Yarl's Wood Holiday Camp

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Yarl's Wood Immigration Removal Centre.
“It's like Butlins but a million times better, why should foreign nig-nogs get so many freebies from the state?”
~ Nick Griffin on Yarl’s Wood Holiday Camp
“I wish I could go on one but I'm not allowed because I'm too British”
~ Abu Hamza on the free holidays
Yarlswood IDC - geograph org uk - 78530

The enterance to Yarl’s Wood Holiday Camp.

Yarl’s Wood Holiday Camp is a five star rated holiday camp near Bedford in England. It was built by the Zanu-Labour party in 2001 to provide freebie holidays for Asylum seekers and illegal immigrants.

Yarl’s Wood is noted for the famous "Blackshirts” who provide entertainment and organisation at every level.

The patron saint of Yarl’s Wood is Saint Oswald Mosely.

edit History

Yarl's Wood was first conceived by the the Nu Liebore party as an ingenious scheme to make right thinking British people hate asylum seekers and immigrants even more than they already did.

The plan was to give out places to a selected few foreigners in order to create the impression that asylum seekers are all getting loads of freebies from the government. This would infuriate the retarded readers of the Daily Mail to rise up in a British Kristalnacht[1] for the 21st Century, ridding the country of it's immigrant problem.

The main problem with this theory is that Tony Bliar and the Nu Liebore party forgot to factor in that Daily Mail readers are notoriously workshy, and although angered by the “news” that bloody foreigners were getting freebies, they were to lazy and stupid to get off the sofa and stop watching daytime TV like the Jeremy Kyle show to organise themselves into lynch mobs capable of ridding Britain of foreigners forever.

Despite this failure, the holiday camp had to be kept going as the government had signed a 30 year PFI deal with private operator Sercock.

edit Operations

800px-British Union of Fascists flag ant svg

The famous Yarl’s Wood logo.

Yarl’s Wood is operated by Sercock group, a company described by the Grauniad as "probably the shittest company you've never heard of." The director of operations is Bernard Manning.

The holiday camp has 3 wings named after three great British statesmen and patriots;

  • Lord Haw-Haw
  • Edward VIII
  • Enoch Powell

Places at Yarl’s Wood are awarded by the immigration authorities using a lottery system. It has become tradition that winners of the free holiday trips are taken by surprise in the early hours of the morning. They are often taken from their homes in their pyjamas with no personal belongings as their every need will be catered for by Yarl’s Wood’s dedicated team of "blackshirts".

edit Controversy

Another Place3 edit2

The remains of Asylum seekers on display at Crosby Beach.

In 2008 civil servant Alan “Botney” Yentob blew the whistle on goings on at Yarl's Wood Holiday Camp. He claimed that asylum seekers were being killed for their adrenal glands, which are then cured and added to Pease pudding, the corpses are then coated in metal and used by sick artist Antony Gormley in exhibitions like Another Place.[2]

Sercock, the owners of Yarl's Wood have denied that this is the case, saying that Yentob is simply a deluded fantasist who also believes that he is Creative director at the BBC and a popular TV presenter.

Yentob is currently in exile in Argentina, we are unable to determine whether he has fled in fear of repercussions from Sercock or in order to avoid being found out as a liar and a fantasist.

edit References

Personal tools