Television
23. Travel
24. Video Games

24.3. Video Games Volume 2
25. World and Web of Cows
26. You Have n Cows
27. Science
28. Moodicine
29. Game Consoles
30. Game Genres
31. Capitalism

“In Soviet Russia, two cows have YOU!!”
~ Yakov Smirnoff on You have two cows
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