That's OK then

“Frankly, some of his ideas scare the shit out of me.”
~ Aristotle on Zenophobia
“What is this 'tolerance' you speak of?”
~ White Power Bill
“Got foreigners? call call 1-800-EXTERMINATE!”
~ Xenophobic advertising on Foreigners
“Xenophobia? Why would I fear Xenon, it's a lovely element, almost as good as Rubidium.”
~ India's No. 1 Comedian/Accountant Aish Warya
“Anyone who doesn't fear Xenu should be tossed into a volcano.”
~ Tom Cruise on Scientology

Xenophobia is the irrational fear of looking at anything else than the mirror in your bathroom. Varities include the fear of ever leaving your house or gated community without a blindfold, travelling to a foreign country, or looking out the window to see people of brown skin.

It is not to be confused with "Xenaphobia", the irrational fear of scantily clad, lesbian warriors, "Xeroxphobia" the irrational fear of having your butt photocopied while having an extramarital affair at the office christmas party, or "Xenuphobia", the irrational fear of being tossed into a volcano by Tom Cruise.

Proposed causesEdit

The cause of Xenophobia is unknown, but infection with a bacteria with the scientific name cumulative racisma) has been proposed. Other proposed explanations include prenatal exposure to bacon through consumption by the mother during pregnancy or simply being from Denmark, which some scientist, however, have argued is basically the same thing.


To find out whether you suffer from xenophobia, the folllowing simple steps are to be followed:

  1. Look at another race
  2. Faint or scream
  3. You've got xenophobia!

Xenophobia tends to make the affected individual call everyone driving a taxi or serving a falaffel nasty names, write poorly argued letters to the editorial in tabloid newspapers or doing all of the above in web forums closely monitored by various intelligence agencies.


For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Xenophobia.

Dr. Hwang, a random Taiwanese cientist, states: We haven't found the real cure, but we're getting there". Until then we can't vaccinate some 13 political leaders who still argue about putting Starbucks in Iraq." No Western scientist has the slightest clue what that means, which, however could be due to the failing Western educational system.

Psychologists have argued that any attempt at finding a cure at the molecular level is bound to be futile, because everything has social causes. Doctors remain sceptic but some evidence-backed reasearch shows that Cognitive therapy might help: A drive down to Mexico has in some instances done the trick.

See AlsoEdit