YouTube
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“The internet [...] is a series of YouTubes”
“What is name song please?”
“Uhh, why do people like stringing random letters together on UpYourtube.com?”
“**** you! You n00b! **** ******* *** ****** master chief *** azz! and why is this **** ******* censored? This is ********!!! F.U.C.K! HAHA! I bypassed it mother *******! I own u yout00bn00bs”
YouTube is a non-pornographic rip-off of popular porn site Xtube. Its contents are similar, but porn free, and mostly revolve around pictures of the King of Thailand drawn on with MS Paint, And therefore, not worth wasting ones time with unless the person is a pedophile who prefers boxers on.
Founded in February 2005 by three employees of Playboy, the service mutilates Adobe Flash technology in such a way that it displays video. The site claims to have a wide variety of content, including conspiracy theories, copyrighted material, video game videos, and fake celebrity sightings, as well as amateur content such as, well, you know, amateurs, doing...stuff. Despite the overall crappiness of the average YouTube video, YouTube is well-known by critics of cinema for being home to some of the best cinematic creations ever.
Contents |
History
What I didn't tell you, though, is that these particular PayPal employees were in cahoots with Osama Bin Laden. Got your attention now, didn't I. Bin Laden hired the PayPal employees in 2001 to create a site that would act as a forum for Taliban members to showcase anti-American videos and terrorist propaganda. However, Osama's disappearance, coupled with the posting of footage of a Basque separatist being hit square in the nuts with a football, led to a revolution in how the site was used. Osama's original idea for the site is now used on Pornotube.
When Google saw Youtube:
Hey Guyz i fond out about dis wiked site calld utube its freaking amazing lets offer dem 6 billion dollerz to buy it LOL!1
Birth of a Nation
“It is like writing history with lightning. And my only regret is that it is all so terribly retarded.”
“Hey, I didn't say that.”
“WOW! These people made my stupid show more popular than I could have imagined.”
“They said I couldn't witness the death of Hussein...then I met Youtube”
The first video posted on YouTube that wasn't a clip from Family Guy or of someone's pathetic dancing was Birth of a Nation, which was posted on November 30, 2005. This clip featured innovations such as deep focus, the jump-cut, and facial close-ups, all of which had previously been lacking from YouTube's original creations. On the other hand, this clip was criticized for being horribly racist, although many critics note that this was the prevailing attitude of the times. This was hugely influential on subsequent videos for its technical innovations, if not for its racism (although it did foreshadow the Censored Eleven and the Michael Richards race rant.)
Meanwhile, literally tens of people were joining the YouTube.com online extravaganza. These original users were primarily friends and loved ones of well known terrorists and tyrants such as Saddam Hussein, Pol Pot, Kim Jong-Ill, and George W Bush.
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Sex Video
The breakthrough moment in YouTube's popularity came when John Craven's Newsround reported on the presence of a video that appeared to show Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt having sex. Although the video later turned out to be a fake (it was actually Angela Lansbury and Burt Bacharach) every single person in the world logged on, created an account, and began posting videos of their own.
Fantasia
Animation, of course, has always been successful on YouTube, but a turning point for the artform was Fantasia, a film with colors so beautiful it made dogs whimper. Film enthusiasts note that the clarity of the soundtrack is exceptional as well, although many viewers preferred syncing it up with Dark Side of the Moon. This clip was posted February 12, 2006.
Brokeback Mountain
A tender, though realistic, film of two lesbian ranchherds, this inspired more parodies than any other movie up to this time, which according to Simpsons fans is the primary measure of a film's greatness. This is also notable for being a sign of increasing tolerance for minorities (but see the next item).
Michael Richards Race Rant
Though many feel this film is tasteless in its racist depiction of African-Americans (citation needed), most film critics concede that this, too, is a masterpiece. Its use of repetition (i.e., "nigger, nigger, nigger!"), in particular, has crossed medium boundaries and has influenced songwriters such as Kurt Cobain (note his repetition of "yeah" in Lithium), Michael Stipe (note repetition of "yeah" in Man on the Moon), and Kurt Cobain (note repetition of "I'm a negative creep" in Negative Creep, and note that he has apparently been posthumously influenced.)
Google Acquisition
Slowly slipping into unexpected bankruptcy, YouTube.com made a daring decision to buy out Google Videos, a popular, independent, and recently popularized video/blog/pr0n/chat conglomeration, for 900 Euros ($1.65 billion USD). By merging YouTube.com and Google Video™©, the damages caused by copyright violation are going to double. Nevertheless, YouTube decided to host all three sites at the same time in order to create the dangerous Triumphirate of Copyright-Killers.
Hollywood will die.
Present Day
An astonishing 99.93% of the 1 trillion videos on YouTube.com remain unwatched, as 99.93% of those are just out-of-sync copies of rips of copies of rips. A vast majority of users choose only to watch fat kids lip synch to Eastern European pop songs. Pokemon movies are also very popular, especially crappy fan-made ones. They have all the Pokemon, Pikachu, Charmander, Shoe, Little Bill, Aruseus, Darkrai, Y2K, Mew, Mewtwo, Kyogre, Ytgskywi, Haunter, Pidgeotto, and some more I forgot played to this really crappy over-heard death emtal song that pisses off people who are looking for a particular song to hear, and have to put up with these shitty anime cartoons over it.
Searching for videos is temporarily unavailable. Luckily, or not, as the case may be, since the acquisition of Google Videos, it is now possible to search for anything on Google, with the majority of returned links being redirects to YouTube.
After Saddam, Who's Next?
People gathered around their computers to watch the hanging of Saddam Hussein on YouTube. Pleased with the great increase of visits on YouTube, Eric Schmidt, father figure of Google and YouTube, stated, "We need to find a way to sustain the popularity of our website through more controversial material."
This may not be easy for Schmidt, says Serget Brin, Google's founder. "The only way to keep hits up would be to get another execution on the database."
The United States Army, along with Executive in Chief, President George W. Bush, see the imperative need to keep YouTube at the peak of its existence. "I'm gunna make sure that Osama Bin Laden is the next bad guy them Army guys git," says President Bush.
Rumor has it that bin Laden responded (with an English accent), "isn't it ironic that the United States wants to capture me to keep YouTube popular, when it was the very site I helped create? How ironic indeed..."
Pumped for the mission, many men in the army are excited to try to find Bin Laden. "I want to be part of finding Osama. I think it would be cool to have my name in the credits when they make a boxed set of executions," sayid Pete 'Big Dog' Jennings.
Bush comments, "The only thing standin' in our way is them Congresspersons. They won't fund no troops. But I'm not scurred. I'm sendin' three times the troops I first said. Keepin' YouTube on the top is my main focus now."
Dick Cheney has hired award-winning actor Samuel L. Jackson to film the executions of the newly discovered terrorists. "He does a good job shooting things in the movies," says Cheney, continuing with, "wah."
Uses of YouTube
The medium of YouTube has yet to be fully realized, but early signs are promising. Here's a brief list of some of the ways people use YouTube:
- providing lessons on quantum physics for the general populace through video blogs
- ending war in the Middle East
- feeding the hungry
- aiding in police investigations
- providing mentally retarded video editors an outlet to display their Kingdom Hearts mash videos that no other fucking person in the world wants to see
- soft core porn
Abuses of YouTube
Many people feel the need to repeat everything they see on a video in the comment box [I.E. Rick JAMES BITCH HAHAH LMFAO LOL ROFL HAHA ... ECT] . This sensation somehow makes them cool, and they hope that the stupid repeating of these lines will some how bring meaning to their sad pathetic lives.
Users of Youtube also are largely ignorant, posting messages such as this:
if you are or have read this comment then you are cursed for life. You will have a terrible life and never get married (if you are already married you will get divorced). Only way to undo this curse is if you comment 5 videos with this exact message
Note, the follow is to cover the author's bases (just in case):
if you are or have read this comment then you are cursed for life. You will have a terrible life and never get married (if you are already married you will get divorced). Only way to undo this curse is if you comment 5 videos with this exact message
if you are or have read this comment then you are cursed for life. You will have a terrible life and never get married (if you are already married you will get divorced). Only way to undo this curse is if you comment 5 videos with this exact message
if you are or have read this comment then you are cursed for life. You will have a terrible life and never get married (if you are already married you will get divorced). Only way to undo this curse is if you comment 5 videos with this exact message
if you are or have read this comment then you are cursed for life. You will have a terrible life and never get married (if you are already married you will get divorced). Only way to undo this curse is if you comment 5 videos with this exact message
Another example is:
- ................... .. ... /´ /)
- .................... ..,../¯ ..//
- .................... ..../... ./ /
- .................... ..,/¯ ..//
- .................... ./... ./ /
- ............./´¯/' ...'/´¯`•¸
- ........../'/.../... ./... ..../¨¯\
- ........('(...´(... ....... ,~/'...')
- .........\.......... ..... ..\/..../
- .............\.... ..... . _.•´
- ............\....... ..... ..(
- ..............\..... ..... ...\
See also urban legend.
Many people (mostly unemployed, just plain annoying, PROBABLY NOT emo people) are beginning to be annoyed at the fact many users begin to upload fake videos of popular[citation needed] anime shows like "Naruto" and "Bleach". At first it was pretty damn obvious these videos were fake since a picture of a big purple surfing dinosaur while jamming out to the song "Everytime We Touch" has nothing to do with kids playing ninja. Despite the obviousness of being fake videos people continue to watch and comment on these videos, giving them "honors". The only thing more pathetic than waiting every week to watch a new episode of a predictable cartoon is tricking losers and getting their hopes up.
Typical Youtube Video Comments
“How is name of artist at song?”
“FAKE!”
“LOL @ 2.07”
“Where I Can Find Download Of Movie?”
“Dude, you suck, what a waste of time”
“STOP TRYING TO BE THE ANGRY VIDEO GAME NERD”
“AWESOME! You should do more videos”
“Pass this message onto all your friends or your penis will fall off in 1 hour”
“OMG!!! I have not seen this show since i was a kid and my grandfather would molest me while it was on. Oh happy memories :)”
“This is not funny at all”
“You people are pathetic, get lives”
Trivia
There is a practice called "tubing", which involves floating down a river on an inflatable inner tube. "YouTube" refers to you floating down, or "tubing" down, the Information Superhighway.
Notable YouTube celebrities include
- Smooş
- Breakers
- Külüstür1824
- Jaime Demeter the Red Skull
The top five most-watched YouTube videos of all time are
- Stephen Hawking Ghost Rides Da Whip.
- Friends - The Lost Episode: The One with The Aggressive Buggery.
- Naruto Episode 4,689 (yet another filler).
- The Crucifixion of Jesus Christ (Director's Cut, Alternate Ending).
- David Hasselhoff suicide attempt.
- Real Ninjas Naruto parody.
- How to huff a kitten by This guy
Famous DOWNs in the history of YouTube:
- LATUAULTUKA - The most chainiest chain mail in the history of YouTube!
On the Simpsons episode Marge vs. Aunt Flo Homer makes a reference to YouTube:
- Homer: [To Bart] "Or we could be like one of those idiots and post it on Youtube."
- Bart: "Eww. Wait, how'd you know about YouTube? You don't even own a computer."
- Marge: [returning from the lantern store] "Let's hang a lantern on that!"
- In Thailand Emperor Palpatine has blocked Youtube and marked it doubleplusungood website. Thai people sadly continue living in Dark age.
See Also
Another quality song by Youtubers
|
