World of Warcraft

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World of Warcraft, often referred to as WoW or WhoA^[1] is a massively multiplayer online role-playing game (MMORPG) by Blizzard Entertainment.^[2] It is the fourth released game set in the Warcraft fantasy universe, which was first introduced by Warcraft: Orcs & Humans: Why Can't We Be Friends? in 1994. World of Warcraft takes place within the Warcraft world of Azeroth, two years after the events at the conclusion of Blizzard's previous Warcraft release, Warcraft III: Join the Army.^[3]

The main objective of World of Warcraft is to click on animals. The challenge of the game lies chiefly in the sheer volume of animals needing to be be clicked. It is estimated that players need to click on one cubic mile of animals in order to complete the game. Players seeking to take a break from monotonous animal-clicking can partake in one of the countless many sidequests such as catching 10,000 fish one at a time, crafting 10,000 necklaces one at a time, or selling plastic daggers to n00bs for 50 gold.

Contents 1 Gameplay 1.1 Starting a character 1.2 Ongoing gameplay 2 Combat 3 Dying 4 Honor Kills 5 Armor 5.1 Armor Quality 6 Skills 7 Twinks 8 The Burning Crusade 8.1 Outland 8.2 N00b Elves 9 Chinese Farmers 10 Instances 10.1 Dire Mall 10.2 The Deadmines 10.2.1 Bosses in Deadmines 11 Wrath of the Lich King 11.1 Northrend 11.2 Death Knight 11.3 Arthas, the Lich King 11.4 Achievements 12 Footnotes 13 See also

Gameplay

As with other MMORPGs, players control a character avatar within a game world in third person view, exploring the landscape, fighting various monsters, performing tedious collection quests, interacting with Non-Player Characters, completing tedious deliveries for lazy Non-Player Characters, clicking on animals, and carrying out tedious escort quests. World of Warcraft requires players to pay for a subscription, such that one year of gameplay will cost the player around two hundred dollars.^[4]

Starting a character

To enter the game, players must select a 'realm', or server. Each realm acts as an individual copy of the game world, and falls into one of two categories: Standard and Role-Playing. The Role-Playing realms cater to those players who consider simply playing World of Warcraft to be too cool, and need a way to further enhance their nerdiness. In such realms, players must remain in character or risk being branded an outcast of dorks, a fate worse than rejection by a girl. Dialogue between players is vastly different in the two realms: for example, whereas in a Standard realm a player might say "Looking to sell Murder Knife of Stabbiness, 40 Gold", the same statement in a Role-Playing realm might look more like this: "Attention, fellow mortals. I, the humble wizard Radagast, seek a buyer for the Murder Knife of Stabbiness, a most excellent blade truly worthy of being wielded by a heroic knight or stealthy rogue. I humbly ask for a mere forty golden pieces in exchange for this most high-quality of items."

The main story behind the game focuses on two warring factions: the Alliance, made up of humanoid races, and the Horde, made up of the less attractive humanoid races, such as trolls and giant cow-people. The conflict between these two camps drives many of the events in the plot of the entire Warcraft series. In this particular installment, the Alliance and Horde must form an unlikely truce to drive off an invading zombie infestation. Blizzard has received many complaints^[5] about the overall story of World of Warcraft, both for its similarities to several George Romero films and its use of the stereotypical "enemies teaming up to vanquish a common foe" plotline.

Perhaps the most important decision the player faces when creating their character, other than breast size and breast shape, is the character's class. This attribute determines what sort of abilities and stats the character will start with. From the mighty warrior to the powerful druid to the feeble hunter, there are literally several classes to choose from. Some classes, such as the priest, are more useful for so-called 'grouping', where multiple players gather to support each other in the quest to rapidly click on animals. Up to sixty players can join the same group and adventure together, resulting in furious animal-clicking episodes.

Ongoing gameplay

Combat

Combat in World of Warcraft presents a scene similar to releasing a baboon with a crayon in a coloring book factory: there's no real way of knowing where the baboon will color, and where he'll leave a steamy pile of "hello". SnowFlake designed the combat system to be fairly autonomous, but there is no real way of knowing how much damage you will deal to the intended target or even if you'll hit the target at all.

Critical Strikes involve Line Dancing. You have a set percentage to do double damage every time you attack in any way. Magic has it's own Critical Strike (CS) percentage, as does simple cooking. The ability to do double damage has an equal chance of happening as someone wanting to kill themselves so they go to the edge of a cliff, tie a rope around their neck from a tree close by, drink poison, light themselves on fire, load a gun, jump off, shoot the gun at their head, miss, cut the rope, fall off the cliff and happen to fall into the one spot with water at the bottom, which puts out the flame and then vomit up the poison and live. It just doesn't happen.

Status Effects Stun, Fear, Sleep, Charm and Resurrection Sickness are all forms of Status Effects. In some (Stun and Sleep) you can not move. In others (Fear and Charm) you are limited in control of your character. Resurrection Sickness is notably the most irritating of status effects. It is not dealt in combat, but is a result of being dead, having intense laziness, and choosing to resurrect via the Spirit Healer. If you choose to, you can resurrect your character by a Spirit Healer, resulting in 25% durability damage to you armor and being weakened by 75% in all attributes. Thus, you've become Steve Urkel.

Immune is when you just can't be hurt by the attack. Only Chuck Norris is immune to everything. Creature's attributes tell how resistant they are to a certain element. If a creature is fully resistant, they are immune to damage for that type of damage. Again, Chuck Norris is the exception to the rule.

Bounce is when your character avoids being raped by an attack or spell. Like the other combat abilities, you can build up your dodge rating higher than Bill Clinton can dodge questions ("What do you mean by dodge?"). Again, a random roll via a percentage rating determines if you are hit by an attack. With some characters it is possible to dodge all attacks. These are called Twinks and they are hated by PvP players. Unless they, themselves, are twinks or on a twink's team.

Dying

When you die in the World of Warcraft, you're turned into a ghost in a graveyard and you say a little hello to the Angel of Death, and then you run back to where your body is and you resurrect and carry on your way, much like in real life. Death happens quite often in the game, and should not be looked upon as a negative, until you reach level 80. After reaching level 80, you are expected never to die, and if you do, everyone is allowed to spam insulting macros at you, such as /Spit, /Laugh, /Cry, and more recently /Hug, or the more difficult but much more manly /Hugitoutbitch.

If one does die, the only way to avoid the shame of death is via quick resurrection. If you are forced to resurrect at a Spirit Healer, it is advisable to wait for death once more, as Resurrection Sickness is more commonly known as Super-Mega-Turbo-AIDS.

Honor Kills

An Honor Kill is when you kill another player who is incapable of defending him/herself. You get 50 Honor Points for killing a character your level or above. For each level below your current level, you get an additional 50 points unless you are a Rogue. Rogues receive 100 points per level. If your character appears as a "skull" to the killed player, the murderer also receives bonus points. Camping bodies is encouraged by Blizzard, and killing characters in the middle of escort quests are not only rewarded by extra bonus points, but are great fun to chat about in your guild chat.

Many people falsely believe that while in contested territory, there is an understood rule that you will not attack enemy factions while they are completing quests. This can be signaled by a bow or dancing with enemy characters. In reality, this marks the start of a race to see who can complete their quest first and then go find and kill the character that you were having such a good time with only 15 minutes earlier.

Armor

Armor in World of Warcraft can be split into 3 categories: rags, pillows and tanks. Rags are better for spell casters, Pillows are better for comfort, and Tanks are better for defense. As you increase in level, you will gain access to more powerful armor. A similar system was originally used in the game Super Mario Bros, however SnowFlake quickly remedied this by having the game creators shot.

Armor Quality

There are different levels of armor quality in World of Warcraft, ranging from Gay to Algar Puce. Gay items are the worst quality, often nicknamed "Bludywastemybagspaceargh". The highest level of armor quality is Legendary (colored Brown); these items are Legendary in quality and reputation. If you wear it, people call you a twink. That means you suck because you bought your gold on eBay, then bought your character's armor on eBay. Dude.

Skills

Defense: Increases your ability to defend yourself from formidable foes, such as Bill Clinton

Damage: Increases your ability to build dams. This is useful in PvP if you need to block a river. Currently there are 0 rivers in WoW, making the skill difficult to train...

Summoning: Increases your ability to summon demons. Summoning is performed by reading anything backwards. example b00n. This spell summons a being of no power whatsoever.

Dying: Increases your ability to die. If you have high Dying, you will die before you reach 0 Health.

Baking: Actually having little to do with the cooking of wheat based products, baking involves intense sessions whereby your character must remain in a state of utter AFKness for at least two hours.

Killing: Increases your ability to kill. When you have 24 Killing ability points, you will be able to call down Chuck Norris from the heavens to roundhouse kick your foes. This is the equivalent of God Mode.

Wiping: Increases the speed at which you wipe the floor till it's spotless. This is, obviously, a vital skill in WoW. Who do you think cleans up the seas of gnome blood and tears from kara pugs?

Mining: Low budget way of making characters feel good, mining actually consists in looking for mines and jumping of them once you find them, you can also ask a friend to jump and laugh as he dies. This is also a excellent way to raise your Dying skills. Mining cultural beliefs consist in calling your friend a noob after he dies.

Leatherworking: An ancient and perfected skill in which players stab animal skins with needles until it transforms into something green and leet.

Twinks

Twinks are a common species of fag that breeds deep within the forests of warsong gulch. Their diet mainly consists of noobs who the day before realized that right click means attack. Dominant males of twink herds are also known to wear fishing hats.

Known species of twinks:

• Rouges
• Whorriros
• (NOT)Shaman
• Whorlocks
• Mother-Funking-Running-Hunters

The Burning Crusade

In early 2007, an expansion of World of Warcraft was released called the Burning Crusade. Burning Crusade refers to emo pyromaniac kids's crusade to set things on fire, although it as also been likened to having herpes.

Outland

The new continent added to WoW in the Burning Children is Outland. It has been overrun by Clinjas, and most quests in the area deal with killing them. The only way to reach Outland is through the Bright Portal, which is guarded by Chuck Norris. You have to beat Chuck Norris to get into Outland. This is impossible unless you have a Chuck Norris helping you. Due to the paradoxical situation involving access to the Bright Portal, it has been reported that more than fourteen keen WoW players have committed adultery and/or suicide.

N00b Elves

A new race added in the Burning Children. They used to be plain old elves working for Santa Claus, but eventually they became so n00bish (plus the fact that they couldn't stop huffing mana) that Santa fired them, and they hate him for it. They joined the Horde because all its other members also hate Santa. Their homeland is called "Quel'thalas", which is Thalassian for "Noobie area".

They're the only Horde race that can be Bubbleboys.

Adding the N00b Elves to the Horde, however, was a very st00pid move because now all the 2-year-olds that are new are creating n00b elves, and this will lower the Horde average IQ to a measly 4, which somehow increases it even though they're n00bs. However it does increase the amount of babies they eat. N00b elves are constantly accused of being homosexual, mainly due to the fact that their mounts are cocks that come in every color of the rainbow.

Night elves hate N00b elves because they are better looking than them, this leads to many arena matches, usually involving all females and not involving any clothes... When this happens, multiple things can occur:

1. The server may crash due to overactivity in one area by horny nerds.

2. Players may record the matches for viewing on YouTube.

3. GMs may "accidentally" cancel the match, causing the female avatars to have to start all over again.

Note: # 3 is unlikely due to the fact that most GM's are too busy throwing players off cliffs or disposing of their mana potions.

Chinese Farmers

A kind of weird race in the World of Warcraft is the Chinese farmers. Watch out, 'cause these geeky bastards will try to rob you!

We suspect, that these Chinese farmers, in fact, originate from China. However, the Blizzard devs grew jealous of them, and deleted all of their first characters. They lost their minds, and became what we call, to this day, Koreans. They will also spend 25 hours a day in an internet cafe gold grinding until they die.

Instances

Instances are areas in the world where only 5 people can be inside it at a time. If a 6th person enters the hard drives of the original 5 will burn up.

Dire Mall

Dire Mall is a level 55-60 instance that is actually one large shopping mall. It has three wings, called The Bay, Wal-Mart and Food Court.

In The Bay, the players have to fight off defective merchandise and poor customer service, among other powerful demons. The boss is called "Customer Service", who has 427864336424 health and hits for infinite damage. The only way to kill him is to summon Chuck Norris, who can kill him before getting hit by his attack, although Chuck Norris can probably survive Customer Service for at least a few hours.

In Wal-Mart, the players must fend off evil Satanic employees, low prices and even more powerful elementals. The boss is called "Happy Face of Doom", who has only 5 health, but in the first millisecond of the battle, he stares at you so hard you just die. The stare even goes through invincibility potions, blindness and nullifies soulstones.

In the Food Court, you have to kill burgers, pasta and even stronger food. This wing is the easiest wing if you have Homer Simpson on your side, who will simply eat the food. The boss is called "Salad". The only way to damage him is to eat him, but he is poisoned so eating him will also kill you before you finish. Homer Simpson however, is immune to poison. =D

The Deadmines

This instance is similar to Minesweeper, except all the mines are dead. None of them will go off. The instance is also infested with the Defias, a group of wannabe terrorists who try to plant live mines. You have to put a flag on them. Players must give attention to these mobs because some of the are said to be elite- this means they can make suicide bombs killing all players in 500 yards blast radius.

Bosses in Deadmines

Sneed: This goblin will use his Shredder to make you into Diced Human (or Diced Gnome, or Diced Whatever). The simplest way to kill him is to unplug his Shredder, forcing Sneed to come out. Sneed himself only has 2 health, fortunately.

Smite:See the article on Smite for a good explanation of this boss.

Cookie: A giant Oreo. You have to eat him before it goes bad. The Cookie is so big, that is impossible without Homer Simpson, who eats at a rate of 100000000 tons per second. The only problem is to get Homer Simpson off the couch.

VanBeef: A big butcher van. You have to destroy it before it runs over you. A very easy boss, since you can simply pop its tires with a gun, so it can't run you over. Known affectionately as VanQueef due to his ultimate attack which is to let out a supersonic vagina fart causing 666-6666 damage to all nearby Alliance noobs not wearing ear plugs.

Yag eht Fladnag: A giant pink onion flavored platypus with gills and a silly blue tail. It has never been seen nor has its existence been proven. Rumors say he doesn't exist, but of course we don't trust rumors.(Read his name backwords)

Wrath of the Lich King

In November 2008, SnowFlake released a second expansion for World of Warcraft called Wrath of the Lich King. The goal for this expansion pack consists of travelling to the brand-new continent of Northrend to kill even more monsters in order to reach the new level cap of 80. Some new features include the barber shop, achievements, and the moronic Death Knight class.

Northrend

This is the new continent added to Azeroth in Wrath of the Lich King. Also where Santa Claus plays World of Warcraft when he is sick of whipping elves to make toys for those brats we all love.

Death Knight

One of the new addition in Wrath of the Lich King consist of a new "hero" class called the Death Knight. Not only does Death Knights totally NOT fit into the lore, but they are stupidly overpowered without any valid reason of being so except to make the gullable addicts who worship them, think they are way cooler than they actually are. Their talents trees specializations are Blood, Frost and Unholy (aka I-res-into-a-ghoul-to-suck-more). Death Knights are available to every single race in the game, which again, is something totally stupid(there is nothing sinister or cool about a zombie gnome). To create a Death Knight on a realm, one must possess a character level 55 and up on the same realm.

Arthas, the Lich King

As of early 2009, no additional information have been released about the endgame content, the final raid, which consists of killing the Lich King (Arthas) in the Icecrown Citdael. The Lich King is rumored to possess a billion HP and 27 total phases of combat. His melee strikes are said to randomly hit between 1 and 100 000 damage with a 100% critical strike chance. Some also say that he will not have an aggro mechanism, but that is unlikely to happen.

Achievements

The World of Warcraft achievements are simply another way of making the greasy, nerdy, virgin subscribers keep paying per month. There are hundreds of meaningless achievements in WoW, many of said achievements are actually IMPOSSIBLE to get! Each comes with its own set number of "points" even though for doing something that is insanely hard (such as sneezing without closing your eyes twice in a row) will get you the same amount of points as if you just bought a bag(no kidding).Some achievements even grant prizes, one of which is a pet skunk which will occasionally fart and kill any players within a 50-mile radius (including the skunk's owner).

Footnotes

See also

• Kralnor - The great and mystical spiritual leader of Warlocks.
• Guild Wars

World of Warcraft races
Draenei  |  Dwarves  |  Gnomes  |  Humans  |  Night elves			Blood elves  |  Orcs  |  Tauren  |  Trolls  |  Undead

MMORPGs

AaTraders | Action 52 | AdventureQuest | Asheron's Call | City of Heroes | Everquest II | Eternal Lands | Final Fantasy XI | Internet (video game) | Kingdom of Loathing | Lord of the Rings Online | Maple Story | Progress Quest | RuneScape | Star Trek Online | Tibia | UnQuest | World of Warcraft | World of Whorecraft

Future: War of Worldcraft | Animal Crossing III