Worst 100 Songs To Have Sex To
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The All-Time 100 Worst:
- 100. April Fools Jokes
- 99. Bands
- 98. Books (General)
- 97. Cars
- 96. Children's Books
- 95. Colours
- 94. Computer Games
- 93. Cryptic Crossword Clues
- 92. Direct-to-Video Movies
- 91. Diseases Your Ex-Wife Could Have
- 90. Evil Plans
- 89. Firefox extensions
- 88. Food
- 87. Football variants
- 86. Government Policies
- 85. Harry Potter Spin-off Novel Series
- 84. Hybrid Animals
- 83. Inventions
- 82. Lists
- 81. Locations
- 80. LOL Cats
- 79. Make Out Songs
- 78. Money Making Schemes
- 77. Movies
- 76. Nonexistent Words
- 75. Numbers
- 74. Nutty Conspiracy Theories
- 73. Overused Star Trek Episode Plots
- 72. Pick-up lines
- 71. Planets
- 70. Pokemon Cash-Ins
- 69. Porn Movies
- 68. Porn Stars
- 67. Quick Detections that an Uncyclopedia page sucks
- 66. Reasons to become a Christian
- 65. Reflections on 2005
- 64. Reflections on 2006
- 63. Reflections on 2007
- 62. Reflections on 2008
- 61. Reflections on 2009
- 60. Rejected Harry Potter Novels
- 59. Remakes
- 58. Restaurants
- 57. Ringtones
- 56. Self Help Books
- 55. Sequels
- 54. Sexual Perversions
- 53. Short Poems
- 52. Sitcom Catchphrases
- 51. Songs
- 50. Songs about Seagulling
- 49. Songs Referencing Paedophilia
- 48. Songs To Have Sex To
- 47. Sonic Cash-ins and Characters
- 46. Spinoffs
- 45. Suicide Ideas
- 44. Superheroes
- 43. Things About the '00s
- 42. Things to do during Christmas
- 41. Things to Put In An IV
- 40. Things To Say In Court
- 39. Things to Say in the Workplace
- 38. Things to say on a First Date
- 37. Things to Stick your Dick in
- 36. Toys
- 35. TV Programs
- 34. Uncyclopedia In-Jokes
- 33. Video Game Movies
- 32. Video Game Systems
- 31. Ways of Being a Dick
- 30. Ways to be Circumcized
- 29. Ways to Deliver Bad News
- 28. Ways to Die (Best)
- 27. Ways to Die (Worst)
- 26. Ways to Kill Sarah Connor
- 25. Ways to Start a Novel
- 24. Ways to Win an Argument
- 23. Wonders of the World
- 22. Top 100 Not In The Least Bit Sexual Things To Do With No Pants On
- 21. Ways To Be Castrated
- See Unified Law of Subsequent Albums for more information on the scientific causes relating to music.
According to Madonna's True Word, the following are the worst 100* songs to get jiggy to. Readers are required to have their condoms to hand.
* Madonna does not care to count this list too closely, as she is too busy stealing African children.
[edit] 102-91
- 102. Stacy's Mom - Fountains of Wayne
Need I say more?
- 101. We Didn't Start the Fire - Billy Joel
It was always burning considering that you were having sex with Paris Hilton.
- 100. "Four Sticks" - Led Zeppelin
- 99. "You Suffer" - Napalm Death
- You'd have to be bloody quick to have sex to this!
- 98. "The Final Contdown" - Europe
- 97. "Revolution #9" - The Beatles
- 96. "Bleed it Out" - Linkin Park (I bleed it out, digging deeper just to throw it away, I bleed it out, digging deeper just to throw it away, I bleed it out, digging deeper just to throw it away, just to throw it away, just to throw it away, I bleed it out) with "it" being a condom
- 95. "A Bitch is a Bitch" - NWA
- 94. "Take Me Down To Funky Town" - Lipps Inc.
- 93. "Raining Blood" - Slayer
- 92. "A Boy Named Sue" - Johnny Cash
- 91. "Cotton Eye Joe" - Rednex
[edit] 90-81
- 90. "Come On Eileen" - Dexys Midnight Runners
- 89. "Can You Feel It" - The Jacksons
- 88. "To Rid the Disease" - Opeth
- 87. "I'll Be There For You" (The Theme Song from Friends) - The Rembrandts
- 86. "Ring Of Fire" - Johnny Cash
- 85. "Bone Broke" - The White Stripes
- 84. "The Hampster Dance" - Hampton the Hamster
- 83. "Safety Dance" - Men Without Hats
- 82. "I Want To Break Free" - Queen
- 81. "Dude Looks Like a Lady" - Aerosmith
[edit] 80-71
- 80. "I Hate Everything About You" - Three Days Grace
- 79. "Surfing Bird" - The Trashmen
- 78. "The Merry-Go-Round Broke Down" - Cliff Friend and Dave Franklin
- 77. "Fake It" - Seether
- 76. "Folsom Prison Blues" - Johnny Cash
- 75. "I Am The Walrus" - The Beatles
- 74. "I Will Fuck Your Cunt" - Tiny Shit
- 73. "She'll Be Coming Round The Mountain"
- 72. "Crazy Bitch" - Buckcherry
- 71. "It's Raining Men" - The Weather Girls
[edit] 70-61
- 70. "Smack My Bitch Up" - The Prodigy
- 69. "Blue (Da Ba Dee)" - Eiffel 65
- 68. "Breed" - Nirvana
- 67. "How Could This Happen To Me" - Simple Plan
- 67. "Too Drunk To Fuck" - Dead Kennedys
- 66. "Sons Of Northern Darkness" - Immortal
- 65. "Dead Bodies Everywhere" - Korn
- 64. "Who Are You" - The Who
- 63. "Oh Yeah" - Yello (From Ferris Bueller's Day Off)
- 61. "4'33"" - John Cage
[edit] 60-51
- 60. "Heaven Is One Step Away" - Eric Clapton
- 59. "Impossible Brutality" - Kreator
- 57. "Excitable Boy" - Warren Zevon
- (especially on prom night)
- 56. "Sex, Murder, Art." - Slayer
- 55. "Phoenix (Basement Jaxx Remix)" - Daft Punk
- 54. "Who Wants To Live Forever" - Queen
- 53. "Pain" - Three Days Grace
- 52. "She's Got Balls" - AC/DC
- 51. "Only The Young" - Journey
[edit] 50-41
- 50. "Strange Brew" - Cream
- 49. "It Don't Come Easy" - Ringo Starr
- 48. "Rock You Like a Hurricane" - The Scorpions
- 47. "I Ain't The One" - Lynyrd Skynyrd
- 46. "Cold As Ice" - Foreigner
- 45. "So Into You" - Atlanta Rhythm Section
- 44. "Party Boy Theme Song" from Jackass
- 43. "Remember Tomorrow" - Iron Maiden
- 42. "I Cum Blood" - Cannibal Corpse
- 41. "Through the Fire and Flames" - DragonForce
[edit] 40-31
- 40. "They're Gonna Taste Great" - Kellogs Frosties
- 39. "Old Man" - Neil Young
- 38. "Touch Me" - The Doors
- 37. "Fucked to Death" - Devourment
- 36. "For My Father" - Andy Mckee
- 35. "Pull the Plug" - Death
- 34. "The Bad Touch" - The Bloodhound Gang
- 33. "Chainsaw Gutsfuck" - Mayhem
- 31. "Virus alert" - Weird Al Yankovic
[edit] 30-21
- 30. "Bitch I'll Kill Ya" - Yung Dum Basturd
- 29. "The Rape Song" - Strapping Young Lad
- 28. "Abducted" - Hypocrisy
- 27. "Gilded Cunt" - Cradle of Filth
- 26. "Monochromatic Stains" - Dark Tranquillity
- 25. "Taste My..." - Chimaira
- 24. "Die By the Sword" - Slayer
- 23. "Raped By The Light Of Christ" - At The Gates
- 22. "Coerced Coexistence" - In Flames
- 21. "Fuck Her Gently" - Tenacious D
[edit] 20-11
- 20. "Don't Stand So Close To Me" - The Police
- 19. "Breaking Up Is Hard Do Do" - Neil Sedaka
- 18. "Somebody's Watching Me" - Rockwell
- 17. "I Get Around" - The Beach Boys
- 16. "April Come She Will" - Simon & Garfunkel
- (especially if it's February)
- 15. "She Hates Me" - Puddle of Mudd
- 14. "Why Don't We Do It In The Road" - The Beatles
- 13. "Relax" - Frankie Goes To Hollywood
- 12. "Satisfaction" - The Residents cover. The original Rolling Stones version is fine.
- 11. "Peanut Butter Jelly Time"
[edit] 10-1
- 10 "Like a Virgin" - Madonna
- 9. "Stop" - Pink Floyd
- 8. "Achy Breaky Heart" - Billy Ray Cyrus
- 7. "Loser" - Beck
- 6. "Fucking Hostile" - Pantera
- 5. "Doing Alright With The Boys" - Gary Glitter
- 4. "Rape Me" - Nirvana
- 3. "Violence Fetish" - Disturbed
- 2. "The Woman In Me" - Heart
- 1. "Flex" - Mad Cobra
- Any number lower than one
- "Jizz in My Pants" - The Lonely Island
- "Bite the Pain" - Death
- Absolutely everything Cannibal Corpse have ever, EVER EVER DONE!!!!!!!!
- "Already Over" -Red
- "The Morning After" - Faith No More
Special Addition all time song your never supposed to have sex to ever:
- "You Keep me hangin' on!" - Diana Ross and the Supremes
[edit] Honorable mention
- "Let's Get it On" - Marvin Gaye (face it, it's a cliché at this point)
- "I Love You, You Love Me" - Barney
- "Thriller" - Michael Jackson
- "Dirty Diana" - Michael Jackson
- "Jaws Theme" - John Williams
- "Far From Turtles" - George Benson
- "Grandma, We Love You" - The St Winifred's School Girls' Choir
- "I Noticed That You're Gay" - Anal Cunt
- "Mars" - Gustav Holst
- "How Can You Do It Alone" - The Who
- "The Chicken Song" - Spitting Image
- "Ride of the Valkyries" - Richard Wagner
- "Fantasy" - Sparrowhawk
- "If you tolerate this, then your children will be next" - Manic Street Preachers
- "Leekspin"
- "Down with the Sickness" - Disturbed
- "Rectum" - Thomas Bangalter
- "Violent Pornography" - System of a Down
- "Satisfaction" - Benni Benassi & the Biz
- "I Wanna Fuck A Dog In the Ass" - Blink 182
- "When You Fucked Grandpa" - Blink 182
- "Carnival of Light" - The Beatles
- "Gloria's Song" - John Denver (especially if her name isn't Gloria)
- "Love Shack" - The B-52's
- "I Rape Myself" - Caliban
- "Fist Your Sister's Asshole" - Daisycutter
- "Closer" - Nine Inch Nails
- "Bipartisan Buttfuck" - Agoraphobic Nosebleed
- "My Dog Licked My Balls" - Bob Saget
- " Wernher von Braun" - Tom Lehrer
- "Rape, Torture, Sex, Homophobia, Death" - Headhunterz
- "Penis Scum" - Hassole
- "Needled 24/7" - Children of Bodom
- "Cum Covered Stabwounds" - Prostitute Disfigurement
- Most songs by Edguy, including "Aren't You A Little Pervert Too?" and "Lavatory Love Machine"
- "Killing is my business.. and business is good"
- "Alone" - "Heart"
- "We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off" - Jermaine Stewart


