# You have two cows/26

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This article is part of the You have two cows series.

**English**- You have 2 cows.

**Hinduism**- You have 2 deities.

**Unary**- You have || cows.

**Binary**- You have 10 cows.

**Negabinary**- You have 110 cows.

**Binary from ASCII**- 01011001 01101111 01110101 00100000
- 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101
- 00100000 01110100 01110111 01101111
- 00100000 01100011 01101111 01110111
- 01110011

**Binary from EBCDIC**- 11101000 10010110 10100100 01000000
- 10001000 10000001 10100101 10000101
- 01000000 10100011 10100110 10010110
- 01000000 10000011 10010110 10100110
- 10100010

**1337**- y0u h4v3 +vv0 c0vvz...nubz0rz pWn3D

**1337 2**- J00 HAV 2 C0WZ U L33T SUPA H4X0R

**l337 3 (Max)**- `/[]|_| |-|/-\\/3 7\/\/[] [0\/\/5

**Boolean**- You have TRUE cows.

**Boolean (SQL)**- You have two cows. One of them is true (or null), the other one false (or null).

**Ternary**- You have 0t02 cows.

**Octal**- You have 002 cows.

**Hexadecimal**- You have 0x0002 cows.

**Innumerate**- You have some cows.

**Floating-Point**- You have 1.999999999 cows.

**Integer**- You have 2 cows.

**Greatest Integer**- You have [[1<cows<3]] cows.

**Long**- You have 2L cows.

**Modulo 2**- You have 0 cows.

**32-Bit Wrong Endianness**- You have 33554432 cows.

**64-Bit Long**- You have 2LL cows.

**Scientific notation**- You have 0.002 × 10
^{3}cows.

**Fibonacci**- You have no cows. You have 1 cow. You have 1 cow. You have 2 cows.

**Fibonacci (again)**- You have 3 cows. You have 5 cows. You have 8 cows. You have 13 cows.

**Fregeian Bovine Comprehension Principle**(simplified form)- There exist
*x*and*y*such that*x*falls under the concept*is your cow*and*y*falls under the concept*is your cow*and*x*is not equal to*y*, and for every*z*such that*z*falls under the concept*is your cow*, either*z*must equal*x*or*z*must equal*y*.

**Fregeian Bovine Comprehension Principle**(general form)- There exist
*x*and*y*such that*x*falls under the concept*is your cow*and*y*falls under the concept*is your cow*and*x*is not equal to*y*; and it is not the case that there exist*x*,*y*and*z*such that*x*falls under the concept*is your cow*and*y*falls under the concept*is your cow*and*z*falls under the concept*is your cow*and*x*is not equal to*y*and*x*is not equal to*z*and*y*is not equal to*z*.

**Frege-Russell / New Foundations**

**Set notation**- You have x cows where x є {k|2≤k≤2}

**String**- printf("You have %d cows.\n",2);

**Shift**- YOU HAVE @ COWS>

**British Shift**- YOU HAVE " COWS>

**Church encoding**- You have λf. λx. f (f x) cows.

**Dvorak**- tsf ja.d 2 is,;e

**Reverse Polish notation**- You cows 2 × have.

**Japanese counting**- You have two cattle of cow, or You have 2*1 cows.

**French**- Vous avez deux vaches.

**Greek Numerals**- You have β´ cows.

**Roman Numerals**- You have II cows.

**Roman Numerals (dj Arctic extended remix)**- You have IIIV cows.

**Chinese/Japanese Numerals**- You have 二 cows.

**Hebrew Numerals**- You have 'ב cows.

**Pebbles**- You have .:. cows.

**Intel Pentium 60 - A80501-60**- You have 2.0000000056987983 cows.

**Natural numbers**- You have {{},{{}}} cows.

**Surreal numbers**- You have { 0 , 1 | } cows.

**Quantum physics**- You have < 1 | 1 > cows, but observing them turns them into bulls.

**Integers**- You have [5 - 3] cows.

**Reciprocal**- You have 1/2 a cow.

**Absolute Value**- You have |-2| cows.

**Rational numbers**- You have [4/2] cows.

**Real numbers**- You have [1 + 1/2 + 1/4 + 1/8 + ...] cows.

**Imaginary numbers**- You have cows.

**Trigonometry**- You have csc 30° cows.

**Quadratics**- You have n cows, where n²+n-6=0 and n≥0

**Random numbers**- You have rand(2,2) cows.

**Complex numbers**- You have 2 + 0i cows.

**Complex conjugates**- You have cows.

**Quaternions**- You have 2 + 0i + 0j + 0k cows.

**Surreal numbers**- You have { -1, 0, 1 | } cows.

**Fuzzy**- You have between 0 and 5 of what are probably cows.

**Mathematical Induction**- You have two cows. You prove that, If you have n cows, you have n+1 cows. You now have as many cows as you want. You study Linear Algebra.

**Morse**- You have ..--- cows.

**Pythagorean Theorem**- Given two cows, c²+o²=w²

**In the sound studio**- You have twenty decicows.

**In the marketing department**- Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of two thousand millicows!

**sdrawkcaB**- .swoc 2 evah uoY

**Word Problems**- You have two cows. Cow A started in Boston at 6:30 A.M. and walked to New York at 5 miles per hour. Cow B started at New York at 4:00 A.M. walking to Boston at 2 miles per hour. At which town will the cows meet?

**Word Problems 2**- If eight cows, over period of 10 days, can produce one gallon of milk, how much milk can your two cows produce in a period of 15 days?

**Word Problems Never End**- If it takes one cow 30 minutes to run a mile, how long does it take your two cows to run the same mile?

**Short Term Memory**- You have... um... what was the question again?

**Zen**- You are two cows.

**Lisp**- '(cows (you have) 2)

**Real life**- Fill out forms in triplicate, then see Fact.
**Quantum Mechanics**- You have two cows who have just eaten Schrodinger's cat. What does this say of the nature of reality at the bovine level?

**Quantum Mechanics 2**- You have two cows. One runs away really fast and reaches the speed of light. Einstein kills the other cow, then Stephen Hawking, then himself.

**Quantum Mechanics 3**(Heisenberg Uncertainty Princimoo)- You have two cows. If I told you where they were and how fast they were going then you'd no longer have two cows

**Quantum Mechanics 4**- You have two cows. One of them is an anticow. They touch. Now you have no cows. Or planet.

**Quantum Mechanics 5**- You have one cow in a two-fold coherent superposition, creating an interference pattern with itself. You have a zebra.

**Relativity**- You have two cows. One of them goes faster than light and goes back in time. Now you have three cows. No wait one. Or one per universe. Whatever.

**Schrodinger's Cows**- Your two cows are both dead and alive.

**Jung**- The cows are an archetype in your collective unconscious that may have a direct affect on the subatomic particles of the body. In fact, you just are the cow.

**Differential Cow-culus**- You have 2.

**Differential Cow-culus 2**- You have e
^{2cow}X 2

**Indefinite Integral Cow-culus**- You have cow
^{2}/2 + C.

**Russian Reversal**- In Soviet Russia, two cows have YOU
*!!!*

**Gematria**- "You have two cows" (יש לך שתי פרות) has the numerical value of 1756, which is equivalent to "You will arise and have mercy on Zion" (אתה תקום תרחם ציון).

**Statistics**- An analysis of available data suggests that you have two cows. These results are correct 19 times out of 20, with a ±4% margin of error.

**Lost**- You have 4 8 15 16 23 42 cows. Whatever that means.

**?**- You have ? cows.

**Proudhonian Mutualism**- Property is theft, therefore you should not "have" these two cows at all.

**IM**- u hv 2 bk brgrz.

**MediaWiki**

You have {{{Number}}} {{{Species}}}.

To successfully use this template, copy following code:

{{You_have... | Number = | Species = }}

Where *Number* should be any number, and *Species* should be any species.

Example:

You have two cows.

**BB Code**- You have [cows]2[/cows].

**Text Message**- U hav 2 cows. :)

**Insulting**- U have 1 cow + your mum

**SQL Select Command**- "SELECT bovines, count FROM animals WHERE count = '" & Number.Text & "'"

**SQL Select Command 2**- "SELECT animal, count(*) FROM animals WHERE animal = 'cow' GROUP BY animal"

**Internet**- http://www.tucows.com/

**Hypothetical**- Suppose you have two cows...

**LIE**- You have 3 cows.

**Buddha**- There both is a cow and not a cow at the same time.

**Aristotle**- There either are two cows or there are not two cows. There is no middle ground.

**Tao**- There is no cow.

**Zen**- Moo

**Comedian**- Stop me if you've heard this. Two cows walk into a bar. One says to the other, Moo.

**Iambic Pentameter**- Two cows you have, you surely have two cows.

**Letter Poem**- Cow cow U R,

Cow cow U B,

I C U R cow cow 4 me

**Java**- you.setCows(2);

**Python**- self.has(cows(2))

**Yoda**- 2 cows you have

**Gamer**- All your cow are belong to us

**Uncyclopedia addict**- You have a large field, two cows, a hedge, three sheep, two cows, a tractor, two cows, a garden, a gnome, two cows, and a tractor... with two cows in it. Repetition rocks!

**Unix**- [root@localhost] # cat /dev/cows > /dev/null ; echo $?

0

[root@localhost] #

**eBay**- Looking for 2 cows ? Buy 2 cows here !

**MD5**

bae02f74c37921ccddda87814fc8f6a7

**PHP**

<?php $cows=0; for ($i=0; $i<2; $i++) { $cows++; } echo 'You have '.$cows.' cows.'; ?>

**ASP**

<% Response.Write "You have two cows." %>

**Invalid HTML**

<html><head>You have two cows.</body></head>

**Valid XHTML**

<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?> <!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> <html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en" dir="ltr"> <head> <title></title> <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="application/xhtml+xml; charset=utf-8" /> </head> <body>

You have two cows.

</body> </html>

**Javascript**

alert("You have two cows.");

**ACS**

# include "zcommon.acs"

script 1 (void) { if (CheckInventory("Cow") = 2) Print(s:"You have two cows."); }

**Wikipedia Article**

"**You have two cows**" is the beginning phrase for a series of political joke definitions.

**TI-83**

PROGRAM:TWOCOWS :{1,2}→LCOWS :Disp "YOU HAVE",(2),"COWS." :

**Piglatin**

Ou-yay ave-hay o-tway ows-cay.

**Opposite Day**

I don't have -2 uncows.

**ASM**

ld a,2

ld hl, you_numcows

ld (hl),a

**FORTH**

cow

cow

+

."

**Guy who can't count**

You have the number of cows that comes after the number that's more than none. I think.

**Bored person with a cowculator**- You have 2 cows. You put "+1" in the cowculator and hit =. You have 3 cows. You hit =. You have 4 cows. You hit =. You have 5 cows. You hit =. You have 6 cows...

**Porn site**- Uncensored movies from just $2.99! Guaranteed authentic pair of cows! Just download the TwoCows Media Payment software, disable all virus scanners and firewalls, install it and watch the cows!

**Spam e-mail**- (FROM: Canadian BovineMeds) meds on=lnie! make yuor Two Cwos the VERY BEST IN THE WORLD EVER with V1@gra.

**Nigerian 419 spam**- Hello plese, I am a depozed prince who need to get my two cows out of the contry. If you gives me your bank acount informashon I will give you one of my cows in paiment.

**Phishing e-mail**- According to our database, your Two Cows listing on eBay is out of date. Please send us your Two Cows within 24 hours, along with your credit card information and Social Security/Insurance number, or your listing will be deleted.

**Phreaking**- If you train your two cows to moo a specific series of tones into a pay phone, you can make calls for free.

**Scientology**- You pay Tom Cruise to measure your cows with his e-meter and see if there are two or not.

**Amazon.com**- Customers who bought two cows also bought: two sheep, two pigs, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

**Impossible Creatures triggering**- [ countdown 0 THEN

set number of cows of You to 2 ]

**KLF**- mu-mu

**Cockney**- You are a bigamist.

**tucows.com**- You have us.

**LOLCATS**- U HAS A KOW. U HAD ANNUDER WON, BUT I EATED IT. KTHXBYE

**Portal**- The cow is a lie.

**Team Fortress 2**- Spay Sappin Mah Bovine!

**Linux**

$ cat /proc/cows/number

2

$

**Identi.ca**

Two autonomous cows subscribe to each others' feed.

**Economist**- Let us assume that you have two cows...

Uncyclopedia presents: the You have two cows anthology! | |||||||

1. Analysis |
9. This cow does not exist |
17. Politicowl Junk |
24.3. Video Games Volume 2 | ||||

“Do not try to understand what the two cows are saying. That's impossible. Instead, you must try to realize the truth: there are no cows. Then you will see that it is not the cows that moo, but only yourself.” |