You have two cows/23

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This article is part of the You have two cows series.

18th Century Northern England
You have two cows, and that's about all. Your neighbours consider you to be rich.
You had two cows. The Talibull régime stoned them both to death for wearing chador instead of burqas.
You have two moose. You tell the government to stop the moose tax, but, come September, you gladly take your free $1,000 from the government. You vote for Ted Stevens and Sarah Palin out of gratitude.
You have two cows. Their burps are causing the greenhouse effect.
Arkansas City, Kansas
You have two cows. You worry that someone from Winfield will rape them.
You had two cows, but they died in a flood, so now your wife has to spend all 12 hours a day weaving baskets for 5 cents an hour.
you have two cows,they outsource milk
You have two cows. One is a college student, and the other is part of the Red Sox nation.
You have two thousand cows. Kill 1,998 of them or we'll take your land.
Mrs. O'Leary had two cows. Chicago is no more.
Two cows have you. They then organise a wild stampede through cow town. Yeehaw! Moooo!
You have two cows, but one of them said the word "Columbine" and is now in a mental institution. Oh, and Red Wings suck.
You have two cows. They set the Cowohoga River on fire.
You have two oil wells, eh? You also have two cows, eh but they give ice cream instead of milk because it's fucking cold eh!
Whaddaya fancy I take your two cows?
You have two cows. They will stage yet another Military Coup... after the Rugby game's over.
Flint, Michigan
You have zero cows.
My two cows are still the best in the world. All other cows are scum, especially the American ones. What's that? You'll fight me for my cows? *Le gulp* It's okay. You can have them. *Le RUN!*
Mr. Karalexex has two cows, and the 80 year old pedophile down the street has three cows. How soon will you get married to the 80 year old?
You have two Jewish cows. Hitler Youth kills one of them, suffocates the other personally.
You have no cows. Everyone from out of Texas expects you to have cattle, a cowboy hat, and cowboy boots since you live in Texas, but you just don't have any of those.
We will nuke your two cows off the map.
you have two cows, but can't eat them because they're all 'sacred' and shit. Hmm......I guess the pee tastes good.
You had two cows you stole, but cut one of them up and handed it back in exchange for peace (whilst still reserving the right to have it back if you needed it), fielding off protests from many of your own cowhands. Unfortunately, the neighbouring farmers still attack your remaining cow, so you build a fence around her in hopes of keeping them out for good. Then you shoot rockets at your neighbor for not building a fence with you.
You only have space for two cows, but they are well-cared for and they never jaywalk.
You have two cows. All they are is dust in the wind.
You have two cows. Very nice, how much?
You have two cows that are enraged and have fricking laser beams attached to their fricking heads.
Los Angeles
You got two cows. One of 'em went 'n joined those Bloods, and one of 'em joined the Crips. Then they went 'n killed 'chother. Yeah, dude, they were dumb, huh?
Los Angeles, Cownifornia
Traffic on I-5 is backed up to the Hollywood exit due to an accident involving a cow, and a police chase involving another cow. Motorists are advised to use I-405 or I-805, which are both backed up only 10 miles today! What a great day for us!
You have two cows. As both work for General Moo-tors, their archenemy is an old Ford Taurus.
Milton Keynes
You have two concrete cows, people keep stealing them.
You have two cows. You trade one for a lobster and name your creation Surf and Turf.
You have two cows. You keep one in New Brunswick. You can't tell them apart.
Vous avez eu deux vaches. Après une horrible firey two-cow collision sur l'autoroute, you will be eating unlimited Montréal smoked meat for a month.
Massachusetts (governed by Mitt Romney)
You have two cows? They Mormon?
You have two cows and one person.
you have two cows,they block traffic
You have two cows, hombre, but don't have time to milk them as you're too busy keeping Vicente Fox out of the henhouse.
North Korea
Glorious Leader Kim Il Sung knows what to do with your two cows.
You have two seacows. You had them half an hour before the rest of Canada. You are still waiting for your ship to come in.
You have two cows. Go back to Jersey and take those cows with you, Ya Tourist!
New Zealand
You have two cows. They are small, white and cloudlike - and the one on the right looks good.
Nuevo México
You had two cows. You lost sight of them when you missed that left turn in Albequerque and haven't seen them since. Eh, what's up doc?
You have two cows. Both you and the cows desperately hope for the approval of someone from Texas.
You have two cows. They are immediately killed and made into cheesesteaks.
You have two cows. Neither one will shut up about how good the Steelers and Penguins are.
You steal two cows.
Palestinian Territories
You had the two cows first. The Zionists stole them from you. Now they think they can pacify you by giving just one cow back, and she isn't even the best one. You will continue to fight, by any means necessary, until both cows are liberated.
Soviet Russia
In Soviet Russia, two cows have YOU!!
You have 2 cows. You count them again and find you have 4 cows. You count them again and find you have 16 cows. You give up counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
Rhode Island
You have two cows. They make coffee milk instead of normal milk.
Sears Tower
Hey! I can see Two Cows from here!
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a sheep.
San Andreas Fault
You have two cows. They give great milkshakes.
You have at least two cows. But there is a drought and Japan won't buy your cows so now you can afford to keep only two cows.
Texas 2
Y'all have two longhorns!
Beware!! Don't insult their two cows!!!
You have two cows. Your cows get taken away by China. You ask for them back but China says "No." You do this for fifty Years.
TTC — Take Two Cows. The better way! Eastbound to McCOWan, mind the gap!
Toronto's lawyers hastily erect a narrow gate around Osgoode Hall to keep your two cows out, then declare this structure to be of historic significance. No bull.
The Deep South
So you gots two 'a 'dem cows, 'n one of 'em went 'n learned ta play the banj-ee-o, and now 'sall famous 'n stuff like 'at. Sh-ee-oot, you musta been PROUD'A it, huh? YEE-HAW! *grabs banjo and plays "Dueling Banjos"*.
You have two cows. You eat them. Now you're fat.
You have two cows, eh? They give lattés instead of plain milk. Being made of leather, they shrink every time it rains - which on the Wet Coast is every day.
You have two cows, high atop a green mountain. You name one Ben and the other Jerry because they give you such good ice cream.
You have two cows. The federal government introduce a cow tax. You swear you'll Live Free or Die. Or possibly vote Libertarian.
You have two cows. They used to hate America, but aren't that bothered now. You now want to sell the cows to America.
You have two cows. You exchange them for sheep. Bliss ensues.
Winfield, Kansas
You have two cows. You worry that someone from Arkansas City will rape them
Uncyclopedia presents: the You have two cows anthology!


1. Analysis
2. Anime
3. Bovine Quotes
4. Cowmedy
5. Emootions
6. Endings
7. Famous Cows
8. Groups

9. This cow does not exist
10. In the Moos
11. Language of Cows
12. Literature
13. Moosical Moovements
14. Moovies
15. Non-Video Games
16. People

17. Politicowl Junk
18. Programming Languages
19. Religion
20. Software 'n Such
21. Sound of Moo-sic
22. Television
23. Travel
24. Video Games

24.3. Video Games Volume 2
25. World and Web of Cows
26. You Have n Cows
27. Science
28. Moodicine
29. Game Consoles
30. Game Genres
31. Capitalism

“Only together can we turn the cows to the Dark Side of the Fence.”
~ Emperor Palpatine on You have two cows
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