Worst 100 Ways to Die of All Time

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Contents 1 Infinity through 101 2 100 through 91 3 90 through 81 4 80 through 71 5 70 through 61 6 60 through 51 7 50 through 41 8 40 through 31 9 30 through 21 10 20 through 11 11 10 through 1 12 0 through negative infinity

[edit] Infinity through 101

161.

160. Listening to your grandmother talk about her sexual relationships.

159. In a snake swallowing contest.

158.

157. Ripped to pieces by A Flock of Seagulls (the band, their hair, and the birds).

156. Repeatedly watching 2 Girls 1 Cup.

155½. Appearing in a sequel to 2 Girls 1 Cup.

secret.Angering Jibatchi by you-know-what.

155. Genitalia stuck in a meat grinder.

154. Being attacked by Lisa Nowak, the astronaut who attempted to kill another astronaut by driving from Texas to Florida while wearing adult diapers.

153. Death by poking.

152. Falcon Punch to the testes/ovaries.

151. Writing your own Death Note.

150. Drowned in a toilet.

149. Killed by death.

148. Reading entire list backwards.

147. Being deep fried alive. You would burn and eventually you would have to open your mouth to inhale, letting in the burning oil and deep frying your lungs.

146. Going to the time displacement chamber travel back before you were born and killing an ancestor.

144.

143. Being banned from Uncyclopedia and Encyclopedia Dramatica at the same time.

142. Staying in an infinite loop that you can't get out of.

141. Clicking this link.

140.

139. Being derailed.

138½. Being forced to hit F5, then look at 139 again.

138. Being Super Freaked.

137. Snapping your back during an intense session of autofellatio and choking on you dick during your orgasm, sperm oozing down your windpipe.

136. Death by safety scissors and glitter glue.

135. Being aborted.

134. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWgBAXJWcuM

133. Making out with a hyena.

132. Being raped and decapitated by a teddy bear.

131. Sacrificing yourself for someone when he/she will also die in 1 minute after your death.

130. Cracking open a egg and finding a fully formed chicken, cooking and eating it anyway, and then choking on its bones... then finding out they're actually scales.

129. Drinking long-ago-expired milk.

128. Sitting on your mom and getting sucked in.

127. Nibbled to death by a Ninja Turtle.

126. Being run over by a trailer... seven times.

125. Waking up a dead person, and then realizing that they are dead, makes you have a heart attack, and then THEY wake YOU up dead.

124. Waking up dead.

123. By teasing Prof. Snape about his greasy hair, and them him telling you that, "What do you think we cook your chips in?!"

122. Eating a funny whelk.

121. Being a vampire and sucking out someones blood and after they yell "haha, I have AIDS!!".

120. Realizing that 120 is true.

119. Realizing that 121 is false.

118. Reading this list.

117. Talking too much leet, for example

101 1 m 73 1337 1 p\/\/N u n008.

116½. Trying to figure out what 117 says.

116. Attempting to solve hunger by not eating.

115. Eyes melting due to watching way too much television.

114. Ultimate World of Warcraft Marathon.

113. Trampled by fluffy kittens who were fluffy.

112. Signing up for Battle Royale for fun.

111. Too much Minesweeper.

110. A massive potato blight.

109. "In Soviet Russia, food eats you!"

108. Over-exposure to Redundancy.

107. Over-exposure to Redundancy.

106. Anything related to MySpace.

105. Super AIDS

104. Fatal case of Saturday night fever.

103. Over-exposure to Redundancy.

102. Murdered for being really fucking annoying.

101. Papercut inflicted by Giant Paper.

[edit] 100 through 91

100. "This time for sure!"

99. Too much sex.

98. "Subject was alive while at the start of the autopsy. We have rectified that accordingly."

97. Razor blades and rubbing alcohol.

96. Getting birthday punches when you turn 100.

95. Bigpox.

94. Refering to football hooligans as soccer hooligans.

93. Alien lays eggs inside your chest.

92. Arms magically replaced with angry wolverines.

91. Getting to level 8-1 without using any warpzones, only to fall into that stupid double pit, like, five times in a row.

[edit] 90 through 81

90. Getting hit in the head with a fire extinguisher by hillbilles after they drown you with stupid knock-knock jokes.

89. Auto-erotic asphyxiation accident.

88½. Auto-erotic decapitation accident.

88. Premature reincarnation.

87. Reverse diarrhea.

86. Being 86ed in the Game.

85.

84. Castration with a wooden spoon.

83. Getting run over by an ambulance.

82. Goatse-related brain explosion.

81. Decapitation Disease

[edit] 80 through 71

80. You're not a cannibal but your conjoined twin is.

79. Your conjoined twin is not a cannibal, but you are.

78. As an elderly virgin (over 40).

77. Being done to death (jokes only).

76. Scared to death.

75. Scared to death by possibility of being scared to death.

74. Scared to death by possibility of being scared to death by the possibility of being scared to death.

73. Etc.

72.

71. Seven hours of Tony Danza!

[edit] 70 through 61

70. Urotsukidoji: Legend of the Overfiend-related fatality.

69. Skin failure.

68. In a battle without honor or humanity.

67. Being mistaken for a canteen and filled with soup.

66. Being buried alive.

65. Being buried alive in the same coffin as Gilbert Gottfried.

64. Rolled up in Katamari and turned into stardust.

63. Eaten by zombies, turned into a zombie, then eaten by zombie eating superzombies.

62. Deleted by God for having no redeeming value.

61. Allergic reaction to own blood.

[edit] 60 through 51

60. Mistaken for a sockpuppet by extremely strong, stupid ventriloquist (WE WANT YOU!).

59. Substituting jellied petroleum for petroleum jelly during any number of personal procedures.

58. Not e-mailing this list to ten other people within ten minutes of the moment you finish reading it. If you do you will have da fame and fortune and all your wishes will come true and you'll see an animation starring the Taco Bell dog.

57. Crossing the streams. Don't cross the streams!

56. Choking on your own vomit.

55. Choking on vomit... someone else's vomit.

54. Vomit chokes on you.

53. Successfully dividing by zero.

52.5. Over-exposure to Redundancy.

52. Pop rocks and soda-triggered head asplosion.

51. Mistaking that big round indentation on the Death Star for a very large, well lit, landing pad.

[edit] 50 through 41

50. Severe head injuries inflicted by an Xbox controller.

49. Reciting π to over a million decimal places, causing your head to asplode from too much thinking.

48. Being forced to get "help" from Dr. Phil.

47. Paradox-related head asplosion.

46. On the toilet with a girlie magazine after finding your angel is the centerfold.

45. In a genetically-modified hot dog eating contest.

44. Listening to Rihanna.

43. Eaten by a shark.

42. Eaten by yourself.

41. Eaten by Oprah.

[edit] 40 through 31

40. Eaten by God.

39. Drowning in a pool of Michael Jackson's "Jesus Juice". Yummo!

38. Deleted for being unfunny and too short.

37. Severe disco accident.

35. Realizing that there's no number 36.

34. Attempting to dig a hole to China.

33. Assassinated by Abe Lincoln and John F. Kennedy.

32. Eaten by a Grue.

31. Overdosing on kittens.

[edit] 30 through 21

30. Being Paris Hilton's love interest.

29. Snake venom

28. Rapping-related accident.

27. Living in New Jersey, and only owning a jumper.

26.457903628969. Choking on unnecessary decimals.

26. Suffering from unexplained severe skull fractures as the only person who can play the drums with their head.

25. Watermelon-related accident.

24. Choking on air.

23. Anything that involves cars, a condom, dead people, and fiery explosions.

22. Attempting to carry on an intelligent conversation with George Dubya Bush.

21. Deleted for being vandalism.

[edit] 20 through 11

20. Being banned from life.

19. Bingo-related accident.

18. Spontaneous Combustion

17. Drowning in a pool of gasoline while on fire.

16. For no reason whatsoever.

15. Trampled by a herd of gorillas on PCP.

14. An erection lasting longer than four hours.

13. Gaining super strength but not super toughness, then crushing yourself trying to bench a car on a park bench.

12. Philosophically disproving your own existence through existentialist relativism.

11. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LrYsc8wfXM

[edit] 10 through 1

10. Anything that ends up on YouTube.

9. Soul cancer.

8½. Cancer cancer, when even your cancer has cancer.

8. Teleporter accident. Those are never pretty.

7. Unknown, unloved and 50 pounds overweight.

6. Under a morbidly obese man.

5. With a morbidly obese man inside of you.

4. Inside a morbidly obese man.

3. Driving a burning car into a burning building where they store chainsaws and acid and then the firemen come but they're actually alligators in acid proof fireman disguises and they spray you with vinegar, lemon juice, and salt and swallow you whole and inside the alligator's stomach is this little guy who says, "This is my home get the hell out!" and he shoots you with a shotgun full of nails and sics his pet badger on you and saws your leg off and he kicks you out and you get a staph infection in the alligator's colon and you're pooped out into the sewer where you drown in filth and the city power main breaks and lands in your eye electrocuting you and your spleen explodes and you find out you have AIDS and a Ninja Turtle fucks you to death and now he has AIDS and you're covered in radioactive ooze and your ass becomes a mutant crab that starts pinching your ass and a hobo steals your skin and they take you to the morgue and freeze you to death and the coroner is that damn Ninja Turtle who fucks you to death again and gives you gonorrhea and a spider lays eggs in your hair and they bury you alive and you suffocate and the bottom falls out of your grave and you fall into a bottomless pit and you go to Hell.

2½. Dying while reading number 3.

2. Being too stupid to live.

1. Old age.

[edit] 0 through negative infinity

0. A friendly game of "Toss the H-Bomb" gone horribly wrong.

-1. Death by emo!

-2. Having your internal organs gouged out through your eyes with a melon-baller.

-3. Over-exposure to Redundancy. Over-exposure to Redundancy. Over-exposure to Redundancy.

-4. All of the above occurring all at once.

-5. You get your hand cut off on cloud city and fall to oblivion, not landing on the strage satellite object thingy because YOU HAVE NO HAND TO GRAB ONTO IT. (Luke Skywalker)

-6. Vagina dentata.

-6.5 Watching too many English literature movies

-7. Making Dirty Harry's day.

-7½. Feeling too lucky next to Dirty Harry.

-8. Mr. T stops pitying you.

-9. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks you.

-9½. Overexposure to Chuck Norris jokes.

-10.5 Jack Bauer kills Chuck Norris only to torture you

to death.

-10. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFtw7qW7Vcw

-11. Getting cut down with a herring.

-12. Killer rabbit.

-13. Getting hit by an ambulance while on the toilet.

-14. Being eaten by grues.

-15. Death by Michael Jackson.

-16. Death by Bruce Lee.

-17. Drinking the Kool-Aid.

-17½. Getting killed by the Kool-Aid Man.

-18. Over-exposure to Redundancy.

-19. Eaten by Rosie O'Donnell.

-20. Suffocation with camel shit.

-21. Seeing how far you can fit your fist down your throat.

-22. Over-exposure to Redundancy.

-23. Attempting a strike at Wal-Mart.

-24. Death by Tom Petty.

-25. Death by massage.

-26. Fucking your computer and catching a virus.

-27. Getting Fucking Killed™ by Steve Ballmer.

-28. Committing suicide after your grandma catches you getting off on Goatse and asks to help you finish off.

-29. The Aristocrats!

-30. Having your blood replaced with super glue.

-31. Sex with a ghost.

-32. Overdosing on rubbing alcohol.

-33. Being raped by a shovel.

-34. Microwaved on high.

-35. Editing Worst 100 Ways to Die of All Time.

-36. Death by palindrome. .emordnilap aiv htaeD .63-

-37. ANYTHING involving Ann Coulter or Rush Limbaugh

-38. Sitting through a Hannah Montana movie surrounded by fangirls.

-38½. Sitting through a Jonas Brothers movie surrounded by fangirls.

-39. Succeeding in fucking yourself.

-40. Anything from Saw.

-41. Smoking a platypus-flavoured cigarette.

-42. Yelling bomb in an airport whilst holding a toy look alike gun.

-43. Beaten to death with your own reproductive organs.

-44. Overdose of dihydrogen monoxide.

-45. RickRoll!

-46. Get eaten by a Sarlacc.

-∞. Dying after realizing you wasted your life doing useless shit, like reading lists on the Internet.