Yaphet Kotto

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Yaphet Kotto is the first prophet of the fallen religion, yogurt. Unlike other popular prophets, like this_guy, Kotto was doomed to obscurity after being convicted of xenocide on planet LB426.

[edit] Childhood

After receiving a failing grade on a preschool art assignment, a young Yaphet dropped out and promptly joined the Merchant Marine. There, with his perennial bunkmate Steve Martin, Yaphet learned to whittle and smoke a pipe, as well as act and scowl. His friendly demeanor coupled with his penchant for armwrestling quickly led to his promoting to Bo'sun.

[edit] Shipping Out

Unsatisfied with the dull life of a sailor, Yaphet eventually applied for a position within the Weyland-Yutani coporation, where he quickly found acceptance as a character actor in company training films.

[edit] Notable films

Kotto is best known for his role in the sexual harassment prevention film, Alien, where he played a simple mechanic subjected to undue sexual harassment by a company property. Unfortunately for Kotto, a group of teenage space vigilantes who masqueraded as pop stars, The Monkees, took it upon themselves to prevent any future cases of harassment. Their technique was overly effective and resulted in the complete extermination of the xenomorphs, as well as several species of ant. Mistaking his role in the film for actual involement, Kotto was subsequently sued by by several animal rights groups.

[edit] Downfall

Spiralling downward in a cloud of backalley poker games and banana daquiris, Kotto eventually found salvation in the dairy goods aisle of his local supermarket. After consuming several dozen pots of yogurt, Kotto realized that it had imbued him with the power to transcend time and space.

[edit] Rise and Re-Downfall

In an attempt to circumvent the tragic circumstances of his conviction, as well as mitigate the enormous fines leveed upon him, Kotto returned to a time immediately prior to his involvement in the harassment film. However, a future version of Kotto, learning of the bleak future which would await the world if the revenue gained from the lawsuit, travelled further back in time and planted a myth naming Kotto as the saviour and eventual betrayer of a yogurt-based religion. In a titanic battle which destroyed nearly all of a jelly donut, Kotto and his anti-thesis battled each other to a standstill. In an amazing turn of events, the two accidentally merged together while reaching for a pot of life-giving yogurt.

[edit] Current Whereabouts

Doomed to a life of obscurity after the battle, Kotto vowed never again to wield the awesome power of the yogurt. His current whereabouts are unknown, but rest assured that someday an evil will rise which only the power of the prophet of yogurt can overcome.