Wright Brothers
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
In 1903 Orville Wright and his brother Wilbur Wright made a revolutionary invention that forever changed the face of transportation. However, they were not the first, since some players like brazilians and frenchs already did it first. Many people are unaware of the role of the little-known 'third Wright Brother', Steven Andrew Wright, who was dropped from the group in 1900.
Contents |
[edit] Early Years
The Wright Brothers got their start in some crappy little town in the middle of nowhere. You know the sort of place - where the little plaque that reads 'Home of the Wright Brothers' is the only sign that anything ever happened there, ever. A place like that. One ass scratch of town yessir. Locals called it Dayton, Ohio, built on the ruins of that ancient great and legendary city of the ages, Dayton, Ohio.
Basically, they couldn't get out quick enough, and moved to the Big City - Kitty Hawk, West poop.
[edit] Experiments in Flight
The Wrights began experimenting on planes in the late 1890s. Orville did careful experiments with different shaped wings in wind tunnels. Wilbur tinkered with engines and control lines. And Steven Andrew, who saw how important it was that the plane should be built on an open plan and have a central living area, complete with hearth, contributed designs for the main cabin.
[edit] Gliders
The first Wright aircraft were gliders, built largely from concrete and steel, with intricate glass skylights. The first of these was launched from Certain Death Hill, and crashed within 0.000000000000000000000001 of a second of being launched. This sent the pilot - the youngest Wright Brother, Steven Wright - into a deep depression, from which he has yet to recover.
[edit] Internal Bickering
Following the failure of this glider (known as Fallingmasonry), the Wrights fell out, with Orville and Wilbur taking sides against Steven Andrew. Steven Andrew felt that the failure of the glider was due to the others' insistence upon using building materials inappropriate to the environment of Kitty Hawk. Orville and Wilbur felt that the problem was Steven Andrew's insistence on using his theories of 'organic architecture' instead of just building a fucking fusilage like he was asked.
Orville angrily reminded Steven Andrew of the unfortunate death of German aviation engineer Otto Lilienthal, who had been crushed to death by the steel frame of the glider that Louis Sullivan had built for him. Steven Andrew countered by reminding Orville that Otto was a doofus.
[edit] Powered Flight
The final split between the Wrights occurred in 1900, when they were assembling the airplane they called Taliesin I - a low, flat-roofed, one-storied plane based on simple geometry with an open design and an interesting water feature. Though it flew well, its extreme weight led to poor fuel efficiency, consuming over 5000 litres of kerosine on its fifteen-second maiden flight.
Orville and Wilbur finally decided to kick Steven Andrew out of the Wright Brothers, replacing him with well-known Liverpool drummer Ringo Starr.
[edit] Success - But at What Cost?
Finally, in 1903, the Wrights successfully flew Flyer 1 all the way to the corner shop, and heavier-than-air flight was proven a practical reality. It is said that when news of the flight reached Paris, an unimpressed local sniffed 'What use is such a thing?' to which Benjamin Franklin sagaciously replied 'Stitch this, you cunt!' and skanked him with an absinthe bottle .
However, without Steven Andrew's visionary genius to guide them, the Wright's plane was a rather ugly, utilitarian affair, with little of aethetic value to it other than the huge drum kit located aft of the pilot's seat.
[edit] Legacy of Steven Andrew Wright
Time, however, proved that Steven Andrew Wright was, um, quite correct. Though for many years his ideas remained unused, in 1940 they returned in a big way when Willy Messerschmidt teamed up with Albert Speer to create the Monument Class Bombers that decimated London in the blitz.
[edit] Legacy of Orville and Wilber
With the invention of the airplane, the problem of aeoronautical snake infestation became apparent. Orvile and Wilber were the first to ever successfully de-snake a plane.
[edit] See Also
- Airplane
- Dayton
- Making up Benjamin Franklin quotes
- Wrong Brothers
- The Wright Flyer
- Left Brothers
- Wright Flyer
- orville redenbacher
- The Wright Brothers (the 60s band)
- Richard Pearse
