Worst 100 Government Policies

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Those Governments, eh! They spend all day out there making sure that we're okay with their policies. Every Government has them - policies that tell us all how we'll be living our lives if we're stupid enough to vote them into power (or turn a blind eye to any blatant vote-rigging).

But politicians don't always get it right and for every good policy there's one that looks like it should belong in the Thames river with all the other turds.

[edit] 91-100

100. "The party vows to cut homosexuality from the nation's beliefs and replace it with a picture of Mary Whitehouse."

99. "Our Party Leader once nearly choked on a piece of bread. Therefore we will promise to ban bread and all bread-related products."

98. "Free goat porn for all!"

97. "Teenage pregnancies are up 72%. Therefore we will kill all teenagers if elected."

96. "Mandatory jail sentences for any crimes highlighted by the tabloid press. With double sentences for articles printed on Sundays. "

95. "1984 shall be used as a framework for government ideas, especially foreign policy and civil rights. Which means we will resuscitate Ronald Reagan." What, do you think we meant the book? Nobody here has the attention span to read an entire book.

94. "Scrapping the minimum wage, and re-establishing good old sweatshops for the poor."

93. "Free condoms for the over 75's."

92. "A new hairstyle every six weeks, to be carefully chosen by a focus group."

91. "All newspapers would be banned. Except for the Daily Mail."

[edit] 90-81

90. "Sexual relations will be made illegal unless it's done through a hole in the blanket."

89. "We shall combat Global Warming by using a big spaceship to pull the Earth slightly further away from the Sun."

88. "We will make it illegal for Super Heroes to use their powers for evil."

87. "We will rename The Isle of Man to "The Isle of Men, Women, Children and some Animals" as not just men live there."

86. "Starting Monday we begin remodeling the English language, we will base it on the metric system."

85. "Snooker will become our national game as it is the only sport left that we aren't shit at."

84. "It has come to our attention that dogs bark too loud. This will be made illegal."

83. "And therefore, our party has chosen Mr. Borat Sagdiyev to be the Chairman on the Board of Jewish Affairs."

82. "We shall create a National Holiday to commemorate Kim Jong Il. With lots of fireworks. And parades. And Rambo movies.

81. "We need more wars!"

[edit] 80 - 71

80. "My fellow Americans, Congress has officially declared war on the Disney Channel."

79. "Ethnic Slurring will become a daily requirement."

78. "And therefore, my fellow Americans, we will bail out AIG."

77. "Ladies and gentlemen, our new national anthem is 'Holiday', by Ms. Madonna Ciccione.

76. "And I saw taxes are too low!"

75. "Starting on Jan 1st all government positions will be filled by a lottery system." I'm hopping for the position of commandant of the Marine Corps or a janitor position at NASA.

74. "From now on, everyone in Nebraska is named Tim."

73. "Every 1st Monday of the month is take your mother-in-law to work day."

72. "The separation of Church and State is now undone, starting now, all Americans are scientologists."

71. "If a citizen misses a World Cup game, then they will be subject to the worst torture imaginable: watching a World Cup game."

[edit] 70 through 61

70. "Everybody in the world will have plastic surgery to look like this guy."

70. "Everybody in the world will have plastic surgery to look like the guy on the left.

69. "A kitten a day..."

68. "My fellow Americans, I'm pleased to tell you today that I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes. Oh shit, the mic's on?"

67. "Bad credit? No credit? No problem!"

66. "So I'm going to have beer and pretzels on the White House lawn with Professor Gates and Sergeant Crowley. Afterward, I'll throw out the first pitch at the MLB All-Star Game. The economy? What the hell is an economy?"

65. "The United States flag will be replaced with a picture of Oscar Wilde's ass."

“Yes! Fuckin' A!”

~ Oscar Wilde on the new United States flag

64. "Our new vice president is Sarah Palin." Ya, you betcha.

63. "From now on, people are permitted to park in handicapped spots if they're just running in to buy Pop-Tarts or a pack of smokes.

62. "Nobody is permitted to breathe until the Pirates win the World Series."

61. "I have elected Nick, Kevin, and Joe Jonas to head the committee on Teenage Heterosexuality."

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