Yi Sunsin
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A venerated Korean Starcraft player who, playing from a PC bang in Pusan, routed the Japanese forces during the Battle of Myeongnyang.
Yi Sunsin was actually born inside the PC bang of Gelato Province. He is probably unique in that he spent literally every moment of his life playing Starcraft. As a result, Yi became hideously deformed. His eyes grew to the size of saucer plates while his muscles atrophied, all except for his extremely powerful wrist and index finger. Members of the Starcraft cult rallied around Yi and considered him to be their messiah. His cultists provided Yi with all the pizza, kimchee, and kimchee pizza he could eat. Due to his sedentary lifestyle and disturbingly unhealthy diet, Yi became so obese that his torso was a mathematically perfect sphere. At this size, he could not have left the PC bang even if he had been so inclined.
There is no evidence that Yi had any concept of the world beyond Starcraft. A barely-sentient entity, he communicated entirely in l33t-speek, and never discussed any topic but Starcraft and his own personal wants. In this way, at least, Yi was a perfectly normal Korean male.
Yi Sunsin rose to prominence when he won Dokdo island from the Japanese. The disputed island was an otherwise unexceptional rock which happened to contain the planet's central Hello Kitty factory. Each side eagerly wanted the island so that they could be the world's sole supplier of useless Hello Kitty shit. After many centuries of argument, the two sides agreed to settle the conflict with a Starcraft game. Yi Sunshin's clever use of Protoss carriers in the unique and brilliant "Crane Wing" formation earned him the honorary title of Grand Admiral.
Admiral Yi, the revered Starcraft messiah and pioneer of Starcraft warfare, died in early May of 2006 due to a heart attack when he lost at Starcraft. The fact that he died in this manner is not surprising, as PC bang heart attack is the leading cause of death in Korea. What is unusual is that autopsy revealed Yi's blood to be 94% kimchee juice, where the average Korean's Blood Kimchee Content is only 61%. This revelation fueled speculation that his wife, Courtney Love, may have been responsible for his death. However, no charges have been filed and Yi's death was chalked up to kimchee overdose.
His full posthumous title was Chungmugong Seonmu Ildeung Gongsin Seonjo Deokpung Buwongun Deokpung Yeonguijeong Yumyeong Sugun Dodok Kimchi Chigae P. Sherman. It means O glorious exalted mighty Admiral of the Left Gelato PC bang, master of the three races, Duke of Loyalty and Valor, King of all that is Korean, Lord of the Kimchi and Ruler of all that is Starcraft.
