You've Been Banned
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
This article includes information you should not be reading. In fact, It shouldn't be possible to read this. Any violation of this rule will result in an immediate perma-ban.
Seeing how you neglected to read the notice above, you have been permanatley banned. Congratulations! (Are you a hacker?) You should probably start running now. And, for your information, a double permanant ban means you die. (Like I said before, running would be a good idea.)
Good luck, <insert name here>!
You're still reading this? Ok. I take it you don't really care about this double perma-ban thing. Well, I might as well tell you how you got banned. After all, You should know how this happened, <insert name here>. I don't know how you were banned and you didn't know it untill now. Tisk, tisk.
Ok, it all stared when you were looking at this article. You must have seen some sort of pornographic image or made the admins mad and all of a sudden you saw a message pop up. You were then redirected to Google. You probably got distracted by some GIF image and left your computer to play Super Mario or something like that. Ever since then, you could never log on to Uncyclopedia. You got confused and somehow you started to read this article.
I'm predicting that you, in a few minutes, will soon see another message pop up. You won't be doing much after that.
edit The Book That Was Written About You Because You Are In So Much Trouble
Yup, You're in that much trouble. Somebody wrote a book on you, <insert name here>! How many books have been written for you before? I have FIVE books written about me! Anyway, your book is called "<insert name here>'s Big Mistake". I'm sorry to inform you that the book is not a "smashing good read." Nor is the book actually written yet. The key word there was yet. Did you find it? The thing is, your special book is being written as we speak, or as you read. Oh yeah, and you're gonna die when the book is finished.
edit Hey, Wait a Tick!
You're still alive? Or maybe you're not. Are you sure you're not in Deadland? If you are, that means that you're dead. Maybe you haven't been banned, <insert name here>. Maybe this is all a misunderstanding of the rules. Did you just happen to stumble upon this article? Is it a featured article? HA! That is the most embarrasing thing I have ever heard! The article about how you were banned was featured! HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAA!
Well, you should be banned by now, maybe you're computer is slow. You got lucky this time, <insert name here>. Next time, not so much. I might as well tell you a story to pass the time.
edit The Story I'm Going To Tell You When You Sit Down and Show Me the Peace and Quiet Sign
Once upon a time, there was a young person named <insert name here>. <insert name here> was really dumb. One day, <insert name here> was on the computer doing stupid stuff because <insert name here> was stupid. All of a sudden a message popped up. <insert name here> was confused. But, <insert name here> decided to click on the link and they saw this article. <insert name here> read the article over and over untill <insert name here> died. It was a sad and really long funeral. The moral of this story is to be smart and not die.
Are you dead yet?
You're not dead are you. Why don't you just click here.
You're still reading this, aren't you. Why didn't you click on that link? Or did you? You came back to this article? Do you have a life? You started the death timer all over again!
Just sit tight and don't change the page.
Great job, stupid! You're gonna die now!
(That's your cue to run.)
edit Now You Have To Die
WHAT THE CRAP? YOU MUST DIE NOW.
YOU READ THE WARNING, YOU READ THE WHOLE ARTICLE, AND YOU WERE STUPID ENOUGH TO NOT RUN AWAY! I'M COMING FOR YOU. HEAR THAT KNOCK ON THE DOOR? THAT'S ME. DID YOU NOT HEAR THAT? THAT KNOCK YOU JUST HEARD WAS ME. I'M STILL COMING FOR YOU. WHEN YOU SLEEP. IF YOU SEE THE GRIM REAPER TONIGHT, DON'T LOOK SURPRISED.
SEE YOU TONIGHT!