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“Mmm, fresh baked vagina bread. Just like mom used to make.”
A yeast infection is a form of embarrassing personal problem which affects the female vagina. It is usually contracted when a woman pleasures herself with an unsanitary dinner roll. The elusive male vagina, however, has been found to be immune based on conclusive experiments involving sodomy and the Pilsbury Doughboy.
Many women have vaginas.
Signs that a woman may have a yeast infection are:
- The scent of fresh baked cinnamon rolls emanating from the genitals
- Soft Fluffy texture
- A starchy powder, similar to flour growing on the lips of the vagina
- Crusting of the lips
- A strong preference for rolling pins as masturbatory aids
- A strange and seemingly inexplicable urge to butter one's vagina
The only known way to cure a yeast infection is to use a blowtorch to heat the inside of the vagina to roughly 400 degrees Fahrenheit. Caution must be taken to ensure that the causative yeast is slowly baked to a delicious golden brown. Once the dough rises out of the vagina, time should be alloted for it to cool to room temperature, after which it can be removed and eaten. Serves 4-6. Woman who have experienced childbirth may serve up to 24.
Yeast infections were once a common way to prepare bread. The first people to bake bread vaginally were the Egyptians, circa fourth millennium BC. Artifacts have been found that are associated with vaginal bread making (rolling pin dildos, wooden spoons for spanking), as well as drawings that depict "whore-bakeries". Prior to the use of female yeast in baking, breads were typically without "that exquisite fishy flavor". During this time, "twat bread" was seen as a luxury.
Some theories state that vaginal yeast was discovered by a woman who "accidently" fell on a stale, stiff breadstick, and who could not free herself for, damn, a good 30 minutes. Another theory states that it arose when a man drunk on a yeasty ale vomited into the vagina of a prominent baker while attempting oral sex.
Today there is only one retailer of vaginal yeast, being Fleischmann’s 'So Yeasty' , which was developed in 1868. Also available is 'So Yeasty Kosher', prepared using only jewish women.