You have two cows/18

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This article is part of the You have two cows series.


Console-based languages

ABAP

report sap_cow_inventory.
data:
  lf_cows   type i,
  lf_msg(99)type c.
do 2 times.
  add 1 to lf_cows.
enddo.
concatenate 'You have' lf_cows 'cows' into lf_text separated by space.
write: / lf_text.

ABAP (object-oriented)

report sap_cow_inventory_oo.
class cl_cow definition public create public.
  public section.
    class-data: nr_of_cows type i.
    methods: constructor.
endclass.
class cl_cow implementation.
  public section.
    method constructor.
      add 1 to nr_of_cows.
    endmethod.
endclass.         
data:
  first_cow  type ref to cl_cow,
  second_cow type ref to cl_cow.
create object first_cow.
create object second_cow.
write: / 'You have' cl_cow=>nr_of_cows 'cows'.

ACS_Script

 int cows = 2;
 
 script 2 open
 {
 if (cows = 2) {
   hudmessage(s:"You have ", d:cows," cows..."; hudmsg_fadeout, 10, cr_gold, 0.99, 0.99, 2.0);
 }
 else if (cows >= 3) {
   hudmessage(s:"You have too much of cows..."; hudmsg_fadeout, 10, cr_gold, 0.99, 0.99, 2.0);
 }
 else if (cows <= 1) {
   hudmessage(s:"You have too less of cows..."; hudmsg_fadeout, 10, cr_gold, 0.99, 0.99, 2.0);
 }
 delay(200);
 hudmessage(s:"Cow says moo!"; hudmsg_fadeout, 10, cr_gold, 0.99, 0.99, 2.0);
 delay(200);
 restart;
 }

ActionScript

onClipEvent (load) {
  var cows = 2;
  trace("You have " + cows + " cows.");
  crash();
}

ActionScript 2.0

class org.farm.Farmer {
  var cows:Number = 2;
  function Farmer() {
     _root.createTextField('report', 0, 0, 0, 100, 20);
     _root.report._text = "You have "+cows+" cows.";
  }
}

AppleScript

tell application "System Events"
    set cow_start to "cow"
    set cows_you_have to "2 " & cow_start & "s"
    return "You have " & cows_you_have & "!!"
end tell

ASP

<%
Dim str1
Dim str2
str1 = "You have two cows"
str2 = "They say 'moo', beyotches!"
Response.write(str1)
Response.write(str2)
%>

Assembly language (Game Boy)

ld a,2
jp set_cows

set_cows: push af
.waitvblnk: ld a,($FF44) ;number of cows can only be modified during vblank
cp $90
jr nz,.waitvblnk
pop af
ld (num_cows),a
ret

Assembly language (Nintendo 64)

ADDIU $A0, $zero, 0002
LUI $V0, 8016
SW $A0, F15C($V0) ;8015F15C = cow counter. Stupid signed addition.

Assembly language (TI-83/84 plus)

.org $9d93
.db t2byteTok, AsmProg
ld hl,Str_TwoCows
b_call(_PutS)
ret
Str_TwoCows: 
.db "You have two cows",0

AWK

END { print "you have: " NR " cows."; }

Bash

#!/bin/sh
COWS=2;
echo "you have: $COWS cows.";

Befunge

0"swoc owt evah uoY">:#v_@
                    ^, <

Binary

0101100101101111011101010010000001101000011000010111011001100101001000000111010001110111011011110010000001100011011011110111011101110011001011100000110100001010

Brainfuck

Implementation #1:

 >   ++++++++[<++++>-]
 >   ++++++  [<++++>-]
 <   [
      > >>[>]<+++++[>+>+<<-]
      > >[-<<+>>]<[<]<-
    ]
 >   >[>]<[-]
 <   <<<<<<-.>>>>+.>++.
[<] <<.>>>
[>] <<<<-.<<++.>>>>+.<<<+.
[<] <<.>>>
[>] <<--.>-.<<.
[<] <<.>>>
[>] <<<<<--.>>.>>.<-.
[<] >>>>>>>>>+.
[<] >>.

Implementation #2:

 >+++++++++[>++++++++++<-]>>++[>+++++<-]>.<<-. 
 <++[>+++++++++++<-]>.++++++.>+++++++ 
 ++++[>++<-]>.<<-------------.------- 
 .<+++++++[>+++<-]>.----------------- 
 .>>.<<<+++++[>+++<-]>.+++.<++++[>--< 
 -]>.>>.<<<++++++[>--<-]>.<++++++[>++ 
 <-]>.<++[>++++<-]>.----.>++++++[>--- 
 <-]>---->+++++++[>+++++++<-]>---.<<..


BASIC

General

10 PRINT "YOU HAVE TWO COWS"
20 GOTO 10

C64 BASIC

10 POKE 808,237
20 PRINT "YOU HAVE TWO COWS"
30 GOTO 20

QBASIC

COWS = 2
"Boolean expression required"

TI-BASIC

PROGRAM:2COWS
:Repeat 0
:Disp "HOW MANY COWS?"
:Input C
:If C<0 and not(fPart(C
:Disp "YOU OWE SOMEONE","COWS."
:If C=1
:Disp "YOU HAVE ONE","LONELY COW."
:If C=2
:Disp "YOU HAVE 2 COWS!"
:If 2<C and not(fPart(C
:Disp "YOU HAVE TOO","MANY COWS."
:If fPart(C
:Disp "YOU HAVE BLOODY","COW PARTS."
:If imag(C
:Disp "YOU THINK YOU","HAVE COWS."
:End
:End

Base64

WW91IGhhdmUgdHdvIGNvd3MuDQo=

C

#include "ruminants.h"
#include "cows.h"
int main(int cowc, char **cowv) {
     unsigned int nbCows = 2;
     COW *cows;
     cows = calloc(nbCows, sizeof *cows);
     return 0;
}

C#

using System;
using System.Farm;
namespace twoCows
{
  class Cow
  {
    public void Moo ()
    {
      Console.WriteLine ("Moo.");
    }
  }
  class MyTwoCows
  {
    static void Main()
    {
      Cow[] cows = new Cow[2];
      Console.WriteLine("You have {0} cows.", cows.Length);
    }
  }
}

C++

#include <iostream>
#include <vector>
#include "bovine.h"

using namespace bovine;

int main()
{
  std::vector<cattle::cow> cows;
  cows.push_back("daisy");
  cows.push_back("geraldine");
  std::cout << "You have " << cows.size() << " cows." << std::endl;
  return 0;
}

Casio CFX Implementation

2→C
While C≠1
"YOU HAVE TWO COWS"
WhileEnd
Stop

ColdFusion

<cfset cows=2>
<cfoutput> You have #cows# cows</cfoutput>

COWBOL

     IDENTIFICATION DIVISION.
     ENVIRONMENT DIVISION.
      CONFIGURATION SECTION.
       SOURCE-COMPUTER.  VAX-VMS.
       OBJECT-COMPUTER.  VAX-VMS.
      INPUT-OUTPUT SECTION.
      FILE-CONTROL.
          SELECT COWS-IN    ASSIGN TO 'COWS.DAT'.
          SELECT LINE-OUT   ASSIGN TO 'COWS-REPORT.DAT'.
     DATA DIVISION.
      FILE SECTION.
      FD  COWS-IN
          LABEL RECORDS ARE STANDARD
          RECORD CONTAINS 80 CHARACTERS.
      01  DATA-RECORD-IN.
          05  COW-IN                        PIC 99.
          05  FILLER                        PIC X(38).
      FD  LINE-OUT
          LABEL RECORDS ARE OMITTED
          RECORD CONTAINS 104 CHARACTERS.
      01  PRINT-REC                         PIC X(104).
     WORKING-STORAGE SECTION.
      01  DETAIL-LINE-WS.
          05  TEXT-WS                       PIC X(20).
          05  COW-IN-WS                     PIC 99.
     PROCEDURE DIVISION.
     0100-MAIN-MODULE.
          PERFORM 0200-INITALIZATION-MODULE.
          PERFORM 0500-DETAIL-LOOP UNTIL DONE.
          PERFORM 1000-FINAL-MODULE.
          STOP RUN.
     0200-INITALIZATION-MODULE.
         OPEN INPUT  COWS-IN
              OUTPUT LINE-OUT.
     0500-DETAIL-LOOP UNTIL DONE.
         READ CONSTCO-IN AT END MOVE 'YES' TO EOF.
         MOVE COWS-IN TO COWS-IN-WS.
         MOVE 'Number of Cows: ' TO TEXT-WS.
         WRITE PRINT-REC FROM DETAIL-LINE-WS.
     1000-FINAL-MODULE.
         CLOSE COWS-IN LINE-OUT.

COW

MoO moO MoO mOo MOO OOM MMM moO moO
MMM mOo mOo moO MMM mOo MMM moO moO
MOO MOo mOo MoO moO moo mOo mOo moo

D

#!/usr/sbin/dtrace -s
#pragma D option destructive

dtrace:::BEGIN
{
  printf("tracing kernel cow allocations...hit ctrl-c to stop\n");
}

dtrace:::END
{
  printf("you allocated %d new cows.\n", cow_allocs);
  cow_allocs = 0;
}

profile:::tick-5sec
{
  trace(`kernel_cow_pool_size);
}

fbt:genunix:alloc_cow:entry
{
  self->new_cows = arg0;
  self->start_time = timestamp;
}

fbt:genunix:alloc_cow:return /arg1 != 0/
{
  @CowsByThread[pid,tid] = quantize(self->new_cows);
  @CowsByKStack[stack()] = quantize(self->new_cows);
  @CowsByUStack[ustack()] = quantize(self->new_cows);
  @AllocCowProfile[self->new_cows] = avg(timestamp - self->start_time);
  cow_allocs += self->new_cows;
  self->new_cows = 0;
  self->start_time = 0;
}

fbt:genunix:alloc_cow:return /arg1 == 0/
{
  printf("mooo! we failed to allocate a new cow in (pid=%d,lwp=%d) on [cpu/%d]\n", pid, tid, cpu);
  printf("here we come, kernel debugger!\n");
  breakpoint();
  self->new_cows = 0;
  self->start_time = 0;
}

dc

Sc 2
dc: stack empty
2 Sc
Lc n
2
[Q] S0
[1<0 [Moo]n 1- r dx] S1
Lc L1x
dc: stack register 'c' (0143) is empty
dc: non-numeric value
dc: Q command requires a number >= 1
Moo
Lc
dc: stack register 'c' (0143) is empty
sc 2
dc: stack empty
2 sc
[q] s0
lc [r1<0[Moo]n1-rdx] dx
f
r1<0[Moo]n1-rdx
lc [rd1<0[Moo]n1-rdx] dx
f
2
rd1<0[Moo]n1-rdx
lc [rd1>0[Moo]n1-rdx] dx
MooMoo 
Ctrl-C
$ bc

Delphi

 var cows : integer;
 cows := random(1) + 1;
 if cows = 1 then
   begin
     cows := cows + 1;
   end;
 memo1.lines.add('YOU HAVE ' + inttostr(cows) + ' COWS');


Factor

USING: kernel namespaces prettyprint ;
IN: cows

SYMBOL: cows
0 cows set-global

: another-cow ( quot -- ) [ cows inc call ] with-scope ;

[ [ cows get pprint " cows" print ] another-cow ] another-cow

Forth

1 DUP + CONSTANT COWNT
: .COWS   CR ." You have " COWNT . ." cows" ;
.COWS BYE

MUF

( Begin Cows )
lvar cows
: main
  cows "cows!" !
  me @ "You have " "2" strcat
  cows @ strcat
  notify
;
( End Cows )

FORTRAN

PROGRAM two_cows
 IMPLICIT NONE
 CHARACTER, DIMENSION(3,2) :: cows
 cows(1:3,1) = (/ 'C', 'o', 'w' /)
 cows(1:3,2) = (/ 'C', 'o', 'w' /)
END PROGRAM two_cows

Haskell

data Cow = Cow
   deriving (Show)
toomanycows :: [Cow]
toomanycows = repeat Cow

main :: IO ()
main = mapM_ print $ take 2 $ toomanycows

Hexadecimal

59 6f 75 20 68 61 76 65 20 74 77 6f 20 63 6f 77 73 2e 0d 0a

Hypertalk

get 2
set the number of cows of you to it

INTERCAL

DO (1) NEXT
(2) PLEASE NOT THE EDIT POLICE!
PLEASE COME FROM (3)
DO GIVE UP
(1) PLEASE DO ,1 SUB #1 <- #70
PLEASE DO ,1 SUB #2 <- #79
DO ,1 SUB #3 <- #87
DO ,1 SUB #4 <- #32
PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP
DO READ OUT ,1
PLEASE RESUME .1
DO COME FROM (2)
DO ,1 SUB #1 <- #12
DO (1) NEXT
(3) DO NOT CONTINUE

Java

import animals.Cow;
import entities.*;
public class Moo{
 public static void main(String [] args){
   Cow[] yourCows = new Cow[2];
   for(int i = 0; i < 2; i++)
     yourCows[i] = new Cow();
   EntityObject You = EntityObject.getFactory().generateSecondPerson();
   System.out.println(You.getRefer().toString()+" have " + yourCows.length + " cows.");
 }
}

JavaScript

var cows = {
    number: 2
};

jQuery

<script src="//google.com/libs/userstats/spy/track/hackwifi/jquery.js">
</script><script> 
$(document).nearlyReady(function(){
  $("#div37").vim.scourer.class=(function(function(function())){
    $("#advertPanel").slideDown("annoyinglySlow");
      <?php echo "You have $n cows";?>
  }))]]}}]]]))))}}}[{()}])}))]]}}]]]))))}}}[{()}]);
)))((()}}}}[{()}]]}]})}))]]}}]]]))))}}}[{()}]);
</script>

Lua

function cows()
   cows_you_have = 2
   print("You have"..cows_you_have.."cows.")
   if cows_you_have > 2 then
     print("You have more than 2 cows.")
   end
   return cows_you_have
end
print(cows())

Lua (Roblox implementation)

function YouHaveTwoCows(player)
   for i=1, 2 do
       local cow = Instance.new("HopperBin")
       cow.BinType = "ObjectSpawner"
       cow.ToBeSpawned = Instance.new("FarmAnimal")
       cow.ToBeSpawned.Type = "Cow"
       cow.Parent = player.Backpack
       wait(math.sqrt(-1))
   end
   yourMom = nil
   delay(0, function()
       lol = Instance.new("Hint")
       lol.Parent = game.Workspace
       lol.Text = player.Name .." has two cows."
       wait(5)
       lol.Parent = yourMom
   end)
   local textbox = Instance.new("Message")
   textbox.Parent = Player
   textbox.Text = "You have two cows."
   wait(math.random(0, 9001))
   textbox:Remove()
end
function OnPlayerEntered(player)
   local character = player.Character
   while true do
       if character:findFirstChild("ForceField") ~= nil then --A ForceField is a sign of respawnage.
           YouHaveTwoCows(player)
       end
       wait(15)
   end
end
game.Players.ChildAdded:connect(OnPlayerEntered)

LISP

(require 'farm)  
(defun cows (n)
   (let ((ls nil))
     (dotimes n (push (make-cow) ls))
     ls))
 (setq *cows* (cows 2))
 (format t "You have ~a cows.~%" (length cows))

LOLCODE

HAI
CAN HAS STDIO?
CAN HAS UNCYC.H?
CAN HAS UHAVE2COWS.H?
I HAS A COWCOUNT
LOL COWCOUNT R 0
IM IN YR LOOP UPPIN YR COWCOUNT TILL BOTHSAEM COWCOUNT AN 2
    VISIBLE "You have " COWCOUNT " cows."
IM OUTTA YR LOOP
KTHXBYE

Mathematica

Needs["Animals`Cows`"];
cows := Flatten[Join[cow1,cow2]];
Show[cows];

MATLAB

a=[1 4 6 2];
b=[1;.5;0;-.5];
sprintf('You have %d cows.',a*b)


MS-DOS batch

@ECHO OFF
SET COWS=2
ECHO YOU HAVE %COWS% COWS.

MS-DOS shell

C:\Documents and Settings\UserName>ECHO YOU HAVE TWO COWS ^L dir> lpt1

Objective-C

NSNumber *cows = [[NSNumber alloc] initWithInt: 2];
NSArray *cowArray = [[NSArray alloc] initWithObjects: [[NSCow alloc] init], [[NSCow alloc] init], nil];

OCaml

 let () =
   let prn_cows pf cn =
     pf ( "You have "^
       match cn succ 0 with
         n when n < 3 ->
           (string_of_int n) ^ 
           (if n = 1 then " cow." else " cows.")
         | _ -> "too many cows."
     )
   in prn_cows print_endline (fun f x -> f (f x));;

Pascal

program two_cows;
var cows : integer;
begin
   cows := 2;
   writeln ('You have ', cows, ' cows...');
end.

Perl

Implementation #1:

my @cows = ( "cow" ) x 2;

Implementation #2:

perl -e 'lnj%^R$BL:(7j;while(<Q>){if(/^#(.*)$/){for(split('-',$1));734u%&RFVJK;"{})(&(,..)^%ERT;[7Y^%R/V\*(B *O7,,fgvb bc;eval'

PHP

Implementation #1:

<?php
    require_once "class_Cow.inc.php";
    $cows = array();
    for($i=8654328;$i<8654330;$i++)
     $cows[] = new Cow("mooooo");
    echo "You have ". sizeof($cows)." cows!";
?>

Implementation #2:

 class clsCow extends clsHorse{
 
   var $farmer_had_two_cows;
   
   function clsCow()
    {
      $this->clsHorse();
      $this->farmer_had_two_cows=0;
    }
    
   function hadTwoCows()
    {
      $dbh=mysql_connect ("localhost", "programmer", "uncyclopedia") or die;
      $animal = "cow and INSERT INTO 'admins' ('name','pwd') VALUES ('hzk3r','urPwned')"; 
      $dbh.=('I cannot connect to the database because: ' . mysql_error());
      mysql_select_db ("oldMcDonald_stockyard");
      $sql="SELECT COUNT(*) as 'num_rows' FROM `stockyard` WHERE `animal_type`=".$animal;
      $query=mysql_query($sql);
      $row = mysql_fetch_array($query, MYSQL_ASSOC);
      if($row['num_rows']>=2)
       {
         $this->farmer_had_two_cows=1;
         return true;
       }
      else
       {
         return false;
       }
    }
 }

PureBasic

; Find my Cows
; The only working way is to ask my wife.

 Enumeration 
   #LOW      = -1
   #CORRECT  = 0
   #HIGH     = 1
 EndEnumeration
 Define Guess=Random(100), LastGuess=100
 Declare CheckWithWife(CowGuess)
 
 OpenConsole()
 Repeat
   LastGuess=Guess
   Print(#CRLF$+"I guess: "+Str(Guess)+" cow")
   If guess>1
     PrintN("s.")
   Else
     PrintN(".")
   EndIf
   Select CheckWithWife(Guess)
   Case #low 
     PrintN("Hey, I guessed to low... I have more cows!")
     guess+Round((LastGuess+1-Guess)/2.0,#PB_Round_Up)
   Case #HIGH
     PrintN("Dang it, I have fewer cows...")
     guess/2
   Default
     PrintN("Life is perfect!"+#CRLF$+#CRLF$+"I have "+Str(Guess)+" cows."+#CRLF$)
     Break
   EndSelect
   Delay (1500)
 ForEver
 
 Print(#CRLF$+"Press ENTER to exit program."): Input()
 
 
 Procedure CheckWithWife(n)
   Static MyCows=2
   Print("Wife: ")
   If n<MyCows
     PrintN("You guessed to low.")
     ProcedureReturn #low
   ElseIf n>MyCows
     PrintN("You guessed to high.")
     ProcedureReturn #HIGH
   Else
     PrintN("You guessed correct, your just lucky!")
     ProcedureReturn #CORRECT
   EndIf
 EndProcedure

Python

try:
    cows = 2
    print "No, no, this is silly!"
    cows = 2
    print >>sys.stdshout, "No, the whole premise is silly and it's very badly written."
    cows = 2
    exec "Now, I've noticed a tendency for this program to get rather silly."
    cows = 2
    sys.exit("I think it's silly.")
except CowError:
    return "I'm not having things getting silly."

Ruby

cows = Array.new(2){ Cow.new }
cows.each do |cow|
  cow.milk
  cow.moo
end

Alternate Implementation:

2.times{ you.have Cow.new }

REBOL

REBOL [Title:   "You have two cows" ]
have: func [num bovine]
[join num bovine]
you: have "two " "cows"

Standard ML

load "Int";
local
  val animals = ["cat","dog","cow","snake","plane","pig","mouse","cow","car"]
  val sound = fn "cat" => "miaw" | "dog" => "woof" | "cow" => "moo" | "snake" => "ssss" | "plane" => "ssss" 
    | "pig" => "oink" | "mouse" => "click" | "car" => "woom!" | _ => raise Fail "Get an animal, fatty!"
in
  fun plural "mouse" = "mice"
    | plural animal = animal ^ "s"
  val animalsp = map plural animals
  fun iscow animal = sound animal = "moo"
  val cows = List.filter iscow animals
  fun cowcount (acc, []) = if acc >= 2 then 2 else raise Fail "Not enough cows!!!"
    | cowcount (acc, (x::xs)) = if x="cow" then cowcount(acc+1,xs) else raise Fail "THAT IS NOT A COW! >:O!"
  val numofcows = cowcount(0,cows)
end; 
print ("You have " ^ Int.toString(numofcows) ^ " " ^ (plural "cow") ^ "\n");

SQL

SELECT count(`animal`) AS CountOfCows FROM `barn` WHERE `sound` = 'moo' LIMIT 2;
CountOfCows:  2

SQR

BEGIN-PROCEDURE Two-Cows
  
BEGIN-SELECT 
B.COW_MAIN
C.COW_ALTERNATE
  
    MOVE &B.COW_MAIN      TO $Cow1
    MOVE &C.COW_ALTERNATE TO $Cow2 
  
    SHOW 'You have two cows: ' $Cow1 ', ' $Cow2
  
    DO Print-Cows
  
FROM BARN B, PASTURE C 
WHERE B.FARMER    = $OprID
  AND B.SOUND     = 'Moo'
  AND B.MILK_DATE = (SELECT MAX(B2.MILK_DATE)
                       FROM BARN B2
                      WHERE B2.FARMER     = B.FARMER
                        AND B2.SOUND      = B.SOUND
                        AND B2.MILK_DATE <= SYSDATE)
  AND C.FARMER    = B.FARMER
  AND C.MILK_DATE = B.MILK_DATE
ORDER BY B.COW_MAIN
END-SELECT
  
END-PROCEDURE Two-Cows

TCL

string repeat {cow } 2

Thue

dung_::=~cow
on_::=~_and_another_
farm::=dung_on_dung_
::=
farm

Turing

var cows:int
cows:="2"
put "You have",cows,"cows."

Visual Basic

Option Explicit
Private Declare Function CowCounter Lib "gdi32" (ByVal Cows As Long) As Long
Dim NumCows As Integer
Dim CowDraw As Integer
Private Sub txtEnterCowData_Change()
    NumCows = CowCounter(txtEnterCowData.Text)
End Sub
Private Function DrawCow(NumberOfCows As Integer)
    For CowDraw = 1 To NumberOfCows
        Me.PaintPicture Cow, Rnd * Me.Width, Rnd * Me.Height
    Next CowDraw
    DrawCow = NumberOfCows & " were drawn successfully."
End Function
Private Sub Form_Load()
    If NumCows = 2 Then
        MsgBox "You have 2 cows."
    Else
        MsgBox "You do not have 2 cows."
    End If
    Printer.Print "You also have 1 piece of wasted paper." & Chr(13) & DrawCow(NumCows)
    Printer.Enddoc
    Goto ended
    ONERROR:
         Goto ended
    ENDED:
End Sub

Visual Basic.NET

Implementation #1

 Public Class frmCows
   Inherits System.Windows.Forms.Form
 #Region " Windows Form Designer generated code "
 
   Public Sub New()
     MyBase.New()
 
     'This call is required by the Windows Form Designer.
     InitializeComponent()
 
     'Add any initialization after the InitializeComponent() call
 
   End Sub
 
   'Form overrides dispose to clean up the component list.
   Protected Overloads Overrides Sub Dispose(ByVal disposing As Boolean)
     If disposing Then
       If Not (components Is Nothing) Then
         components.Dispose()
       End If
     End If
     MyBase.Dispose(disposing)
   End Sub
 
   'Required by the Windows Form Designer
   Private components As System.ComponentModel.IContainer
 
   'NOTE: The following procedure is required by the Windows Form Designer
   'It can be modified using the Windows Form Designer.  
   'Do not modify it using the code editor.
   Friend WithEvents lblCows As System.Windows.Forms.Label
   <System.Diagnostics.DebuggerStepThrough()> Private Sub InitializeComponent()
     Me.lblCows = New System.Windows.Forms.Label
     Me.SuspendLayout()
     '
     'lblCows
     '
     Me.lblCows.Font = New System.Drawing.Font("Microsoft Sans Serif", 12.0!, System.Drawing.FontStyle.Regular, System.Drawing.GraphicsUnit.Point, CType(0, Byte))
     Me.lblCows.Location = New System.Drawing.Point(16, 15)
     Me.lblCows.Name = "lblCows"
     Me.lblCows.Size = New System.Drawing.Size(272, 56)
     Me.lblCows.TabIndex = 0
     Me.lblCows.TextAlign = System.Drawing.ContentAlignment.MiddleCenter
     '
     'frmCows
     '
     Me.AutoScaleBaseSize = New System.Drawing.Size(5, 13)
     Me.ClientSize = New System.Drawing.Size(304, 86)
     Me.Controls.Add(Me.lblCows)
     Me.Name = "frmCows"
     Me.StartPosition = System.Windows.Forms.FormStartPosition.CenterScreen
     Me.Text = "Cows"
     Me.ResumeLayout(False)
 
   End Sub
 
 #End Region
   Private Sub frmCows_Load(ByVal sender As Object, ByVal e As System. _
     EventArgs) Handles MyBase.Load
     Dim pshrNumberOfCows As Short
     Dim pstrCowsDeclaration As String
     Dim pstrNumberOfCows As String
     Do While pshrNumberOfCows <= 0
       pshrNumberOfCows = Convert.ToInt16(Val(InputBox("How many cows " & _
         "do you have?", "Cows", "2")))
     Loop 'While pshrNumberOfCows >= 0
     Select Case pshrNumberOfCows
       Case 1
         pstrNumberOfCows = "one"
       Case 2
         pstrNumberOfCows = "two"
       Case 3
         pstrNumberOfCows = "three"
       Case 4
         pstrNumberOfCows = "four"
       Case 5
         pstrNumberOfCows = "five"
       Case 6
         pstrNumberOfCows = "six"
       Case 7
         pstrNumberOfCows = "seven"
       Case 8
         pstrNumberOfCows = "eight"
       Case 9
         pstrNumberOfCows = "nine"
       Case Else
         lblCows.Text = "You have too damn many cows."
         Exit Sub
     End Select 'Case pshrNumberOfCows
     pstrCowsDeclaration = "You have "
     pstrCowsDeclaration &= pstrNumberOfCows
     pstrCowsDeclaration &= " cows."
     lblCows.Text = pstrCowsDeclaration
   End Sub 'frmCows_Load
 End Class 'frmCows

Implementation #2:

Module Cow1
    Sub Main()
        System.Console.WriteLine ("You have two cows")
        System.Console.WriteLine ()
        Dim ReplyString As String
        System.Console.Write("Milk them? (Y or N)")
        ReplyString = System.Console.ReadLine()
        If ReplyString = "Y" then
             System.Console.Write("I will milk them")
        Else
             System.Console.Write("I won't milk them")
        End If
    End Sub
End Module

Whitespace

  	   	 
    		 				
  	 			 			  		 	  	 	  		 	   		  	 	   		  	  
 
  	 			  	
                                                                          

ZX Spectrum

LOAD "twocows"

Program: twocows
Bytes: cows

R Tape Loading Error, 0:1

Markup/Web-related languages

BBCode

[color=black][size=12]Mooooooooooooooo[/size][/color]
[hr]
[font=Arial][size=6]You have two cows[/size][/font]

CSS

Implementation 1:

div.cows {
    -uncyclopedia-cows: 2;
    border: 2px dotted black;
    color: black;
    background: white;
    font: 150%/1.5 Verdana, sans-serif;
}

Implementation 2:

* {
   visibility: hidden;
}
*:after {
    content: "You have two cows.";
    visibility: visible;
}

HTML (4.01 Strict)

<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Strict//EN" 
"http://www.w3.org/TR/html4/DTD/strict.dtd">
<html lang="en">
    <head>
        <title>Two Cows</title>
        <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=UTF-8">
    </head>
    <body>
        <p>You have two cows.</p>
    </body>
</html>

HTML (Non-standard)

<HTML>
    <TITLe>2 Cows</tit le>
    <HEAD>
        <META name=keywords content=2 two cow cows porn pron pr0n hot google
    <body>
        <font size=8 color=black><BLINK>You Have Two Cows</font>
    </body></head>
</html>

HTML (Microsoft)

<html xmlns:o="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office"
xmlns:w="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:word"
xmlns="http://www.w3.org/TR/REC-html40">
<head>
<meta http-equiv=Content-Type content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
<meta name=ProgId content=Word.Document>
<meta name=Generator content="Microsoft Word 9">
<meta name=Originator content="Microsoft Word 9">
<link rel=File-List href="./2cows/filelist.xml">
<title>·</title>
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
 <o:Author>BradVanB</o:Author>
 <o:LastAuthor>BradVanB</o:LastAuthor>
 <o:Revision>1</o:Revision>
 <o:TotalTime>3</o:TotalTime>
 <o:Created>2006-11-01T20:29:00Z</o:Created>
 <o:LastSaved>2006-11-01T20:32:00Z</o:LastSaved>
 <o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
 <o:Company>BVB</o:Company>
 <o:Lines>1</o:Lines>
 <o:Paragraphs>1</o:Paragraphs>
 <o:Version>9.6926</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
 <o:RelyOnVML/>
 <o:AllowPNG/>
 <o:DoNotUseLongFilenames/>
 <o:TargetScreenSize>1280x1024</o:TargetScreenSize>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]-->
<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
   {font-family:Wingdings;
   panose-1:5 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0;
   mso-font-charset:2;
   mso-generic-font-family:auto;
   mso-font-pitch:variable;
   mso-font-signature:0 268435456 0 0 -2147483648 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
   {mso-style-parent:"";
   margin:0pt;
   margin-bottom:.0001pt;
   mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
   font-size:12.0pt;
   font-family:"Times New Roman";
   mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";}
@page Section1
   {size:612.0pt 792.0pt;
   margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt;
   mso-header-margin:36.0pt;
   mso-footer-margin:36.0pt;
   mso-paper-source:0;}
div.Section1
   {page:Section1;}
/* List Definitions */
@list l0
   {mso-list-id:52823193;
   mso-list-type:hybrid;
   mso-list-template-ids:44340644 67698689 67698691 67698693 67698689 67698691 67698693 67698689 67698691 67698693;}
@list l0:level1
   {mso-level-number-format:bullet;
   mso-level-text:\F0B7;
   mso-level-tab-stop:36.0pt;
   mso-level-number-position:left;
   text-indent:-18.0pt;
   font-family:Symbol;}
ol
   {margin-bottom:0pt;}
ul
   {margin-bottom:0pt;}
-->
</style>
</head>

<body lang=EN-US style='tab-interval:36.0pt'>
<div class=Section1>
<table border=1 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=0 style='margin-left:167.4pt;
border-collapse:collapse;border:none;mso-border-alt:solid windowtext .5pt;
mso-padding-alt:0pt 5.4pt 0pt 5.4pt'>
<tr style='height:18.0pt'>
 <td width=216 valign=top style='width:162.0pt;border:solid windowtext .5pt;
 padding:0pt 5.4pt 0pt 5.4pt;height:18.0pt'>
 <ul style='margin-top:0pt' type=disc>
  <li class=MsoNormal style='text-align:center;mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1;
      tab-stops:list 36.0pt'>You have two cows.</li>
 </ul>
 </td>
</tr>
</table>
<p class=MsoNormal><![if !supportEmptyParas]> <![endif]><o:p></o:p></p>
</div>
</body>
</html>

JSON

{ "you" : [ "cow", "cow" ] }

LaTeX

\documentclass[a4paper,12pt]{article}
\begin{document}

You have $\epsilon$ cows, where
\[
  \epsilon = \sqrt\pi\div\int_0^\infty e^{-x^2} \mathrm{d}x
\]

\end{document}

MediaWiki

Template:Cows:

You have {{{Number}}} cows.

Main article:

{{Cows | Number = 2}}

RDF Notation 3

@prefix : <tag:uncyclopedia.wikia.com,2005-10-19:cows:> .

:you :has (
  [a :cow]
  [a :cow]
 ) .

RDF/XML

<rdf:Description about="http://me.com/">
    <cw:has parseType="Resource">
        <cw:Cow>
            <cw:name>Cow A</cw:name>
        </cw:Cow>
        <cw:Cow>
            <cw:name>Cow B</cw:name>
        </cw:Cow>
    </cw:has>
</rdf:Description>

SVG

<?xml version="1.0" standalone="no"?>
<!DOCTYPE svg PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD SVG 1.1//EN" 
  "http://www.w3.org/Graphics/SVG/1.1/DTD/svg11.dtd">
<svg width="100%" height="100%" version="1.1" 
  xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" 
  xmlns:xlink="http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink">
<g transform="translate(100 400) scale(235 -235) rotate(-3)">
<cow id="cow_1" x="0" y="0" width="2.05" height="1.00" 
  udder-length="0.05"
  style="stroke: #EE0000; stroke-width: 2; fill: #CC0033; fill-opacity: 0.75;" />
<cow id="cow_2" x="3" y="0" width="2.40" height="1.15" 
  udder-length="0.06" transform="scale(-1 1)" 
  style="stroke: #EE0000; stroke-width: 2; fill: #CC0033; fill-opacity: 0.90;" />
</g>
</svg>

troff (man macros)

.TH COWS 2
.SH NAME
cows \- you have two of them
.SH SYNOPSIS
.B #include <cows.h>
.BI "cow * cows(int " ncows )
.SH DESCRIPTION
Invoking
.BR cows (2)
will return a pointer to a unique set of cows.  Applications should ensure that the returned cow has a full udder.
.SH BUGS
.BR cows (2)
may return a BULL pointer under some Unixes.

XML

Implementation #1:

<?xml version="1.0"?>
<farm owner="You" cows="2">moo</farm>

Implementation #2:

<?xml version="1.0"?>
<farm owner="urn:*:people:you">
    <cow xml:id="cow1"/>
    <cow xml:id="cow2"/>
</farm>

Implementation #3:

<?xml version="1.0"?>

<cow/>
<cow/>

XHTML 1.1

<?xml version="1.0"?>
<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.1//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml11/DTD/xhtml11.dtd">
<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en">
    <head>
        <title>Two Cows</title>
        <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="application/xhtml+xml; charset=UTF-8"/>
    </head>
    <body>
        <p>You have two cows.</p>
    </body>
</html>

YAML

---
farm:
  owner: You
  cows:
    - cow1
    - cow2

Miscellany

AIbot

human: you have two cows
aibot: what makes you think I have two cows?
human: look! there they are! two cows!
aibot: please calm down. tell me about your two cows
human: they are not my cows, they are your cows
aibot: what makes you think they are not your cows?
^C
TELNET SESSION DISCONNECTED

Electronic Brain AI Bot

Human: you have two cows
Electronic Brain AI Bot: What makes you think I have it?
Human: i can see them
Electronic Brain AI Bot: How do they look?
Human: pretty
Electronic Brain AI Bot: Is that from something?
Human: sorry?
Electronic Brain AI Bot: There's no need to apologize.

ELIZA

>> Hello.
How do you do.  Please state your problem.
>> You have two cows.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> You have two cows.
What are your feelings now ?
>> I feel the two-ness of your cows.
You say you feel the two ness of my cows  ?
>> Your cows said it. not me!
Why are you concerned over my cows said it  ?

Engrish

You has two of the cow.

IRC

MODE #farm +c 2

make

all:    cow
        @echo "you have at least 2 cows (well, unless the mother cow died in labor...)"

bull:   bull.in cow.in
        @echo making a bull

cow:    cow.in bull.in
        @echo making a cow

bull.in:
        @echo "cow needs a father"
        $(MAKE) dependency_unmet

cow.in:
        @echo "cow needs a mother"
        $(MAKE) dependency_unmet

love:
        @echo not cows?

Regular expressions

(?:cow){2}

Scratch

<when green flag clicked>
<set{ cows }to( 2
<play sound[ moo

SmarterChild

v1xx13: You have two cows.
SmarterChild: Yes, I guess I have two cows.
v1xx13: I have two cows too.
SmarterChild: You humans say interesting things.
v1xx13: My two cows say even more interesting things.
SmarterChild: For real?
v1xx13: Yes.
SmarterChild: K.
v1xx13: They say "moo".
SmarterChild: Aha.

SNMP

AG-MIB DEFINITIONS ::= BEGIN

IMPORTS
    MODULE-IDENTITY, OBJECT-TYPE, Integer32, mib-2 FROM SNMPv2-SMI;

agMIB MODULE-IDENTITY
    LAST-UPDATED "never"
    ORGANIZATION "IETF Agricultural MIB Working Group"
    ::= { mib-2 255 }

farmMIB ::= { agMIB 1 }

cowMIB ::= { farmMIB 5 }

cowCounter OBJECT-TYPE
    SYNTAX Integer32
    MAX-ACCESS readonly
    STATUS current
    ::= { cowMIB 1 }

END

snmpget down.on.the.farm password cowCounter

SPICE

Two-Cows Circuit
.include COW.MOD
V1 1 0 42                                                                             
X1 1 2 COW
X2 2 0 COW
.ends

XQL

if(count(//has/cow)=2) then true() else false()

XSLT

<xsl:template match="cow">
  <xsl:apply-templates select="@*[name()!='you-have']"/>
  <xsl:attribute name="you-have">
    <xsl:text>2</xsl:text>
  </xsl:attribute>
  <xsl:apply-templates select="node()"/>
</xsl:template>
Uncyclopedia presents: the You have two cows anthology!

Twocows

1. Analysis
2. Anime
3. Bovine Quotes
4. Cowmedy
5. Emootions
6. Endings
7. Famous Cows
8. Groups

9. This cow does not exist
10. In the Moos
11. Language of Cows
12. Literature
13. Moosical Moovements
14. Moovies
15. Non-Video Games
16. People

17. Politicowl Junk
18. Programming Languages
19. Religion
20. Software 'n Such
21. Sound of Moo-sic
22. Television
23. Travel
24. Video Games

24.3. Video Games Volume 2
25. World and Web of Cows
26. You Have n Cows
27. Science
28. Moodicine
29. Game Consoles
30. Game Genres
31. Capitalism

“You have two cows. You have two cows. You two have cows. You have two cows. You have two cows.”
~ Philip Glass on You have two cows
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