Yasser Arafat, a.k.a. Yakity Arabfat, was the drummer of the Beatles and the president of Noseland.
An undying philistine sorcerer king and latent homosexual, the story of Yasser Arafat is lost in the mists of time, but it is a widely spread belief amongst historians and people who post on Internet forums that Arafat was born thousands of years ago, at the center of a volcano, and that he is the outcome of a coupling between a demon and scientologist.
Once growing out of his larvae phase and reaching maturity, Arafat left his volcano, vowing to become to ruler of all of Philistine (Philly for short), mainly because it seemed like the cool thing to do and probably also because he wanted to impress some chicks.
Since Philly was at the time occupied by the Ottoman Empire, Arafat knew he had to employ cunning and malicious methods to win the trust of the unsuspecting Philistinians. He set out to the far city of Baghdad, where he founded the Philistinian liberation front. In order to raise money for pamphlets and stickers, he was forced to sell his body to passersby. That is how he met his second wife (he never talked about his first), Suha Arafat, as she was a very avid passerby and made it a habit to “passby” at least three times a week.
After raising the required amount of money and several forms of V.D, Yasser and his militia of shadow monsters invaded and conquered the famous philistinian stronghold known as the Mukat’aa. This was a vile fortress, of jetting towers and towering jets, all black and dark and covered with the droppings of winged monkeys, who were then an indigenous life form to Philly, but are now extinct.
By then, The Ottomans were chased back to Ottomania by Australian regiments and the surrounding real estate was purchased by the Jewish people, which founded anew the nation of Israel. Just when the Arafat thought his fighting days were over, The Israelis, led by their witch-kings, launched a merciless attack on the Mukat’aa.
In retort, Arafat used his vile magiks to create enchanted exploding Golems, which he then sent to Israeli shopping centers and massage parlors.
In the year 2000, in an attempt to bring peace between the warring nations, The Hebrew king Ehud took Arafat to lunch at the luxurious Camp David, an American-Hebrew restaurant owned by master chef Bill Clinton. They both had pie and claimed it was delicious.
Arafat is also known for founding the first Philistinan Casino, which featured bloody spectacles of cage fights to the death. He apparently founded this Casino as a response to the ad "What would you do for a Klondike Bar?". He is also known for his tendency to never, ever shave. His fans are rabid but distraught by his failure to win the Super Bowl, despite advancing to the NFC Championship game on four consecutive occasions. He was seen playing Calvinball on many an occasion, though he banned it in his country.
Arafat died at the ripe age of 11,673, after slipping in the shower and accidentally swallowing a bottle of liquid soap. He was surrounded by loved ones and goats. His biography was penned by George Bush and is a colour by number, 7 page compendium, released in 2003 and titled Arafat in a Tablecloth Hat!
The fight over his leavings is still being fought in Philistinian courts, but since he died penniless, it remains unclear who is fighting and over what.
Truly a remarkable and memorable leader. But, hey, check out his checkerboard towel that he wears on his head. Stylin', right?
Psst. Arafat's soul was actually secretedly bottled up by an undercover CIA agent at his deathbed and has been transferred into another body. Ten bucks if you can find the guy.
The Song Edit
Ramadan is coming,
- the bombers soon attack.
Please send some nookie to
- Yassir Arafat.
If you have no daughters,
- A cute white slave will do.
If you send no nookie,
- he may blow up you.
- ...found in an old man's severed hat just outside of Tel Aviv.