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[edit] Manchester Shity
Manchester shity Football Club is an English professional football club based in the city of Manchester. They are currently members of the English Premier League. Originally formed in 1880 as St. Mark's (West Gorton), they then became Ardwick A.F.C. in 1887 before changing their name to Manchester Shity F.C. in 1894. The club has won the League Championship twice, the FA Cup four times, the League Cup twice and the European Cup Winners Cup once. City also won the coveted Battle of Waterloo in 1815, defeating the highly fancied French, managed by Napoleon Bonaparte. The club's most successful period was during the late 1960s and early 1970s, when they won several major trophies under the management team of Joe Mercer and his assistant Malcolm Allison, and with great players such as Colin Bellend and Francis Lee.
Last time they won a trophy was in 1976. LMFAO.
•managed by former Alex Fergusons lapdog Mark Hughes.
[edit] Quotes about the club
Liam Gallgher: "EEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA sound"
Alhim Falhid Sanjid Mandeep Punjab John Voldemort Muhammadson - or Steve as he is known in the Midlands: "Why didn't I buy an attractive club? Like Portsmouth."
[edit] Rivals
Madchester's main rivals are Old Ham Athletic, Stocky Porn Cunty, trafford champs, Bury and anyone that bought a copy of Country House.
[edit] The Team
It should also be noted that most of the squad was assembled from Seven Gorane Erik-The Sun on youtube last week.
[edit] Manager
Mark Hughes- There can be no argument that Hughes is by far and away Welsh. Despite this massive handicap, as well as the fact that he went grey at around the age of 14, Hughes somehow broke his way into the Premier league, making his name at both FC United of Manchester and the only Moscow based club in the Premier league, FC Lokomotiv Spartak St.Chelski. After an excellent playing career, Hughes was known as the best player to ever grace English football. In the 90's. From Wales. Besides Ryan Giggs. And maybe Gary Speed. This stood him in good stead as he turned to football management, and allowed him to take over at the only disabled side in International Football : Wales. Hughes' record at Wales was quite phenomenal, as he lead the side to victory in his first game in charge ; a friendly against Somerset County Cricket Club, with the Welsh successfully chasing down their target of 247 after a late Taffy Llewellyn-Thomas-Jones Penalty. This turned out to be Hughes' only victory in his 11 years in charge of Wales, marking their most prosperous period since "The Prince of Wales" Prince Charles, retired. Hughes was soon approached by The most racist team in England, Blacksburn Rovers, which was groundbreaking as they became the first club outside of Llanelli to hire a Welsh manager. The small Lancashire town took to Hughes instantly, as he had the uncanny ability to speak as slowly as the general Blacksburn public. Add to this a string of excellent results (3 wins at Ewood and a draw away at Sunderland), and Hughes was soon the most popular Welshman of all time. Much to the despair of Blacksburn however, this type of popularity made him the front runner to replace the most popular Swede of all time, Sven Gordan-Sony/Ericsson, as the manager of the Abu Dhabi based franchise, Manchester City. So far Hughes has run a tight business model at City, spending around £800 million on players inside his first season, including a £130 million deal for Brazilian striker Jo, who was plucked from Derbyshire premier league side Belper Sports after his goal scoring ratio of 8 in 25 alerted a string of Premier league sides. Hughes continued to spend more cash on players he didn't need, but luckily for the rest of the footballing world, failed with astronomical bids for both Jesus Christ, and the exciting, evergreen midfield general, Noel Edmonds. Despite the amount spent however, City can still be seen today playing in the traditional Welsh style which Hughes is a pioneer of, tending to be made up of a number of sideways passes before long kicks downfield that go into touch. This famous style of Welsh football is called Rugby.
[edit] Goalie
19 Kasper Schmeichel - The scion of a terrible enemy of the good people of Oasis, the leaders of whom kidnapped this blue eyed, pubeless, ruddy cheeked spawn long ago in an attempt to turn the One True Enemy's own dark arts against it. Quite similar to his dread father, except a) he's not as big and b) not as good.
1 Shay Given - Jumped off the sinking ship HMS Newcastle United just in time.
- Joe Hart - Was replaced by Shay Given as he didn't cost nearly enough money.
12 Stuart Taylor - Ummmm.
[edit] Reasons why we haven't got completely stuffed yet
2 Micah Richards - A bright and exciting young talent was the description up until August 2008, until the wheels came of Richards' career in such a way that he now spends his Saturday afternoons working at the Trafford centre outlet of "The sunglasses hut".
3 Wayne Bridge - The best left back to ever userp Michael Ball.
22 Richard Dunne - once a blue always a blue (until he went to Aston Villa)
24 Javier "Java Script" legend
26 John Terry - As if.
26 Tal Ben Haim - gone pompeii
28 Kolo Toure - Manager Hughes signed him for his "midfield grit",until he realised that he hadn't signed Yaya Toure, but his far inferior defensive liability of a brother.
[edit] Midfield
7 Stephen irealand- Most well known for having his head on upside down.
6 Michael Johnson - Former 400 and 200 metre Olympic champion who has become integral in the centre of City's midfield.
15 Martin Petrov - Known in his native Bulgaria as "Subz Detute"
18 Gary Barry - Perhaps the best player to play for England with a rhyming name.
8 Shaun Wright-Phillips - Returned to the club after he struggled to break into the first XI in Moscow.
7 Kaka - As if.
33 Vincent Kompany - Purchased by Mark Hughes due to his incredible abiltiy on "Football manager 2006". The best Belgian Defender since Poirot.
34 Nigel de Jong - Like Claude Makelele only less likely to score and more likely to simply exist on a football pitch.
[edit] "Attackers" (score a lot of goals)
32 Carlos Tevez - Perhaps Mark Hughes saw a bit of himself in Tevez, as the Argentine showed true Hughes like characteristics by seemingly forgetting he ever played for Fc United of Manchester.
10 Robinho - Signed in a swap deal with Real Madrid, with the country of Hungary going in the opposite direction, no one can actually remember if Robinho has played for Manchester City, or even if he exists. Rumours circulating that the Robinho is actually a man called Robbie Neogh, a bus driver from Burnley.
25 Emmanuel Adebywhore - According to reports, Adebayor was chased out of his native Togo for running the length of the country and celebrating in front of his old tribe. This type of event is very uncommon in Adebayor, however, and he has been mooted as the person who will take over from Adrian Chiles on BBC 1's The One show. A VERY GREEDY PLAYER AND EVEN MARK HUGHES NOW IS STILL BETTER THAN HIM.
27 Benjani - 2nd in a poll of "most famous Zimbabweans", narrowly beaten by Robert Mugabe
99 Tom Caff
14 Roque Santa-Cruz - Recently completed filming of a 7th film in the Series in which Roque, now 144, fights to escape from a care home.
39 Craig Bellamy -Wrote his way into Manchester City history after he appeared to have earned the club a magical point at Fc united of Manchester's Gigg lane, only for Michael Owen to score in the 38th minute of injury time.
47 Alex Nimely-Tchumeni - Just got the most fucked up name in football
[edit] Subs
31 Noel Gallagher - Mid-tempo-fielder. Wheeled out typically during a mid-December 0-0 with Newcastle to attempt to stir the City fans into life. Has got into a fight with both of them. The inventor of the infamous sniff-the-white-lines celebration, made famous by a cunt from Liverpool.
32 Liam Gallagher - Attacker. Record for staying on the pitch before being shown the red: 34 seconds. He reached 31 during the recent exchange with West Ham which left only 15 people dead, so signs are encouraging. Has special dispensation from the FA to take to the field in an overcoat and sunglasses.
33 Frank Gallagher - Got a spare tenner on ya since I'm off to the Jockey.
17 Sun Jihai - Obligatory Asian guy.
12 Nicky Weaver - Poor facial hair.
1 Andreas Isaksson - Obligatory Swedish guy.
20 Georgios Samaras - Feed the greek and he'll score every 17th game.
5 Ousmane Dabo - Useless. Bald. French.
69 - Sven. quality
75 - Dot Cotten
99 Saddam Hussein - Currently injured with a "broken neck". and radio active poisoning.
[edit] Massive club?
It has become a long-standing tradition for new signings to play along with the charade that Madchester Oasis is a "massive club". This is, of course, nonsense. It is thought that most of Oasis's foreign signings are unaware that there are two teams in Madchester and wrongly believe they are signing for a different team altogether.
In March 5, 2007, the club's trophy room was broken into by an unknown intruder and the entire content in this room was stolen. This case still remains a mystery, and the police has since been searching for a man with a pale blue carpet.
[edit] Honours
Nope, you've beat me.
[edit] Richness
Too Much for my Liking. If i had that kind of money, i know what i would do, i'd build a giant robotic space lion. Who Wouldnt? With this money they tried to sign quaka for £3 Trillion, but they failed because he realised that although they offered money...they are incredibly shit. But hey, who gives a fuck, I'm RICH! They also signed Robbin-ho's for £30 Million but they realised that he is also extremely shit.
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