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“I have nothing to declare but the fact that you should go out with me.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Different chat up lines from different subjects

“Say as many as you can, as fast as you can. Don't stop for any reason.”

~ Commander Zap Brannigan on the utilization of pick-up lines

If one struggles to successfully use the "surprise sex" method of getting laid, one may try to use these lines. Pick-up lines are used as a way of getting your ass kicked for being a pervert an alternative method of using an online dating service. Due to so few people having the mental capacity to come up with good pick-ups, Richard Nixon complied this list of his 100 worst greatest pick-up lines. Sadly, some people think you're being serious whilst using these lines and kick you in the balls are immune to these lines, and, therefore, these lines are guaranteed to get you arrested for sexual harassment may not work. Or you might end up making a cream pie instead...

Note: Richard Nixon doesn't count this list that carefully, and insists that he is not a crook there are only 100 pick-up lines on here. If you dare doubt him, he will break into your home, steal your possessions, and then kill you and get that pussy Gerald Ford pardon him again forgive your idiocy.

Contents 1 The List 1.1 106-101 1.2 100-91 1.3 90-81 1.4 80-71 1.5 61-70 1.6 60-51 1.7 50-41 1.8 40-31 1.9 30-21 1.10 10-1 1.11 Zero & Below 2 External Links

[edit] The List

Turn back. This is your last warning. Are you forgetting Richard M. Nixon made this list? What?!? Did you just skip over the the above paragraphs? Fuck you then. Go ahead and read the list. I don't care. Don't come around saying I didn't warn you.

Seriously! This list will horrify, offend, and and maybe even cause you to kill yourself. Fine. Here's the list:

[edit] 106-101

106

"Hey, baby, would you like to twiddle my chest hair?"

105

"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

104

"Is it true you're a lesbian?"

103

"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK."

102

"You're hot, I'm ugly. Lets make average babies."

101

"McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized..."

[edit] 100-91

100

"You look like an angel that fell from heaven and hit its face on the pavement."

99

"You need something to shut that big mouth of yours."

98

Try to put your arm around her. If she pushes you away, then say: "Relax! Relax. I'll pay for the first abortion!"

97

"How much is the fish?"

96

"Your eyes are like limpid pools of primordial ooze, and I am the protozoa that wish to swim in their depths."

95

"I want to bone you."

94

"Damn, you look good in beer goggles..."

93

"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

92

"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

91

"How much will a 20 get me?"

[edit] 90-81

90

"Do you enjoy having sex with pitbulls, too?"

89

"My mom won't be home for hours..."

88

"And I thought I had a boner before!"

87

"May I play motorboat?"

86

"My favourite number's 69."

85

"Fancy a game of pin the cock in the arsehole?"

84

"Wanna play park the snake in the garage?"

83

"How do you like your eggs in the morning, scrambled or fertilized?"

82

"Don't make me rape you..."

81

"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

[edit] 80-71

80

"I've lost my teddy bear! Can I sleep with you instead?"

79

"Wanna take a ride in my truck? It's a Ford... it's exotic."

78

"Damn you're ugly! Did you hit every branch on the ugly tree when you fell off and then climb back up for seconds?"

77

"I'm a man! You're a woman (I hope)! You do the math!"

76

"You don't sweat much for a fat chick."

75

"If I tossed this quarter, what are the chances of me getting head?"

74

"Wow, you look like Xena the Warrior Princess! Wanna date?"

73

"Nice legs; what time do they open?"

72

"Screw me if I'm wrong, but is your name Iolanthe?"

71

"Hey baby, want to socialize your means of reproduction?"

[edit] 61-70

70

(in a British accent) "I want to fuck your bloody brains out."

69

(in an Australian accent) "I want to fuck your bloody brains out."

68

"You must have fallen from Heaven. That would explain how you messed up your face."

67

"So what if you're on your period? A little blood never hurt nobody."

66

"Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, except down under..."

65

"I'm sine squared theta; you're cosine squared theta. Together we are one."

64

"Hey there, baby! I see you like sudoku... Well, you know, it's a long story, but I've got a sudoku puzzle tattooed on my abs... In braille! Wanna solve it?"

63

"Hey good lookin', wanna smell my finger?"

62

"Is that a mirror in your pocket? 'Cause I can see myself in your pants."

61

"So, do have anyEthiopian in you? Would you like some/some more?"

[edit] 60-51

60

"Ish heav'n mishing a angel? Cuz... cuz... is heav'n mishn a... mishn a angel... yeah cuz... fuck it. C'mere suck my dick." <vomits>

59

"The word of the day is legs. Let's go to your house and spread the word."

58

"That shirt is very becoming on you. If I was on you, I'd be coming too."

57

"Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

56

"Hello, and Welcome! You have reached (pause and different voice) Dick Johnson (original voice) female service number. If you are interested in vanilla sex, press 1 now. If you are interested in oral sex, press 2 now. If you are interested in anal sex, press 3 now. If you are interested in group sex, press 4 now. To repeat these choices, press 9 now. If your fetish is not listed here, or you are calling from a rotary phone, please stay on the line and a customer service rep will be with you shortly. Thank you for calling the (pause and different voice) Dick Johnson (original voice) female service number. (muzak starts playing)"

55

"Burger King isn't the only thing that is king-sized..."

54

"Are you from the Netherlands? Because you are one big dyke!"

53

“Steve Johnson thinks that you're really hot and that you should sleep with him.”

~ Oscar Wilde on that hot chick at the bar

52

"Hey baby, I've got AIDS."

51

"Mmmmmm.... flabwank."

[edit] 50-41

50

"Nice shoes, let's fuck."

49

"My shirt would look great on your bedroom floor."

48

"I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock."

47

"I'm a pussy-fist... err, pacifist, that's what I meant."

46

"I promise I won't videotape you in your sleep and sell the video on the Internet more than once."

45

"IT'S A NIGGER!!! What? I wasn't being racist. I was just imitating Michael Richards. He is SO funny!

44

"I'm going to have sex with you tonight, you might as well be there to enjoy it."

43

"Hey pretty lady, I know Klingon, and tonight I'm going Klingon to you!"

42

"So, how do you like 4th grade?"(this is also the ultimate question for The Answer to The Great Question of Life, The Universe, and Everything.)

41

"You have a better body than my dead great-grandmother!"

[edit] 40-31

40

"You know, pants are a vestigial organ. Yours look infected."

39

"I have a thing for amputees."

38

"My favourite position is The Serial Killer."

37

"Get out of your life and into my bed!"

36

(Thick Arab accent) "Hello... My son likes you!"

35

"Please, I am needing wife to get green card, but Immigration is wanting, how you say, proof of consummation."

34

"I'm Batman."

33

"Dammit, I creamed my trousers again!"

32

"I have a rare tropical disease which will kill me unless I have sex within the next half hour."

31

"Bet you 100 quid you can't turn me hetero."

[edit] 30-21

30

"You look just like a swan. You have skinny legs but a fat ass."

29

"Breathe if you're horny.Alright! score!"

28

"Secret Service, ma'am. I need to do a full body cavity search. National security, you know."

27

"Sorry, I thought this was the men's room. Still, while we're alone in here..."

26

(As loud and angry as you can say) "Hulk horny. Hulk FUCK!"

25

"The doctor's pretty sure the antibiotics worked this time."

24

"So what do ya say? Wanna love me? Or Raymond, like everybody else?"

23

"If I had a dime for every time I tried to pick up a chick, I'd still be poor."

22

"My friend use to hand out phone cards that said Smile if you're horny."

21

"You're hotter than my daughter."

[edit] 10-1

9

"My magical watch says you don't know who I am..."

8

"You have 206 bones in your body. Want one more?"

7

"I'll give you a nickel to tickle my pickle."

6

"I inserted the quarter, when does the fun start?"

5

"Last night, I practiced on your sister."

4

"Well... it's not going to suck itself."

3

"I'm an Uncyclopedia reader and contributor."

2

"I'm a Wikipedia reader and contributor."

1

"I'm the biggest lady-killer in Buffalo since O.J. Simpson."

[edit] Zero & Below

0

"I may not be the prettiest girl/most handsome guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you."

-1

"I've already had sex with you five times, while you were sleeping. Want to make it six?"

-2

"I'm like a Rubik's Cube. The more you play with me, the harder I get."

-3

"I am the force. Close your eyes and feel me flow through you."

-4

"Hi. I'm insert name here. Want to know what the other one is called?

-5

"Gee, this is one warm massage table. Oh, wait, it's you."

-6

"I lost my keys. Can I check your pants?"

-7

"If you were a woman, I'd so have sex with you."

-8

"It's called "The Forbidden Kingdom" for a reason."

-9

"Are you a slave girl? Because you look like you should be."

-10

"Are you free tonight or will it cost me?"

-11

"Cold out isn't it? (staring at breasts)"

-12

"Hi. You'll do my grandmother while eating dogfood, right? SCORE!!! "

-13

"I've got a knife - get your coat"

-14

"I've got my beady eye set on you"

-15

"Wanna have sex?"

-16

"Would you find it quite spiffing if I inserted my genitalia into your genitalia?"

[edit] External Links

• Pick Up Lines