Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy

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This article is about the English village. For the Star Wars reference, see Mos Eisley. For Belgium, see Belgium.


Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy is a small village in Gloucestershire, England. It is a typically picturesque English village, known for its well-kept lawns and polite, friendly residents. The village's origins can be traced as far back as the 11th Century: it is found in the Domesday Book, where it is referred to as Rætcheð Hive oþ Skum und Villæny (Old English: "Rather Nice Little Town"). The village rose to fame in the public consciousness after a number of its residents committed one of the worst terrorist outrages of recent times.

edit Motto and subsequent terrorist atrocities

The inhabitants of the village, known collectively as Scum or Villains (not to be confused with scum and villains), are famously proud of their town's motto, You'll Never Find a More Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy, which is featured on the town's coat of arms as well as on small souvenirs sold in the local shop. However, since the release of Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope in 1977, in which the phrase was used by Obi-Wan Kenobi, the motto has come to be associated pejoratively with any unwholesome or squalid place, or one with particularly uncouth residents.

In 1996, angered by repeated thefts of their street signs by Star Wars fans and worried that the village's glittering reputation would be damaged by the motto's use, out of context, to describe various unbecoming locales, the Neighbourhood Watch Committee of Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy organised itself into a paramilitary terrorist cell known as the Movement of the Tenth of April, designed to exact revenge on all those who had defamed the town's character. Despite the advanced years of the majority of its members, the Movement was able to commit one of the worst terrorist atrocities of the decade. The scum and villains detonated a bomb at the 1997 Star Wars Convention, killing one hundred and seventeen Star Wars enthusiasts and injuring several prominent cast members, including Mark Hamill, whose right hand was maimed by the blast and subsequently replaced with a bionic claw. Although terrorist attacks have eased and the village has returned to peace, tensions still remain. Any mention of the Star Wars films within the boundaries of the village gets you chased away by a torch-wielding crowd. Recently, a little boy was strung up from the church tower for being spotted in the village square playing with a toy Han Solo.

edit Cheese

Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy has more cheese per capita than any other location on the mainland United Kingdom; in the whole of the UK, this cheese-to-person ratio is higher only on the Isle of Wight. The town's fond relationship with cheese is celebrated in the bi-annual Cheese Festival, which attracts large crowds of Scum and Villains.

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