Yogi Bear

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Yogi Bear

Yogi running from the scene of a crime, caught on camera.

Yogi Bear was a master thief known internationally for smuggling priceless valuables in and out of parks in stolen pic-a-nic baskets. His partner in crime is a small, incontinent bear named Boo Boo. Yogi was evidently "smarter than the average mammalian carnivore", and his acting ability earned him a Hanna-Barbera Saturday morning cartoon.

edit Early Career

Yogi lived in Jellystone National Park for most of his life along with other migrating animals like Bill Cosby. He was roommates with Boo-Boo for the most part. One day he snapped and killed a visitor. He took the visitor's clothes, put them on and started his life of crime. His first theft was from a costume shop where he stole a bow tie for his buddy Boo Boo. They started out with just local crimes, like stealing an old lady's cane (while she was using it), and chasing a poor local kid, Billy. The duo became bored with these small time crimes and the two soon left Jellystone, and moved to New York.

Yogi Bear and Boo Boo went onto America's Most Wanted. Knowing that they would be recognized, Yogi shaved his hair, and Boo Boo got a hat, and both got jobs at McDonalds. Due to their lack of education, Yogi wasn't able to give the correct amount of change to the customers, getting him fired.

edit Biggest Thefts

Yogi and Boo Boo are quite famous for being the only ones to ever successfully steal the original painting of Leonardo Da Vinci's Dogs Playing Poker. He held it at ransom but was ambushed by police. He was able to flee from the scene suffering a broken arm.

The duo also broke into many houses, hiding jewerly and batteries in a pic-a-nic basket before running off to a new town.

They were also seen at the International Picnic Convention (IPC) terrorizing the community, eating small children and babies, and making off with about 27 pic-a-nic baskets.


Yogi's partner in crime.

On July 21, 1994, Yogi and Boo Boo followed the President to his annual pic-a-nic. They managed to pose as FBI agents. This allowed them to get close to President Bill Clinton. Yogi stole his pic-a-nic basket, and replaced it with one filled with 100 grams of cocaine.

edit International drug ring

Yogi is now wanted by federal law enforcement for possession of crème cakes with intent to supply. Police first thought Yogi was part of a major drug ring, supplying class A drugs to street dealers.

As the American market grew (much like the citizens) so did Yogi's greed. He later turned to much harder crimes than a simple pic-a-nic basket. He was finally caught red handed during a police sting operation trying to hijack a convoy of Gregg’s delivery vans. However, as local law enforcement was sidetracked by doughnuts contained in the vans, Yogi made his escape.

3 months later, he got a job at as a bathroom attendent at an airport. On September 11th, he stole a plane. He accidentally flew it into a building, causing it to crumble. Yogi made it out with only minor injuries. Due to the national stir-up, and an increase in security, he hung low for awhile.

Yogi didn't just sit around while he was undercover. He did quite the opposite. He made his drug stockpile grow 143%. Due to this increase in pot, cocaine, and several other drugs, he had to sell them. He smuggling them in pic-a-nic baskets. The police later caught Yogi with the baskets. He had escaped by jumping out his apartment window, on the 14th floor. This caused the U.S government to pass the Pic-a-Nic Basket Act, which denied the right for citizens to carry such items.

edit Boo Boo's Death

While in prison, Boo Boo spent his last days seeking redemption. He converted to a Pastafarian and hoped to see the great beer volcano in heaven.

Yogi swore to never steal again. Without his best friend with him he felt no need and realized that instead of spending life running from the cops spending the stolen money on Magic: The Gathering cards they could have enjoyed the paradise they had lived in.

edit After Prison

After his release from prison in December 1998, Yogi returned to Jellystone. He lived like he had before. It wasn't until he saw a pic-a-nic basket that he went insane. All the memories swept back to him. He shed a tear before snapping and ripping out a bystander's throat.

Yogi's first shot at stardom was in 2003, in the movie "Brother Bear", where Yogi played the caring brother, Sitka. However, he went into shock while on the set, from pic-a-nic basket withdrawal.

Yogi later got into such classics as "Leave It To Yogi" and "Happy Yogi Days". He also played Dr. Pic-a-nic on the soap opera Beautiful, Ugly People which earned him a daytime Emmy nomination. In his last role, Yogi starred as "Igoy", an extradimensional pic-a-nic basket thief, for several episodes of the British Sci-Fi series Doctor Who. However, when several of the props vanished from the set after filming, Yogi was found with the missing stock and re-admited to Saint Will Smith's, where he resides currently (after failing four break-out attempts).

edit See Also

For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Yogi Bear.

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