You have two cows/24.3

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

This article is part of the You have two cows series.


S

Saints Row
You have two cows, and they are part of the 3rd Street Saints gang. Whenever one of your cows is killed in a battle, simply bring them back to life with a booze. However, at the end of the game, one of your cows has detonated a bomb in a $1 mil yacht, rendering you almost dead.
Saints Row 2
You have woken up in a prison hospital, and a cow joins you to perform a jailbreak and head back to Stilwater. Your second cow is in court and is getting a death sentence from a judge. Grab yourself a fast car, and rescue the cow in court. ultor now attempts to erradicate you and other cows, and you must head to Ultor HQ and kill Dane Vogel at all costs.
Samurai Shodown
You have two cows. One of them cuts the other in half, spilling blood everywhere. VICTOLY!
Teen Second Life
You find a cow in a giant building of freebies. You go to the sandbox and use a copy of the first cow to create two new cows. You can't figure out how to make them do anything, so you use your magical telekinesis to throw them at someone else, who somehow plays a really loud clip of Naruto yelling something and shoots you with a bunch of wind. Then your computer crashes and you have to reboot. You receive an email that your two cows have been returned to your inventory.
Teen Second Life(2)
You have two cows, luckily they costed less here than in the adult game and your accout and cows will be transfered to the adult game when you turn 18.
Second Life
You build a cow out of less sculptures than any other cow on the grid. You rule! You've done it! You're so proud you place your cow on your land. Someone copies your work and makes a bestiality item out of it. Complaining to LL doesn't help and you end up using the bestiality item to simulate getting fucked up the arse by it. Your second life sucks as much as your first.
Second Life - 2
You have two cows. Then someone hacks them and turns them into a giant penis-storm.
Secret of Mana
You were born from two cows. It turns out one was a sword and the other was a tree. The rest is history.
Serious Sam 
You and your friend(s) enter the game to fight against 2(000) cows. Plus a 100-meter tall boss cow.
Shadow Hearts
You have two cows. One infests your soul and turns you into a demon. The other is actually made of bacon.
Shadow Hearts: Cowvenant
You had two cows, but you lost one in the last game and the other is really your mom.
Shadow Hearts: Cowvenant (2)
You have two gay cows. a fashion designer and a vendor
Shadow Hearts: From the New World
You have two cows. These are two entirely different cows from the previous games. They still manage to royally fuck up history.
Shadow Hearts: From the New World (2)
You have two cows, It's Johnny and Lady
Shadow of the Cowlossus
You have two cows. They are fucking huge and scary as hell, but some guy with a sword kills them both and statues blow up. Then they fill him with black goo until he grows horns and turns him into a baby. His lover comes back to life and goes to the top level that you can't figure out how to get to while within the game. Oh, and the last one shoots missiles. They make the little guy shit himself.
Shadowrun
There is a community of cows somewhere in the Redmond Barrens. Kill them for 10 nuyen each cow, with the maximum that will be paid being 2. (after negotiation you bring the price to 10 nuyen).
Shadow the Hedgehog
"Where are those DAMN two cows?!"
Sheep Tag 
You have two cows, and are fighting four shepherds. The game is easy because all of them quit within five minutes.
Shenmoo
"Excuse me, have you seen two cows around here?" "Pardon me, but have you seen two cows?" "Could you tell me where two cows are?" "I'm looking for two cows."
Shenmoo 2
"Hey, kid. If you've got the time, try arm wrestling. This cow will be your opponent. To enter, pay two cows. If you win, you earn two cows. How's that? You'll do it, right?"
Shin Megami Tensei Nocturne 
You have four cows. Then the world blows up. One cow wants to be left alone, one wants everyone to shut up, one has a god complex, and one destroyed the world. Satan offers you a job if you murder them.
Silent Hill
You have one cow. After her disappearance, you find out she was actually one of two cows. But they merge together and produce a god that you have to kill. You now have one cow again.
Silent Hill (2)
Have you seen a little cow? She's just turned 7 last month. Short, black hair.
Silent Hill 2
You have two cows. You are in love with one of your cows but then she died of that damned disease and sent you a letter from the dead telling you to drive to a town that you used to occasionally visit for no apparent reason. You meet the other cow who looks exactly like the cow that passed away, who prompty dies as well. A few times. After running around and killing a bunch of deformed people with a piece of wood, you realize that you actually killed the first cow, and that the second one only exists in your head. The second cow turns into a bull, and you kill that as well. You kill yourself. You then listen to a terrible stand-up monologue that never ends in hell.
Silent Hill 3
You are two cows.
Silent Hill 3 (2)
You have two cows. Then one day, a crazy cult bitch kills one of your cows, and you go to Silent Hill to take revenge. You cough up a second cow that had been residing in your womb that whole time, who kills the bitch for you. You kill that cow out of anger.
Simcity 
Two cows are grazing on open farmland. They are zoned over in the name of progress.
Simcity 2000
You have too many cows. Remove some to save on maintenance.
Sims 
You have two cows. You build a moat around their pasture so that they can't get out. You then put a diving board on the outside of the pasture and a ladder on the inside so that cows can enter the pasture but not leave. Soon your pasture is full of miserable trapped cows. You find inventive, cruel ways to kill them and torture their calves with their parents' ghosts. You're a monster and you're going straight to Hell.
The Sims
You have two cows. One creates a puddle on the floor.
The Sims (2)
You have two cows. When their heads move, their hair is like a giant chunk of stale bread that moves with them. If your cows are wearing hats, then those hats will never be taken off.
The Sims (3)
Your two cows have no free will. They are waving at you, peeing themselves and shouting at you in a strange language, as though they want something. You don't give them what they want. A thought bubble with a burger in it appears, and your cows curl up and die. A random rectangle appears and shows you this, even though you can already see it happening.
The Sims (4)
You have two cows. One cow pokes the other cow. The other cow cries into its hands. A relationship symbol thing appears above each of the cow's heads, with a red minus symbol alongside each one. You hear a weird noise, kind of like that Woody Wood Pecker laugh. Your two cows are no longer friends.
The Sims Deluxe
You had two cows, but one died of starvation. Your remaining cow can now buy lots more stuff. Your cow doesn't know how to use that flash new oven, and it sets on fire. You cow screams, "FIRE!" You don't understand, because your cow is speaking "simlish".
The Sims Double Deluxe
Your cow gives birth to another cow. This cow screams for three days, until finally a random cow invades your house and steals this screaming cow. Your original cow takes no notice.
The Sims Hot Date
Your cow meets another cow. They talk, hug, compliment, and flirt with each other until smiley faces and hearts appear above their heads. Your cow tells the other cow to get a cab with it. They go to a restaurant and waste money on food that could be cooked at home. The other cow freezes in its seat. Your cow leaves, because it has had it with the other cow's behaviour.
The Sims Collection
Your cows can now cast spells and have pet cats, amongst other things, if they survive the angry mob of Sims Fans who have spent over £200 on all the expansion packs. The introduction video doesn't play when opening the game anymore.
The Sims 2
All your cows' privileges have been taken away. On the plus side, your cows have evolved into next-gen-hi-res-un-blocky-pixel cows! They can now grow old and die! Your evil child cow changes into a moody teenage cow which spends all its time trying unsucessfully to talk to strangers through a teddy bear. It also likes to turn on the radio and dance to salsa music. Your original cow cooks lots of salmon and pukes.
The Sims 2 University
Your moody teenage cow can now go to university, where it can spend a few months completing the course of its choice (although it can choose this in the last four days). Meanwhile, your original cow is frozen in time.
The Sims 2 Nightlife
Your cows can now become vampire cows and sleep in big coffin barns. They can also visit clubs where all the other cows are mysteriously gay.
The Sims 2 Open for Business
Your cows can finally charge for holding raves in their barn. They can also blow themselves up trying to create robots. Your old cow dies and the grim milker comes for it, wearing a flowery necklace with some Hawaiian dancing cows, who stay for a drink.
The Sims 2 Pets
Your remaining cow can now own a cat, dog, cockatoo and a genetically-engineered hamster. Your cow gets fat.
The Sims 2 Seasons
Your cow gives birth! Well how about that. You now have an impossibly cute baby cow. You can also grow things... just like you could previously. However, this time it is DIFFERENT because there is something called FALL, where the ground miraculously turns orange. There may or may not be snow.
The Sims 2 Fan Sites
You have two cows. Someone incessantly requests that you make Sims props out of them. So you decide to give it a try. But before you can submit them for approval for upload, you have to prove to the owners of the fansite that your cows have a low polygon count, that you really do know how to create meshes in MilkShape, that there's no possible way you stole the cows from some other fan site. You also have to make sure that your textures render realistically enough in the mind's eye of the reviewing moderator, that your cows don't break animations, that your cow's GUIDS don't conflict with anything, that you give the cows a descriptive name, and that nothing on the cows exists which might possibly belong on an adults-only fan site. You also have to make sure that your cows are compatible with as many expansion packs as possible, and list which ones they are compatible with. You must then wait two days or more, only to learn that one of your cows has eyes that don't look right and they both have to be rejected. You then fix your cows and upload them again, this time explaining that your cows in real life have eyes that color and that the funny color was intentional, and then wait three days for approval, only to have half the site's members flame your "lame emo cow crap" and the other rejoice that you "roks our soks wit dis loloz!" You then have someone else incorrectly list your cows as belonging to another fan site on a Sims 2 fan's wiki, to a fan site that no longer is in business. You fix the mistake, and then get bored with cows and create an evil clown.
The Sims 2 Fan Sites (2)
You have two cows. You decide to upload them to a Sims fan site other than the "evil Exchange" or the "evil" Resource. You give credits in full to the artist who provided you with the meshes you needed to paint your decorative cow statues. You wait four days to get a rejection letter saying that the mesh artist wasn't credited. You're also told that your two cows are based on celebrity cows when they aren't and when you've even stated that they're not. You're told to just suck it up and not question the wisdom of the system. You turn around, and get your own webspace to distribute the cows.
The Sims 3
Soon your cows will evolve even further: into higher-speed, noner-blocky, higher-resolution cows. This is the theory, however the truth is that your computer is too dumb-ass slow to be able to cope with the cows. In fact, all computers will be unable to cope with the cows. Cow-controlling enthusiasts will buy new computer to play, but find that they are unable to. The world will come to a standstill. And so this shall be the end. But don't worry, because we'll have endless personality possibilities, furniture customization, and much, much more! Yaaay! To put it simply your cows are moving too damn slow.
Sin and Punishment
You have two cows, they must shoot down EVERYTHING in sight, also one of them turns into a huge, mutant cow. You find this awesome and way too Japanese.
Siren
You have like, six cows. You wonder why they are british.
Soldier of Fortune
You have two cows. You shoot them in the face, with gruesomely realistic results.
Spore
You have two cows. No milker is needed to decide how the cows will be milked, the milk determines procedurally how it will come out based on a complex algorithem.
Spore (2)
You have 3 cows, one of them is Sad beacause the other one said that the realease date has been lengthened, 3rd one reckons its going to be released arpil 2008, All the blades of grass suddenly Go on fire and kill everything
Spore (3)
You have 1 cow, it is 2d and 1 riduculosly small but it some how survives and becomes a slug like cow, which eats 10 blades of grass and gets 2 long legs at the back and 2 decent ones at the front and a mouth with 3 tentacles, you then some how find 9 other cows wicth look exactly the same, you then call for 1 female cow and rape it in the open, then 3 farmers come and try to take the eggs, but your fellow cows kill them, the eggs hacth and you decide that you cows now jump like frogs and
Star Ocean III: Till The End of Time 
You have two cows--One is unnervingly corny, and the other is an annoying bitch.
Startopia 
The galactic trading federation reports that two cows are in great demand.
Startopia (2) 
Two cows have docked and come aboard.
Star Wars 
May the two cows be with you.


Star Wars: Empire At War
Two cows coming up on our perimeter!
Star Wars: The Force Unleashed
You have two cows. You zap them with Force Lightning, send them hurtling across the room with the force of a typhoon, and drop a TIE Fighter on them for good measure.
Star Wars Galaxies 
You have two cows. One milks himself for a year to get his jedi, the other one sits on his ass and does nothing but complain that he can't get a lightsaber. The developers decide to give him a lightsaber, anyway.
Star Wars KOTOR 
You have two cows. They turn to the dark side. One cow gets amnesia, becomes a Jedi cow and kills the second cow, then flies away to goodness-knows-where. You now have no cows.
Star Wars KOTOR (2) 
You have two cows and an assassin/protocol droid. The assassin droid kills the cows because of the constant sloshing in their meatbag udders.
Star Wars: Jedi Knight: Jedi Academy
Two cows are talking. A third cow lames one of them. The cow is banned


Star Wars: Jedi Knight: Jedi Outcast
One cow saves the Academy and maintains his love for his other female assistent, JanCow.
Star Wars: The Phantom Menace
You have two cows. You switch levels between each cow, and one blows itself up with a thermal detenator.
Street Fighter 
You have two cows. Apart from their hair and outfit colors, they are more or less identical. D, DF, F + Any hoof. HAMOOUKEN!
Super Street Fighter 2 turbo
You have two cows. MOOWAH MOOWAH MOOWAH! Perfect!
Stronghold
Our cows are struck down by a strange malady, my lord!
Stuntman
Drive through barn! Make sharp turn around the two cows!
Stuntman: Ignition
Jump over two cows, now with better graphics!
Sudden Attack
You have two cows who are fighting each other to the death with handguns, rifles, grenades, and oddly-shaped knives. "Fire in the hole!"
Suikoden
You have 108 cows. You don't need 108 cows, but you have all of them because that is the only way to revive your dead bodyguard. They build a castle.
Summon Night: Swordcraft Story
You have two cows. You make a sword out of them.


Super 3D Noah's Ark
You have a bunch of goats in your ark that you have to slingshot for some reason.
Super 3D Noah's Ark (2)
You have a wolf. You change it so that it becomes a cow that is supposed to be biblical but it actually contradicts everything that its story says.
Super Mario Bros. 
You have two cows. One of them comes out of a brick, makes you get bigger and shoot fireballs out of your mouth. The other one is in another house.
Super Mario Bros. (2)
You have two cows, one is on a bridge, shooting fireballs at you, the other cow is on the other side of the bridge, doing nothing. You jump over the first cow and touch the second one. the bridge disappears and the first one falls into the lava. How does that work?
Super Mario Bros. (3)
Your two cows are in another castle.
Super Mario Bros. 2 
You have four cows now, but only two of them are useful. One of which is the cow you rescued from the first game. They can now stand on top of other cows and pick them up/toss them, but it is useless since all the cows involved suck. Your cows can level up, but if they ever get a game over, all their levels decrease. Also, the cows freeze up randomly during the last level.
Super Mario Bros. 3 
Your cows are now much bigger and funner, with 8 world maps to explore. Your cows can also now turn into raccoons, frogs, and bears. All these powers are useless though, since you can skip 7/8 of these world maps and finish the game in 15 minutes if you are leet.
Super Mario Galaxy 
You have two cows. They can breathe in space for some reason.
Super Mario Land 2
You'll encounter tons of cows that swim!!!
Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Cows 
You have 5 cows, but you can only use 3 at a time, one of which is forced upon you, so you have two cows that never really get used.
Super Paper Mario 
You have four cows: the two original cows, accompanied by Princess Milk and the Evil King Moo. You team up to retrieve the Seven Cow Hearts in order to stop Cownt Bleck, who is being betrayed by a small, evil cow, who repeatedly kills the cow heroes before turning into an enormous Clown, powered by the deadly Cowas Heart, which caused the Void to appear in Milkside and Malkside. In the end, Cownt Bleck ends up marrying a Butterfly. All is well. Moo.
Super Paper Mario (2) 
You have one cow. It is not in 3D like the two other versions of it, but it can FLIP into 3D.
Super Robot Wars 
You have two cartoony, super-deformed cows. When you tell them to attack enemy cows, they go into a close-up view and shoot lasers. Also, all the cows are borrowed from neighbouring ranches.
Super Robot Wars Alpha 2 
You have two cows. You can combine them into a squad so they show up on the map as one cow. The most interesting cow is famous because her udders don't bounce.
Super Robot Wars OG 
You now have enough cows that you don't need to borrow them from neighbouring ranches anymore. You can also switch their horns and udders around. The fans accuse two of the bulls of being gay because one of them occasionally rides on the other.
Super Smash Bros.
You have two cows, they team up against Kirby and Yoshi. the first one kills its self by accidentally walking into a Bob-Omb, the other gets killed by an endless barage of Kirby's über-cheap stone move.
Super Smash Bros. Melee
Choose between 2 cows and get ready for an All-Cow bash!
Super Smash Bros. Melee (2)
You have two cows. They repeatedly thrash each other for no apparent reason until a giant white-gloved hand appears out of nowhere and deals with both of them swiftly and ruthlessly. You now have no cows.
Super Smash Bros. Melee (3)
You have two cows. One of them is a fucking cheater and used the homerun bat the WHOLE TIME. Now you have one cow.
Super Smash Bros. Melee (4)
No items. Cows only. Final Destination.


Super Smash Bros Brawl
Ok, so the main point of the game is to get a cow and beat the other up until they are knocked out of the screen and this big blue thing comes from the side.... and you start of with like 5 cows but then you just get more and more....
Super Smash Bros. Brawl 2
I fight for my two cows.
Super Smash Bros. Brawl 3
Personally, I prefer the pasture.
Super Smash Bros. in general
Warning: Two cows approaching
Super Smash Bros. in general 2
You have two... *FALCON PAUNCH!* You have one cow.
Super Smash Bros. in general 3
You have no cows. You press the start button and steal one of your partner's two cows. Your partner is then Falcon Punched and loses his last cow.
Smash Bros. in general 4
You have two cows. Time to milk-WHAT'S THIS?!

NO MACHINE NO PASTEURIZATION HANDS ONLY FINAL DESTINATION.

Supreme Commander
You have two cows. Your opponent has 50 cows. Your Supreme Bovine Commander was crushed under the hoof of a 50 story arthropod.

T

Tales of Eternia 
You have two cows, one is going to crash into the other and obliterate all life.
Tales of Legendia 
You have two cows. One is currently being held on a ship in semi-suspended animation and the other is allergic to seawater and gets kidnapped a lot. You land on the ship with your cow only to have her kidnapped by the evil farmer. You gather allies to save the two cows from being sent to the slaughterhouse and have their mad-cow powers misused to kill people by a rival farmer. Rival farmer dies, you can't save one cow but the other is taken by another friendly farmer who helped you. Then you are betrayed and have to fight for your lone cow back.
Tales of Legendia (2) 
You have two cowes.
Tales of Phantasia
You have two cows. They are cloned and released on the Playstation but only in the same country, then cloned to the Game Boy Advance and not sent out of the country until recently. Then some idiot clones them again, but gives them voices.
Tales of Phantasia (2)
You have two cows. An evil time travelling sorcerer from another world steals them to save his planet. You must go back in time to get your milk.
Tales of Symphonia 
There was one cow, but it gnawed on itself and wasted an abhorrent amount of mana, killing the giant tree that created mana. A hero rises, and splits the cow into two. You now are on a journey to make the two cows into one cow again, you communist dog. And one of the cows gets kidnapped at least twice every five minutes.
Tales of Symphonia (2) 
You have two cows. One of the cows betrays the other one for Cruxis and then betrays Cruxis for the other cow.
Tales of Symphonia (3) 
No cow should be born for the sole purpose of milking.
Tales of Symphonia (4) 
You have two cows. They use the same joke about being sorry OVER AND OVER AGAIN. It wasn't funny the first time, and it doesn't get any funnier the fifty-first time.
Tales of Symphonia (5) 
"Don't start acting like your two cows are absolute!" "Where do you get off? DON'T EVEN START SPRAYING TWO COWS! I HATE THOSE COWS!"
Tales of Symphonia (6) 
You have nine cows. The first cow gets pissed off at every little thing. The second cow trips a lot. The third cow is has an annoying, shrill, high pitched voice. The fourth cow acts superior to the first cow and becomes a bad guy, and suddenly starts wearing a fancy costume that none of the other cows seem to notice. The fifth cow can't cook worth a shit. The sixth cow apparently wants everyone to see its bra. The seventh cow is an annoying metrosexual version of the fourth cow. The eighth cow follows the RPG tradition of having at least one female cow that's stronger than all the male cows, except this one is more of a calf than a cow. The ninth cow wears metal on his feet to fight even though he's stronger than every other character and can use Dragonball Z moves with his hands.
Tales of Rebirth 
You have two cows. One of them is a queen and the other is just a girl. They switch bodies.
Tales of the Abyss 
You have two cows. The one you've been milking all this time is actually a replica of the first.
Tales of the Abyss (2) 
You have two cows. You only milk them when the Score tells you to.
Tales of the Abyss (3) 
You have two cows, both are wearing glasses. One of them is wearing an obnoxiously flamboyant flower collar, and the other has a pacman belt. The second then cow Mystic Cages the first.
Tales of the Abyss (4) 
You have two cows. The Score says your cows will die in two months. You decide to abandon the Score and make a new replica world where cows can be free. The Score says you suck and you are killed by the replica of your perverted child interest and your sister.
Tales of the Abyss (5)
You have two cows. You think their names are Cow and Bov. However, due to a past hidden by politics and angst, their names are actually Cowlardia Cowlan Cowdrios and Bovinistearia Cowlish Moopants (the Third). One cow is the other cow's mother, who was really a replica of the Original Curd.


Tales of the Abyss (6)
You have two cows. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. IT'S NOT.
Tales of Vesperia
You have two cows, who you milk using Blastia until Yuri's party turns it into a spirit. Damn, now you have to do it by hand.
Tales of Vesperia (2)
You have two cows, but you just now realized that one is actually an Entelexia.
TDZK 
You have two cows. You spend all day complaining that there are not enougth cows to hunt. FURY kill your cows.
TDZK (2) 
You have two cows. You spend all day complaining that there are not enougth cows to hunt. FURY attack the farm you left them in, eject your cows into outer space, and kill them. Every other farmer is too busy playing EVE to notice.
Team Fortress 2 
You have two cows. Red and Blu, they are fighting, but no one is really sure over what. Both cows are identical in their parts, but every part serves a purpose. And the cows look like they're from a pixar movie.
Tekken 
You have two cows that bear a striking resemblance to Virtua Fighter.
Tekken Tag Tournament 
You have a buttload of cows. Even the ones that you thought were dead already.
Tekken Tag Tournament 
You have two cows. They can do tag combos when they fight, even though they're actually 2 games apart from each other.
Temco Bowl 
TWO COWS THURMAN THOMAS
Tecmo Bowl 2 
You have two cows. Bo Jackson rushes for another 99 yard touchdown.
Tecmo Cup Soccer Game 
You have many cows, and they play soccer.
Terranigma 
On this day, two cows were revived.
Test Drive Unlimited
You have two cows. You can trade one of these cows for a new 2008 Supercharged Cow V8 Convertible Limited Edition. You can ride your cow around a big field in Hawaii and race every cow you encounter. You can also buy a bigger barn and buy new, better cows. However, you're pissed off since you are on the PC Field with just 90 cows, while on the Xbox 360 Field new breeds of cows are appearing every month. Atari, the old farmer you bought the cows from, promises you to release new cows on the PC Field, but he never does it. He sells both his fields and all the cows to his old friend, Infogrames, and then dies.
Tetris 
You have two L-shaped cows, but you really need two |-shaped cows.
Tetris DS 
You have three Japanese cows, and one American cow. The Japanese cows team up on the American cow.
Tetris: The Grand Master 
You have two cows. They fall to the bottom of the shaft at light speed.
Thief 
You activate your mechanical eye. You see two cows and a patrolling guard. You hide in a dark corner until the guard passes, and then blackjack him from behind. After you hide his body, you steal the two cows and sneak away.
Thief (2) 
You have fifty seven broadhead arrows, forty one water arrows, thirteen moss arrows, seven rope arrows, six noisemaker arrows, five fire arrows, two gas arrows, eleven flashbombs, two vials of holy water, nine explosive mines, two gas mines, seventeen keys, two lockpicks, eleven goblets, three plates, four bracelets, two rings, ninety copper coins, a hundred seventeen silver coins, eighty four gold coins, eight gold candlesticks, five carrots, four cucumbers, four loaves of bread, two apples, a rosary, three smelting molds, two silver gears, three bronze gears, five parchments, two scrolls, three books, a seven page long map, and two cows. They still can't hear you sneak up on them.
Thief: The Dark Project 
Bow to the Woodsie Lord! Offer up your two flesh cows so that his two cows of stone can be milked!
Thief: The Metal Age 
The Master Builder looked on the two cows and he saw, the two cows were good. And clean. Nay not a wisp of a violent cook did spoil his view.
Thief: Deadly Shadows 
You prefer the first two cows. The fan community decides Doom 3 would make a better Thief game.
Thrill Kill 
You have two cows. Two others have already been slaughtered, now only one can win.
Tibia 
You have two cows. You missclick and gets hunted by a very high leveled cow. You yell "hunted" and damm.... the high levled cow kills you again. What an awesome game.
Tibia(1) 
You have no cows. In tibia there are sheep, rats ,penguin, frogmen etc but no cows. Yet you can buy milk! weird.
Time Crisis
You have two red cows. You let go of the pedal but their bullets still hit you.
Time Crisis 3
You have two cows. They are sent to fight off an entire nation's military and can easily carry 4 guns each and switch between them instantly.
TimeShift
You have two cows. They build a time machine and leave you to die in an explosion. One turns evil and the other must stop him.
Timesplitters
You have two cows but only control one. They go through random levels with zombies and killer robots. The cow you don't control dies. You lose both cows.
Tomb Raider
You have two "cows."
Tomb Raider (2)
You have two polygonal cows. They shoot some wolves and bears, then collect bits of the Scion.
Tomb Raider (3)
You have two cows. You enter one into the Mansion Level. You take it to the landing, and dive onto the floor of the hallway. The cow breaks it's neck. You feel fulfilled.
Tomb Raider 2
You have two cows. They destroy an opera house and maliciously kill anything and everything that moves. Then they fight a dragon.
Tomb Raider 3
You have two cows. They travel the world, discover a spaceship that is some 5 times bigger on the inside than on the outside, kill lots of monkeys and the end boss is really, really hard.
Tomb Raider: The Last Revelation
You have two cows. They run around Egypt and fall down a pit. ARE THEY DEAD?
Tomb Raider Chronicles
Your two cows fell down a pit in Egypt, and are presumed dead. Their friends reminisce on their adventures.
Tomb Raider: Angel of Darkness
Your two cows are ALIVE! You are driven to tears by the awful controls and glitches. You shoot the cows in the head and buy another game.
Tomb Raider: Legend
You have two cows, with really big udders and better graphics than before, but they're not the same as the cows you used to have.

'Tomb Raider: Anniversary: You have the same two cows you had in the begining, but with better graphics.

Total Annihilation
You have several hundred cows. One cow gets picked from the ground and murder-suicided over sea by an enemy transport aircraft. The other cows have learnt to meow when prompted by Karganeth.
Touhou
Cow Sign "Wagyu Doll"
Touhou (2)
You have two cows. They graze.
Touhou (3)

U.N. Owen Milked Her?! OR Bovine Insanity

Trauma Center 
You have two cows. They crash into each other and start having sex. You milk them and they lose their color.
Trauma Center (2)
You have two cows. They walk around the patient's heart and then dig in. The Agricultural Board will be notified. Cowperation Failed.
Cows strive toward death....Only an ass would deny that.
Trauma Center (3)
You have two cows. One has minature stingrays inside its udders. The other can slow down and stop time, but it makes milk come out of his eyes.
Trauma Team
You have five cows. One sounds like an inn owner and is steeped in pure fanservice. One wants you to WITNESS THE MIGHT OF THE ALUCARD SPEAR. One looks like Sulley from Monsters Inc. One gives you a sense of Deja vu and the other is a motherfucking emo
Trauma Team (2)
You have a cow and trippy super-AIDS. Unfortunately you don't have the "Milking Touch" that was in the last four games.
Trainz Railroad Simulator
You just hit two cows. The cows are fine, but your high-speed express train was derailed in a spectacular fashion.
Two Crude Dudes
You have two cows beating on soda machines to power up.

U

Ultima: Exodus 
You have two cows. One accidentally steps onto a force field barrier and is henceforth dead. This cow cannot be revived, because resurrection failed and the patient turned into ashes. However, it can still gain stats, carry weapons, and catch a cold. The remaining cow has 2550 hit points, 9999 food, and 2 frames of movement. This cow loses 1250 hp per turn from the swarm of 25 gargoyles in one enemy party. The cow must spin in circles to regain its magic, and spends its nights in a succession of 43 separate tents on the bottom level of a dungeon after every single battle.
Ultima: Quest of the Avatar 
You have two cows. One, however, will never join your party because it has the same character sprite as you do. The remaining cow becomes a hippie, collecting strange herbs and babbling about spirituality.
Ultima Online 
You have two cows. You kill both for the leather and wait in Delucia until two more spawn.
Unreal Tournament (the series in general) 
You killed two cows. DOUBLE KILL!
Unreal Tournament 3 
You have two cows. Spawn, run around looking for the cows, get shot by the cows, spawn, repeat.
Urban Dead 
Your two cows run out of AP on the street and are killed by zombies, then become zombies themselves. They go to a revive point (which takes longer than it should because they don't have Lurching Gait) and wait for someone with a syringe to show up.

V

Valkyria Chronicles 
You have two cows. Unfortunately, they do not have enough action points to get to the barn and dodge the incoming tank shells.
Valkyria Chronicles (1)
Welkin: Gotta love cows.
Valkyria Chronicles (2)
Sketchy Old Man: I'll teach you the cow support today.
Valkyria Chronicles (3)
You have two cows. One explodes and blows up the farm. You get laid with the other cow.
Valkyrie Profile
You have two cows, but in order to get the special ending you have to unlock this sidequest, recruit lucien, reduce your seal rating, send Lucien up in chapter 6, get this cutscene, keep your seal rating low, then go to weeping lily meadow in chapter 8 and from there watch all the scenes and beat the bosses and you got the "A" ending. (...how on earth was anyone supposed to figure this out on their own?)
Viewtiful Joe 
You have two cows. They have superpowers entirely dependent on the fact that they're part of this joke.
Vietcong 
You have two cows. One is your Vietnamese cow point-cow. You follow him for several hours followed by your incompetent radio-cow. You are all shot by apparently invisible communists. You punch the monitor.
Virtua Fighter 
You have two cows, but now nobody plays them any more because Tekken is just so much better.
VVVVVV 
You have two cows, named Virilian and Veracruz. They are lost in Dimension VVVVVV, where gravity is schizophrenic and red spikes are FUCKING EVERYWHERE! Virilian is able to exploit this to survive, while Veracruz keeps getting spikes jammed in her udder. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Unfortunately, both cows have to stay together, which means Virilian is fucked when he breaks the Bipolar Dimension.

W

Wangan Midnight Maximum Tune 2 
You have two 800-horsepower cows. They crash on the last corner of the last stage and lose, causing your cows to become shaded. Then Namco releases a "Ver.B" patch and you get pissed off because now you just need to drive 5,000 kilometers to get 815-horsepower cows.
Wangan Midnight Maximum Tune 3 
You have two unshaded cows. You transfer them to WMMT3. They get racing cowbells and a bonus soundtrack that nobody gives a shit about. You also become an "Undefeated Farm Dominator."
Wangan Midnight Maximum Tune 3 (2) 
Your two cows are on the left up the stairs.
Warcraft 
You have two cows. They can't do jack against the horde of Orcs coming to destroy humanity. Just like you. You all get eaten for dinner.
Warcraft 2 
You and your neighbor both have two cows. They are exactly the same, but in order to beat the milk production of your neighbor, you are forced to purchase more cows and squeeze the most possible milk out of them. This process continues until you run out of cows.
Warcraft III 
You have two Tauren.
Warcraft III 
You have two critter cows. You spam left click on one of them. *BOOM* You have one critter cow.
Warcraft III - Frozen Throne 
Arthas has two obelisks, Illidan has two obelisks, the Lich King has the Scourge and you have two cows.
Warhammer 40k: Dawn of War
Space Marines : You have two genetically enhanced superbulls.
Orks : You have two cows. They build a sign that says "MOOOOOOOO!" You now have seventy cows.
Eldar : You have two cows. They can't fight for shit, so you build a webway. Your two cows are now invisible.
Chaos : You have two cows. You must sacrifice one to gain the blessings of the gods. You lead it to the slaughterhouse. It returns as an all-powerful daemon and glares at you angrily. Your head asplode.
Imperial Guard : You have two cows. You slaughter one of them, doubling the amount of milk the other one produces. You now have one cow.
Tau : You have two technologically superior cows. They own all other cows until they enter close-combat. You call in your goats.
Necrons : You have two undead robo-cows. They are horribly mangled constantly and your opponent laughs. You have your farmer use his rez orb and break the pop cap. You now have 500 cows.
Dark Eldar : You have two cows. They cannibalize the souls of other cows. Your enemies stare at your cows in fear.
Sisters of Battle : You have two genetically enhanced super-cow-nuns.
War Rock
You pay 3900 cuds for a 20-day lease of a mIlk-32. You join a game only to realize that all the people who actually paid for the game got way better guns.
Warhawk
You have two cows, but on a separate team. One cow is the "Chernovan" team, the other cow is the "Eucadian". Only one cow shall emerge victorious in an all out war.
Whiplash 
Cut loose, and set the two cows free!
WarioWare Inc. 
You have two cows. Milk! You hit A rapidly to milk them.
WarioWare Inc. Mega Party Game$ 
You have two multiplayer cows.
WarioWare Twisted! 
You have two cows. Milk! You violently twist your GBA back and forth to milk them.
WarioWare Touched! 
You have two cows. Milk! You violently scribble on the touchscreen to milk them.
WarioWare Touched! (2) 
You have one cow. You touch it, and play a bunch of very vaguely explained microgames. You get another cow. Repeat until you get a yellow bear instead of a cow.
WarioWare Smooth MOOves
You have two cows. Milk! Both look like idiots trying to figure out how to work the controls. You laugh and watch as they then violently move around like a total spaz to milk them.
WarioWare Smooth MOOves (2) 
The Milkmaid. You have two cows. Milk! You violently pull down on the Nunchuck and Wiimote to milk them.
Warning Forever 
You have two cows. One of them is small and flies around the second cow shooting at it, while the second cow repeatedly dies and upgrades to get more hooves and udders until the first cow dies in fear of the Hexa-Poded Tornado Siren Cow Gonzales.
Whacked!
I have a Milk Cow a Meat Cow a Show Cow a Brown Cow a White Cow a Black Cow a Red Cow a Baby Cow an Old Cow an Evil Cow a Good Cow... Oooooo! Are YOOOOOUUU a cow?
Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?
Argentina, the South American country long famous for its ranching industry, has zero cows. An unidentified individual in a trenchcoat somehow managed to singlehandedly pilfer Argentina's entire stock of livestock for no apparent reason! The Docent at the Buenos Aires Library heard something about "a place where cows are sacred and the Western numerals like "2" got their start".....
Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? (2)
Cowmania, a small island off the coast of Australia, has an 800,000 meter statue of The Two Cows, the island's legendary founders. Baddy McThief stole them with a nap-sack.
White Day: A Labyrinth Named School
You have two classmates that are cows, but they are trapped in a haunted high school created by a progressively bad Fengshui. Your job is to rescue them from horrible paranormal activities.
Wild Arms
You have two cows, but they are spending all their time getting shot up into space, bouncing off a random satellite, and warping through deep space. Because of relativity, you have no cows.
Wild Arms (the whole series)
You have two cows. Or three. Or five. After milking them for several hours, you think you're done, but that's never true, is it? Then you run around shooting floating red balloon things. Trust me, they won't go away.
Wing Commander XIV
Mark Hamill and "Biff" fly the Cow-V Fighter into the Kilrathi Space Cannon and blow it up.
WipEout
You have two ships that resemblas as cows. Choose wisely though, as you'll race up against 9 different ships that are ready to blow your competition.
WipEout HD
You have two cows that are made out of racing ships, but must select one of them to race in a track with "Zone" mode. You may not make it, though, as these strange colors in the environment will give you a massive Zone 75 seizure.
The World Ends With You
You have two cows. Fail and face erasure.
The World Ends With You (2)
You have two cows, and they appear on both screens of the DS.
The World Ends With You (3)
you have two cows but since you milk them by hand you go SO ZETTA SLOW.
The World Ends With You (4)
Cows are garbage! CRUNCH! I'll add them to the heap!
World Heroes
"You came at a good time. Use the time machine to go all over the world where the strong cows are. I'm praying for a healthy battle."
World in Conflict
You have 2 cows, You drop a nuke on one to stop the Russians from milking it. The other then gets sniped while trying to take back the farm in Seattle.

[1. The Barrens] [Sefirof]: Chuck Norris jokes are ghey.

[1. The Barrens] [Siefer]: Bruce Lee > Chuck Norris

[1. The Barrens] [Fujin]: NOTICE: Chuck Norris jokes are SO old, Thomas Jefferson heard one from Benjamin Franklin while he was writing the declaration of Independence and said "OMG Ben those are SO old!"

[1. The Barrens] [Random]: Chuck Norris does not approve of that horrible Anti-Chuck Norris joke!

[1. The Barrens] [Ryejin]: OMG That joke has ruined all anti-chuck norris jokes now and forefer!

[1. The Barrens] [Renotheturk]: FACT: Chuck Norris got his ass whooped by Jackie Chan!

[1. The Barrens] [Sefirof]: FACT: Jackie Chan is Gay.

[1. The Barrens] [Siefer]: Bruce Lee > Jackie Chan > Chuck Norris

[1. The Barrens] [Ffantasysux]: WARNING: ALL OF THOSE WHO HAVE BUTCHERED THE NAMES OF OUR FAVOURITE FINAL FANTASY CHARACTERS HAVE BEEN REPORTED AND WILL BE GANKED FOR DEFILING SACRED CONTENT WITH STUPID RENAMING CRAP!

[1. The Barrens] [Lyndis]: Final Fantasy Fanbois just got PWNT!

[1. The Barrens] [Nazras]: O RLY?

[1. The Barrens] [Lyndis]: YA RLY!

[1. The Barrens] [Nazras]: NO WAI!

[1. The Barrens] [Ilovecheese]: REPORTED!

[1. The Barrens] [Siefer]: REPORTED!

[1. The Barrens] [Ryejin]: REPORTED!

[1. The Barrens] [Raigin]: REPORTED!

[1. The Barrens] [Renotheturk]: It's okay lern2play.

[1. The Barrens] [Tyemyshoe]: Holy crap, all this started just from a simple "You have Two Cows" Joke?

[1. The Barrens] [Gnomepunter]: That's why you leave /1 whenever you enter.

[4. LocalDefense] [Sefirof]: They left General Chat! Quick! Spam up Local Defense!!

[1. The Barrens] [Winnerall]: Damn my cows are soo n00bish!

[1. The Barrens] [staburneck]: WHERE'S MANKRIK'S WIFE?!?!

World of Warcraft 
<Trade - Orgrimmar>Bigbeef: WTS [Two Cows], 20g. /w me
<Trade - Orgrimmar>Arkarian: lol, n00b, [Two Cows] is quest item, so soulbound, rofl.
<Guild>Arkarian: lol, some guy tried to sell [Two Cows]
<Guild>Somedutchguy: hahaha, what a n00b.
<Trade - Orgrimmar>Bigbeef: WTS [Two Cows], 20g. /w me.
World of Warcraft (2)
That's -50 two cows!
World of Warcraft (3)

[1. The Barrens] [Random]: Chuck Norris's two cows cure cancer, too bad he never milks them.

World of Warcraft (4) 
You have two Tauren. They are both Level 80. For the Horde!!!
World of Warcraft (5) 
You had two cows, but the last patch nerfed them so badly you now use a goat.
World of Warcraft (6) 
You have two cows. You can't use them yet because they have to go to surgery for seven hours because their spots are too round. Once it is done, you name your cows TeatMagic and Milk247. When you finally go milk them, they have a heart attack. After they get better, you find out they have to do another surgery for ten hours because their spots have become too square. Once it it done, you go milk them again, but another farmer tells you that your cows' names are taken and he doesn't let you milk them again. And you continue paying $15 a month to the place where the cows where born.
World of Warcraft (7) 
You have two cows. You accidentally right-click one of them. You now only have one cow
World of Warcraft (8) 

You had two cows and you are trying to sell them in orgrimmar trade chat. Some ass tells you that everyone has AT LEAST 10 cows and anyone that doesn't is a n00b. You whisper that asshole back and start a flame-war that engulfs both your guild and his. The Alliance takes the opportunity to strike while the two guilds are hating each other and the Horde loses all the towers in HellFire Peninsula. You and the asshole make up your differences only to find a ninja has stolen your cows. Now you have none and are an UBER n00b.

World of Warcraft (9) 

You have two cows. One of them has the Sword of a Thousand Truths, whilst the other has 48 woodcutting.

World of Warcraft: The Burning Crusade 
You have two cows and a barn that can hold 40. But now you have to cut 15 cows because now you can only fit 25 into your barn.
World of Warcraft: The Burning Crusade (2) 
You had two cows, but now all the casuals get them so it don't matter what you had before. WHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
Worms 
You have two cows. You also have three shepp, four shotguns, an airstrike and some enemy worms. You choose to use the a cow. You forgot to aim and theyrun into water and die. You lose.
Worms (2) 
You have 2 cows. The water rises and your fully healthy cow drowns.
Worms Armageddon 
You have two cows. You send them running towards the enemy, and they explode on contact with hilarious results.
Worms 4: Mayhem 
You have three mad cows that are wearing parachutes. You drop them out of a helicopter. They explode upon impact.
Any Wrestling Game 
You have two cows that are fighting each other. One has mastered the art of fighting, the other has no idea what to do and just kicks the first one repeatedly while the first cow laughs in its face and then proceeds to demolish the second one.

X

X3: The Reunion 
You have two space cows and begin to build your interstellar empire, when the Star Force copy protection causes your computer to burst into flames.
Xenogears 
You have two cows, the second cow sucks.
Xenogears (2)
You have two cows, one known as Cow-Id and the other known as Cow-ard. They're both dominated by a third cow, which is in turn dominated by a fourth cow. They're all one cow.
Xenosaga Episode I 
You have two cows. One is a ditzy scientist with a lesbian relationship with her robot, the other is a four-year-old with desert eagles. Everyone except them remembers what happened fourteen years ago.
Xenosaga Episode II 
You had two cows, but they were sent into one of two black holes by a mad scientists. Better hack the U.M.N. if you want them back!
Xenosaga Episode III 
There was one cow, but now a newer and more efficient cow was made and kills it. But thanks to Jesus and other party members, you revive that cow, which Mary Magdalene likes better, and kill the other one.
Xenosaga Episode III (2)
You have two cows. They're both Mary Magdalene.
X-COW: UFO Defense 
You have eight cows. You move one out of the transport shuttle. You now have seven cows.
X-Wing 
You have two cows. You must be exactly in the right place at the right time in order to prevent your cows or corvette Cowrolev from being destroyed. After success, you are horrified to learn that in the missions ahead, the Empire takes its gloves off.

Y

Yume Nikki You have two cows. you go to sleep for 3 seconds then find your cows missing. you set out on a quest to find them as you travel though your own dream world. You find a cowgirl in a small house and as you flick the lights on and off; a cow ghost appears, kills the cowgirl, and sends you to the strange black and white cow dimension.

Z

Zero Wing 
CATS: HOW ARE YOU GENTLEMEN!! BOTH YOUR COW ARE BELONG TO US. YOUR TWO COWS ARE ON THE WAY TO DESTRUCTION.
Zetapets 
You have two cows. But they look oddly familiar...
Zork
GET COW
Cow taken.
GET COW
You already have the cow, duh.
MILK COW
Milk appears at your feet!
GET MILK
What, with your bare hands?
PUT MILK IN BOTTLE
You need to open the bottle first.
OPEN BOTTLE
The bottle is now opened.
PUT MILK IN BOTTLE
The bottle is now filled with milk.
EXAMINE MILK
It's really dirty and there are bits of grass in it.
CHAT
Say what?
SAY "WTFHZOMGF I HAVE A BOTTLE OF GRASSY MILK! ALL N00BS DIE!"
You said it.
RANDOM EVENT
You get disconnected by a hacking n00b.
*** You have died ***
Restart, restore, or quit?
XYZZY
I don't understand that.
Zork (2) 
You have two cows. They get eaten by a grue. The grue :eats you. Then it proceeds to eat everything in sight that doesn't run like hell. Then the grue eats itself and bleeds to death. Start over.
Zork (3) 
It's dark. You are likely to be eaten by two cows.
Zork (real version) 
West of House
You are standing in an open field west of a white house, with a boarded :front door.
There are two small cows here.
Return to Zork 
West of Really Neat Rendered House
You are standing in an open field west of a white house, with a boarded :front door and nifty graphics.
Cue the sound (ooooh!). Oh, there's video, too!
There are two small rendered cows here. Your bonding plant dies.
Zork Grand Inquisitor
You have two cows. One takes over a fantasy kingdom and bans all magic, and the other is trapped in a lantern and helps you overthrow the first cow.
Zork Nemesis 
You have two cows. They kill themselves in the introduction.
Zork Zero
You fill the many bottomless pits in the dungeon, releasing the grues inside.
Said grues then eat two cows and every adventurer they bump into.

Previous Page

Uncyclopedia presents: the You have two cows anthology!

Twocows

1. Analysis
2. Anime
3. Bovine Quotes
4. Cowmedy
5. Emootions
6. Endings
7. Famous Cows
8. Groups

9. This cow does not exist
10. In the Moos
11. Language of Cows
12. Literature
13. Moosical Moovements
14. Moovies
15. Non-Video Games
16. People

17. Politicowl Junk
18. Programming Languages
19. Religion
20. Software 'n Such
21. Sound of Moo-sic
22. Television
23. Travel
24. Video Games

24.3. Video Games Volume 2
25. World and Web of Cows
26. You Have n Cows
27. Science
28. Moodicine
29. Game Consoles
30. Game Genres
31. Capitalism

“I have what???”
~ Captain Oblivious on You have two cows
Personal tools
projects