You have two cows/24

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This article is part of the You have two cows series.


A

Ace Attorney 
You have two cows. One kills another and has to go to court. You pin it on an innocent little goat.
Ace Attorney: Grass For All 
You have two cows. They kill a sheep and have to go to court. You convince the judge it was suicide.
Ace Combat 
You have two cows. They are taken and used to create ridiculously large weapons that serve no purpose. Their excuse for wasting your cows was that there was a giant asteroid heading to earth or something. In revenge you get in a fighter jet and blow the crap out of all of them.
Ace Combat 04 (1) 
Sky Eye: Two cows confirmed at vector 2-8-0, on the nose.
Ace Combat 04 (2) 
Ally: Our cows are faster than they are. You're all cleared to engage!
Ace Combat 04 (3) 
Yellow 13: The poor cow quality is affecting thrust.
Ace Combat 5 (1) 
You have two cows. They engage in annoying dialog over the radio while you complete the entire mission by yourself.
Ace Combat 5 (2) 
Nagase: You have two cows? Yes > < No
Ace Combat 5 (3) 
You have two cows, your friends are constantly asking you to reaffirm to them that you possess these cows; however, it doesn't matter what answer you give them.
Ace Combat Zero: The Belkan War 
Right now I'm near two cows. I want to see what two cows really mean...
Ace Combat Zero: The Belkan War (2) 
You have two cows. Then one leaves and joins a terrorist organization.
Ace Combat Zero: The Belkan War (3) 
Yo buddy, you still have two cows?
Ace Combat Zero: The Belkan War (4) 
Did you know that there are three kinds of cows?
Ace Combat 6: The Fires of Liberation  
Go dance with the Two Cows
Advance Wars 
You have two cows. A neighbouring farmer attacks, claiming that your cows have been grazing all over his land. In the denoument, it turns out that one of your cows is an evil clone designed by a shadowy beef company CEO in order to sow discord between farms.
Advance Wars 2 BHR
You have two cows. The alien beef company CEO from last time attacks your farm. You attack him by randomly yelling stuff that makes your cows produce more milk and have lower fat. Oh, and the CEO is on the verge of being indestructible, if he weren't such a moron.
Advance Wars 2 BHR (2)
You have two cows. Neither of them knows what a continent is.
Advance Wars 3 DS 
You have two cows. One cow tries (and fails) at being cool, while the other cow is a kiss-ass. Your friend tests you by using allied forces as training fodder. You then battle the Black Farm beef company. You win, yet they will return (again).
Advance Wars Days of Ruin
You have no cows. The devastation was total.
Age of Empires
Your explorer finds two cows in the forest. They are sent back to the livestock pen to be fattened and then they are killed by the villagers and their meat used to feed soldiers.
Age of Empires (part 2)
Your explorer finds two cows in the forest. You send them back to your base only for some other team to pick them up before they reach your town center. You lose a small army trying to get your cows back.
Age of Empires 2
You have two cows. And a beard.
Age of Empires 3
You have two bearded cows.
Age of Empires 4
The Ottomans have 50 Imperial Janissaries and 5 Grand Bombards. You have two cows.
Age of Empires 5
Your enemy has two cows but you convert them with your monk. Now you have two cows.
Age of Empires 6
You have 200 cows so you can't train cows anymore.
Age of Mythology
You have advanced to the heroic age through the drunken revelry of your two cows.
Age of Mythology 2
By choosing Athena you can build cows, however eqypt will still kill them all. It just happens
Age of Wonders
You have two cows, but your brand of milk is basically unknown outside of Heaven Games.
Age of Wonders: Shadow magic
You spend 10,000 gold on fortifying the cities only to have shadow demons brutally rape all your cows.
Age of Wonders: Shadow magic(2)
You laugh at the entire assembled forces of your opponent's cows, safe in the knowledge you have 90 casting points and a discounted Sacred wrath.
Alone in the Dark
You are given a job to find out the suicide of a painter. As soon as you get his last note, a cow suddenly jumps in from a window and another cow comes to the room from trapdoor. Later in the game you will read a book which kills you.
Albatross18
You have two cows. You chip one in from 250 yards and get 1,000 Pang + 100 BI Pang and 20 Happy Bonus Pang. You get -2. The other one goes out of bounds 3 times in a row. In the end you end up with a triple bogey and your score is +1, so you quit and raise your quit rate to 99.9%.
Alundra
You have forty cows living in a village. By the end of the game, you have two cows living in a church.
Animal Crossing: Wild World
You have two cows, and it will take ages for you to pay off your loan for them.
Animal Crossing: Wild World (2)
You have two cows in your pasture. You invite more cows, but one of them seeds you and you have to get a new pasture.
Animal Crossing (2)
You have two cows in your town, and one of them will ask you to give something to the other one. Then the other cow will move.
Animal Crossing (3)
You have two cows. One cow gives his stuff to the other cow and tell you go go get it for him. You go to get the stuff, but it turns out the other cow lent it to another cow, to another cow, who then says he gave it back to the first cow. You go back to the first cow which says sorry. You get paper as a reward.
Animal Crossing (4)
You have two cows. One of them is really obnoxious and wears the ugliest shirt imaginable because you sent it to her as a token of "friendship." The other hides behind every single building at least once in fear of being eaten for Thanksgiving.
Animal Crossing (5)
You have two cows. They are cute, they wear clothes and they can even talk! You get bored after two weeks and hang yourself. Want to restart, restore, or quit?
Anarchy Online
You have two cows. You will need Moochies & 131 Wrangle to milk them.
Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney
You have two lawyer bulls. One has a large forehead and CHORDS OF STEEL and the other is a rockstar when he's not in court.
Arcanum
You search the whole game for the ingredients needed to craft two mechanical clockwork automaton cows.
Ar tonelico
You have two cows. Later on, another cow joins them. They all dress unproperly and speak in suggestive ways.
Ar tonelico 2
You have two cows. One is a spoiled holy maiden, and another one is a bitch. No one like them. They all like a little, unimportant female calf that is with them.
Ar tonelico 3
You have 2 cows. They have many persona. They strip their clothes to use powerful attacks.
Arcanum 2
You have two cows. They are happily eating their grass in their pasture, when all of a sudden a burning zeppelin crashes on them.
Arcturus: The Curse and Loss of Divinity
You have two cows. One is an uber-effeminate male and the other is an aggressive female.
Armed Assault
One cow spends 15 minutes of sped up time in a humvee driven by AI with learning difficulties. Upon arrival your cow is immediately killed by one bullet from a cow 4 kilometers away. You then contemplate self-harming.
Armagetron Advanced 
You have two cows! ONE IS PINK ONE IS GREEN! THEY MAKE WALLS AND BOXIN' OTHER COW!!!!!!
Armored Core 
You have two cows, until you sell them for parts.
Assassin's Creed 
You have two cows...AND THEY HAVE SEEN YOUR FACE!!!
Assassin's Creed(2) 
Nothing is true, only two cows are permitted.
Atelier Iris 
You have two cows that travel together. One of them is rack of mana, and has to be put into a water tank. Beware, though. the said cow can kick your ass.
Atelier Iris 2  
You have two cows. You make stuffs out of them.
Atelier Iris 2 (2) 
You have two cows. They adopt a calf.
Atelier Iris 3 
You have a cow and a bull. The cow usually sits on the bull's knee like she need a protection from him, despite that she doesn't need any.
Audition
You have two dancing cows. One accidentally presses the down button instead of the up and gets its head chopped off for fun. The other cow finishes the round with a perfect score only to get disconnected.

B

Bad Dudes
The President has been kidnapped by two cows. Are you a bad enough dude to milk them?
Baldur's Gate
You're a cow, and your best friend is a cow. You suck, but she's a good thief. Your dad gets killed by a guy in freaky armor, and you try and kill him. You find out he's your brother, you were definitely adopted, and you're really the children of The Supreme Cod of Murder, Bhoowl. Sequels are made wherein you kill everyone, make it with a hot Drow chick named Vicownia, and everything and become a Cod. Yay!
Barkley, Shut up and Jam: Gaiden
You have two cows. One cow caused a huge explosion during a county rodeo years ago and destroyed half of New Moo City. The other cow hooked himself up to a milk machine to absorb the first cow's son's horrible pus filled milk from a rBST shot injected by the first cow's farm mate who defected to the animal rights side after the first cow caused rodeo to be outlawed in what is know known as The Great R-deo Purge. This is all considered canon to a rodeo vidcon featuring the first cow released in 1994.
Baten Kaitos
You have a one-horned bull. After 40 hours of random battles that last 5 minutes each, repeated futile attempts at making precise combos out of randomly dealt cards, and voice acting bad enough to choke a walrus, you find out he erased your memories and betrayed you for an evil god farmer.
Battle Arena Toshinden
You have two cows fighting in a ring.
Battle for Wesnoth
You skip through plot dialogue ripped verbatim from the Big Book of Cliches. You have twenty high level lawful cows attacking two weak, chaotic cows in broad daylight. Your cows are attaching from the cover of forests; theirs are exposed in the plains. Your cows attack with holy; theirs are weak to holy. The random number generator decides that you lose.
Battlecruiser 3000AD
You have three cows, but the game crashes whenever you try to milk the third one.
Battlefield 1942
You have two cows. One cow kills the other for an airplane.
Battlefield 2
Lt. Stupid : Enemy cows spotted, over.
Sgt. UrDoom : Hey, I need two cows!
Lt. VixeMaria : Let's cow.
Maxlam : Why did a cow shot me!?
MeMeMe : Medic ! Cows ! Medic !
LEEROY JENKINS N00BZ : ur cowz R mine LOLZ!!!1one
Battlefield 2 (2)
Requesting two cows at these coordinates!
Battlefield 2142 (2)
You have two cows, one becomes a commander and orbital strikes your entire team, the other crashes your transport on takeoff. You wonder why you let the cows fly the damn chopper.
Battlefield 2142 Northern Strike
You have two cows, one got so fat it lagged the goliath, to balance it, you starved the other until it was so frail it dies driving the hachimoto...You go back to being shot at and spawncamped.
Battleon
You have two cows. One of them carries a great cow axe and another carries a wooden stick. You go around killing other cows and gaining cowyness. Your original two cows never move an inch since you started.
Beatmania IIDX
You have two great cows. One of them is flashing.
Beatmania IIDX (2)
You have no cows, yet. You have to milk over 2000 cows in under 2 minutes.
Beatmania IIDX 14 GOLD
Woo yay come on! I'm Michael in a barn! Let's do the milk making now, are you ready? TWO COWS ARE GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD!!
Big Rigs Over the Road Racing
You have two cows. A semi-truck going several times the speed of light in reverse runs into your cows, but nothing happens to them. YOU'RE WINNER!
Bioshock
No Gods or Kings, only cows.
Bioshock (2)
"I am Andrew Ryan, and I'm here to ask you a question: 'Is a man not entitled to the sweat of two cows?'
Bioshock (3)
You have two cows. A Big Daddy kills one of them. The other one commits suicide because it suffered from an emotional disease.
Black & White
You have two cows. You decide to throw them at your villagers. They are then eaten by your creature, who may also be a cow but that would be just silly.
Black & White 2
You have two cows, they complain theres no online play at all
Black & White 2: Battle of the Gods Expansion Pack
You have 2 cows, there still Trolling Lionhead for not adding online play, but they are later sent to your abattoir for food
BlazBlue
You have two cows. THE WHEEL OF FATE IS TURNING. REBEL 1. ACTION! One of them breathes out a cloud and starts doing a weird dance consisting of punches and kicks in the air. The other cow dies by bees.
BlazBlue: Continuum Shift
You have two cows. One cow has a bad-ass hero stereotype, the other pretends he is the host on a game show and gives a shitty AI fight for everyones prizes. Regardless, the story makes no sense.
BlazBlue: Continuum Shift (2)
You have two cows. COME ON NOW COWA CLOVER! WHY SO SERIOUS?!
BlazBlue: Continuum Shift (3)
You have two cows. Unfortunatley, both get killed and end up on a boat trying to get tuna fish from Cow 1's gay brother whom also died with his cow friends. You sit back and take another puff of weed.
Boktai
You have two cows. There was a third one, but it wasn't released in English. The fourth cow got changed to a bull.
Borderlands
There is a vault filled with all sorts of alien goodies, but you end up fighting the destroyer and all you get is two cows. Also, You're adopted.
Breath of Fire
You are a half-human, half-cow. You have two good cows. Then bad cows come and kill your cows to revive an ancient goddess. You go kill them and meet an flying cow called Nina.
Bubble Bobble Revolution
You have two cows. They don't show up at level 30.
Bubble Ghost
You have two cows. they run into a wall and burst.
Burnout
You have a cow, another cow hits your cow and times slows down so you can see your cow do 50 flips in mid air and watch its intestines flying out and shattering in slow motion.

C

Call of Duty
You have two cows. They stand still and try to mow you down with bolt-action rifles. You dispatch in 3 seconds in close range with a Luger.
Call of Duty 3 Wii
THESE COWS ARE TERRIBLE!
Call of Duty 4
You have two cows. One is reckless and blows a lot of stuff up, the other drinks tea and whines incessantly about the first ones' antics. You quit milking them because their milk follows a single undeviating path. You play MultiCow and love it, because you can customize your udders with a reflex sight that allows for better indoor accuracy. You go in and are immediately sniped with a SAC(Squad Automatic Cow)
Call of Duty: World at War
You have two cows, Dmitri! Milk them for the glory of the Red Army!
Call of Duty: World at War (2) 
You have two cows, and the Germans have two cows. Over the next ten minutes, your cows get killed 40 times because the german cows only use Mp40s and Rifle Grenades. In another match, your cows go out of bounds and snipe the other cows through the ground.
Call of Duty: World at War (3) 
RELEASE THE COWS!!!
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2
You have two cows with a tactical insertion, Cow 1 kills cow 2 until cow 1 gets a tactical nuke.
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2
You have two cows, one skilled, one noob... the skilled cow dies via noobtube
Call of Duty:Mordern Warfare 2 
You are one of two cows. You die repeatedly throughout a level just to find out you die at the end of it anyway.
Cow of Duty: Black Angus
You have two cows. Unfortunatley, Treyarch milked them too hard and now they cant produce the same quality milk that they used too.
Capcom/SNK Fighers 
You have two cows. You play as them in Marvel vs Capcom vs SNK vs Sammy Alpha Gamma Beta Omega Lambda Rainbow Worldwide Turbo Mew Epsilon New Challengers EX 2 Pro Collector's Edition.
Capcom vs. SNK 2 
You have two cows. JUST LUK AT TEH EXPRESSONES ON TEAR FACES!
Carmageddon 
You have two cows... splattered across the front of your truck.
Castlevania 
You have two cows. Vampires are after them, and the one with poor play control makes the other one into a fashionable leather whip.
Castlevania II 
What a horrible night to have two cows.
Castlevania II (2) 
The morning sun has vanquished the horrible cows.
Castlevania III 
You have two cows, but they share one body. If they survive, they fall in love.
Castlevania 64 
You have two cows. One of them kills you if you run through the game too slowly. The other one kills you if you run through the game too quickly.
Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow 
You have two cows fighting each other. One of them has amnesia, and is known only as 'C.' You find out that you are the real cow, and must fight them both before fighting yourself.
Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow (2)
You have two cows. You slaughter them, absorb their souls, and now you can shoot milk and eat grass.
Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin 
You have two cowpies. They barely do damage to most enemies, even fully mastered. Then you use them against Whip's Memory and they do fucktons of damage.
Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin (2)
Cow-art technique! A painting of the cow! I'll make your two cows my masterpiece! These are cows!
Castlevania: Rondo of Blood 
You have two cows. One of them comes from a long line of vampire killers and is supposed to kick ass, but the other cow is 12 years old, shoots birds, and is faster and easier to use.
Castlevania: Rondo of Blood (2) 
Shaft of cows!
Castlevania: Symphony of the Night 
You have two cows that each have five lines of badly dubbed dialogue, mostly consisting of the phrases "Mother, no!" and "I will defeat you!" strung together.
Castlevania: Symphony of the Night (2)
You have two cows that are hella sweet. They are taken from you within the first five minutes of gameplay, and you must start all over again with a crappy short-calf and leather shield.
Castlevania: Symphony of the Night (3)
You have two cows. One of them is an upside-down version of the other.
Castlevania: Symphony of the Night (4)
What are two cows? A miserable little pile of secrets. But enough talk; have at you!
Cave Story
You feel a black wind blow through you. All cows dropped to level 1!
Cave Story (2) 
You have two cows. One of them shoots milk at your foes; the other shoots more powerful milk but has a limited amount of milk to fire. You collect bouncing yellow triangles to level up your two cows to Level 3. You use your two cows to defeat a giant talking toaster for the 17th time. Then you run into some red spikes and your two cows level down.
Chromehounds 
You have a soldier cow and a command cow. You've never actually taken them on any missions because you spend all day milking them in the garage.
Chrono Trigger
You have two cows. They save the world, but the thing they save the world from doesn't affect anything for another thousand years.
Chrono Cross 
You have way too many cows, more than you could ever possibly need. Most of the cows are actually aliens or trees or some weird shit like that.
Chrono Cross (2) 
A temporal incident ten years ago caused your cow to split into two cows. You can travel back and forth between them, but beware that your presence will irrevocably change both cows.
Chrono Cross (3) 
You have over 40 cows to put into your pasture, but only about four of which will actually give you any good milk.
Chronomaster 
You have 7 cows. #1 is normal, #2 is a genie-cow, #3 is super-lucky, #4 has psychic powers, #5 casts spells, #6 is sorta like a cross between M.C. Escher and The Mask, and #7 enjoys channel-surfing. A guy who looks and sounds like Lt.-Commander Data with a rad ponytail wants them all frozen in time.
Civilization n 
You have two Cows, with an ADM of 1/2/1. One of them is a Veteran, making that 1/3/1. A Battleship (16/8/4) attacks the city with your two cows fortified within; somehow, your two cows destroy it. Then the enemy uses a Nuclear Missile (∞/0/16) on the city, which loses all units in it and the eight surrounding squares, half its population and half its improvements. This includes your two Cows.
Civilization n (2) 
You have two cows, evony steals them and then advertises them with half-naked women.
Civilization III 
You have two cows within the cross of your capital city on grassland. You will be able to build your first warrior more quickly.
Civilization III (2) 
You have two cows. You get two more shields when you work these two cows. After you build your first two cows, Sumer comes in with 2 million cows and takes your city. Fucking Sid level.
Civilization IV 
You have two cows. One of them produces milk, which gives you +1 Health of in all the cities connected with this one; you can trade the milk of the other one. You've discovered Buddhism.
City Of Heroes 
You have two cows. The GMs decide that Blasters are underpowered, so they take away one cow from every character, and make bosses and arch-villains harder to hit.
City of Heroes 2 
You have two cows. Unfortunately, they archetypes you chose for them gives them absolutely no offensive abilities. Should've gone for Scrapper or Blaster.
City of Heroes 3
Your two cows were Nemesis automatons all along!
City of Villains 
You have two cows for henchmen. When you hit level 18, you can summon a third cow as a henchman. This cow can buff the others with milk and shoot milk at attackers!
City of Villains 2 
You have two cows. It doesn't exactly matter what you choose for their archetypes, as every villain archetype has good offensive abilities unlike the heroes. It's good to be evil.
Clive Barker's Clive Barker's Jericho by Clive Barker 
You have two Clive barker's clive barker's cows by clive barker. They are made by Clive Barker
Clock Tower 
You have two cows. In 6/9 endings, your two cows kill you. In the other 3 endings, your two cows die.
Club Drive 
You have two cows. One of them is shaped like a cardboard box with triangle ears. The other one was removed from the game, because of making the Jaguar crash easily
Colossal Cave Adventure 
You are in a farm of two little cows, all alike
Command & Conquer 
Insufficient cows.
Command & Conquer (2) 
You have two cows, they follow the charismatic cow known only as Kane.
Command and Conquer: Red Alert
You have two cows. You Chronosphere one, and use the Iron Curtain on the other.
Command and Conquer: Red Alert Counterstrike
Your two cows have just been attacked by giant fire ants.
Command and Conquer: Red Alert Aftermath
Your two cows have survived, but have been stolen by the allies for reprogramming. Another cow inside a missile submarine ship shoots some giant eggs, and your cows are free.
Command & Conquer: Red Alert 2 
You have two cows. You put one into an IVF and get accused of hax.
Command & Conquer: Red Alert 2: Yuri's Revenge 
You have two cows. You tell them to attack the enemy base. They get hypnotized by anything and now are property of the enemy. You send in a huge army of stupid robot cows to get them back.
Command & Conquer Generals
You are a two-cow general.
Command & Conquer Generals: Zero Hour
You have two cows, you challenge other generals with them.
Commandos
1943. Your team of 4 commandos is sent to a small town in Europe to sabotage two German top-secret cows.
Commandos (2)
A German soldier is watching over your two cows, who have been made prisoners. You send the spy disguised as a general to distract him while the green beret sneaks up behind him and stabs him to death. Then you hide his body and free your cows.
Commandos 2
You have two cows. But they suck, because they can't tie the KO'd Germans up.
Conflict: Global Terror 
You have 3 cows and you. You control all the cows, and they suck by themselves. You find ammo for your team all nice and organized in enemy territory. Your cows get killed. You heal them with medkits by putting band-aids on them. Your token black cow sucks at anything other than explosives.
Conker's Bad Fur Day
You have two cows and red squirrel to attack an army of German teddy bears. You attack the beach. The teddyz have giant machine guns located all over the place. You now have a dead squirrel and no cows.
Contra 
You have thirty cows.
Counterstrike 
You have two cows. The CTs have to rescue them and lead them to the Helicopter to deliver them safely to the butcher's. That fucking camper snipes all ur mans and camps the spawn point.
Counterstrike (2) 
You have two cows. Cow 1 is a n00b. Cow 2 knife kills him every round. Cow 2 has never seen a real udder, let alone sucked a teat.
Counterstrike (3) 
You have two cows. Let's Moove Moove MOOVE!!!!!!
Counterstrike (4) 
You have twBOOM HEADSHOT!!!


Counterstrike: Source  
You have two cows. One of them loves the new physics engine being used, the other is really a calf and bitches about lag.
Crash Bandicoot
You have two cows. Dr Cortex mutates them into genetically advanced monsters.
Crash: Twinsanity
You have two cows. They plan to destroy reality. Dr Cortex accidentally sent them into another dimension while he was young.
Crash of the Titans
You have two cows. They don't look like cows anymore.
Crazy Taxi
You are supposed to be picking up two cows, but it's much more fun to drive around for 10 minutes and knock over other cars. You accidentally pick up a cow and drive around for 50 seconds until it jumps out of the car into the street and disappears.
Crazy Taxi (2)
HEY, HEY, HEY! IT'S TIME TO MAKE SOME KER-AZY MILK! ARE YOU READY? HERE WE COOOOW!
Custom Robo
You have two cows. One flies around and spams the Gatling Gun and thus causes a game disc to become broken.
Crysis
You have two cows. They look very realistic. Microsoft tells you to upgrade to Windows Vista so you can see them better.
Crysis(2)
You have two cows. An alien breaks through a ship and steals one of them, then the other is annoying and British. You kill them all.
Crysis(3)
You have two cows. One of them keeps rushing the enemy base and gets killed by turrets and the other can't drive for shit and gets killed by a TAC cannon. You have no cows.
The Curse of Monkey Island 
Hey look over there, there's an amazingly rendered two-headed cow next to that three-headed monkey!

D

Dance Dance Revolution 
You have 2 cows that are singing in high-pitched not understandable Japanese and you have to dance along. If you do it good, cow 1 gives you milk while cow 2 pisses on your left (lucky) foot. If you do it wrong, both cows will kill your family.
Dance Dance Revolution Max 2
You have 2 cows that always perform the same dance moves, regardless of what song is playing.
Dance Dance Revolution SuperNOVA
You have 100 cows per minute. Suddenly you have 400 cows per minute. You fail instantly.
Dance Dance Revolution SuperNOVA 2
You start with 800 cows per minute. You fail instantly.
Dance Dance Revolution X
You have two cows. The timing on their milk production has been terribly tampered with and veterans can't get AAA grade milk anymore. Thanks KONAMI.
Dance Dance Revolution X2
Your cows are repackaged and fail at sounding ghetto.
Darius
WARNING
A HUGE BATTLECOW
"KING BOVINE"
IS APPROACHING FAST.
Dark Age of Camelot
You have two cowsongs. Someone steals them. You curse and issue death threats at the top of your lungs.
Dark Cloud
You have two cows. You forget to keep their horns sharp, or you don't have a sharpener to do it. Either way, your cows die and now you're in the middle of a dungeon without sharp-horned cows to protect you.
Dark Cloud 2
You have two cows. You forget to keep their horns sharp, or you don't have a sharpener to do it. This time, they simply fall asleep and won't wake up until you finally sharpen their horns. Your friends make fun of you for playing this game instead of Final Fantasy.
Dark Legions
You have one cow. Your opponent has the other. But which of your opponent's troops is the Cow-Bearer?
Dawn of War
You need 1000 requisition to produce two Imperial Assault Cows. While you are saving up to get them, your base is rushed by hordes of Space Marines.
Daytona USA 
Try to go easy on the cows!
Dead or Alive 
You have two cows, one cow is pissed at the other cow because she doesn't have a mother, the other cow is a run away shinobi on a mission to destroy a secret organization who tried to clone her for their own selfish destructive milking purposes to rule the world. The first cow is trying to stop the second cow over selfish ambitions but was really ordered by her master cow to kill cow2 because she is a run away shinobi in the first place. They fight random cows they don't know they are connected to in someway until a really hideous bull uses super cheep taurojitsu on everyone appears. Cow one defeats this cow (who just happens to be cow one's father). She does a sexy pose and her udders jiggle.
Dead or Alive (2) 
You have two cows with unrealistic proportions. You randomly mash buttons in hopes you can milk them.
Dead or Alive Extreme Beach Volleyball 
You have two cows whose udders jiggle uncontrollably.
Dead Rising 
You land on a slaughterhouse full of undead cows. You have 72 hours to kill as many as you can before their meat gets sold to McDonald's. Two cows have covered wars, you know.
Dead Space 
You see two Necrocows. You proceed to cut their limbs.
Defcon 
Pusan hit. 14.7 megacows dead. Dozens of green vector Intercontinental Ballistic Cows come over the north pole. You realize you are a n00b for not building a cow defense system near Chicago.
Defense of the Ancients 
You need gold for Cows Scepter of Divinity. You and some noob who doesn't talk much decide to ambush/backstab/bs two cows in mid. Two cows in mid turn out to be 5 cows in mid who setup the ambush you just fell into. You now have 0 gold.
Desert Strike 
You have two cows; one tries to nuke the west while the other tries to stop him. You're forever pressing 'start' to check ammo/milk/armour due to a lack of a CUD (Cow Up Display) and every field you grace looks the same as the one you just left; same size and no grass so death is a certainty.
Destroy All Humans! 
You have two cows that are soon PK'ed into the water by that dagum sonuvabitch Crypto.
Destroy All Humans! (2) 
You have two cows. You PK them ONE INCH off the ground and they DIE. You now have two dead cows to throw at people.
Devil Hunter Seeker of Power 
The dark lord, Vecowsoul, if revived by a calf, and some random cow-slayer sets out to destroy the five parts of Vecowsoul, while at the same time, obtaining the legendary sword Masamoone.
Devil May Cry (in general) 
You have two cows. You used to have three, but you disowned the second one because it got emotional, stupid, and couldn't see what it was milking.
Devil May Cry 3
You meet two cows. One is a kick-ass heterochromic cow who hates you yet you flirt with incessantly, and the other is a smurf-colored vampire succubus cow with exposed utters. You don't get to milk either of them.
Deus Ex 
You work for two cows. The cows tell you to kill the farmers. You kill the cows.
Deus Ex (2) 
You have one really great cow, but then you are given another and it has better graphics, but still sucks.
Deus Ex (3) 
You have two cows. You can choose between milking, selling or slaughtering them.
Diablo 
There are three prime cows and two normal cows you have to kill. You insist that you're not a milkmaid.
Diablo 2 
Travel forth into terror's lair. But you must know that there are two cows you must milk. Only then you can face the Prime Cow.
Diablo 2 (2) 
You have two cows. They get killed by new characters going for the cow level rush. You have no cows.
Diablo 2 (3) 
You have 200 cows attacking you in the Supposedly Secret Cow Level.
Diablo 2 (4) 
You have two cows. You click them 100 times and nothing happens. There is no cow level.
Diablo 2 (5) 
You see two cows. Now you see 2000 cows. You realize you're in the secret cow level. PWN THEM ALL.
Diddy Kong Racing 
You have two cows. For some reason, you have to defeat them in a race to save your planet or something. It makes no sense, but it's fun anyway.
Diddy Kong Racing (2) 
You have two cows. They race each other after one cow collects four golden balloons from each racetrack. Then, that cow must go and collect all of the coins from the same levels in order to get more balloons. Afterwards, the cow must race the second cow, yet again, even though the second cow has a completely unfair advantage because it can breathe fire. After beating this cow and the other three boss cows, the main cow squares off against a massive bull who sounds nowhere near as threatening as he's supposed to look. After winning, the cow celebrates with all of the other racer cows, and hopefully that one cow who looks like a rooster will get its head blown off because it really doesn't have much use otherwise.
Diddy Kong Racing DS 
You have two cows. They do the exact same things as last time, so you buy Mario Kart DS instead.
Dig Dug 
You have two cows trapped in underground tunnels. You dig down to each one, insert your bicycle pump in its anus, and pump until it explodes. I can't believe this game wasn't banned.
Disgaea: Hour of Darkness 
You have two cows. You spend in the upward of 150 hours getting them both to level 9999. A better class of cow is unlocked. You transmigrate your lv9999 cows into a slightly better class. You now have two level 1 cows. But on the plus side, they'll develop faster than normal.
Disgaea 2: Cursed Memories 
You have one cow. It is a being of solitude.
Dissidia: Final Fantasy
You have two cows. They are SMACK!....dabinthemiddleoftheopenfield.
DJMAX 
GAME OVER
U NEED MORE COWS
DJMAX Portable 2 
[ MISSION ]
Exceed 2000000 COWS!
Don't 'BREAK' more than 2 cows!
Would you like to challenge the MISSION?
[ YES ] NO

Then you fail instantly because you're forced to play with the FADER-BLINK, MAX RANDOM, and CHAOS-W modifiers, an upside-down screen, and spinning notes.
DoDonPachi 
You have two bees.
Doki Doki Majo Shinpan 2 
You have two cows. You get to the end and you curse yourself because there are no bare udders.
DonPachi
THIS IS NOT SIMILATION. GET READY
TO DESTOROY THE ENEMY. TARGET FOR
THE TWO COWS OF FUCKIN' MACHINE.
DO YOUR BEST YOU HAVE EVER DONE.
Doom
You have two cows. A portal to hell opens up. They are either killed or turned into zombie cows.
Doom 3
You have two cows. A portal to hell opens up. Their spines and heads detach from their body and attack you.
Doom 3 (2)
It's too dark to see how many cows you have.
DotA
You have two cows. One is maphacking, the other is using a Name Spoofer.
DotA (2)
You have two cows. The new version comes out. The first cow complains about the changes, the second claims to quit the game altogether because of the rigged new hero.
Dragon Age: Origins
You have two cows. Morrigan Disapproves: -12
Dragon Age II 
You have one dead sibling and seven cows: Anders-cow is a whiny terrorist, Aveline-cow scares Varric-cow, Isabela-cow gropes you from behind, Sebastian-cow disagrees (but nobody cares), Fenris-cow disagrees much more sexily, and Varric-cow laughs at you while drinking beer. You curse the dairy farmer and demand a refund.
Dragon Quest 
A Two Cows draws near! Command?
Dragon Quest (2) 
Thou hast slain the two cows!
Dragon Quest VIII
You have two cows. They have been cursed by a jester holding an evil scepter so you go out to save them. One of them keeps jumping to the side, freezing, and shouting "COR BLIMEY!" and you don't know why.
Dragon Quest Heroes: Rocket Slime
You have two gigantic cow tanks!
Dragon Warrior III
You have one Hero cow. You must answer several questions to determine his milk quality. You then choose 3 more cows from several classes and determine their milk quality and color from the class. You then go on a quest to kill the evil cow, for he killed HeroCow's father, and once defeated, will reveal there is an even bigger cow you must milk. He also tells you that your cows must drop to level one just to be able to taste his milk, and that HeroCow's dad isn't dead. Not to mention you must finish the evil cow 2 off.
Dragon's Lair
You have two cows and three seconds to push the right key before they die.
Drakengard
You have two cows, but the imperials steal both. You go on a bloody massacre accompanied by a psycopath, just to get them back.
Driver
You have two cows that are currently tailgating you and mooing with their sirens. Lose them and head for the lockup.
Duke Nukem Forever
You have one cow, and have been waiting twelve years for the second. When you finally get it, it refuses to produce any milk but only makes sour cottage cheese.
Dungeon Keeper 
You should build a lair for your two cows. You should build a hatchery to feed your two cows. Your two cows are attacking the enemy!
Dungeon Keeper 
Your two cows are being held in an enemy prison. Your two cows are being tortured by an enemy keeper!
Dungeonman 
You can't get ye two cows.
Dungeon Siege
You have two cows. The Krug steal them, prompting you to go and retake them. You are soon dragged into a massive quest, during which you make so much from selling armor that you can afford to quit ranching forever.
Dungeon Siege II
You and your friend run a ranch. You try to sell two cows but the buyer tries to get out of paying by killing you and your friend. You survive and try to get revenge but end up destroying the world in the process.
Dungeon Siege II Broken World
Aliens have been abducting and mutilating cows, turning them into totally freaky monsters. To make matters worse, everyone is blaming you.
Dwarf Fortress
You have two cows and fifty cats. You butcher the cats. Your food haulers are overwhelmed by the number of cat chunks and they rot in the Butcher's Shop. The miasma makes your butcher tantrum and he knocks your legendary armorer into the chasm. A hunter comes back on fire from an imp attack and your stockpiles start burning. Everyone is on fire, so no-one will raise the drawbridge to stop the goblin siege from getting into the fortress. Your pump operators get butchered by goblins, and the waterfall in your dining room overflows into the magma for the forges. The cows are killed in the resulting steam explosion. Years later, an adventurer finds the Lost Art of Skull Berries, a *Detailed Stone Wall*. On the wall is an image of two cows. The two cows are in a fetal position.
Dynasty Warriors
Somehow Cow 1 can kill Cow 2 and his entire army of 12 thousand.
Dynasty Warriors (2)
You have two Caos.

E

EarthBound
You have two cows. You paint them blue.
EarthBound (2)
You have four Chosen Cows. One of them is taken away by a creepy old man so he can learn a powerful new attack and act as Deus Ex Machina in your next boss battle.
Earthbound (3)
Cow A says "moo!". Cow B use PSI Ice OMEGA!.
Earthbound (4)
You cannot grasp the true form of your two cows' attack!
Earthbound sequel (Mother 3)
Those lucky Japanese have two cows.
Earthworm Jim 
TWO COWS LAUNCHED.
Earthworm Jim 2
You have two cows. Each time you win a level, one congratulates you and the other chews his cud.
The Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion 
You have two HD cows, but you have to turn them off because your PC is too weak.
The Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion (2) 
Your two cows are stabled outside the city gate.
The Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion (3) 
You have 2 cows. They knock all your food off the table.
The Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion (4) 
You were born under the Two Cows birthsign so you produce a gallon of milk per day but have a weakness to forks.
The Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion (5) 
You steal two cows and run into a building thinking you are safe. OMG! the guards here are smarter than in morrowind and have learned to use doors! The guard pwns you.
The Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion (6) 
You have two cows and 198 arrows. You click the arrows twice and drop your two cows. Your two hundred cows run away before you can pick them back up. You have no cows.
The Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion (7) 
You search the internet for two cows, but don't find any you like. You wish you could use the Construction Set so you could make your own cows.
The Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion (8) 
You have a ridiculous amount of options to customize your cows' faces, but you end up only seeing the face, which you spent an hour on, in the inventory.
The Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion (9) 
You saw two cows the other day, horrible creatures, you avoid them whenever you can.
The Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion (10) 
You have two cows, one is the rightful king, the other his protector,the protector kills a 20 foot tall fire demon then dies while walking over a bump in the road.

The Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion (11) : You have two cows, you cant see them because its after 6pm, you hear a grown then a scream. You have one cow. you skin the cow and eat it to heal yourself

The Elder Scrolls 3: Morrowind 
You have two cows. A mysterious assassin comes after them so you must find out why but you are given almost no direction on where to go. You become a werewolf vampire and kill everyone.
The Elder Scrolls 3: Morrowind (2) 
You have three cows. But you only see one of them unless you buy expansion pack.
The Elder Scrolls 3: Morrowind (3) 
You have two cows. One of them has violated the law and must pay gold or serve a sentence of hard labor.
The Elder Scrolls 2: Daggerfall 
You have two cows. Your class doesn't allow you to equip the first one and the other one's material is innefective.
The Elder Scrolls 2: Daggerfall (2) 
You have two cows. This was fixed with the v1.69 patch.
The Elder Scrolls 2: Daggerfall (3) 
You have two cows. This will probably crash the game.
The Elder Scrolls 2: Daggerfall (4) 
You have two cows. Unless you've increased the objmemsize in your Z.cfg the game will begin to eat your inventory.
The Elder Scrolls 2: Daggerfall (5) 
You have one cow. Your game will still probably crash.
Elite Beat Agents 
Cows are...GO!!
Enfos Team Survival (Tournament Edition) 
Your cows get owned sooner or later, but the enemy cows get overrun even faster by vicious creeps so you can win this even without any cows left. (You secretly wish to kill some cows instead of creeps, so you don't vote for regame and leave to play DOTA)
Eternal Darkness 
You have three cows. They build huge underground cities inhabited by demented udder shaped creatures beneath your mansion. Their milk causes you to go insane. You spend a week transversing between different eras, cowntries and parallel timelines to defeat the 3 cows in turn. You learn that a 4th cow was manipulating you all along to unleash himself on the world and there is nothing you can do. You turn off the cownsole and wish you had bought that Pixies album instead.
Eternal Lands
You have two cows that you get to play with for free, but you can't have them helping each other or you'll get banned. You make a killing running errands for people whose cows are antisocial and explore a massive pasture that is nearly uninhabited. All people on the chat lines talk about is how much better the pastures in Eternal Lands are than those in Runescape.
Eve of the Apocalypse 
You have two cows. Opponents control all obelisks and cowspawn locations. You decide to play DOTA again.
EvE Online 
You have two cows. One gets nerfed and becomes unplayable. Then the node crashes. Pirates kill your Cows and steal your TI milk. You can't log in. The node dies. You have 2 cows.
EvE Online (2) 
You have two cows. One of the cows spends 2 and a half years infiltrating your farm, before he sells all your equipment and pods your other cow. The cow writes a long history of it's infiltration. The history is then cross-posted onto other farming journals where people laugh at how the cow wasted all that time on you.
Ever 17: The Out of Infinity
You have two cows that are stuck in the theme park at the bottom of the ocean. One has a Tief-Blau virus and the other one is an immortal. Both of them are scared of a 4th dimensional ghost.
Evil Genius
You have three cows. You build a barracks, recruit twenty-eight more cows, and send fifteen cows to Northern China to steal a Ming vase. The Chinese government sends six bulls to kill you.
Everquest 
/sit
/camp
It will take 30 seconds to prepare your camp...
It will take 25 seconds to prepare your camp...
GandalfKevin yells for help
GandalfKevin says 'Help!"
Cow1 says 'You have ruined your own lands, you will not ruin mine!!'
Cow2 says 'You have ruined your own lands, you will not ruin mine!!'
Cow1 crushes YOU for 217 points of damage!
You are stunned.
Cow2 crushes YOU for 204 points of damage!
Cow1 crushes YOU for 325 points of damage!
Cow2 crushes YOU for 880 points of damage!
Cow1 tries to hit YOU, but misses!
You are stunned.
Cow1 crushes YOU for 440 points of damage!
Cow2 crushes YOU for 544 points of damage!
You have been slain by Cow2!
LOADING, PLEASE WAIT...
You have entered Freeport.
Gandalfkevin tells you 'Sorry'
You reply to Gandalfkevin 'Asshole"
/shout "Can I get a SoW for CR please!?'
Everquest (2) 
You have two cows. LOADING, PLEASE WAIT...

F

F-Zero 
Wild Cow
Pilot: Farmer Pico
Beef: B
Milk: D
Horns: C
Weight: 500kg
Fable :
You have two cows, you know they're safe cause they can't jump fences.
Fable 
You have two cows. Cow 1 kills cow 2's family, and cow 2 goes after cow 1, finding out his family is alive, but killing cow 1 anyway.
Fable (2) 
You have two cows. Check the guild for two more cows............Check the guild for two more cows.................check the guild......
Fable (3) 
Hero, your two cows are low, do you you have some potions, or food?
Fable (4) 
You have two cows, one is some cow that you happened to pass by, and they instantly loved you. The other, you just want to bring home to milk, but you can't because "they need a wedding ring first."
Fable (5) 
You have two cows, one is light and one is dark. You are light. The dark cow is signifiacntly more powerful, but will scare people and make you evil as well. The light cow looks ridicuolusly stupid, or is really ugly, and will scare people anyway.
Fable (6) 
You have two cows. Try to get your cow multiplier even higher.
Fable (7) 
You have two cows. One of them is now evil enough to use the middle finger expression.
Fable 2
You have two cows. They go to live with Lord Lucien, who kills one. The other survives and goes in search of three new, utterly useless cows.
Faces of War
You have two cows. One runs into a clearly marked minefield while the other continuously runs out of ammo shooting at air.
Fallout 
You have two Brahmin, for a total of 4 cow heads.
Fallout (2) 
You only have one cow. But it has two heads.
Fallout 2
Cows. Two cows never changes.
Fallout 2 (2)
You have two cows. Myron knows where you can get more cows. Threaten to abandon his sorry , he'll spill.
Fallout 2 (3)
The federal government has kidnapped your cows. It is your job to get them back. Instead you sleep with the daughter and wife of a local crime lord and become a boxing champion.
Fallout 2 (low intelligence)
You have two Moo-Moos.
Fallout 3
You have two cows and massive debts. You sell the rights to make a third cow to an prominent, treacherous developer. The internet community foams at the mouth and sends the new company death threats.
Fallout 3 (2)
You have two cows. One saves a radioactive wasteland through doing a bunch of unrelated tasks. Theres a 40% chance of a headshot on the other.
Fallout 3 (3)
Your cow is broken. You use the other cow to repair it.
Fallout 3 (4)
Your two cows have died.
Fallout 3 (5)
You have two cows. You are overcummbered, so now you can't travel to Tenpenny Tower.
Fallout 3 (6)
You have a cows with two heads.
Fallout: New Vegas
You had two cows once, but some douche in a suit named Benny shot them. You and your Robotic dog join the Legion and kill absolutely everything.
Far Cry 
You have two cows on a boat. Some people blow up the boat, and the cows float onto a nearby island. They are transformed into mutants while you try to rescue them. You are thoroughly disappointed.
Far Cry 2 
You have two cows for whom you do missions. You play both cows against each other. Eventually, the cows turn against you. You kill the cows, as well as a bunch of other cows, but somehow never end up killing the one cow you were supposed to kill in the first place, and you still have malaria.


Fatal Fury 
COW-WAH WAVE! COW-WAH DUNK! BUUUURN KNUKOW! ARE YOU OKAY? BUSTAAAAAA COW!!
FBI Hostage Rescue
You had two cows, but they were kidnapped. They cannot be rescued, unfortunately, because they are too stupid to follow you.
F.E.A.R.
You have two cows. You have a hallucination of them being eaten by blood-stained psychics.
F.E.A.R. (2)
Two cows wearing gas masks see you. They push over a couch and hide behind it, yelling random profanities. They fire at you with their udders from behind the couch. The milk that misses you creates giant holes in the wall and floor and a spectacular dust cloud.
FFORPG 
You have two cows. The cows kill a lvl 82 Gigan Cow, dropping green milk. Some n00b touches the milk with a full inventory. Now you can't get the milk.
Fifa Football 
You have two cows. Every year you have to get two more cows and leave last year's ones to die. The new cows aren't really much better than last year's, but you need to have them because all your friends have some.
Final Fantasy
You have two cows. Only one cow was released in America because the company executives underestimated the popularity of cows in the American market.
Final Fantasy (2)
No one touches my two cows!! MILK WARRIORS?? You impertinent fools. I, Garland, will knock all your cows down!!
Final Fantasy IV
YOU SPOONY COW! SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
Final Fantasy V
You have two cows. They control the void.
Final Fantasy V (2)
You have two cows, you change their classes using the power of the crystals, teach them all $toss and wtfpwn the final boss.
Final Fantasy VI
You have two cows. You put one in a test tube and drain all its energy, making it suffer, and you kill the other and suck its energy after it died. You compare your results, discover that the second test worked better, and eat a nice, steak dinner.
Final Fantasy VI (2)
AHEM! There's SAND on my TWO COWS!
Final Fantasy VI (3)
You have two cows. Kefka Kills Your Cows BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!.
Final Fantasy VI (4)
You pitiful two cows! You sound like cows out of a self help booklet!
Final Fantasy VII
You have two cows. Their milk is the energy that keeps the Planet alive.
Final Fantasy VII (2)
You have two cows. Masses of fanboys come and trample them.
Final Fantasy VII (3)
You have two cows. Theyre Basically just Cubes With Sticks For Legs.
Final Fantasy VII (4)
You see that cow? To you, it looks like an ordinary cow. But I see a golden shiny cow of hope.
Final Fantasy VII (5)
Sit your two cows down in those chairs and drink some MILK!
Final Fantasy VII (6)
You have two cows. One of them dies, but everybody around the world thinks you can revive it somehow.
Final Fantasy VII (7)
The cow you think you have, that is the illusion. This chocobo I'm sitting on, this is the reality.
Final Fantasy VII (8)
You have two cows, one is good and the other is great. You make them race with other cows a little and then cross them with a Carob nut.
Final Fantasy VII (9)
There ain't no gettin offa deez two cows we on!
Final Fantasy VIII
You have two cows. ...whatever.
Final Fantasy VIII (2)
You have two cows. One exists in the present, and the other exists in the future and possesses the present cow. You come to realize they are actually the same cow, but you kill the future one anyway.
Final Fantasy IX
You have two cows. They have a mission to disrupt the life cycle of the cow.
Final Fantasy IX (2)
You have two cows. Do they have tasty munchies?
Final Fantasy X
You have two cows. One of them is just a dream. The other has been dead the entire game.
Final Fantasy X (2)
You have two cows. Sin kills them for using machina.
Final Fantasy X (3)
Go now, if you want it. An udder world awaits you! Don't you give up on it, you bite the hand that milks you.
Final Fantasy XI
You start the game and are given two cows. You find out that it takes roughly 1 million cows to level up and roughly 5 million cows to get decent equipment. You quit the game in a day, finding out that only 10 people on your server have this many cows.
Final Fantasy XI (2)
You sell cows and speak poor English. Everyone hates you.
Final Fantasy X-2
Shinra tells you you have two cows. He doesn't know what that means because he's just a kid. People are dancing.
Final Fantasy X-2 (2)
You have two cows. One wants to destroy the world using Vegnacow, and the other has been comatose underwater all this time.
Final Fantasy XII
You have two cows. Unfortunately, you don't have the license to use two cows.
Final Fantasy XII (2)
You have two cows. One tells only lies, and the other is BASCH FON RONSENBURG OF DALMASCA!!
Final Fantasy XIII
You have two cows. One has unrealistic jumping abilities. The other is a generic hero stereotype that sucks ass in an actual fight. Also a third cow has a bad australian accent.
Final Fantasy Tactics
You have 26 main cows, 83 secondary cows, and several hundred other cows, all of whose names you need to learn in the first chapter. Every cow is using and being manipulated by at least eight other cows. The cows all worship St. Ajora. You turn your enemy's cows into slowed stopped powerless magicless chicken frogs, steal their items, and then hit your own cows for experience.
Final Fantasy Tactics (2)
Thanks to two cows, we were successful!
Final Fantasy Tactics (3)
You have a party of cows. Wiegraf pwns you, since you failed to obtain Chameleon Robe/Feather Boots/Yell. And you have no save point to go back to. You still have a party of cows that are waiting to help you on command, but you are dead.
Final Fantasy Tactics Advance
You have two cows. The laws forbid that you have the two cows. Judges arrest you and you are sent to jail.
Final Fantasy Tactics Advance (2)
You have two cows. New cow seeks membership in the herd! Welcome cow to herd? The cow left crying.
Fire Emblem (general)
You have two cows. You're having difficulty slaughtering them because they have an "A" support with each other.
Fire Emblem: Blazing Sword (1)
Udder-gal, the Dark Druid, is trying to summon 2 cows so he can take their quintessence and have enough power to rule the Moo-rld. Elihooves' father, the Marquis of Pher-graze, goes missing, Ellihooves must go on a quest to save his father...and the world.
Fire Emblem: Blazing Sword (2)
A long time ago, cows and men lived in peace. But this was disrupted when the men made a sudden milking spree on the cows. This started a war, called the Scowring, and eventually eight legendary moo-roes banished the cows to the Cow Realm past Cow's Gate. It turns out later in the game that Ninian and Nils were really...2 cows all along.
Fire Emblem: Sacred Stones
The nation of Graze-do has invaded their neighbor Moonais. The 2 royal cows,Moophraim and Moorika, must go on a dangerous quest to find out the dark secret that tore their pastures apart.
Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance
You have two cows. One activates a ridiculously overpowered skill and the other falls over, but it turns out that the second cow was just letting the first cow win.
Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn
You have two cows. The first cow is actually half-horse, but is still the older sister of the second cow who is a normal cow.
Fire Emblem: Genealogy of the Holy War
Sir Sigmoond goes on an epic quest to save his 2 childhood cows from an evil milking machine only to be dragged into a large-scale milk war. When he dies, his calf Moolice and a mysterious calf named Moolia take his place as the saviors of the pasture.
[Fire Escape]
You have two cows, I mean roasted steaks which you have no time to eat beca- THE FOREST IS ON FIRE!!!
Fire Escape (2)
You have two cows, which abruptly erupt into flames along with every single tree around you.
Flicky
You have two calfs. You need to collect them and get them to the barn while avoiding the bulls.
Football Manager 
Your starting lineup contains two shithot cow regens. You pile the pressure on the opposition but they score in the last minute of injury time with their only shot at goal. You restart the game.
Footman Frenzy 
You are located in one corner and have an upgradable main contioniously spawning upgradable cows. Together with your two allies you start serious with your nine opponents in the mid and all your cows get owned simultaniously by one scepter of shockwaves. When you finally have the money for tier 2 cow - to - tauren - upgrade, your team gets crushed by one single [unbalanced T_T] uber - jaood - stealth - abuser - cow (?) with mask of death and five claws of attack.
Furcadia 
You have two cows. You are one of these cows.

G

G-Darius 
You have two cows, but they look like fish.
Galaga 
You have two cows stampeding at you. You move aside to avoid them, but one comes back at you from behind and tramples you.
Gauntlet Legends
Two cows need food, badly!
Gears Of War
You have four cows. One chainsaws the other one in half, while another curb stomps another cow. The Locust Cows win the match again.
Gears of War 2
You have four cows. 2 of which are never seen in the campaign at all until halfway through the game. The other 2 get shot by a shit-ton of bullets only to heal 5 seconds later like they werent even shot. Also, pray you get host powers next match.
Genji 2 
Uhh, here's this giant enemy cow. What I'll do is use Benkei here...to...flip over this cow onto its back...if he shows up. I'll switch over to Yoshitsune, hop on its udders, and you milk its weak point for massive damage.
Genji 2 (2) 
... Real time... Cow change...
Giants : Citizen Kabuto
You capture 2 wild cows and use their milk as energy for your jetpack. Then you watch a funny clip where a big cow named KabutoCow rapes you and your cows and eats you to replenish his heath.
Giga Wing
You have two cows. You activate your reflect shield and they bounce off and hit the enemy that shot them. Then they turn into gold medals.
God Hand
Well, these are some ugly-ass cows, I wonder what all the fuss is abou--HOLY COW THIS IS FUCKING AWESOME!! OH MY GOD I'M THE MOTHERFUCKING OLD MCDONALD JESUS CHRIST! FUCK YES! YOU ARE THE BEST TWO COWS EVER!
God of War 
Seeing Kratos' bad-assyness in the game with the combined horrors of Greek Mythology, we all know what's going to happen to them poor two cows.
God of War (2) 
You had two cows, but killed them when Ares made you go on a mad murder frenzy. You are now on a journey to avenge your two cows.
God of War II 
You have two cows. You cut one's head off and use it to bludgeon the other one while gratuitous amounts of blood fly everywhere. You then force feed the cow your swords while kicking it so hard that it's intestines come out through its nose.
God of War III 
You have two cows.... but Kratos Kills them
The Godfather, The Game 
You have forty cows. If the cops ask how you have forty cows you bribe him. If he declines you lead-pipe his ass into oblivion.
Godzilla: Save the Earth 
You have two cows. Rodan flies circles around them burns them with his heat breath, then flies towards them too fast for them to react and scratches them with his claws.
Golden Sun 
You have two cows. Their farmland is destroyed by a giant rock and your other cow was kidnapped. Your spiky-haired cow must rescue your other cow so you can have two cows again.
Golden Sun 
You have two cows. Set them on standby to summon Bovinus! Milk Power rises by 37!
Golden Sun 2 TLA 
You have two cows. You go with them to try to do the entire bloody prequel so you can fight Dullahan.
Golden Sun 2 TLA (2) 
You had two cows. One jumped off a lighthouse to save the other, survived, and is now saving the world.
Gradius 
SPEED COW | COW MISSLE | DOUBLE COWS | COW LASER | COWPTION | COW?
Gradius 2
DESTROY THE COW!
Gradius 3
You have two cows. They shoot the same weapons and missiles as you do and follow you in a trail. A scorpion thing flies across the screen and steals one of your cows.
Gradius Gaiden
You have two cows. They are different colored and each one fires different weapons. They can also rearrange their power meters. Unfortuantely, by the late 90's, nobody gave a shit about Gradius anymore, so they didn't get released in North America.
Granado Espada 
Unfortunately, the enchantment failed and you lost two cows.
Grand Theft Auto 
You have two cows. You insert weapons cheat #7, load cow #1 up with 600kg of explosives, and blow him up. A police officer walks by, and does nothing. You then beat cow #2 to death with a baseball bat. Again, a police officer walks by, and does nothing. You bump into a police officer, and gain a six star wanted level, and are taken down by 16,978 SWATs dropped from helicopters.
Grand Theft Auto 
You have two cows. Hot Coffee Modddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd!!!!!!!
Grand Theft Auto San Andreas
You pull the driver off his cow and ride it back to Grove Street, pick up your girlfriend, ride the cow around a neighborhood she likes, then take her home for some "Hot Coffee". Meanwhile, Ballas steal your cow parked outside her house.
Grand Theft Auto San Andreas (2)
You have two cows in your garage. You don't ever use them, because they are way too hard to find and you might lose them. So they collect dust in your garage, while you take Sweet's car over to Big Smoke's house.
Grand Theft Auto San Andreas (3)
You have two cows that are on opposite sides of your map and they want you to do favors for them. You promptly ignore them, and go gun down gang memebers, steal cars, use jetpack/weapons cheats, and hang out at the strip club. Shortly afterwords, you grow bored of the game, and never finish the story. Wait....what story? There's a story?
Grand Theft Auto IV
You have two cows. They want to go bowling with you.
Grand Theft Auto IV (2)
You take two cows home and tell them interesting things.
Grandia
You have two overrated, easily predictable cows. They travel to the end of the world, but one gets seasick and goes home. The other one gets a happy ending.
Grandia (2)
According to my calculations, you have two cows.
Grandia (3)
You have two bulls. One is young and handsome and the other wants to take over the farm. At the end, the old one turns into a salad with a pineapple that shoots flaming seeds.
Grandia II
You have two cows. Both of these cows are the same person, but one's an evil demigoddess and the other's a priestess. Your main cow is caught between the two, and has an older cow brother of no real significance, except to use an attack that looks exactly like one used in the previous game. Drama ensues.
Grim Fandango 
You have two cows. Not picking that up.
Guild Wars
6/8 GLF 2 healing cows for mission and bonus
Guild Wars (2)
You start out with one cow, but you get to choose a secondary cow to round out your cowracter. You can change your secondary cow later if you want to.
Guild Wars (3)
You have two cows. You used to be able to solo with one cow, but then it had its milk nerfed in the latest patch, so now you have to use both.
Guild Wars Prophecies 
You had two cows, but they were Warrior/Monks and they Aggro'd every enemy in the instance.
Guild Wars Factions 
You had two cows, But they were Assassins, so they died before you could milk them.
Guild Wars Nightfall 
You have two cows. You could milk them but the game puts you up against level 15 enemies when you're only 8-10 so you can't milk them.
Guilty Gear
You have two cows:one is in red, badass, powerful and he is secretly the Guilty CowGear.The other one is in blue, boring, Christian and powerful. For some reasons they start a fight...LET'S ROCK!
Guilty Gear (2)
You have two cows. When you attempt to milk them, you realize that one of them is actually a bull.
Guitar Hero 
You have two cows. One is singing, which is REALLY FUCKING DISTRACTING BECAUSE YOUR OTHER ONE IS TRYING TO FUCKING PLAY THE GUITAR.
Guitar Hero 2
You have two cows. People call you a cheater because they run at Hyper Speed.
Guitar Hero 2 (2)
You have two cows. Cow A has a hard time passing milk, while Cow B has a messed up udder and is hard to produce 5-star quality milk.
Gungrave 
You have two cows. One of them runs a mafia organization full of white demons. The other one is a corpse that will move when filled with blood.
Gunstar Heroes 
You have two bulls. They run around shooting stuff and making cool explosions.

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Uncyclopedia presents: the You have two cows anthology!

Twocows

1. Analysis
2. Anime
3. Bovine Quotes
4. Cowmedy
5. Emootions
6. Endings
7. Famous Cows
8. Groups

9. This cow does not exist
10. In the Moos
11. Language of Cows
12. Literature
13. Moosical Moovements
14. Moovies
15. Non-Video Games
16. People

17. Politicowl Junk
18. Programming Languages
19. Religion
20. Software 'n Such
21. Sound of Moo-sic
22. Television
23. Travel
24. Video Games

24.3. Video Games Volume 2
25. World and Web of Cows
26. You Have n Cows
27. Science
28. Moodicine
29. Game Consoles
30. Game Genres
31. Capitalism

“On 9/11, despite the nationwide flight grounding, the Bush government had two cows flown out of the country. Doesn't that strike you as suspicious?”
~ Michael Moore on You have two cows
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