Worst 100 Songs To Have Sex To

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See Unified Law of Subsequent Albums for more information on the scientific causes relating to music.

According to Madonna's True Word, the following are the worst 100* songs to get jiggy to. Readers are required to have their condoms to hand.

* Madonna does not care to count this list too closely, as she is too busy stealing African children.

The List

122. Jaws Theme - John Williams

121-111

121. "Sugar Walls"- Sheena Easton
120. "Trololo" - Eduard Khil
119. "O'Children" - Nick Cave
118. "Think I'd Better Leave Right Now" - Will Young
117. "I Love You, You Love Me" - Barney
116. "Stairway to Heaven" - Led Zeppelin
115. "Jizz in My Pants" - The Lonely Island
114. "Keep it on Wax" - Alexisonfire
113. "Bite the Pain" - Death
112. "Tell Slater Not to Wash His Dick" – Bring Me The Horizon
111. "Already Over" -Red

110-101

110. "The Morning After" - Faith No More
109."Best of Both Worlds" - Hannah Montana
108. "Smack My Bitch Up" - The Prodigy
107. "Creep" - Radiohead
106. "Family Guy Theme Song" - Barney
105. "Maneater" - Hall & Oates
104. "How Do You Like Me Now? - Toby Keith
103. "We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off" - Jermaine Stewart
102. "Pretty Fly" - The Offspring (Give it to me baby..uh-huh, uh-huh.) I think you get the idea.
101. "We Didn't Start the Fire" - Billy Joel

100-91

100. "Four Sticks" - Led Zeppelin
99. "You Suffer" - Napalm Death
You'd have to be bloody quick to have sex to this!
98. "The Final Contdown" - Europe
97. "Revolution #9" - The Beatles
96. "Bleed it Out" - Linkin Park
I bleed it out, digging deeper just to throw it away, I bleed it out, digging deeper just to throw it away, I bleed it out, digging deeper just to throw it away, just to throw it away, just to throw it away, I bleed it out
95. "A Bitch is a Bitch" - NWA
94. "Take Me Down To Funky Town" - Lipps Inc.
93. "Raining Blood" - Slayer
92. "A Boy Named Sue" - Johnny Cash
91. "Cotton Eye Joe" - Rednex

90-81

90. "Come On Eileen" - Dexys Midnight Runners
89. "Can You Feel It" - The Jacksons
88. "To Rid the Disease" - Opeth
87. "I'll Be There For You" (The Theme Song from Friends) - The Rembrandts
86. "Ring Of Fire" - Johnny Cash
85. "Bone Broke" - The White Stripes
84. "The Hampster Dance" - Hampton the Hamster
83. "Safety Dance" - Men Without Hats
82. "I Want To Break Free" - Queen
81. "Dude Looks Like a Lady" - Aerosmith

80-71

80. "I Hate Everything About You" - Three Days Grace
79. "Surfing Bird" - The Trashmen
78. "The Merry-Go-Round Broke Down" - Cliff Friend and Dave Franklin
77. "Fake It" - Seether
76. "Folsom Prison Blues" - Johnny Cash
75. "I Am The Walrus" - The Beatles
74. "Silent Night"
73. "She'll Be Coming Round The Mountain"
72. "Crazy Bitch" - Buckcherry
71. "It's Raining Men" - The Weather Girls

70-61

70. "Doin' The Mess Around" - Ray Charles
69. "Blue (Da Ba Dee)" - Eiffel 65
68. "Rape Me" - Nirvana
67. "How Could This Happen To Me" - Simple Plan
67. "Who's Your Daddy?" - Toby Keith
66. "I Think I'm Going Bald" - Rush
65. "Dead Bodies Everywhere" - Korn
64. "Who Are You" - The Who
63. "Oh Yeah" - Yello (From Ferris Bueller's Day Off)
62. "Macho Man" - Village People
61. "4'33"" - John Cage

60-51

60. "Heaven Is One Step Away" - Eric Clapton
59. "Impossible Brutality" - Kreator
58. "He's A Radical Rat" - Samuel Asher-Weiss
57. "Excitable Boy" - Warren Zevon
56. "Sex, Murder, Art." - Slayer
55. "Phoenix (Basement Jaxx Remix)" - Daft Punk
54. "Who Wants To Live Forever" - Queen
53. "Pain" - Three Days Grace
52. "She's Got Balls" - AC/DC
51. "Only The Young" - Journey

50-41

50. "Strange Brew" - Cream
49. "It Don't Come Easy" - Ringo Starr
48. "Rock You Like a Hurricane" - The Scorpions
47. "I Ain't The One" - Lynyrd Skynyrd
46. "Cold As Ice" - Foreigner
45. "So Into You" - Atlanta Rhythm Section
44. "Party Boy Theme Song" from Jackass
43. "Remember Tomorrow" - Iron Maiden
42. "I Cum Blood" - Cannibal Corpse
41. "The Camera Eye" - Rush

40-31

40. "They're Gonna Taste Great" - Kellogs Frosties
39. "Old Man" - Neil Young
38. "Touch Me" - The Doors
37. "Fucked to Death" - Devourment
36. "For My Father" - Andy Mckee
35. "Pull the Plug" - Death
34. "The Bad Touch" - The Bloodhound Gang
33. "Chainsaw Gutsfuck" - Mayhem
32. "U Can't Touch This" - MC Hammer
31. "Virus Alert" - Weird Al Yankovic

30-21

30. "Bitch I'll Kill Ya" - Yung Dum Basturd
29."Land Down Under" - Men At Work
28. "Abducted" - Hypocrisy
27. "Strangers Like Me" - Phil Collins
26. "Monochromatic Stains" - Dark Tranquillity
25. "Taste My..." - Chimaira
24. "Die By the Sword" - Slayer
23. "Raped By The Light Of Christ" - At The Gates
22. "Coerced Coexistence" - In Flames
21. "Fuck Her Gently" - Tenacious D

20-11

20. "Don't Stand So Close To Me" - The Police
19. "Breaking Up Is Hard Do Do" - Neil Sedaka
18. "Somebody's Watching Me" - Rockwell
17. "I Get Around" - The Beach Boys
16. "April Come She Will" - Simon & Garfunkel
(especially if it's February)
15. "She Hates Me" - Puddle of Mudd
14. "Why Don't We Do It In The Road" - The Beatles
13. "Relax" - Frankie Goes To Hollywood
12. "Satisfaction" - (The Residents cover. The original Rolling Stones version is fine.)
11. "Peanut Butter Jelly Time"

10-1

10 "Violent Pornography" - System of a Down (Unless you're into that sort of thing.)
9. "Stop" - Pink Floyd
8. "Achy Breaky Heart" - Billy Ray Cyrus
7. "Loser" - Beck
6. "I Touch Myself" - Madonna
5. "Doing Alright With The Boys" - Gary Glitter
4. "Spongebob Squarepants Theme Song" - Weird Al Yankovic
3. "Never Gonna Give You Up" - Rick Astley
2. "Distant Early Warning" - Rush
1. "Here Comes the Bride"
0. "I'm Coming Out" - Diana Ross
Special Addition All Time Song You're Never Supposed to Have Sex To:
"You Keep Me Hangin' On!" - Diana Ross and the Supremes
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