Yahtzee

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 21:55, June 3, 2010 by 67.172.60.210 (talk)

Jump to: navigation, search
“It's a gun that shoots shurikens and lightning. It could only be more awesome if it had tits and was on fire”
~ Yahtzee on Painkiller
“Yahtzee Gets No Respect.”
~ Rodney Dangerfield on Yahtzee
“The story is entirely needless and entirely forgotten during the actual gameplay, but you wouldn't think it, the way the cinematics bang on and on, emptying huge dustbins full of half-baked expositional dialogue into our screaming faces because they were determined to crowbar this shit in somewhere.”
~ Yahtzee on Tetris
“YAHTZEE!”
~ Stewie Griffin on Yahtzee
“Gay.”
~ Brian Griffin on Stewie Griffin on Yahtzee
“YOU SUCK!”
~ Stewie Griffin on Brian Griffin on Stewie Griffin on Yahtzee

Yahtzee (not to be confused with Nazi or Nazis playing yahtzee) is essentially a board game played by between 2 or more players. It should be noted that attempting to play Yahtzee with a prime number of players will always lead to the death of at least 346/2357 of all of the players within 24 hours of the completion of the game. If you do suddenly realize you're in the middle of game of Yahtzee, and there are a prime number of players, your only option is to continue playing forever. Or, you could just kill a member and say it was an accident and move to the Southern United States, which is how the Southern United States was populated.

The game is widely acknowledged to have caused the great fire of London, as early games were usually played with flint dice with players sat on bales of hay suspended above pools of petrol.

The aim of the game is to roll five 6's; at this point you stand up and shout "Yahtzee" at the absolute top of your lungs, as such it is inadvisable to play Yahtzee in areas where people are sleeping or furiously masturbating.

In the case of Poker v. Yahtzee, the game of Yahtzee had to defend against the charge that most of its rules were ripped off from card games, such as the full house from Poker and the runs from Cribbage, and that it is not a board game at all. Yahtzee could not afford a good lawyer, and Poker ultimately re-raised it $2000 after the flop on a bluff and stared Yahtzee down until it gave up. The judge, Rubik's Cube, ruled that Yahtzee is "rather dicey, and its scoring system is not safe for habitation." He issued a restraining order so Yahtzee would not come within 200 m of any casino.

The ancient Chinese philosopher Yah Tse of 12th century BC was fond of the game, and spent many hours playing with diminutive women on a bamboo mat. The game was at that time called ??? (characters meaning literally "losing streak finished"). Confusing the dice in play with his sushi platter proved to be his end, and the game was renamed in his honor.

In the Former Yugoslavic Republic of Macedonia, the game of Yahtzee was completely banned - because a direct translation of the phrase "Yahtzee" means "Gay foreign bastards." Understandably, groups of young (possibly gay) men announcing this fact in a loud voice in a public place was a recipe for disaster. In retrospect, holding the 1905-1995 Yahtzee championships in this country was a mistake, as the number of corpses outnumbered the number of people, animals, trees, and atoms of air combined.

Celebrities who enjoy a good game of Yahtzee include; David Hasselhoff (unbeaten in over 1000 matches), Jimmy Cranky, Barry Chuckle, Elvis (with 100,000 wins in his childhood), and Condoleezza Rice.


Template:OWQ

Personal tools
In other languages
projects