YBox

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Xbox360

The YBox

The YBox is a member of the new generation of games consoles produced by Heideggerz & co. Unlike many other mainstream games consoles, which present the user with several games which can be purchased and used with the console, the YBox has one inbuilt program, which asks the user several hundred highly difficult questions concerning ontology. These questions remain unanswered, even if it appears that the game has finished.

edit Play

The first challenge for the Yboxer is to turn the console on. This is a difficult process, mainly because there are 17 different buttons which may potentially turn the console on. The process is made even more complex as the function of whichever button is picked is determined by the player's interpretations of the words "on", "console", and "turn". Some players notice that when one button is pressed, the machine will slowly start humming baroque music. A representative from Heideggerz stated that this was to calm down those players who are unfortunately not as patient as others.

Once the player is in the right mood to turn the console on, he will be presented with the first questions. The questions will fade into the background very quickly after being displayed, so the player must start thinking very hard. Some experienced YBox players have constructed a system whereby their hot water is heated by the thought energy in an action-based process. However, one needs the will to deceive in order to actualize the economy of this to another individual. When the console believes the player has sufficiently mastered the concepts involved in the questions, it proceeds to display another. Points are awarded for originality and patience, as well as understanding of modal logic. According to Heideggerz & co., the scores of players are recorded via the internet, but it appears that they are made inaccessible due to the fact that the YBox has only a metaphysical connection to the internet.

Some users have reported problems with the controls during play. Heideggerz & co. replied explaining that the console is not sure whether the controller is an intrinsic part of it, a modal extension of itself, or rather separate from it.

There is an additional existentialist mode, accessible only to those with a certain temperament, which takes the questions out of the equation. The player simply stares at the blank screen and realise that, since he is not perceiving anything but blackness, his own emotions are truth.

edit Addiction

Many players have been known to play the game for several hours at a stretch, and this is especially common among younger players. The user sch0psch0p, when questioned about this, replied in the following manner; "It's an anathema to our social-cultural-moral development to criticize us because of the amount of time we spend on the YBox. The reality of the YBox is identical to the reality of the real world, due to the eternal continuity of perception." Several less fanatical players recounted that sch0psch0p is known to be a grouchy old man who is currently serving community service for kicking an old woman down a flight of stairs.

edit Reception

Generally, to the disappointment of Heideggerz & co., the YBox has had a very poor reception among the general public. The reviewer for Games World magazine stated that the console is boring, mystifying, irritating and overly expensive. This last comment has been contested by Heideggerz & co. on the basis that the game's "cost" is merely a function of dasein's being-towards-death. Heideggerz & co. claim that the game has received 5 star reviews from all major gaming communities, in reflection of the stars being reflective analogies. Among existentialist and epiphenomenalist circles, the game has had better reviews. One keen player, K4nt43va, who has a score of 629 out of an undetermined amount of possible points, praises the game thus: "The phenomenal nature of the fundamental interaction between player/agent and the game/object allows for an extraordinary experience ". Oxford University, however, has complained that many philosophy postgraduate students now spend most of their free time in their studies YBoxing.

edit Copyright infringements

Microsoft Corporation are currently suing Heideggerz & co. for multiple copyright infringements, as the YBox closely resembles the XBox and has a similar name. Heideggerz & co. deny the existence of Microsoft and the Xbox stating that For dasein to be aware of the XBox, the XBox must be in an action-relationship with dasein, but dasein doesn't play XBox, because its ontology is neglible. It seems unlikely such arguments will stand in court. However, so far Heideggerz & co. have been hard to locate because their offices do not exist in noumenal reality.

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