Worst 100 Porn Stars of All Time

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

getvarroorla

According to God's True Word, the following are the worst 100* Porn Stars of All-Time.** Just add your name if you think you're one of the worst porn stars today.

* God does not care to count this list too closely, and believers are wise not to criticise divine numeration policy.

∞ Eccentrica Gallumbits - The triple-breasted whore of Eroticon-5.

100 James Masterson - prefers to strip in front of guys. Lives in Tonbridge Wells on Claremont road. Has a dog called Cassy. Has had anal sex with many things ranging from hippo-dolls to real life chimps. Other things include men, small male children, himself, his dad, etc. etc.

99 Markyramone

- After being kicked out of punk band Ramones, Markyramone turned into adult entertainment has appeared in more than 5,500 adult films to date, started out as a skinny 17 year old, most notable in playing the rapist type and the man on a dark alleyway character. Has starred with today's hottest female adult stars. Also appeared in the mainstream movie 'Boogie Nights"

98 Jacob Israel Villaster

- Best known for the hardcore debutantes series, which shows young female college students doing it for the first time.

97 Don Rudieboy Ortanez

- Master of the Gang Bang series. Known as Rudieboy project.

96 Chicoi

- Demure, innocent looking with a dark side. A fan favorite, started her career in 2002. Entered the scene as Maya Sparkle. Constantly reinventing her look and style she changed her screen name to SweetSummerMoon, until finally settling with the androgynous Chicoi name. That is, until she reinvents herself once again...

95 Mikay

- best known for the "Tarzan and Jane" series and the great tampoon adventures.

94 Veegeeboy

- A newcomer in the world of porn, made his debut at the "African Amazons 1".

93 Emeraldphoenix Moonshine Butterflypeace

- The "everyman" lucky enough to be discovered while taking a piss behind the studio parking lot. Made his debut in Buttmasters 2.

92 Burpman Junior

- Appeared first in "Innocent Puppies 1" with Criselda, a two-month old puppy. Now a famous name is the industry with the success of "Elephant Gang Rape" and "Zoo Adventures". Critics in the industry call Burpman Junior "pure animal!".

91 Skopun

- Known as the "pimping daddy" famous for the line "give me some pussy, i want more pussy". Has a bestselling series called "To Professor with Love, from College Sluts".

90 Bambit

- A model turned porn star, made her debut in "al Jazeera Gangbang" and the critically acclaimed series "Mujahidin Sex Orgies". She now resides somewhere in the Middle East.

89 Giggles M'gombo

- Nigeria's leading female porn star, known as "the longest flaps in the business".

88 Bob Dole

- "The Pocket Rocket" has starred in over 186 movies to date.

87 Miguel Mucho Wanga

- Known as the "Mex Sex Pistol", Miguel began a career as a Mariachi, until an unfortunate accident involving all the fingers on his right hand. Famed for the "Chihuahua Splash".

86 Ahmed Ibn Fahdlan Ibn Al Abbas Ibn Rashid Ibn Hamad

- Male lead of "al Jazeera Gangbang", co-starring with Bambit (see entry 90 above).

85 Clit Westwood

- Star of "Fistful of Dildos" and "A Few Dildos More", Clit died of internal haemorraging due to a freak buttplug accident, during the filming of "Dirty Harold".

84 Bobby Fischer

- Building off of his claims that chess was "mental masturbation" and that "the Jews are liars", Fischer believed his fame would translate into porn star status. Unfortunately, most of his movies consist of him playing chess and warding off the Jews. He was the star of "Check Mate", "Queen takes King", "Screw the Jews", "Screw America XIV", and "Mother-Fucking Jews".

83 Daffyd ap Williams ap Williams ap Gryffudd

- Premier Welsh Pornstar, famed for "I Came in Her Valleys", "Coal Mining Man" and "Pobol y Cum".

82 John "THE Wang" Homos

- Famed for his 24 inch penis, John could only maintain an erection for 32 seconds, before the lack of blood flow to his brain caused unconciousness. Star of "Champion - the Wonder Horsedick".

81 Doron Moravchick

'Star' of "In Russia, Girls Fuck You" and "Five Go Mad in Prague".

80 Slappy the Dog Faced Whore

Famous for early 1950s Bestial Classic "Muffin the Mule".

79 Mr T

After his successes during the 70s and 80s, Mr T fell upon hard times during the mid 90s. Performing in numerous gay porn flicks, undered the name of BJ Baracas, Mr T joined his own list of pitied fools.

78 Your Gran

In an effort to augment her pension Your Gran has appeared in a number of low budget german porn films, including "Vera Lynn - Up Sally's Ally" and "Flaps in the Breeze 7".

77 Elmo

Need I say any more?

76 Bill Gates

Unfortunately his nickname was Micro Soft.

Bill Gates from his porn days

75 David Loon

Gay porn star that never made it due to playing Halo 2 when he should have been shooting a film.

74 Tish aka Tishmoi 

Former member of the RnB band 9th avenue cubao, left her band to enter the world of porn, first appeared in markyramone's "outdoor horny hunters" and Skopun's "dick charmer" she has since appeared in over 300 adult films, although her dream is still to become a Miss World contestant.

73 Darth Vader

too cold hearthed to be a lover and... some important stuff was burninated in the lava...*OUCH*

72 Adam Motisa

Quite literally the 1 second man/woman/alien

71 Ariel Sharon

When he's in bed, the whole world's watching.

70 Leisure Suit Larry

Despite a devoted following of Sierra adventure game fans, his sexual ineptitude and general geekiness did not serve him well in this line of work.

69 56 inch Penis man

Penis is to huge to move.

68 Geraldo "Kinky" Nudo aka Gimp Gerald

Sexy Latino gay, building up his own imperium at various gaypornsites. Debuted in the 2002 Brasilian blockbuster "Guacamole Geraldo". Besides acting, also runs the "Aegis", a huge online database of AIDS victims.

67 AAAAAA! AAAA!

Aaaaa. Aaaaa aaa "AAA" Aaa! Aaa aa aaaaaa aa aaa aaaaa aaa. Aaaa Aaa aaaa aa aaaaa aa: Aaaa, aaaa. A! See Also: AAAAAAAAA!

66 Toni "The Pube Tube" Rigoletto

Had reverse-alopecia of the genitals. Starred in such classics as "Dirty Hairy" and "Oh My God! Your Pubes Seem to Have Enveloped Me in their Curly Wake", "Oh My God! Your Pubes Seem to Have Enveloped Me in their Curly Wake II: The Hairway to Heaven".

65 Michael Jackson

no-nose + porn + kiddies/anything else (who knows, this guy might hump plush toys!) does not Equal any form of porn or porn star. He's in the list because he said his sleeping with kids perfectly natrual, and thats what they said about pornagraphy and adults.

64 Anthony Saguaro

Test tube baby; his DNA was spliced with genes from the saguaro cactus. While it took him a hundred years to get a boner, it made a nice birdhouse afterwards. He is the star of such films as "Tasty desert... no, the other kind of desert" and "Ow! My cock has thorns."

63 Terri "the tube" Schiavo

Had a booming career filming bukkake films such as "Bukkake for Beginers" and "I star in Bukkake Films and Don't vote because I live in Florida" until her eating disorder led to a heart problem. After her unfortuinate accident, she made an amazing rebound in films such as "Moaning and Groaning is All I do" and "Fuck me Braindead"

62 The Chuckle Brothers

Paul and Barry's latest adventures.

61 Morrissey

Star of videos 'Rubber Ring' 'Bigmouth Strikes Again' 'Hand In Glove' 'Driving Your Girlfriend Home' 'Asian Rut' 'Hold On To Your Friends' 'Such A Little Thing Makes Such A Big Difference' and the disturbing 'Vicar In A Tutu'

60 Earl "Mini-Me" Euradere

Star of "2 Inches is Big Enough" and "Extreme Masturbation for n00bs"

59 Zilah Patricia Muegel

Co-star with Earl Euradere in 69 of his highest-grossing films (They didn't bring in much money, if you know what I mean)

58 Your Mom

Do I even have to explain this?

57 George W Bush

Because "riding bareback" in a pr0n movie is different than horse riding (unless you're a fan of beastiality)

56 Oscar Wilde

Great poet, but has a little "shortcoming" problems

55 Diane Naquadia

Can do it all, but do you want to see it? See: fugly

54 Albert Einstein

While , , where D = penile size

53 You

Self-explanitory...

52 Michael Moore

All he does is complain about Vast Right-wing Conspiracies and that he can't get a real job

51 Malikat

Clearly a failure. He cant't even get into his girlfriends pants.

50 The dipshit that made theirs number 1 instead of 49th because they think theirs is so damn special.

49 John Cena

Critics claim his lack of 'fuckrate', and the fact that he doesn't suck as much as he does in the ring, on the mic, or on the silver screen.

48 Centimeter Peter

Ok, this isn't a real porn star. But if he was, then damn...

47 Bill Clinton

A $47 million production in which the kinkiest scene involved a cigar.

46 Willy Wonka (sometimes known as Willy Wanka')

Had a wonderful career until he sold poisoned, gold candy bars that made a bitch, a fat kid, a gum chewing girl, a tv fag, and a poor kid come into his house and have some fun...

45 Homer Simpson

Those curves aren't at all natural

44 Mario

After being bored of rescuing the Princess, he uses his fire flower power to shoot flames of sperm at his porn partner: Luigi.

43 Luigi

Tired of not being selected than his popular brother Mario in all the famed Nintendo games, he joins Mario as his gay porn partner on the receiving end of fire hot money shots.

42 Martin Yan

After an unfortunate accident with his ginsu knife when he accidentally chopped off his Chinese sausage, he is now known as "the cook with no cock."

41 Homestar Runner

First of all, he doesn't have hands! masturbation and fingering are therefore impossible. He has no penis, instead he squirts semen out of his leg, and nobody wants to see that. Thirdly, StrongBad is sexier.

40 Fred Durst

Bizkit isn't the only thing of his thats "limp".

39 Jabba the Hutt

...

3. Hillary Clinton

“Okay, but do I have to take my clothes off? Or have sex with him? This seems demeaning to women.”

~ Hillary Clinton on porn

Bill jumped at the opportunity to be a porn star. See #47.

2 Elliot Spitzer

1 Pauline Joy

0 Your mom.

-1; That incompetent lady at abortion clinic.

[edit] Honorable Mention

• Wendy Whoppers
• Arun Harindwarimangalem Kodumodi Sivasubramaniam
• Bhakta Thukaram
• Mark Mesina