YMCA

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YMCA, or Youngster Mutant Clinja Aardvarks A.K.A Young Man Catch Aids..., was a disastrously unsuccessful Saturday morning cartoon that aired during 1991 (in the midst of the cartoon dark ages).

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The Youngster Mutant Clinja Aardvark.

Creation

In 1972, NBC funded research and development for a children's cartoon that was intended to, quote, "knock the socks off the freakin' little ankle biters!". After ten years, and spending billions and billions of dollars, they came up with a strange cross between Thunderous Asskicking Megazords and Davey and Goliath. Realizing how incredibly stupid that sounded, NBC producers tossed that idea and started afresh.

In 1983, the new pitch was "It's got aardvarks! It's got mutant aardvarks! It's got six young mutant aardvarks doing clinja stuff, and to illustrate the moral at the end of each show they do a song-and-dance number in outrageous costumes! What more could any kid want, dammit?". To reduce costs, the hastily-written scripts were shipped as soon as possible to Cambodia, where thousands of enslaved malnourished orphans ran antiquated animation equipment in poorly-ventilated and rat-infested underground bunkers under the brutal lash of Oprah Winfrey. YMCA is also widely appretiated as an extremely gay song, and the inspirer of gay costume play in intercourse.

Promotion

Finally, in September 1991, the first episode f YMCA was ready to air. In anticipation, NBC spent a fortune on promotional advertising and a lavish Friday night spectacular preview showcase featuring Oprah, Michael Jackson, Bruce Willis, Kristy McNichol, John Travolta, Garth Brooks, Weird Al Yankovic, Carrie Fisher, Susan St James, Roger Moore, Ken Berry, Christopher Walken, John Mellencamp, Mel Gibson, Candice Bergen, Woody Harrelson, Ricardo Montalban, Patrick Swayze, Vanessa Redgrave, President George Bush, Kathy Lee Gifford, Claudette Colbert, Elton John, Stevie Wonder, The Village People, Joan Rivers, Goldie Hawn, Bill Cosby, Sally Struthers, Peter Graves, Paul McCartney, George Carlin, Oscar Wilde, Soupy Sales, Nell Carter, Anthony Hopkins, and the entire cast of Saturday Night Live.

Air-date and Aftermath

The next morning, millions of America's kids sat glued to the television in rapt anticipation.

Immediately after the conclusion of the first broadcast of YMCA, hospitals and emergency rooms nationwide reported a massive epidemic of nau
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sea, vomiting, violent seizures, brain damage, kidney failure, internal hemorrhaging, and incessant screaming in up to 93% of the viewing audience. The surviving traumatized children experienced clinja-related nightmares for months on end.

NBC executives were somewhat disappointed with the dismal reception, and pulled YMCA off the Saturday morning lineup in midseason due to, quote, "low ratings". The failed series was replaced with repeats of MNPR (Monkey Ninja Pirate Robots).

Unrelated Trivial Crap

  • YMCA is also the name of a lively dance that originated in an obscure naval cult, which quickly became a worldwide phenomenon by spreading a secret 4-letter message via subliminal semaphore signals. People who were smart enough to be immune to this phenomenon waged war on the purely evil propaganda.
  • In certain parts of the Deep South, if anybody from out of town ever asks "Where is the YMCA?", they are promptly lynched by a rampaging mob. Other people who then subsequently inquire of the rampaging mob "Why oh why would you lynch somebody simply for asking where the YMCA is?" are also promptly lynched.

See also

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