Yiff
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Yiff, sometimes known as yiffism or the yiffs, is a debilitating disease afflicting thousands of Americans and Non Americans worldwide. There is no known cure and treatments are both expensive and humorous.
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[edit] Types
- Yiffus caninus
- Yiffus vulpinus
- Yiffus lupinus
- Yiffus felinus
- Yiffus tigrinus
- Yiffus leoninus
- Yiffus lacertinus
- Yiffus draconinus (also known as yiffus screw-the-rules-i-have-money-us)
- Yiffus suillinus
- Yiffus equinus
- Yiffus hippotigrinus
- Yiffus aveus
- Yiffus mustelidus
A seventh strain, Yiffus Vulgaris, is debated as to whether it exists or not.
[edit] History
Yiff was first identified in 1762 by Dr. Leonid Huffenotter. He discovered that, at some of the many costume balls he attended, the group would suddenly become afflicted with a strange malady, which he described thusly:
- The first stage, would be that a large number of the participants would become groggy as if dazed or intoxicated, and begin walking slower. Although they would be making more eye contact with other patrons, they would begin to bump into them more and more, indicating vision impariment.
- The second stage would involve the afflicted actually losing their balance, sometimes knocking several others in the process. Sometimes landing on the floor, or low furniture, or a bed.
- The third stage usually involved painful spasms, whereby the victims would roll and thrash about slowly. The most notable and observable part (because of the costumes obscuring most other forms of observation) were the sounds emitted by the patients, which varied from labored breathing to animalistic yells.
The sounds most fascinated Dr Huffenotter. He dictated and categorized them meticulously finding one that was, occurring 62% of the time, quite prevalent. He transcribed it as "yiff".
His final observation, before overdosing on a bad batch of kitten, was that most of the sufferers seemed to be the ones dressed in animals costumes. He theorized that some common trait in the costumes, like a lead-based glue, might be the cause. Sadly, his notes and research were lost forever after his death. Don't ask how they got here, that is just something you don't need to know.
[edit] Causes
The exact causes are not known. However, most persons who become afflicted share certain traits:
- They usually like costume parties, or thinking about costume parties, or talking about costume parties, or making costumes at home, or trying them on at home, or wearing them in public.
- They often prefer costumes involving an animal.
- They often compare their costume to others who are prone to yiff.
- They often like creating and viewing sketches made of possible costume designs.
- They find themselves outcast from society if they disclose their condition.
- They find furries hilarious. Then they wake up one morning and realise they are furries themselves.
- They masturbate. No shit, Sherlock.
[edit] Symptoms
- Static cling
- Animalistic sounds (including the stereotypical "Yiff") made during costume parties.
- Thrashing of limbs
- Increased heartbeat and respiration
- Being unwelcome on any image board with a /b/ section.
- Fever
- Irrational Love for forest creatures.
- Craving for Disney DVD marathons.
- Sodomy.
[edit] Prevention
[edit] Treatment
- Regular, severe beatings without pants.
- More of the same.
- Yiff.
- rules 1 and 2
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