Worst 100 Songs To Have Sex To

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See Unified Law of Subsequent Albums for more information on the scientific causes relating to music.

According to Madonna's True Word, the following are the worst 100* songs to get jiggy to. Readers are required to have their condoms to hand.

* Madonna does not care to count this list too closely, as she is too busy stealing African children.

[edit] 102-91

102. Stacy's Mom - Fountains of Wayne

Need I say more?

101. We Didn't Start the Fire - Billy Joel

It was always burning considering that you were having sex with Paris Hilton.

100. "Four Sticks" - Led Zeppelin

99. "You Suffer" - Napalm Death

You'd have to be bloody quick to have sex to this!

98. "The Final Contdown" - Europe

97. "Revolution #9" - The Beatles

96. "Bleed it Out" - Linkin Park (I bleed it out, digging deeper just to throw it away, I bleed it out, digging deeper just to throw it away, I bleed it out, digging deeper just to throw it away, just to throw it away, just to throw it away, I bleed it out) with "it" being a condom

95. "A Bitch is a Bitch" - NWA

94. "Take Me Down To Funky Town" - Lipps Inc.

93. "Raining Blood" - Slayer

92. "A Boy Named Sue" - Johnny Cash

91. "Cotton Eye Joe" - Rednex

[edit] 90-81

90. "Come On Eileen" - Dexys Midnight Runners

89. "Can You Feel It" - The Jacksons

88. "To Rid the Disease" - Opeth

87. "I'll Be There For You" (The Theme Song from Friends) - The Rembrandts

86. "Ring Of Fire" - Johnny Cash

85. "Bone Broke" - The White Stripes

84. "The Hampster Dance" - Hampton the Hamster

83. "Safety Dance" - Men Without Hats

82. "I Want To Break Free" - Queen

81. "Dude Looks Like a Lady" - Aerosmith

[edit] 80-71

80. "I Hate Everything About You" - Three Days Grace

79. "Surfing Bird" - The Trashmen

78. "The Merry-Go-Round Broke Down" - Cliff Friend and Dave Franklin

77. "Fake It" - Seether

76. "Folsom Prison Blues" - Johnny Cash

75. "I Am The Walrus" - The Beatles

74. "I Will Fuck Your Cunt" - Tiny Shit

73. "She'll Be Coming Round The Mountain"

72. "Crazy Bitch" - Buckcherry

71. "It's Raining Men" - The Weather Girls

[edit] 70-61

70. "Smack My Bitch Up" - The Prodigy

69. "Blue (Da Ba Dee)" - Eiffel 65

68. "Breed" - Nirvana

67. "How Could This Happen To Me" - Simple Plan

67. "Too Drunk To Fuck" - Dead Kennedys

66. "Sons Of Northern Darkness" - Immortal

65. "Dead Bodies Everywhere" - Korn

64. "Who Are You" - The Who

63. "Oh Yeah" - Yello (From Ferris Bueller's Day Off)

61. "4'33"" - John Cage

[edit] 60-51

60. "Heaven Is One Step Away" - Eric Clapton

59. "Impossible Brutality" - Kreator

58. "He's A Radical Rat" - Samuel Asher-Weiss

57. "Excitable Boy" - Warren Zevon

(especially on prom night)

56. "Sex, Murder, Art." - Slayer

55. "Phoenix (Basement Jaxx Remix)" - Daft Punk

54. "Who Wants To Live Forever" - Queen

53. "Pain" - Three Days Grace

52. "She's Got Balls" - AC/DC

51. "Only The Young" - Journey

[edit] 50-41

50. "Strange Brew" - Cream

49. "It Don't Come Easy" - Ringo Starr

48. "Rock You Like a Hurricane" - The Scorpions

47. "I Ain't The One" - Lynyrd Skynyrd

46. "Cold As Ice" - Foreigner

45. "So Into You" - Atlanta Rhythm Section

44. "Party Boy Theme Song" from Jackass

43. "Remember Tomorrow" - Iron Maiden

42. "I Cum Blood" - Cannibal Corpse

41. "Through the Fire and Flames" - DragonForce

[edit] 40-31

40. "They're Gonna Taste Great" - Kellogs Frosties

39. "Old Man" - Neil Young

38. "Touch Me" - The Doors

37. "Fucked to Death" - Devourment

36. "For My Father" - Andy Mckee

35. "Pull the Plug" - Death

34. "The Bad Touch" - The Bloodhound Gang

33. "Chainsaw Gutsfuck" - Mayhem

31. "Virus alert" - Weird Al Yankovic

[edit] 30-21

30. "Bitch I'll Kill Ya" - Yung Dum Basturd

29. "The Rape Song" - Strapping Young Lad

28. "Abducted" - Hypocrisy

27. "Gilded Cunt" - Cradle of Filth

26. "Monochromatic Stains" - Dark Tranquillity

25. "Taste My..." - Chimaira

24. "Die By the Sword" - Slayer

23. "Raped By The Light Of Christ" - At The Gates

22. "Coerced Coexistence" - In Flames

21. "Fuck Her Gently" - Tenacious D

[edit] 20-11

20. "Don't Stand So Close To Me" - The Police

19. "Breaking Up Is Hard Do Do" - Neil Sedaka

18. "Somebody's Watching Me" - Rockwell

17. "I Get Around" - The Beach Boys

16. "April Come She Will" - Simon & Garfunkel

(especially if it's February)

15. "She Hates Me" - Puddle of Mudd

14. "Why Don't We Do It In The Road" - The Beatles

13. "Relax" - Frankie Goes To Hollywood

12. "Satisfaction" - The Residents cover. The original Rolling Stones version is fine.

11. "Peanut Butter Jelly Time"

[edit] 10-1

10 "Like a Virgin" - Madonna

9. "Stop" - Pink Floyd

8. "Achy Breaky Heart" - Billy Ray Cyrus

7. "Loser" - Beck

6. "Fucking Hostile" - Pantera

5. "Doing Alright With The Boys" - Gary Glitter

4. "Rape Me" - Nirvana

3. "Violence Fetish" - Disturbed

2. "The Woman In Me" - Heart

1. "Flex" - Mad Cobra

Any number lower than one

"Jizz in My Pants" - The Lonely Island

"Bite the Pain" - Death

Absolutely everything Cannibal Corpse have ever, EVER EVER DONE!!!!!!!!

"Already Over" -Red

"The Morning After" - Faith No More

"Disturbia"- Rhianna

Special Addition all time song your never supposed to have sex to ever:

• "You Keep me hangin' on!" - Diana Ross and the Supremes

[edit] Honorable mention

• "Let's Get it On" - Marvin Gaye (face it, it's a cliché at this point)
• "I Love You, You Love Me" - Barney
• "Thriller" - Michael Jackson
• "Dirty Diana" - Michael Jackson
• "Jaws Theme" - John Williams
• "Far From Turtles" - George Benson
• "Grandma, We Love You" - The St Winifred's School Girls' Choir
• "I Noticed That You're Gay" - Anal Cunt
• "Mars" - Gustav Holst
• "How Can You Do It Alone" - The Who
• "The Chicken Song" - Spitting Image
• "Ride of the Valkyries" - Richard Wagner
• "Fantasy" - Sparrowhawk
• "If you tolerate this, then your children will be next" - Manic Street Preachers
• "Leekspin"
• "Down with the Sickness" - Disturbed
• "Rectum" - Thomas Bangalter
• "Violent Pornography" - System of a Down
• "Satisfaction" - Benni Benassi & the Biz
• "I Wanna Fuck A Dog In the Ass" - Blink 182
• "When You Fucked Grandpa" - Blink 182
• "Carnival of Light" - The Beatles
• "Gloria's Song" - John Denver (especially if her name isn't Gloria)
• "Love Shack" - The B-52's
• "I Rape Myself" - Caliban
• "Fist Your Sister's Asshole" - Daisycutter
• "Closer" - Nine Inch Nails
• "Bipartisan Buttfuck" - Agoraphobic Nosebleed
• "My Dog Licked My Balls" - Bob Saget
• " Wernher von Braun" - Tom Lehrer
• "Rape, Torture, Sex, Homophobia, Death" - Headhunterz
• "Penis Scum" - Hassole
• "Needled 24/7" - Children of Bodom
• "Cum Covered Stabwounds" - Prostitute Disfigurement
• Most songs by Edguy, including "Aren't You A Little Pervert Too?" and "Lavatory Love Machine"
• "Killing is my business.. and business is good"
• "Alone" - "Heart"
• "We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off" - Jermaine Stewart