You have two cows/24.2

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This article is part of the You have two cows series.


H

Half-Life 
You have 2 cows. They are both mute, although no one seems to notice. They also kill aliens with crowbars.
Half-Life (2) 
You have two cows, one of which has an inexplicable degree of skill with firearms, and the other dies in the resonance cascade.
Half-Life (3) 
You have two cows. They both get headcrabs and become HEADCRAB ZOMBIES and you are forced to kill them with a crowbar.
Half-Life 2 
You have 2 cows. They have something to do with teleportation. But you don't give a damn, all you care is that they're evil. Even though they say they are aiding the human race's evolution.
Half-Life 2 (2) 
You have 2 cows. The Combine takes them and turns one into a synth and the other in to a stalker cow.
Half-Life 2: Episode 1  
You have two cows. You get pissed off because you have to do an escort mission and they keep dying.
Half-Life 2: Episode 2  
You have two cows. One of them carries a garden gnome and gets shot with a helicopter, while the other one just sits in a car the entire time. That cow's father totally deserved it.
Half-Life 2: Garry's Mod 
You have two cows. You team up with a few friends, then you put a thruster in the cow's butt, make it fly around in a funny way, make a video out of it, then upload it to YouTube, just like every other shit in Garry's mod.
Half-Life 2: Garry's Mod (2) 
You have two cows. You use the face poser to make them smile, then set them on fire. Hilarious!
Halo 
You have two cows. The Cowvenant has 3,000 warships circling a mysterious ring that (loading please wait) turns out to be a research facility built by the Cowrunners to study the Flood, a particularly nasty variant of Mad Cow Disease. You shoot them all only to relise you left your CowHog behind, the only reason you gave a s**t in the first place.
Halo 2
It is a capture the cow game. You have to get to the other team's pasture on the other side of Cowagulation in order to capture their cow. You can only carry two cattle, so you decide to take the cow launcher and the cow rifle. You and two others pile into a CowHog for an attempt to capture the enemy's cow. In the middle of the valley, your cowgunner get shot in the face by an enemy noob with a cow rifle. Then when you are almost to the enemy pasture, another enemy shoots your CowHog with a cow launcher, killing your passenger and flipping you out of the vehicle. You shout random and senseless profanities at them as they close in on you for the kill. As you wait to respawn at your pasture you watch as they T-Bag your corpse with their utters.
Halo 3
There are two cows; they both want you dead. One cow is on the verge of wiping the galaxy clean of all sentient cows, and the other cow wants to infect everything with Mad Cow disease.
Halo 3: ODST
You have two new cows, although the only thing they do different is drop from outer space.
Halo: Reach
You have two cows. Cow one is the leader. Cow two is a mute cow that says two words throughout the whole campaign, only to for everyone to die at the end.
Halo Wars
The enemy cows are planning an assault on this base.
Harvester
You have two cows. They get trapped in a town full of sociopathic versions of 1950s stereotypes who keep telling the two of them they're going to get married. The boy cow commits theft, arson, blackmail, and murder in his efforts to join a local secret society. After killing even more people in a variety of gruesome ways, he eventually learns the whole set-up is a virtual reality experiment to give him mad cow disease.
Harvest Moon 
In this game, you actually have two cows. They do normal cow-like things. Damn cows.
Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life
You have two cows. One cow is a bull. The bull is too young to produce calves, so the actual cow must be artificially inseminated.
Heroes of Might & Magic
Astrologers proclaim the Month of the Cow. Cow population doubles!
Hitman
You have one cow. It is a genetically-engineered killing machine that likes to steal other cows' clothes.
Hitman 2
You have one cow. It is shot by guards for running while indoors.
Hitman 2 (2)
You have one cow. It kills a guard cow and wears its clothes. No one seems to notice the new guard cow with the inconspicuous brand on the back of its head, nor do they notice the disappearance of the old cow guard.
Hoshigami: Ruining Blue Earth
You have two cows. One of them turned out to be a double agent from the beginning of the story. You can place 7 cows on the grazing field, but there are twice as many enemy cows and the milking procedure is very complicated. The DS version can be adjusted for novice farmers.
Hotel Mario 
If you need instructions on how to milk your cows, check out the enclosed instruction book.
Hotel Mario (2) 
Aha, here's the problem: Too many cows! You know what they say: All cows milk milk!
The House of the Dead
You have two cows. They get experimented on and turned into zombies. You shoot them into raw ground beef.
The House of the Dead 2
You have two cows. They are destroying the world so you send out hordes of zombies to kill them.
The House of the Dead 3
You have two cows. One of them trips a security laser. A zombie security bull finds your two cows and they go on a long drawn-out boss batle.
The House of the Dead 4
You have two cows. They get grabbed by a six-legged zombie bull with a long tongue, and you must shake their udders to free them.

I

Ikaruga 
You have two cows, one black and one white. The black one has to eat black grass, and the white one has to eat white grass. If one of them touches opposite-color grass, that cow explodes.
Ikaruga (2) 
You have only one cow, but it changes colour between black and white when you tip it.
Ikaruga (3) 
WARNING
The big enemy is approaching at full throttle.
According to the data, it is identified as "two Butsutekkows".
NO REFUGE
Image Fight
You have two cows. One is red and shoots in any direction, and one is blue and only shoots forward. Then you get carpal tunnel syndrome from mashing the fire button 20,000 times because this game doesn't have fucking auto-fire.
Initial D: Arcade Stage 4 
You have two cows. You milk them too fast and their udders lock. You shift down, step on their udders, and shift up, and this solves the problem.
Insaniquarium 
You have two cows, which for the most part, lead comfortable lives as you feed them, they grow, and then they shit out money. But when you least expect it, a vortex opens up, an alien come out and eat your cows until you have no cows left and then the alien eats you.
In The Groove
You have two cows. They are superior to their Japanese counterparts in every way. Eventually they are slaughtered by their counterparts' owner.
In The Groove 2 
MILK DEPLETED. COWS FAILED.
I Wanna Be The Guy 
YOU JUMPED INTO TWO COWS. YOU RETARD!

J

Any Jak game after the first one 
You have two cows. One complains that his name isn't on the title anymore.
Jak II 
You have two cows. All of the sudden, one starts talking and being a badass.
Jak II 
You have two cows. They get lost in a time portal, and one ends up in a prison cell for two years getting tortured, while the other gets a job as an exterminator and works "really hard" to find the first.
Jak II 
You have two cows. They get stuck on a mission, and end up running around beating people up and stealing pimped out hover cars in a futuristic, albeit dystrophic environment.
Jungle Strike 
Same as Desert Strike except each field you enter looks different from the last.

K

Kane & Lynch: Dead Men 
You have two cows, they get a Gamespot reviewer fired.
Katamari Damacy 
Two cows? If they were our cows, we would have made them much bigger. Don't worry. It is not your fault. It is our fault for believing in you.
Katamari Damacy (2) 
Cows? Two of them? How disturbing! We have no idea what you're talking about.
Katamari Damacy (3) 
You have two cows. You also have three policemen, two turtledoves (I wont finish that joke), The Sistine Chapel, a crapload of igloos, some kind of random chickeny type thing and ?! Who's this now?? Why, it's second cousin Daisy! Good God, Daisy. do stop getting in the way. You later turn them all into stardust to see the pretty lightshow. You are far too easily amused.
Kid Icarus 
You have a cow with wings. For years it goes by unnoticed. Then it's given a lot of hype, and a new look, with detachable horns, an Akira Toriyama hairstyle, and bicycle shorts.
Killer 7 
Here comes two Cow Smiles. You shoot them seventeen times each with your revolver. They bleed impossibly large amounts of blood. You laugh. You use their blood as ammo. I don't get it either.
Killer Instinct 
C-C-C-Cowmbo Breaker!
Killzone 
your planet has been invaded by two cows... and your losing!
Kingdom Hearts
You have two cows. One specializes in magic, the other in defense. They idiotically waste all your potions on each other even though they're not too badly damaged. You realize you shoud've set their potion usage to "Only in emergencies".
Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories
You had two cows, but they ran away. You go into a castle where said cows may or may not be, and lose your memories. You then battle through seemingly familiar lands while really just climbing the floors of said castle. You are bombarded by bulls and at one point a cow with antennae, who tease you relentlessly. You think that one cow is really a different cow, and find the other cow, who isn't really a cow at all. You kill the rest of the fscking bulls and then take a long nap.
Kingdom Hearts 2
You have two cows. One yells "I GOTHKP IT!" And the other does a shield ride.
Kingdom Hearts 2 (2)
You have two cows. T-W-O C-O-W-S. Got it memorized?
Kingdom Hearts 2 (3)
You didn't play that last game, so now you're lost when the Cowbodies and the Cowless start fighting you. Then you realize the cow you defeated in the first game was not the real cow, but a guy who worked with Cow the Wise, also, he split into Cowless Cow and Cowbody Cow, who rules over Organization Cowteen.

You give up on the storyline and hit things with your Cowblade.

Kingdom Hearts 2 (4)
You have two cows. GET UP ON THE TWO COW'S BACKS!
Kingdom Hearts 2 (5)
You had two cows, but you took a nap and now think you're someone else. You then go wake yourself up, and seemingly cease to exist, but become yourself instead. Two cows join you on your journey to find the cow you lost, having previously saved the other cow. The other cow gets kidnapped by your forgotten friend who calls you a traitor, but the cow runs away and gets kidnapped by a bunch of bulls who want to be cows. The cow you were looking for shows up and saves the other cow, then helps you fight the bug evil bull in Udder Land. You then proceed to fall out of the sky into the ocean and are reunited with all previous cows.
Kingdom Hearts 2 (6)
You have two cows. Sometimes a third cow joins your party, and some of them are really strong. Except Moolan when she works under the name of Ping. She doesn't do very much.
Kingdom Hearts 2 (7)
You know those two cows? Those cows that we worked REEEEEALY hard to defeat?
Kingdom of Loathing 
You have cow(2). You complain that this makes hardcore easier.
Kingdom of Loathing (2)
You have two extremely angry cows. Everybody hates those goddamned cows.
Kingdom of Loathing (3)
Cowtember's Item of the Month: Slightly Peeved Cow.
Kingdom of Loathing (4)
You have 2 cows. You get 9 more. It's ridiculous. It's not even funny.
King of Fighters 2002
Pick up your two cows!
King of Fighters 2002 (2)
You have three cows. One by one, they get their asses whipped by Yamazaki. You smash the game to pieces in a fit of berserker rage.
Kirby 
You have two cows. One cow sucks up the other cow and gains super-milking powers. It squirts milk into the baddies' faces and saves Dairyland.
Kirby Air Ride 
You have two cows. Cow A goes really fast but doesn't turn well, nor glides well. Cow B glides really high but cannot charge. You ditch them both and play as Metaknight.
Kirby Air Ride (2) 
You have two cows. They fly around and spin a lot, but they don't have much use besides that. You wonder why you didn't buy Super Smash Bros.: Melee instead of this.
Kirby's Dreamland
You have one cow. You eat it and become one yourself.
Kirby's Dream Land 3
You have a cow which will follow you around if you press the wrong damn button, eating everything that you want to eat, until you eat it yourself. You also have another cow which you may ride if you're feeling too ballsy to ride a fish or a hamster. How many cows do you have? Yep, two cows - but what does it matter? They're drawn in pastel and you're too young to appreciate that.
Kirby's Adventure
You have two cows. They are released again for the Game Cow Advance under the title of Kirby: Cow in Dreamland.
Klonoa 2: Lunatea's Veil
You have two cows. They speak in a language that probably doesn't really exist, but it has a really crazy storyline and awesome background music, so nobody's going to notice.
Knights of the Old Republic
You have no cows, and no clothes. You bash a container open using nothing but your fists just so people will stop being all pissy at you for having no clothes. The cow you've been searching all this time was really you all the time.
Knights of the Old Republic (2)
You could spend thirty hours getting two cows, but the Peragus II level sucks so you turn off your PC.
Knytt
You pass by 2 cows.
KoC 
You have been recruited into Cowperson42321's Army! Cowperson42321 is building an army of cows and there are currently 2 cows in Cowperson42321's war machine.
The Legend of Kyrandia
You had two cows. An evil jester kills them with a steak knife. You walk around and whine about your missing cows. The jester defeats himself and you get to rule over all cows.
Kyrandia 2: Hand of Fate
You have two cows. One of them gets erased from existence. You whine as you travel to the center of the world to try stop cow disappearance.
Kyrandia 3: Malcolm's Revenge
You have no cows, because the cows in the first Kyrandia *really* were yours, and the steak knife was cursed. You walk around making fun of the other two cow-holders while trying to clear your name until you do something stupid. A squirrel drags your body off.

L

La-Mulana 
You have two cows. You beat the Hell Temple and are presented with a picture of them in skimpy suits. Then you equip Contra and F1 Spirit 3D and kill yourself.
League of Legends 
You have two cows, one picks twich, the other feeds him.
League of Legends 
There are two cows in the game, unfortunately the one on the enemy team is kicking your ass.
Left 4 Dead 
You have a team of two cows following you around one gets jumped by a zombie cow the other one gets friendly fired.
Left 4 Dead 
You and your team have to have four cows in this round. You really want to hurry up and get them slaughtered so you can have four kickass oxen instead.
  • Left 4 Dead 
    You and your team have to have four cows in this round. RageQuit.
Left 4 Dead 
You have two cows. One of them startles the witch.
The Legend of Zelda 
DODONCOW DISLIKES SMOKE. LET'S PLAY MILK MAKING GAME.
Link: The Faces of Evil
Join me, Link, and I will make your cows the greatest in Cowridai! Or else they will die!
Link: The Faces of Evil
It is written here only Link can defeat two cows.
Link: The Faces of Evil
I just wonder what two cows are up to!
The Legend of Zelda A Link to the Past 
You have two cows. Unfortunately, in order to use them against the forces of evil, you must first awaken seven reincarnated cow sages, collect five milk crystals, and rebuild the Tricow.
The Legend of Zelda - Link's Awakening 
Your two cows are a dream.
The Legend of Zelda - Link's Awakening 
You need to go wake up the two Wind Cows in the giant egg on top of the mountain and kill the shadows inside so you can escape the dream island you're trapped on.
The Legend of Zelda - Ocarina of Time 
You race two cows. You use a GameShark to get to the Lost Woods in 0 seconds, only to get beaten by your cows by 1 second.
The Legend of Zelda - Ocarina of Time (2) 
You have 200 cows, most of which are situated at various locations throughout the world, many of them in places you'll never find without playing some sort of instrument. You're only allowed to keep one of these cows in your house.
The Legend of Zelda - Ocarina of Time (3) 
You don't have two Cows because they are being held by the princess and the bad guy. You only have the Cow of Courage, and you don't find out you have it for seven years. That's pretty sucky.
The Legend of Zelda - Ocarina of Time (4)
You see two cows you play Epona's song two cows give you milk.
The Legend of Zelda - Ocarnia of Time (5)
You have two cows. Lord Jabu-Jabu eats them, but they somehow survive.
The Legend of Zelda - Majora's Mask 
You and your cows will be crushed by the moon in three days.
The Legend of Zelda - Majora's Mask 
You had two cows. One ran away. You are emo because of the cow that ran away, and set of with your remaining cow to find it, resulting in said remaining cow being stolen.
The Legend of Zelda - Majora's Mask 
The moon has two cows. You spend three neverending days fighting trick-or-treaters, find the cow that was stolen, and are then eaten by the moon, immediately following which you go on an acid trip, then continue to search for the lost cow.
The Legend of Zelda - The Minish Cap 
You got two cows that are green and you don't want to milk them all in one place.
The Legend of Zelda - Twilight Princess 
Your two cows are now wolves.
The Legend of Zelda - Twilight Princess 
You have two cows. You turn into a wolf and eat them.
Zelda: The Wand of Gamoolon 
You dare bring two cows to my lair? YOU MUST DIE!!
Zelda: The Wand of Gamoolon 
I'm so hungry, I could eat two cows!
The Legend of Zelda - The Wind Waker 
You got two cows! Your health meter has increased by one point!
The Legend of Zelda - The Wind Waker (2)
You have one cow and you need to sail for another 20 minutes to find the other one
The Legend of Zelda - The Wind Waker (3) 
Your two cows drowned hundreds of years ago, you now have two pigs.
The Legend of Zelda - The Wind Waker (4) 
Windfall Island has one cow because the other was smashed by Ganon.
The Legend of Zelda - The Wind Waker (5) 
You are tone deaf, but still try to play a melody for your two cows using a stick. They flee into the ocean and drown.
The Legend of Zelda - Spirit Tracks 
You have two cows. Both cows suck and are now about trains.
Leisure Suit Larry
You have two cows. One is dressed up like a tree, and the other is......um.........wow.
LittleBigPlanet (1)
You created two cows for all to see how terrible you are at creating something decent.
LittleBigPlanet (2)
You created two cows for a Survival Challenge. One poops out Score Bubbles, while the other one farts Horrible Gas all over the Entry Barrel.
LittleBigPlanet 2
You created a cow, put a microchip on it with one of every movement control wired incorrectly, set a Creatinator to emit it, spawned two Sackbots who each have a Cow-tinator, hooked them both up to a Controlinator, and are having two other Sackbots fight them with Grabinators. Oh, and a giant Avalon Centrifuge and Larry Da Vinci spamming the Paintinator at each other in a room made of Bounce Pads. Thermometer level: 5%.
Little Big Adventure 2 
Could you help me treat my two injured cows?
Loom 
The Shephard's Guild has two cows. You turn them a bright green color with an E-C-D-E *twinkletwinkletwinkletwinkle*
Lords of Magic 
You have two cows. You may put them to work producing resources in your capital, or you may have them research Spells in your Mage Tower's Library.
Lost Vikings
You had 2D cows. Now they got lost in a dimensional vortex and you must rescue them.
Luigi's Mansion
You have two cows. One is a vacuum cleaner that sucks up ghosts. The other is a flashlight. You have to catch all the ghosts in the mansion to save your brother who is always the star in the games.
Lumines
You have two cows. One kicks your ass over and over again if you play through it twice, the other rapes you over and over again in Vs. Mode
Lunar: Silver Star Story Complete
Hmm hmm hmm....Not two cows, dear Quark. MAGIC EMPEROR COWS!
Lusternia 
Ackleberry Highway approaching Magnagora. (road).
It is raining heavily, pregnant drops of water pouring down onto you. There are 2 cows here.
You bump into a cow as it wanders aimlessly in a circle.
Your sense of smell is assaulted by a pile of steaming dung.

M

Madden
You have two cows. They talk about Brett Favre a lot.
Madden, again
Here's a guy who, when he has two cows, will have more than one cow.
Any Mario game
You have two cows. You stomp on both of them without hitting the ground and gain 100 and 200 points.
Super Mario Bros.
Your two cows are in another castle.
Super Mario Bros. 2
You have a cow and a goat. The cow is released in Japan. The goat gets redone to look like a cow and is released in North America.
Super Mario Bros. 3
You have two cows. You hit the block that they are on and steal their giant shoes.
Super Mario World
You have one green cow with a really long tongue.
Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island
You are one green cow with a really long tongue.
Super Mario 64
You have two cows. You run circles around one of them until coins pop out of it.
Super Mario 64 (2)
You have two cows, but they are both trapped in the walls of the castle.
Super Mario 64 (3)
You have two cows. One of them has stolen your hat and revealed why you never take it off. Ever.
Super Mario 64 (4)
You hear there's two cows on the roof of the barn. You get 120 stars during the course of your childhood and get to the roof of the barn. The cows jump in a lake.
Super Mario Sunshine
You have two cow-shaped piles of goop. You spray them with water and they dissolve. Milk Get!
Super Mario Sunshine (2)
You have two cows, but that won't help you bring back the sunlight.
New Super Mario Bros.
You have two cows. One of them is a well-established cow who gets skeletonized by some lava even though it has survived lava before. The other one is some poser cow that is made the main villain for some reason.
Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga
You have two cows. THEY HAVE FURY!
Magi Nation 
You have two cows. One of them has no legs and floats around laughing insanely while building huge black towers.
Magi Nation 2 
Shaddup Zet! I'm in charge and I say we have two cows!
Majesty  
You have two cows who have been charmed by Fervus' priests. You set a reward on an evil lair. Because of their oblivious manner, the cows don't even bother.
Mabinogi 
You have two cows which require lag-less timing and epic skills to do well in the game. Also, armor is expensive.
Mabinogi (2) 
You have many cows which want to do G1. The first cow quits after the trauma from the first complete run. Everyone is rage.
Mabinogi (3)
You have one cow which must solo G2 to become a Pallycow. You fucking hate goblins, imps and ogres now.
Mabinogi (4)
You got 2 cows. They give you 1 more cow. You look at your neighbour, and wants more cows. They then give you 7 more cows. There's a content stampede, everyone's confuzzled.
MAG 
You have 256 cows. You inform all of them when the tac-refresh is coming. None of them respond or use their tactical assets. Upon checking, you realize 16 cows are missing, presumably having been kicked for not setting FRAGO at all. If you have two cows by the end, it is a major victory.
Maple Story 
You have two horn-covered cows, otherwise known as "Horny Cows." You attack them and get misses. One of them touches you and you lose 95% of your HP.
Maple Story (2) 
You have two cows, and decide to sell them for 5 mil each @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Maple Story (3) 
You have two cows. One is you and the other is your friend.

/find cow

                                                                                                           'Cow' is currently at 'Hidden Street : You'.
                                                                                                                        DANG!
MapleStory (4) 
You meet someone who wants to sell their two cows to you at an outrageous price. You refuse. They call you a noob.
MapleStory (5) 
Your two cows go to train. Two hours later, they have gained 5% XP. They then complain about the slow leveling rate on forums and quit the game.
Marathon 
You have two cows. You get stuck between then in a narrow corridor, forcing your to shoot one. The other is killed by a Phfor Juggernaut.
Mario Kart DS 
You have two cows. One of them snakes to victory and calls snaking legitimate. The other makes up excuses like how it's only supposed to be done on corners and how it's cheating because he doesn't know how to snake. They take it to GameFAQs and argue their way to a 500-post topic within minutes.
Mario Kart Double Dash! 
You have two cows. One is trying to drive while the other just presses 'L and R' to throw you off course.
Mario Kart 64
You have two cows. Both of them jumped while driving on the massive hill on Rainbow Road and overshot the actual "road" bit.
Mario Kart Wii 
You have two cows. Fuck, they're crossing the motherfucking road. You just hit one of them, now you need a Golden Mushroom. Fucking Moo Moo Meadows. fucking blue shells. WHERE THE FUCK DID BULLET BILL COME FROM?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Any Mario Party
You have two cows on the same team. They both hit the dice and get 1's. They go last and gets pwned by the others.
Marvel Vs Capcom
You have two cows. One plays the game skillfully while the other complains about getting dizzy.
Masters of Orion
You design your own cows with cow components that you research. Because you made your cows so big and expensive, you can only afford two cows. The sound glitches out. Your foe threatens you, telling you to pay them negative money or they'll attack. Your ally breaks their alliance for no particular reason and assaults your barn with a fleet of 0 small cows, MAXINT medium-sized cows, and -2814 large cows. The game crashes, but hey, it was fun.
Math Blaster
Sorry, one cow plus one cow doesn't equal three cows! YOU LOSE.
Mechwarrior 4
You had two cows, but Steiner cows came and killed them. Now you must kill their cows on a moon, in the snow, in the desert, in a swamp, and in the city. The Steiner cows then kill your sister.
Mechwarrior 4: Black Knight
You have no cows, and then you have one, and then Steiner cow kills your cow, AGAIN, and then you kill the Dresari cow and then the Steiner cow. You are only cow left.
Mechwarrior 4: Mercenaries
You buy really expensive cowmechs, but the stupid cow pilots don't listen. You go to kill the enemy cows, to find your cows aren't following you. The enemy cows then tear you to shreds.
Medieval: Total War
You have two cows, but when you look close at them, you can't really tell what they are.
Medieval: Total War (2)
You are one cow and you decide to attack another cow. In the middle of the war, Pope Kattleox threatens to excommunicate you for shedding the blood of other cows.
Medieval: Total War (3)
You have slain the enemy's Bull and his cows have been routed. You win the battle, but you want to chase down the fleeing enemy cattle. However, nobody ever considered that it would be a good idea to add in a "Continue Battle" option.
Medieval II: Total War
One cow builds up a huge army and attacks the other cow. They both die from computer lag.
Mega Man
You start with no cows, just a robotic dog. You defeat TwoCows Man. You got: Two Cows! You defeat Santa Man. You got: A Frickin' Sweet New Bike!
Mega Man (2)
You start with no cows. There are eight evil cows, all of which are weak to one of the other cows. You fight them all again at the end of the game.
Mega Man X
You start with no cows. This time, the eight evil cows are supposedly more powerful, but you can't se a difference when you fight them.
Mega Man X (2)
You have an evil cow. A good cow kills the cow, but it gets revived by the next game using advanced technology. The hero kills the cow again and it comes back stronger, despite being damaged even worse than last time. This happens 8 times without fail.
Mega Man Zero
You start with no cows and have to go on missions. At the end of each mission an evil cow fights you. Then you find out the cows are not actually evil, just being controlled by an evil farmer who wants to control all the farms. Despite this, it still feels like Capcom is still trying to milk the series (excuse the pun) for all it's worth.
Mega Man Legends
You have two cows. They are the same as the last gazillion cows except in 3D.
Mega Man Battle Network
You have a cow and several hundred cookies. You give the cow cookies to power it up so it can defeat evil cows trying to destroy your farm. Oh, and it's not a real cow, it's on your computer.
Ryusei no Rockman/Mega Man Star Force
You have a field of cows. Aliens are trying to beam them up so they can hypnotize the cows into doing their bidding, and one alien has betrayed his own kind and is helping one of your cows to save all the other cows. But you don't know any of this because the cows speak Japanese. In the end you abandon the farm and buy a new, but identical, one with cows that speak english, all because you were too impatient to wait until that was available in the first place. Sucks being a fanboy, doesn't it?
Melty Blood
You have two cows. One is an evil version of the other one manifested from people's fears. The size of your herd doubles due to this happening over and over.
Metal Gear Solid 
You infiltrate an enemy base with no cows. Both of your cows are in the same place, but you get one now, and come back for the other halfway through the first disk.
Metal Gear Solid (2)
Cow? COW?! COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!
Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of liberty 
You have two cows. The Patriots know you have two cows, how old those cows are, their genders, blood types, the fact that cow #2 has a blind left eye, and is planning for you to sell these cows in 34.253243 days.
Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty 2 
You have two cows. One of them hides in a cardboard box, wears a bandanna and is generally successful. The other one finds a sword, runs around nude and fails horribly, then kills his adopted father with the sword and beats a bunch of Metal Gear COWs with the Stinger.
Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater 
TWO COWS BATTLE!!!!!! OLIOLIOLIOHH!!!!
Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater (2) 
You have two cows.
The Sorrow: "Sad...so sad..."
The Sorrow: "I am filled with sadness..."
The Sorrow: "Like you, I too am filled with sorrow..."
Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater (3) 
There are two cows on the path ahead.
*Snake captures both Cows and picks up the "R. COW" items*
You save the game and come back two days later. Snake eats the two cows...
Snake: Ugh..argh...it's rotten!
Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater (4) 
You have two cows. They are off to join The Sorrow!
Metal Gear Solid 4 
You have two cows. One is... Getting really old, and... Uh... What?
Metal Wolf Chaos 
Why do you have two cows? Because you are the President of the great United States of America! YEEEARGHHH!!!
Metroid 
You have one bull. You are shocked to learn that after raising it for ten years it is actually a cow. Now everyone knows its a cow it isn't cool anymore.
Metroid (2)
You have two cows. One fires a vast array of beam-type weapons, and the other shoots missiles. Then a Metroid latches on to you and drains your energy.
Metroid (3) 
You have two cows. You beat the game in under one hour. They take their robotic armor off.
Metroid 2: Return of Samus
You have two cows. You shoot one of the cows and a lake of lava suddenly gets lower. The other cow sheds its skin and starts shooting lightning bolts.
Super Metroid
After killing all the rest of them, you deliver the last two cow hatchlings to a space station from which they are then stolen by space pirates. Find the two cow hatchlings!
Super Metroid (2)
You have two cows. They can't cross a collapsing bridge with spikes above it because they don't know that there is a run button.
Metroid Fusion
Eh, the two cows probably got infected by the X Parasite already.
Metroid Prime 
You have two cows fully equipped with ten swollen, powerful udders. Both cows are exploring a mysterious abandoned barn when a small explosion occurs, leaving both cows with only a single small, weak udder.
Metroid Prime (2) 
You have two cows. You get into an unlikely accident and lose them both. You spend the rest of the game getting them back.
Metroid Zero Mission 
You have a Cow, it seemingly beats the game, but then some random pirates make your cow crash, leaving her in a Tight Suit, getting lots of fanboys because she got a nice Ass and Tits.
Metroid Prime Hunters 
You have two cows. One of them gets headshot pwned by a Trace sniper, and the other gets disconnected from WFC- error code 8606700, please call Nintendo 1-800 777 77777 freephone to recover your cow.
Metroid Prime 2: Echoes' 
You have two cows. One cow is white, the other is black and is full of evil parasites that assimilate everything. There is only enough grass in the paddock to support one cow. You must travel all over the black cow to retrieve grass from it to feed the grass to the white cow.
Metroid Prime 3 
You have two cows. They both get mad cow disease and can suddenly fire cud at 980MPH and break trough walls.
Microsoft Train Simulator 
You just hit two cows. Ground beef, anyone?
Might & Magic: Isles of Terra 
Two cows, Greyhide and Blackhide, trapped each other in their once-proud Barns. Free them to learn each both halves of the final Initialization Sequence...
Might & Magic: Clouds of Xeen 
"Looking to train your two cows? GOOD JOB! GOOD JOB! GOOD JOB! GOODJOBGOODJOBGOODJOB!!!"
Might & Magic: Darkside of Xeen 
There are two cows; one's good and one's evil. You can't kill the Evil Cow, so you need a To-Go Box to hide the Good Cow in so he can kill it.
Might & Magic: World of Xeen 
You have two cows that you can combine into one awesome super-cow with that's almost as big as 3 complete cows.
Minecraft 
You have two cows. You punch one to death for its leather. A creeper kills you from behind. More cows spawn on grass.
Monkey Island 
LOOK BEHIND YOU! A THREE-HEADED COW!
Monster Hunter 
You have two cows. You kill one and use it's carcass to make a weapon to kill another cow, whose carcass you use to make another weapon to kill another cow, whose carcass...
Moonty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail
Where did you get the cows?
Moonty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail (2)
Congratulations, you have just received two cows. yaaay
Moonty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail (3)
I am the Knight who says, "COW!"
Moonty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail (4)
I'm not a cow, I'm not a cow!
Moonty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail (5)
Hello, dopey English Kniggits and Messier Arthur king who has the brain of a cow, you know.
Moonty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail (6)
Your mother was a heifer, and your father smelt of cow manure!
Mortal Kombat 
You have two cows. You send them to the glue factory. FATALITY.
Mortal Kombat (2)
You transform into a cow and summon another cow to stampede all over the opponent. ANIMALITY.
Mortal Kombat (3)
You have two cows. One is transformed into a calf! BABALITY.
Mortal Kombat (4)
You have two cows chewing their cud. FRIENDSHIP.
Mortal Kombat (5)
You have two cows. Your neighbor kills them. They revive. They kill your neighbor. Your neighbor revives.
Mortal Kombat Armageddon
You have two cows, but both of them suck. You proceed to pick from the other 60-something cows on the selection screen.
Mortal Kombat Armageddon (2)
You want two cows. You go to Kreate a Kow, but you can only create one cow.
MotorStorm
You have two rally cars with cow paintjobs. You race in a track from Monument Valley and you start racing against 3 other rally cars, 2 mud pluggers, 5 buggies, 8 big rigs, 4 racing trucks. You end up racing in Mudpool, and you're sliding around in a mud, and a Big Rig crashes yoiu head on, causing your Rally Car to explode upon impact, and then you lose the race and your ride got wrecked.
MotorStorm: Pacific Rift
You have two monster trucks with cow paintjobs. You race 11 opponents with the same type of vehicle you have (except you are racing against 5 Rally cars). You run over some rally cars during a race, then all of a sudden, you drive over to the lava, and your ass is fried, and your monster truck cow becomes a medium-rare steakhouse.
Mother 3
You have two cows. You wake up one day and they've become part snake.
Mushihimesama
Don't even think you'll be able to reach the end with two spare cows!
Mushihimesama Futari
Don't even think you'll be able to last 10 seconds with two spare cows!
Myst 
You have two cows. You have absolutely no idea what the f*** to do with them. They attack you. You don't die.
Myst (2) 
You have two cows, but you can choose only one. You chose the blue one. Damn, it was the red one. Game Over. You play the whole game again and choose the red one. This time it was the blue one because they're both corrupt and the actual win is the green one in the fireplace. Game Over.

Myst IV: You have two cows. You spend ages getting to Spire, and then have to go and look up molecular vibration theories to progress. You eventually figure out that there is a virtual answer book in the options, and then spend the rest of your life making little imaginary people change colours because you can't cheat on that one. And then everyone dies.

Myst V: You have two cows. You can only communicate with them by drawings. Then you find out that they are HALF-BLIND MOTHERF***ERS WHO COULDN'T SEE THE PICTURE IF YOU TOLD THEM WHAT IT WAS! STUPID F***ERS WHO JUST SHAKE THEIR HEADS AND DISAPPEAR! WHY CAN'T YOU SEE THE GODDAMN PICTURE! After years of your life, you eventually get to the end. Your two cows leave you forever. You hope they won't drag the story out any longer.

N

NationStates 
The Issue
Two cows have been observed eating grass on a plain.
The Debate
"I think we should just leave the cows alone," says cow enthusiast Max Jong-Il. "What have cows ever done to you? Sure, one might have bitten off your left arm two years ago, but I still think the cows should live."
"I say the cows should be executed," says anti-cow activist George Dodinas. "I mean, why have cows on our plains? It makes no sense."
Need For Speed Underground 
Yo dog, you got two cows. You put some chrome horns, decals, and the works on those babies.
NationStates 
You have two cows, you go to the battledome to battle with another two cows.
Nethack 
Greetings, Adventurer! You are a female human milkmaid.
You have two cows.
The cow hits!
The cow kicks!
You read a scroll labelled "MOO MOO" called "Taming"
You see here a dented pot.
Pick up what? [a]: a
q - A dented pot
Milk into what? [q]: q
Milk in what direction?
You produce a milky potion!
r - A milky potion
Quaff what? [r]: r
Wow! Everything looks cosmic!
The air elemental chews its cud.
You attack the Mastodon.
The demilich kicks!
The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle hits!
The brown pudding moos.
The quagga kicks!
The rodent of unusual size hits!
You die...
.
Do you want your possessions identified? [ynq]
Neverwinter Nights OC 
An ancient race of cows attacks the town and you need to save it. A hawt cow paladin becomes evil, you kill her. You destroy the leader of the cows and are rewarded with two cows.
Neverwinter Nights Online 
You are a half cow half nazgûl undead shadowdancer/psion/sorcerer/paladin. You have two cows: Your familiar and your animal companion. Both die, and you resummon them. You kill 10000 identical pairs of cows by logging out when milked. Then you are proclaimed hero of the lands, and are rewarded with two cows.
Nevewinter Nights Role-Play 
You have two cows. An OOC:er logs in and kills both of your cows before being banished. You are unable to convince the DM you had two cows. You have no cows.
The Next Tetris
You have a wobbly L Shaped Cow, a wobbly | Shaped Cow, A wobbly.... hang on a second. these are the same cows I had in the 1st Tetris! The only thing different is these cows wobble...
Nintencows 
You have a calf. You can enter it in agility, obedience, and disc trials to earn money to buy other calves. All calves will stay calves forever and you don't have to feed them or give them water, because they'll never die.
Numan Athletics 
You have two cows competing against each other in wild events.
No more Heroes 
You have ten cows. Your mission is to kill all in order ten cows to milk a very sexy female cow. Come to find out your brother kills the the 5th cow in your path and has been married to the cow you wish to milk for ten years. Then your half sister kills the #1 cow after being milked by her father and going into the professional milking business. Fuckheads.
No more Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle
You have 52 cows. They all get killed by an otaku, an afro samurai reject, and some gay irish guy. The end

O

O2Jam
You have two cows. One of them demands x6 speed and is promptly ignored. The other passes the song and everyone talks about how "pro" he is.
...
...
...
No response from server


Ogame 
Fleet [2 cows] is coming to your planet
Ogame2 
lol narkasis broon was crashed by addars 2 cows last night owned:p
Ogre Battle 64 
You have two cows. One desires to free the proletariat, the other wants to have the power of a god. Their fathers moo at each other until the farmers arrive and kill everyone.
Okage 
You have two cows whose shadows are possessed by evil bulls.
Okage (2)
You have two cows, but you can't see them on the mini-map.
Okami
You are a cow god who annoys people by biting them and setting them on fire, when you should be off milking the evil 8 headed cow demon.
Okami (2)
"Look, Ammy, did those two cows magically appear out of nowhere?"
Okami (3)
You have two cows. Spot the one that knows how to create ice out of nowhere with a paintbrush. Trick question, it's in the constellation up there.
One Must Fall 2097
There are two cows one uses a Shadow Udder slap on another. The other one then uses its Milk gun. One cow wins and then goes on to fight a big Super cow which has had its udder implanted in a Giant Robot bull's body
Oregon Trail 
You had two cows, but they died trying to ford the river.
Osu! Tatakae! Mooendan! 
MOOENDAAAAN!!! You have THREE HOT-BLOODED COWS. They WILL cheer you on, you WILL enjoy it.
Otomedius 
You have two cows. Actually, they're two chicks with big boobs dressed as cows.

P

Pacman 
You have two cows. You eat a power pill and eat them for 200 and 400 points. You then go over to your neighbors yard and get 800 and 1600 points by eating his two cows.
Pacman (2) 
You have two cows. Wakka Wakka Wakka!
Pacman (3) 
You have four cows. They turn blue and you eat them.
Patapon 
You have two cows. Pata Pata Pata Moo.
Patapon 2 
You have two cows. You have to guide them through the field using 4 drums and they tend to get fever very often but that's ok since they respond better that way. After that, their four different vocalizations will stick in your head for a long time.
Paper Mario
You have two plumber cows that are brothers and made of paper. You also have a giant paper turtle kidnapping the paper princess cow and taking over the paper world.
Paper Mario: Thousand Year Door 
You have two cows. One of them hunts for treasure, while the other hunts for the first cow.
Paper Mario: Thousand Year Door (2)
You have two cows. Both turn into paper airplanes and float gracefully to the other side of the screen.
PaRappa the Rapper
"You...have...two...cows". "YOU-HAVE-TWO-COWS, TWO-COWS, HAVE-YOU-YOU-YOU-COWS, COWS!"
Parodius 
You have two cows, a missile launcher, a laser and a shield. Then you accidentally select "!" and lose everything and drop to half your speed. Then you fight a pirate ship with a cat's head.
Perfect Dark 
You have two cows. One is an evil head of a corporation, the other is actually an alien cow.
Persona 2: Eternal Punishment 
You have two cows, but it's just a rumor just like The Joker.
Persona 3 
You have two cows. The one white cow alerts you that the cow with the broken hoof is dying. Repeat.
Persona 3 (2) 
You have two cows. They shoot themselves in the head a lot to summon bulls.
Persona 3 (3) 
Cow art I, and I art Cow, the Cow arcana has powered up and you have the power to summon Nandi, the Cow.
Persona 3 (4)
Moo-suru I'm dying. MARIN FUCKING KARIN!
Persona 3 (5)
There are TWO cows remaining!
Persona 4 
You have two cows. One is your shadow and one is killed after a foggy day.
Persona 4 (2) 
you see a cow that looks like a bear and it says moo-kuma
Persona 4 (3) 
Life is truth, and never MOOT. All cows know this from birth. But alas, our cow's destiny has been severed, and the milk languishes in the hollow, fog-filled pasture.
Phantasy Star Online 
Your teammates are two cows. One is a computer-controlled moron getting killed by a fat Rappy, the other is a guy called SEPHIROTH666 playing a loli HUmar using hacked equipment and getting owned even more than the npc-tard.
Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney 
You have two lawyer bulls. Bull 1 has a tendency to hang around younger female calves but is so NOT a pedophile, and Bull 2 wears a frilly cravat and angsts. A lot.
Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney (2)
Witness: The victim was killed by being trampled by a cow. Clearly, I couldn't have done it, because I don't have any cows!
Phoenix: OBJECTION! This evidence shows quite clearly that you have two cows!
Witness: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney (3)
You have two cows. One killed a man, and framed the other cow for it. That other cow is now your client. You must not only prove your cow innocent but prove the other cow guilty, because the legal system is screwed up and must have at least cow sent to the slaughter. Either way, your assistant gets burgers.
Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney: Justice for All 
Engarde: Dude, all you can tell from this is that I spent $3,800. I go to that farm all the time, okay? This $3,800...this could have been that cow I bought one time.
Phoenix: A-A THIRTY-EIGHT HUNDRED DOLLAR COW!?
Engarde: It's ivory...and it's got elephant hair for fur.
Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney: Justice for All (2) 
You have two cows. You whip the crap out of them.
Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney: Justice for All (3) 
You have two cows. They hate each other more than words can describe and do whatever they can to ruin each other's lives. One gets fed up and kills the other. Then the mad cow becomes your client. This can't end well. You pray for a miracle, but the miracle never happen.
Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney: Trials and Tribulations 
You have two cows. They eat 17 bales of hay a day and wear red visors.
Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney: Trials and Tribulations (2) 
You have two twin-sister cows. One of them is an evil bitch who turns men into her bitches. The other is a nun incapable of being a bitch on any level and was dating Phoenix the whole time.
Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney: Trials and Tribulations (3) 
You have two cows. One teaches the other what it really means to be a cow. And then dies horrible. The other cow continues the legacy and gets a lot of trouble from the first cow's old boyfriend. The soul of the first cow comes back frequently by possessing other cows and giving them giant udders. Including a little calf.
Apollo Justice Ace Attorney 
You have two cows. They've completely changed since the third game and have adopted a calf that does magic tricks.
Apollo Justice Ace Attorney (2) 
You have two cows. One killed a man, the other is your client. They're both lying. You stare at them until you trip out and can see the truth being told through their nervous habits. Everyone thinks you're nuts, but somehow you get your client a Not Guilty verdict anyway.
Apollo Justice Ace Attorney (3) 
Cow: Moooooooooo!
Judge: No need to shout, cow! We can hear you just fine!
Kristoph: Excess cows can damage the Judge's ears...and our barn.
Apollo: (B-But what about my Cows of Steel...?)
Pikmin 
You have two cows. You command them to carry a pellet back to the onion. You pull the cow seed out of the ground. You now have 3 cows.
Ping Pals
You have two cows. One came free with your DS. The other cost fifty bucks and does exactly the same thing.
Pixel Chix 
You have two cows and start to bitch, whine and complain about it.
Planescape: Torment
You have two immortal cows. They seem to be very attractive to women, even though they're covered in scars and are butt-ugly.
Planescape: Torment
What... can change the nature of two cows?
PlaneShift
You have two anthropomorphic cat-cows that RP.
Pokémon
You have two Cowizards at Level 50. They face a Level 45 Madeupnameodon which you attack with Udder Shock until it faints. The other trainer goes on about how you should love your two cows for about an hour, after which you switch the game off and go away to vomit because nobody in the world talks like that, ever, even to small anime children.
Pokémon (2)

You have a cow. To get another cow you need to buy an expensive link cable, hook your game up to another console, obtain a different cow in a game for that console, and trade them.

Pokémon Blue 
Congratulations!. Your COW evolved into TWO COWS!
Pokémon Red 
You need trade TWO COWS from Pokémon Blue.
Pokémon Blue/Red 
You have two cows named MISSINGNO. and ? 'M ?. They give you an infinite supply of Rare Candies and Nuggets, but eventually corrupt your saved game because you named your character wrong.
Pokémon Gold/Silver
You have two Miltanks.
Pokémon Ruby/Sapphire
You sent out Cow 1! You sent out Cow 2! Cow 1 used Earthquake! Cow 2 fainted! The enemy makes GROUND moves miss with LEVITATE!
Pokémon Emerald
You have two cows. Team Magma is after one and Team Aqua is after the other. Both teams screw up like evil teams in Pokémon games always do and the two cows start fighting. Fortuantely, a third cow stops the fighting.
Pokémon Diamond/Pearl/Platinum
You have two cows. They are considered uber and banned from online play.
Pokémon Diamond (2)
You have two cows. But it doesn't mean anything, you need 498 cows.
Pokémon Black and White
You have two cows in New York City but not actually New York City. Some hippie whose name is just a letter says humans and cows should be seperated, so you and your cows have to beat the snot out of him.
Pokémon Ranch 
You have two cows; you need 998 more cows to get a Mewcow. You have to visit your ranch everyday and spend the rest of your life catching cows in your DS Pokémon games to send them to the ranch. And you want to fuck Hayley like SHIT.
Pokémon Mystery Dungeon
You are a human transformed into a cow. You get your cow friends to rescue the island from natural disasters. Mostly you decide to stay at home and msturbate though.
Pokémon Snap
You submit a picture of two cows to Oak.
Pokémon Trozei
You have two cows. As soon as you get them to stay in a straight line, they explode.
Polarium
You make a puzzle in the shape of two cows. That's friggin' ridiculous - the hell you expect me to solve this in one stroke?
Pong
You have two white rectangular cows. Their purpose in life is to hit a white square back and forth.
Pop'n Moosic
NORMA NG - Have 2 cows
Portal
The cows are a lie.
Portal (2)
The Enrichment Center is required to remind you that you have two cows.
Portal (3)
Speedy cow goes in, speedy cow comes out.
Power Instinct
You have two forms; A half-human half-cow, and a super-cow transformation that lasts for a short time.
Power Instinct Matrimelee
You have a cow fighting for the marriage of another cow.
Powerpets 
You have two cows that look exactly like every other two cows.
Powerpets (2)
You have two cows. You feed them green slime and they get stronger.
Prey
FUCK YOU! All I want is to take my two cows and go back home!
Prey (2)
You have two cows. But you forget about them, because you found some very fun and addictive arcade games.
Prey (3)
Art Bell: "Hello, this is Art Bell."
Listener: "Oh my God, Art! These green lights just took my two cows away! Oh my God, that's so beautiful, and l--"
Art Bell: "Hello? Hello? Well, it seems like we've got a problem here. We'll be back later!"
Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time
You have two cows, you turn back time, you have 1 cow
Prince of Persia: The Two Thrones
You have two cows. One turns black and talks sarcastically until you dump water on it.
Prince of Persia (2008)
You don't have two cows, you have one cruelly named Goat. It gets lost before the game begins
Psycownauts
You have two cows. They are suffering from mad cow disease. You enter their minds and stop the intruder that is making them insane.
Psycownauts (2)
You have two cows. One of them is the Milkman. His milk is delicious.
Pump It Up 
You have two korean cows. They step on 5, not 4 colored panels and listen to K, not J-Pop
Pump It Up 2
You have two cows. You hit 4 of them at once with your hands and feet.

Q

Quake 
You have two cows, but for some reason they carry a chainsaw and have blood drooling down their mouths. You kill them with your shotgun. You now have no cows.
Quake 2 
You have two cows. Aliens land, steal them, and grind them up. They are then made into cyborgs, which you are forced to kill. You now have no cows.
Quake 3: Revolution 
You have two cows. You shoot them. Why is their blood floating?
Quake 4 
You have two cows who don't know where the deathmatches are either.
Quake 4 (2) 
Your two cows are identical to the ones from Doom 3.

R

R-Type
You have one cow. You attach it to the front of your ship where it shoots lasers and blocks enemy fire. Then you fight a boss made out of vaginas.
R-Type Leo
You have two cows. You attach them above and below your ship and they shoot lasers. Then you launch them into the boss's weak point 20 times over.
Radiant Silvergun

WARNING
data install

WARNING
NO REFUGE

ENCOUNTERED AN ASSAILANT
BOVINE-2
BE ATTITUDE FOR GAINS:
1: ANTLERED MIND
2: LACTATE TO ANSWER
3: FROLICKING HEARTS

Ragnarok Online 
You have two cows. You kill them and you start to shine. After this, you kill a lot more cows, earn money and buy a Two Cows Hat. Then you rebirth and start killing three times more cows to shine again. Maxlam have play 7 years and he was happy, so he sacrifice a cow.
Rainbow Six Vegas 2 
There are two cows in terrorist hunt. Cow 1 kills a guard with a silenced weapon. Cow 2 gets shot by every other guard on the map.
Rakion
You have a mage cow that shots fireballs at everyone and wins, and another ninja cow that gives up after hitting a warrior for 99871349872364 times and not killing him.
Rakion (2)
You have two taurus. They seem like a perfectly good summon until you come up against 2 billion panzers, 800 enemy taurus, 400 dragons and a nak.
Rakion (3)
There is a Gold Cow waiting to be fucked, then you eat the Gold Cow then become gold, only to fuck another fucking Red or Blue Master Cows, Waiting for you to fuck or to be fucked.
Rampage 
You have two giant monster cows climbing a building.
Ratchet and Clank 
Your Morph-O-Ray, unfortunately, does not have the power to morph enemies into cows.
Ratchet and Clank: Going Commando 
Thugs-4-Less charges two cows per thug.
Ratchet and Clank: Up Your Arsenal 
You have two cows that have unfortunately been turned into freakishly robotic bovines that have an abnormal taste for organic flesh.
Ratchet: Deadlocked 
Your two cows have been kidnapped by Gleeman Vox and, with their attached Deadlocks, are fighting their way up the ranks for fame, fortune, freedom, and not being butchered into instant steak.
Ratchet: Size Matters 
You have no cows. Then you get given a Mootator and turn everyone else into a cow.
Ratchet and Clank Future:Tools of Destruction 
One cow is trying to destroy your race. You have one cow, but is on crack and sees Brief visions of cow forms of Michael Jackson.
Rayman: Raving Rabbids 
Bunnies can't milk cows. BUT. THEY. CAN. DANCE!
Rayman: Raving Rabbids 
You have two bunnies. BWAAAAAAH!
Resident Evil 
You are walking down a hallway, when two zombie cows burst through the windows. You totally shit yourself.
Resident Evil 2 
You collect the two cow keys and insert them into the cow door, thus allowing you to escape from the police station.
Resident Evil 3 
You reduce two cows to a bloody mess with your machine gun, thinking how easy that was, then spend the rest of the game striving for ammunition.
Resident Evil 4 
Hello stranger, I'll buy those two cows at a high price.
Resident Evil 4 (2) 
I see the president has equipped his daughter with two cows.
Resident Evil 4 (3) 
You have two cows, They incessantly lurch after you while moaning incoherantly. But they are totally NOT zombies, because that would be lame.
Resident Evil 5
You have two cows. It turns the game into a shitty Gears of war knockoff.
Return to Castle Wolfenstein
You have two cows. You outstrafe the first, but the second triples you.
Rez
You have two cows. You milk one and it makes musical sound effects. You milk the other and it shoots out rays of light until you get taken to the next layer.
Rez (2)
You have two cows. You plug them into the PS2 and they vibrate to the music.
Rise of Nations 
Cow: Strong against: Grass Weak against: Farmer Advances to Genetically Engineered Cow (Information Age)
Rival Schools 
You have two cow students fighting for justice.
Riven 
You have two cows. Milk one and it tramples you, you die. Milk the other and it leads you via an FMV to a big prison place. The warden stabs you, you die.
River City Ransom
You have two cows. One of the cows' has its girlfriend kidnapped. They start beating up other cows until they can afford the Fists of Stone.
Road Trip/Choro Q
You have two full grown cows that look and talk like calves. The Japanese are weird like that.
Rock N' Roll Racing 
Your two cows are in another time zone!
Rogue
You swing and hit the cow [more] the cow swings and hits you [more] you swing at the cow and miss [more] the cow scores an excellent hit on you [more] you swing at the cow and miss [more] the cow has injured you [more] Your armor has been weakened. Oh My! [more] you score an excellent hit on the cow [more] the cow swings and misses you [more] you swing and hit the Cow [more] you have defeated the Cow [more] Welcome to level 2!
Rome: Total War 
You have two cows. You set them on fire and send them running towards the enemy elephants to make them stampede and run away from your army. They stampede into your army anyway and kill half your troops
RuneScape 
You have two cows. You trade them for a paper hat. Four years later, you trade the paper hat for 2,000,000 cows. Everyone ask why did Maxlam sell them for a sheep.
Runescape (2) 
After years and years and years and years of hard work, you raise two cows to level 99. However, you realise there are still over 1000 people who have cows that are a "higher" level 99 than yours.
RuneScape (3) 
You have no cows left and stands on this stupid island with a man in front of you talking but not moving his lips. You then have to do a lot of crap and earn stupid stuff like a bucket and some runes after the island you recive some more useless equipment. Now you asks around and finds out you have to be 99 in every single skill and have beaten every quest to gain the 2 cows. You give up and starts watching Pr0n.
Runescape (4) 
You eat two cows. It heals over 9000 health!!!!!!!!!!!!
RuneScape 
Y*u ha** *wo **w*. ****.
RuneScape 
You have two cows. You use them on each other. Nothing interesting happens.
Rollercoaster Tycoon 1/2/3
Two Cows have broken down.You have -999999$.The scenario goal is to raise 99999 cows in 1 day;
The Secret of Monkey Island
You fight like a dairy farmer!
How appropriate. You have two cows.

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Uncyclopedia presents: the You have two cows anthology!

Twocows

1. Analysis
2. Anime
3. Bovine Quotes
4. Cowmedy
5. Emootions
6. Endings
7. Famous Cows
8. Groups

9. This cow does not exist
10. In the Moos
11. Language of Cows
12. Literature
13. Moosical Moovements
14. Moovies
15. Non-Video Games
16. People

17. Politicowl Junk
18. Programming Languages
19. Religion
20. Software 'n Such
21. Sound of Moo-sic
22. Television
23. Travel
24. Video Games

24.3. Video Games Volume 2
25. World and Web of Cows
26. You Have n Cows
27. Science
28. Moodicine
29. Game Consoles
30. Game Genres
31. Capitalism

“I have a dream, where all bovine species shall be treated with equal respect. I have a dream where the sons of steers and the sons of branders can sit down at the table of harmoony together, I have a dream today!”
~ Martin Luther King Jr. on You have two cows
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