Worst 100 Short Poems

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According to God's True Word, the following are the worst 100 short poems. Readers are required to have their sporks to hand.

Contents 1 110-101 2 100-91 3 90-81 4 80-71 5 70-61 6 60-51 7 50-41 8 40-31 9 30-21 10 20-11 11 10-(-01) 12 See also

[edit] 110-101

110.

So I can not count

The words are laughing softly

Haikus do not rhyme

107.

Noses are Red

Fingers are Blue

Just how the Hell

Do you stay warm in an Igloo?

Frostbit (four finger) Fred

103.

I scream

U scream

We all scream

Because a blood covered, knife wielding circus clown is stealing our Ice Cream.

Sideshow Mel 1996

102.

Hoses are Red

Volvos are Blue

Carbon Monoxide

Is going to KILL YOU

Capt. Depressed

[edit] 100-91

100. 

Roses are painful :S

        Roses are red,
        Violets are blue,
        come a bit closer so i can fucking hit you!
        ~-~-~Love Becky

99. 

Roses are red

Violets are blue

And I hate you.

98. 

Jack and Jill went up the hill

to do some hanky panky

jill forgot to take the Pill

and then came baby frankie (This one is fucking great...no one understands poetry.)

97. 

The trees are quiet

They pretend not to notice

That I am pooping

96. 

The sign across the street says;

"Live girls"

I am relieved.

95. 

"|_0\/3 P03|\/|"

l0lz j00 R the pwnz0rz

0mg 1 w4nt 2 h4xx0r j00 4ll nite l0ng r0flz

94. 

Redundant Love

This is repetitive,

This is repetitive,

This is repetitive,

This is repetitive,

This is repetitive,

This is repetitive,

OMG THIS IS SO REPETITIVE

93. 

Roses are red

Violets are blue

WHO CARES? I'M BORED!

Something something canoe

92. 

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I'm going to fuck you with a rake.

91. 

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Spinal Tap is loud

and so are you.

91 1/2 

Roses are red

Violets are black like my soul

[edit] 90-81

90. "Ode To Roxanne"

Roses are red

Your body is hot

I'm big on romance

Sadly you're not.

89. "The Completely Useless Filler Poem"

There once was a guy who really liked porn

He watched it while eating corn

He married one day in a drunken way

And divorced when the first baby was born

88. "Casabianca"

The boy stood on the burning deck

Whence all but he had fled;

Twit.

Felicia Hemans (1793 - 1835)

87. "The Salty Pear"

An eager young poet from Tyne

Poured his soul into every line.

He worked day and night,

But still had trouble getting the scansion right.

And frequently fudged on the rhymes.

Fr. Gassalassica Jape, 2002

86. "Never say this to your girlfriend"

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Sugar is sweet

And so are you...

...But the roses are wilting,

The violets are dead,

The sugar bowl's empty

And so is your head

85. "Ode to Europop"

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Honey is sweet

But not as sweet as you

I stole that from an aqua song

But at least I'm giving credit where credit is due

84. 

Once, in my house,

I ran into my spouse,

She killed me with a comb,

How did this happen?

83. 

Roses are red

Violets are Too

In Soviet Russia

Poem writes you

82. 

Roses are blue

Violets are red

OOPS, i got the poem wrong!

81. 'On Modern Fleas, Not Like Ye Fleas of Antiquity'

Adam hadn't 'em.

Ogden Nash, 1816

[edit] 80-71

80. 

Roses Are Red

Violets Are Blue

I'm a Schizophrenic

And So Am I

79. 

Rosor Är Röda

Violer Är Blå

Jag Är Schizofren

Nämen? Det Är Ju Jag Också!

78. 

Sarrie is a Whore

Who Sucks on her Mums paw-paw

Nobody Likes Her

77.2: roses are red

     violets are blue
     sugre is sweet in so are  u 
     but your gransmother is not two    

77. 

Roses are red

violets are blue

some poems rhyme

and this one sucks

76. Speech Phobia - Part I

Uh...

uuuuuh...

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhh...

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...

The End.

75. Speech Phobia - Part II

Hello ladies and gentlem...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH

and then he fainted, the squirming little weed.

74. Ode to the Bright Green Leaf of Life that Gives Us Life and Otherwise Death (Unless We Are Alive, In Which Case We are Not Dead) Part I

Leaves like Chocolate.

I eat them.

I feel the cold death of myself as the icing slips down my face.

73. Ode to the Bright Green Leaf of Life that Gives Us Life and Otherwise Death (Unless We Are Alive, In Which Case We are Not Dead) Part II

There are trees in the hills...

Trees... they want to kill me, they want to eat me...

TREEEEEEEEES!!

72. 

Roses are Red

Violets are Blue

I made you this poem

'cause I'm gay for you

71. 

Roses are Red

Violets are Blue

I like to play zork

but I get eaten by a Grue

[edit] 70-61

70. 

Waterloo, O' Waterloo,

Why have I fucked You Waterloo,

You're so neat, you're fine,

I Just Want to Fuck You In The Behind.

69. 

Roses are Red

Violets are Blue

And pretty soon

You will have genital herpes too

68. 

One pill makes you larger

One pill makes you small

The ones Grace Slick sings about don't do anything at all.

67. 'Anal-Retentive Love Poem'

Roses are Red

Violets are Blue

Well, technically, violets are violet, but...

Wait...I messed up. Let me start over.

66. 

There once was a young girl named Mel

Who had a peculiar smell

She laid on her back

Opened her crack

And unleashed the forces of Hell.

65. 

Zork	Score: 0	Moves: 0
>go up Oh no it is dark! What should you do? You should be careful— Oops, Grue ate you. >Start Over

64. 

"Twinkle Twinkle Little Star"

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

How I wonder what you are

Up above the world so high

Like a diamond in the sky

63. 

"It DID, Didn't it?"

It did it did, It did It Did

It sure as hell fucking did

Did it did it diddy diddy it

It diddy diddy itty diddy it

Hey wait a minute

Ra Ra Ra Ra Ra Ra Ra

Dragons, Dragons, Best By Far

D R A G O N S

DRAGONS!!!

62. 

Roses are red,

Violets are purple,

You best give me some head

Or you'll end up like Urkel...

61. 

Y is for the Young girls I like to spy on

E is for the Squeals they make when I flash them

L is for the Letters I send anonymously

L is for the Love of little girls

O is for the Orgasms I feel

W is for Will I ever get out on parole

[edit] 60-51

60. 

your mom

59. 

my mum is fat

58. 

lol

57. 

my mom

56. Better

Drinking is good,

Fucking is better;

If a girl wants to drive

You'd better let her.

55. 

There once was a man from Manjina;

Who thought he would travel to China,

So he leaped through the air,

but to his despair,

he never got his passport.

-Voltfest

54. 

I am this 63 year old from Kenya named Warren,

I use the internet to pick up underage whores,

You might be thinking, "Oh man, that guys a liar!"

But I'm not.. www.myspace.com/warrenjackson5

-Voltfest (again)

53. 

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Sorry about giving herpes to you

52. Decode This

V xabj EBG13

Jba'g lbh cyrnfr tb bhg jvgu zr?

V'z irel ubeal

51. 

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I cannot rhyme

And bananas are yellow

[edit] 50-41

50. 

Oh Bianca, let me be blunt

I want to ram it up your cunt

From the back or from the front

I want to hear your high pitched grunt

49. 

Roses are Red

Violets are Blue

Bananas are Yellow

They Interbred

And born were YOU

You dirty fellow

48. 

Roses are BLUE

Violets are RED

With regard TO

The living DEAD

47. 

There once was a man from your anus

his name was You

and ate your poo

46. 

Roses Are Red

Violets Are Blue

I have ADD

...Hello Birdie

45. 

Giant Pandas are Black and White

Zebras are Black and White

Penguins are Black and White

Roses are Black; Violets are White

Only under ultraviolet light (This one is really good, too, thankyouverymuch.)

44. 

I had a coaster

I put it in the toaster

and my dog died.

43. 

This is one,

Of those poem's,

That do not rhyme,

What is the point in them?

42. 

One time, I ate this pear

and it was kinda sour.

Fuck Pears.

41. 

The sky is blue

The grass is mucky

Geez a fag

And a bottle of bucky.

[edit] 40-31

40. My Poems

I like to keep my poems short,

And use a simple rhyme,

But sometimes I seem to find,

that there's loads of stuff that I want to say but don't really have enough time

-Captain Squat, 1957

39. Everybody's got Aids!,

Aids Aids Aids Aids Aids!,

Your Sister, Your Mother,

Your Brother and Your Lover,

Everybody's got Aids!

- Captains Aids, 1782

38. Clappy plum plum

When good things get sucky

Poop Poop! I say, who is not?

Your face is tied like a knot!!

You suck like hell and people hate you.

I think you rock and I hate you too

-Capital Man, 1994

37. Clappy plum plum II

Holy crap, the sequel to my last crap!

I cannot believe these lines are slapped.

With a rubber band.

You're a crazy ape man!

-Capital Man, 1994

36. Clappy plum plum III

OMGWTFBBQ?

Why are you waiting in this que?

You should go hump my nose.

But that would be so gross.

-Capital Man, 1994

35. Clappy plum plum IV

This thang sucks!

And I rocks!

Mona Lisa is in your face.

Look at my pants! I've got fluffy...

Dice

-Capital Man, 1994

34. Clappy plum plum V

Yum

It's LithiYum!!

In this city I am the most nicest

This is also a paid advertisment

-Capital Man, 1994

33. Clappy plum plum returns

Yowch! It's a short one.

Yeah, now I am done.

-Capital Man Jr. 1996

32. Clappy plum plum 2000

O' I be jewish.

How?

-Capital Man Jr. 1854

31. 

[edit] 30-21

30."The Crusty Wheelbarrow"

So many depends in

the crusty wheelbarrow

Glazed with piss

behind the shitpile

-Willy Cathouse Willys (The one this lampoons oughta be number fuckin 1.)

This Article smells funny... ...and has been awarded a Pine-scented air freshener.

29. 

Where's my Scone?

Where's my Scone??

Oh, there it is;

Next to the phone!

28. 

Jack and Jill went up the hill

To dig a hole to shit in

Jack fell in and smelled like crap

So Jill killed him

27. Ode to my Pickle

Pickle, oh my Pickle

How you love it when I tickle

I just wish you wern't so fickle

Pickle tickle, Pickle tickle

Peter Pipper

26. 

Pie is good

Pie is great

Let us eat pie today

25. 

Trees are Green

Shits are Brown

I'll vent my Spleen

And get out of Town

24. 

23. 

Roses are red,

Violets are blue.

Badger badger badger

Badger badger mushroom.

22. Vowelishes

A,E,I,O,U and sometimes Y, Y not

21. 

Roses are Red

Violets are blue

A red eye's a penis

A brown eye is poo

[edit] 20-11

20. 

Roses are Red

Carrots are Orange.....

Oops.

19. 

Snoutus d snoutus

18. 

lachlanmckenzie likes to fuck sheep

17. 

When the bear comes

There's nothing you can do

Remember when I asked you to the Prom?

Quaker Oats, its the Right Thing to Do

TK421, do you copy?

16.The Poem Of The Lost Man

Im lost. I've actually no idea where i am, like. And its pitch dark. Fuck. How did i get this lost? I shouldve asked for directions back at the petrol station. Although your man had a huge unibrow. I always get nervous talking to strangers with unibrows. Thats that fucking "Company of Wolves" film that put that stupid idea in my head, isnt it? Who was in that again? Angela Lansbury? She was the grandmother warning the little girl about men. Sexist bitch. Very liberal film actually. All men are beasts,that was kind of the basis wasn't it? Thats arse. Was it any good though? Yeah it was pretty good. There was one great part with Stephen Rea. Whos he? Would i know him from anything? He was in angelas ashes. He was the dad i think. Oh yeah that guy. Hey wait a minute. Yeah? Who are you?

15. How Many Licks Does It Take God to Get to the Centre of the Universe?

One...

Two...

Three...

Four...

Oh, fuck it, I'm just going to bite the damned thing.

(AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!)

14. 

Abortion

Welcome to Planned Parenthood!

You rape 'em, we scrape 'em!

No fetus can beat us!

Your womb is our tomb!

At eating it all, we are good.

13. The fish

Oh, wet pet.

12. Falling from a bird's nest

The egg is in a nest

The egg is not in the nest

The egg is rolling on a branch

The egg is not rolling on a branch

The egg is falling from the top of the tree

The egg is falling fast as I can see

The egg falls so fast so fast at high speeds

The egg fall towards the bushes and the weeds.

The egg falls no more

The egg is no more

Boris von Mittelhause, 1932 (No fuckin shit, this one is real.)

11. Jill.

There once was a fair maiden named jill,

She used a Dynamite stick for a frill,

We found her vagina in North Carolina,

And bits of her tits in Brazil, (Now, what the hell is wrong with this one??!! It's kinda good.)

Jill's Family, 1986

[edit] 10-(-01)

10. My Head

My head is full of random stuff,

Like rusty bread and bits of fluff,

And talking pies with googly eyes,

And stuff that doesn't rhyme

-Mark Sinspensor, 1988

09. You Say The Sweetest Things

Smarties, Snickers, Milky Way,

Curly-Wirly, Jaffa Cakes,

Wagon Wheel and Galaxy,

Dairy Milk and Chocolate Flakes,

Caramel and Toffee Crisp,

Toblerone, Bounty, Rolos,

Chocolate Coins, Yorkie, Penguin,

Kit-Kat, Crunchie, Dime Bar, Polos,

Terry's Orange, Mars and Twix,

Club and Chomp, Squirty Cream,

Wine Gums, Chewits, Candy Floss,

Double Decker, Skittles, Dream

-Unknown, 2000

08.

So I was

Walking down

The Stairs

When Suddenly...

BAMM!

Gonorrhea

07. Mary had a BMX,

She rode it back to front,

Every time the peddles turned,

The seat went up her...skirt.

-Armitage Shanks, 1847

06. There once was a man from Leeds,

Who swallowed a packet of Seeds,

In half an hour his dick was a flower,

and his balls all covered in weeds,

-Morgan Freeman, 1995

05. A Followup to the Ode to The Green Leaf of Life... ect., OR Please With Peanut Butter and Sparkly Sparkles on Top!!/I Like Peanut Butter and Sparkly Sparkles on Top!!

Lets all have a sprinkle of toffee,

On our coffee-bleeding wrists.

I'll emote coffee all over you (LOL)

- Mr. Bartholimu-Regius Artimus Treelo III

04. 

Sophie is a Dirty Whore:

There once was a chick from Nantucket,

She really knew how to suck it,

She sucked it hard,

She sucked it long,

She sucked it like a hippie's Bong

-Joe Momma, 1947

03. Douglas Adams

Oh freddled gruntbuggly, thy micturations are to me

As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.

Groop I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes.

And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles,

Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon, see if I don't!

-Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz, 1979

02.

Jack n Jill went darn t' dairy

Jack gorrout 'is long n 'airy

Jill said wow thats a whopper

Lets get down & do it proper

-Old Yorkshire Anon circa 23BC

01. Bent majestically over the toilet seat

your ass touching the water

you grunt and the veins in your head flex

you groan as if being raped by Lance Bass

until finally the stone is passed

-Poem by: Johnny Fucker 1543

-01. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

-AAAAAAAAAAAAA

Some number lower than -1.

You suck. Just like this poem.

Some number lower than the last number.

Ho Chi Minh is a son of a bitch!

Got the blueballs, the crabs, and the sever-year itch.

-GnySgt. Hartman, c. 1965

Some number lower than the last number.

Megan Fox has eyes like two diamonds shining in the sea.

Her hair looks like silken caramel and I love to think of her smiling at me,

Because when she does her teeth shockflitter the pine pollen.

It swells and schools like we're inside a garlic jack-in-the-box,

I and my Megan Fox.

I wanna fuck her.

I--it--it'd almost be worth her crushing my nuts while she was winking,

If she let me fuck her first.

I'd--I'd fuck a fox if it meant I could fuck her.

I'd let the fox fuck me, if I could fuck Megan Fox afterward.

-Perez Hilton, before he went gay.

[edit] See also

• The Writer's Almanac

yall r just plain out rite disgusting