You Are Gay

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This page was originally sporked from You Are Dead.

You, <insert name here> (19__ – 20__), were born several years ago and now you are gay.

Gay gay gay.

No whining or going into a hissy fit. Although your kind are known to do that. You are gay.

You at least want some questions answered? You should probably get used to speaking out, gay boy.

...And that also goes for the dyke right there that just said “I’m not a boy." You’re gay too.

[edit] Welcome to homosexuality

In your first and final venture into gayness, you may notice how the weather is totally fabulous. Be very alarmed. Do not be alarmed. In fact, you may find in your gay state that approximately 100% of the sensations and phenomena you were familiar with in your straight days are conspicuously feminine.

Remember how, when you were straight, you wasted hours and hours watching daytime (and probably night-time) television? Well, this is exactly like that. Except now it's soap operas. All the time. And forget about the watching football too. You watch "Bold and the Beautiful." You can now enjoy crappy soap operas. Because you're gay.

As for your friends and family you love, please rest assured. They won't be surprised by the bomb you will drop on them. They knew something was up when you and Shaun always went out for fajitas, napped together, and went fishing for the weekend. Your mother may even weep from disappointment, but don't count on it.

[edit] Things to do while gay

Shopping!

[edit] You Are Gay FAQ

• Q: I was a manly person all of my life. I lived rugged, I respected breast, and I made every effort to get laid, whether girlfriend or stranger. So, where do I get my jollies now?
• A: Go to a party and head for the Forest of Men. If you find your way through it you come to a cave. Congratulations.

• Q: Can I do anything besides shop, travel, or decorate?
• A: Well... yeah, but you'll need a buddy.

• Q: If I hadn't read this article would I still be straight?
• A: …Yes. Sucks to be you.

• Q: Is all of gayness just a matter of choice?
• A: OF COURSE. Everything in life is based upon choice.

• Q: Can I go to church and get cured?
• A: Possibly... if you have the right youth pastor.

• Q: How about looking at a bunch of Playboys?
• A: Only if you notice the women over the toy advertisments.

• Q: Have a sex change and become a lesbian?
• A: NO! That doesn't even make sense.

• Q: Can I at least adopt a child?
• A: ...Maybe. Or have your "Hag" or Alternative Life Partner bear you one. It's cheaper.

[edit] Bi?

You're Gay. G-H-E-Y. Erm.. I think there's an 'A' in there somewhere.. Anyway- Gay. GET USED TO IT. Oh no, wait, you can't. Because you're already happy with your lifestyle. Darn.