Xiaolin Showdown

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Xiaolin Showdown (KYYI-ah-linn) is arguably a TV show directed by geeks who have too much time on their hands. It was produced by Cartoon Network, a station developed for milk. Somehow, they ended up with this cool show instead. Its namesake derives from the words "Xiaolin," meaning "monks who do really cool stunts in an animated TV show," and "showdown," meaning "a fight between two or more people." Thus, Xiaolin Showdown has come to mean "an animated TV show about monks who get into fights with another person and do really lame stunts."

The Beginning

Fifteen hundred years ago, the powerful Xiaolin Dragon Grand Master Dashi fought the first Xiaolin Showdown against the powerful Heylin Witch, Wuya. Wuya pitted her dark magic and her army of Earth men against Dashi and his mystical objects called the Shen Gong Wu. In the end, Dashi triumphed and trapped Wuya inside a wooden puzzle box. The threat averted, Dashi spread his Shen Gong Wu around the world, never to be used again until Wuya rose to power again and the powerful baubles begin revealing themselves.

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Fifteen hundred years later, Wuya was released from her puzzle box by an evil boy genius named Jack Spicer, who has created an army of robots and wishes to dominate the entire world. With them are Hannibal Roy Bean, the Ying-Ying Bird, and a dozen other villains who want to help them retrieve the Shen Gong Wu. However, the only thing that can save the world and use the Shen Gong Wu to defeat the forces of evil is a young Xiaolin Dragon named Omi and a small band of young Xiaolin trainees, Raimundo, Kimiko, and Clay. Together, they have fought against Wuya and her allies and managed to find and recover more than seventy Shen Gong Wu. Raimundo had been chosen as the group's new leader, and now they prepare to face all the enemies they met in the past in one great battle.

The Monks

Omi - An orphan boy who has been training in the art of Shaolin Kung Fu since birth, after his parents were killed by Chase Young. Omi is the Xiaolin Dragon of Water and as such possess the ability to manipulate water in all forms. His element represents how he can be calm like a serene pond or raging like a dangerous tsunami. He takes his work very seriously and is the only one that wears his Xiaolin robes at all times. When it comes to to martial arts, he is the most skilled Xiaolin monk of the group, and he knows this quite well. Often times he boasts about his abilities, giving others around him the chance to exploit his ignorance. He once joined the Heylin side, much to Chase Young's delight, but he soon returned to his good side with the help of his friends. His signature move is Tornado Strike-water. His signature Shen Gong Wu is the Orb of Tornami. His Wudai Weapon was the Shimo Staff, but after it was destroyed by the Kuzusu Atom from Hannibal Bean, his new Wudai Weapon became the Tsunami Sword. His elemental Shen Gong Wu is the Kaijin Charm. He has only an older brother, Hanchuro, and his ancestor is Grand Master Dashi. At the end of the last episode of season 4, he is promoted to a Grand Master Xiaolin Dragon by Master Fung, Master Monk Guan, Chase Young, and Hanchuro.

Raimundo Pedrosa - Raimundo is the Xiaolin Dragon of Wind from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and can control everything air related, like summoning gale force winds and enabling himself to fly. He is a sharp, circus-raised kid, the jester of the team. Although a little self-centered, he is quite loyal and caring to his friends. Raimundo has turned to the Heylin side twice. The first time, he was upset with Master Fung for not letting him "move on" to Xiaolin Apprentice, and decided that siding with Wuya was the best way to show his true strengths. He then helped her get her solid form back by combining the Reversing Mirror and the Serpent's Tail in "In The Flesh". However, he betrayed her in "Citadel Of Doom" when he realized his friends were more important than riches. In the episode "The Return Of Master Monk Guan", the second time he sided with Hannibal Bean as a result of being mistreated by Master Monk Guan, but in the end, it was proven as a hoax to fool Hannibal. His signature move is Typhoon Boom. His signature Shen Gong Wu is the Sword of the Storm and his Wudai Weapon is the Blade of the Nebula. His elemental Shen Gong Wu is the Crest of the Condor. In "Time After Time(2)", he was promoted to Shoku Warrior level, or team leader, granting him a new set of robes.

Kimiko - The daughter of a rich and influential Japanese businessman, Kimiko is the Xiaolin Dragon of Fire and has the power to create and control said element. She is usually seen wearing street style or high fashion from Japan. She is well acquainted with modern technology and is a quick-witted and skilled fighter. However, she can be quite short-tempered, especially when insulted because of her gender. Omi was first to discover this when he read "The Ancient Guide To Females". However, he unintentionally continues to provoke Kimiko's anger in several instances. Despite her temper, when Kimiko is calm she shows deep care for all her teammates. Her signature move is the Judolette Flip. Her signature Shen Gong Wu is the Star Hanabi, her Wudai Weapon is the Arrow Sparrow, and her elemental Shen Gong Wu is the Cat's Eye Draco. In "Dangerous Love", Kimiko develops a crush on Hanchuro and eventually shares her first kiss with him.

Clay - Clay is a Texas cowboy and the Xiaolin Dragon of Earth, allowing him to cause earthquakes and fissures in the ground and gives him enhanced strength. He is the most easy-going member of the group and has an overriding Southern accent. He is always polite and occasionally dispenses down-home pearls of wisdom. His skill in Tai Chi and his element of Earth both emphasize his sense of balance in all things. His signature move is Seismic Kick. His main Shen Gong Wu is the Fist of Tebigong, although he sometimes uses others, most notably the Third Arm Sash and Lasso Boa Boa. His Wudai Weapon is the Big Bang Meteorang, and his elemental Shen Gong Wu is the Longhorn Taurus. His father owns a ranch in Texas, and his sister Jessie is the leader of an all-girl motorcycle gang called the Black Vipers.

Hanchuro - A young ninja that is an ally to the Xiaolin monks and a bitter enemy to Wuya and the other forces of evil. When he was five years old, Hanchuro began his training at the Xiaolin Temple as Master Fung's apprentice. He continued his training with Chase Young, but left after he found out that Chase was responsible for his parents' deaths. He left his newborn brother, Omi, on the steps of the Xiaolin Temple, and finished the rest of his training at the temple of Master Monk Guan. He lives at a small temple in the Himalayan Mountains with only his trained falcon Kuro, a small herd of goats, and two female students he is training, Yuki and Anna. He revealed to Omi that he is his older brother and that both of them were descended from Grand Master Dashi. He helped the monks recover the last of the Shen Gong Wu and defeat Wuya, Hannibal Bean, Jack Spicer, and the other villains in the last battle. His main weapons are a sword he bought from a Chinese smith and a Spear of Guan Master Monk Guan gave him, and his preferred Shen Gong Wu are the Eye of Dashi, Third Arm Sash, Bow of Chase Young, Kuzusu Atom, and Avis Whistle.

Kuro - Kuro is Hanchuro's trained Saker Falcon and is well bred to carry messages and fight other birds of prey in the air. When the falcon was a young hatchling, Hanchuro received Kuro as a gift from Master Fung after completing everything that he taught him, and Hanchuro began training him since then. He is a little protective of Hanchuro, whom he trusts most of all, and his worst enemy is the Ying-Ying Bird, whom he has defeated multiple times through most of the episodes of season 4. In "Dangerous Love", while Hanchuro was rescuing Kimiko from falling off a cliff, Kuro managed to retrieve the Bow of Chase Young Shen Gong Wu from Jack Spicer. In "The Heylin Flu", Kuro accompanied Omi in searching for the Jewel of the Phoenix Shen Gong Wu. He eats only meat strips fed by hand, and he soon develops a bond of friendship with Omi, mistaking him for Hanchuro.

Master Fung - A master monk, Fung is the teacher of the monks and the owner of the Xiaolin Temple. Though the young monks make a few mistakes every once in a while, he is patient and offers them advice along the way. After Hanchuro left his newborn brother, Omi on the steps of the Xiaolin Temple, Master Fung took Omi in and trained him in the art of Shaolin Kung Fu. When Omi was still a baby, Hanchuro became Master Fung's apprentice for about six months, but left when Omi was still young.

Dojo Kanojo Jo - Dojo Kanojo Jo is the Guardian of the Ancient Scroll of the Shen Gong Wu and the dragon that the Xiaolin Warriors ride on. He is a wisecracking dragon of the Chinese variety, though he lacks legs.

Grand Master Dashi -An ancient hero from long ago, his favorite passtimes were napping and wasting peoples time. Strangly he died fifteen hundred years ago but his friend 'master monk guan' didn't, even though they are from the same time. Some say he never died, and is living out his days in the main characters flashbacks.

The Actual Storyline

Bored in a secret lair underneath the Price Buster's next to Blackpool Tower, two evil partners, Jack Spicer and Wuya (a ghost), decided to rule the world. Then they heard about the Shen gong wu, mystical items that have "special" powers. Jack often clashed with the monks over these Shen gong wu, in what is called a Xiaolin Showdown. The situation always looked cool, but never was, and usually involved some silly lesson from the beginning of the show. Jack always lost, cried, swore his revenge, and then goes home to hit himself over the head with a brick. In the end, the monks had gained a whopping total of 2 Shen gong wu fly back to the temple, chatting atop Dojo.

The Other Villains

Wuya

An evil witch who got turned into a ghost when she was sealed away by a magical puzzle box by Dashi. Some say that instead of a puzzle box she was sealed inside a springy toy, that was inside the box. But this has never been proven true. Wuya can sense sheng-gong-wu like dojo, but can tell what it is and what it does without a mystical scroll. She likes to nag at Jack Spicer, who blames her for eating his pudding despite her being a ghost and not being able to eat.

Panda Bubba

Panda Bubba - A guy who wears black and white and has a bad laugh. He is currently protected by the Chinese government because of loss of habitat and now lives on loan in the National Zoo in America.

Katnappé

Katnappé - Crazy girl in her teens. Likes cats. Uses cats as weapons. Meows and uses cat puns. She's the obligatory anime cat girl to the extreme

Wilhelm

Some immortal pimp that watches over both villains and monks and such, observing their angst and using them as pawns to bring him steps closer to activating Zarathustra, the ultimate baking oven, to make the entire universe one huge, extravagant chocolate cake. He has his manservants the Testaments face off against both monks and villains, but they always fail and are forced to eat his diabolical asparagus.

Chase Young

An emortal villain who likes to watch people from atop his domain composed of trap impacted rock, ocasionaly avoiding the random fangirl that just happens to end up at his evil lair. Chase was once on the side of good but an offer of cookies from an evil vegetable forced him to 'join those on the dark side'. He was once friends of Grand master Dashi and Master monk Guan, but because of his change to the side of evil he challenged dashi and guan to a light saber battle to defeat them, because apparently they don't use the word 'kill' on cartoon network. It was once thought that dashi died in the light saber battle against chase. Hence the end of their friendship.

Jack Spicer

A gothic, cocky villain. That looks absolutely amazing. He also likes pudding cups and laughing real evil like. His favorite passtime is stalking Chase young and screaming like a girl. His greatest fear is of rejection...and clowns.

Yulie Ahtreide

Not really a villain either, she wanted to find the Querky QWERTY to find special Paladienne manuals that can only be found by typing in a super secret cheat code. She can heal wounds in an unnesessary manner, by stomping on one's foot.

Harry Potter

Like those two above, not a villain either. He found the Wacky Wand to replace that piece of shit wand he used all the time. He helps the monks occasionally by giving them pointless advice about steering clear of crap like pirates and ninjas and the likely chance of listening to Himeko Katagiri from Pani Poni Dash! say "maho!" to death.

Charity Bazaar

Yet again, not a villain. She's that depressed little blonde brat from Histeria! who has traveled five years into the present day by Father Time to prevent the nerds who made this show from wasting their time making this show and bent on bringing Histeria! back. She is often seen with the like of Harry Potter, Yulie and Jude as a futuristic guide, which she is NOT happy about.

Pepper Mills

Once again, not a villian. A hyperactive fangirl from Histeria! who asking people with their autographs, and confused them with other famous celebrities, which gives a lesson to those fanbrats who are freakin' obsessed with Naruto x Sasuke yaoi fan arts not to be stupid. Confusing Jude Maverick with Jim Hawkings. Her favorite idol is Himeko Katagiri. Her scream made Katara deaf.

George Formby

Though not a villain as such, he once went evil after watching a James Bond film, he bought a Collarless suit and joined the British National Party and set off on a rampage across the world, he stopped just short of the High Street after falling off his motorbike and gave himself an injury on the cross-bar.

Also See

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Xiaolin Showdown is part of Uncyclopedia's series on Mass Media.
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