Worst 100 Football Variants of All Time

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“Do not try and kick the ball. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth: there is no ball. Then you'll see, that it is not the ball that is being kicked, it is only yourself.”

~ The Matrix on Football

“Hey, I was gonna say that!”

~ Russian Reversal on The Matrix on Football

“I like football, which is like the opposite of baseball. But I really like Brett Favre, which is the opposite of Peyton Manning. BRETT FAVRE!”

~ John Madden on getting number 96 on the countdown

“A bigger letdown than the presidency of James Buchanan!”

~ Dennis Miller on getting number 95 on the countdown

Contents:  100-91 • 90-81 • 80-71 • 70-61 • 60-51 • 50-41 • 40-31 • 30-21 • 20-11 • 10-1

Football is one of the worlds most popular sports, but there are also numerous variants of it, which will all be listed here:

[edit] 110 101

110. Amnesia Football

Nobody knows what the fuck is going on.

109. Paper Football

Usually played in algebra class when the teacher isn't paying attention. Popular teams include the New England Dorks, the Minnesota Geeks, and the Kansas City Future CPAs.

108. Bob Dole Football

Bob Dole likes to play Bob Dole Football with Bob Doleself. Popular teams include the San Diego Bob Doles, the Dallas Bob Doles, and the New Orleans Bob Doles. BOB DOLE!

107.5 The Bob Dole Football Drinking Game

The participant must drink every time the name Bob Dole is said. They should succumb to alcohol poisioning within the first five minutes of the game.

107. Bill Clinton Football

It's not football, but there's some tackling going on, if you know what I mean.

106. South Park Football

TIMMAY!

105. Wikipedia Football

It's not a football variant, but since it's Wikipedia, it goes on the worst of all time list.

104. Political Football

One team is Republican, and one team is Democrat. They play each other in Washington DC, calling plays such as "Universal Health Care Reform", which we believe is like a flea flicker. The Republicans always win, because Larry Craig rapes everyone.

103. Football, The Musical!

A bunch of gay guys tackling each other in a high school auditorium. Popular teams include the Jets, the Sharks, the Farmers, the Cowmen, and the munchkins from "Wicked!".

102. Lovecraftian Football

The game is played outside the ordered universe in non-Euclidian geometry to the sounds of muffled, maddening beating of vile drums and the thin monotonous whine of accursed flutes. You will be gradually driven mad by playing the game by the dawning realisation of the emptiness and futility of life as you slowly piece together certain ancient secrets that were best left undiscovered. Then the referee, who suddenly transforms into a hideous beldame, drags you into hyperspace and forces you to read the Necronomicon and signing your name on it with your own blood, resulting in you being ultimately locked into a madhouse with padded cells, frantically muttering the phrase "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn" over and over again.

101. Doom 3 Football

The game is played in near pitch-black and every player has to rely on his/her flashlight to find the ball and play the game. The last player to run out of batteries for his/her flashlights wins, only to be trampled to death by the Cyberdemon.

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100. Marioland Football

The entire playing field is littered with strange gravity-defying quadratic boxes that hangs in thin air with seemingly nothing to hold them there, and which are filled with magic mushrooms, flowers, stars, various strange suits and other peculiar objects. You are also chased by hostile turtles, the sun itself and Goombas. Furthermore, the ball is mysteriously missing and everytime you ask the referee for it, he merely says "Thank you <insert name here>! But the ball is in another castle!"

99. Tourette's Football

Played with a special football that has a built in pressure sensor and speakers and says things like SHITHEAD, GOAT DICK, BITCH, CHOAD, BANGKOK, JAP, FUCKTARD and EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA everytime it's kicked.

98. Mr referee is GAY Football

Mr referee is gay. he is the worst football judge EVER he suxs. He gave me a red card!!!! because i touhced teh football with my hand. Even though it wasnt my fault. i dot like him and niobody does because he is gay and stupid and ugly and retarted and fat. i wish he will gats firedfrom his job and goes to the moon or a gay retared place. he is GAY GAY GAY GAY!!!!! HE IS THE WORST PERSON EVER. HE IS SO BAD. I HOPE HE GET SOME SICK.

97. Jeopardy Football

What is not enough people actually wanted to play it? What is they prefer Wheel of Fortune football?

96. John Madden Football

Usually features 500 mentions to both Brett Favre and the Immaculate Reception, sometimes simultaneously.

95. Dennis Miller Presents "Bifortnightenual Football"

See, the guy here runs like Marathon hoping to avoid being hit like Caesar by Brutus and Cassius, and his team crosses the field like Hannibal. The metaphorical elephants are called wide receivers. While the Trojan horse we call the defense fights the offense like Aaron Burr fought Alexander Hamilton, one team wins, and one team ends up a bigger loser than Eugene V. Debs in the 1908 election. The quarterback, who is as good of a leader as "Mad Anthony" Wayne, may advance the ball by throwing it or by handing it off; the latter will have Marshall Goldberg over there try to run it. His run will probably be as long as one of Zsa Zsa Gabor's marriages. They can also kick a field goal, unless their kicker is Achilles and the defensive end is Paris.

Popular teams include the Pittsburgh Carnegies (Dennis's favorite), the Tampa Bay Captain Kidds, and the New England Insurgents. The latter were bannished from the Garden of Eden known as the Superlative Bowl just like "Shoeless" Joe Jackson was banned from baseball when they were caught filming the other teams' signals, like they were Stanley Kubrick or something...

Did you understand any of that? Didn't think so.

94. Disney Football

All the players are antropomorphic animals of various kinds. Need I say more?

93. Thai Football

Like normal football but the ball is on fire (seriously).

92. American Football

Like rugby but better. The game stops every two seconds and it lasts for like 3 hours. The players wear loads of armour cos they're awesome and carry the ball everywhere awesomely. The only reason its popular is because it's awesome. Possibly The best sport in existance

91. Powderpuff Football

A game where women try to play football, while closeted homosexual men pose as cheerleaders. Usually, the song "Dude Looks Like A Lady" is blared over the loudspeakers, while the almost as popular "Lady Looks Like A Lesbian" is also played (called "I Kissed A Girl" in some markets).

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90. Saw Football

You find yourself in a gloomy room with the football lying five meters ahead of you. You realize that you are chained to your teammates. A video sequence begins to play stating that the football contains a bomb that will explode, and the only way to disable the bomb is with the right seven-digit combination written on a Duplo brick swallowed by one of your teammates. You have to kill your teammates one by one to survive until you find the one whose stomach contains the lifesaving Duplo brick.

89. Final Destination Football

In a weird combination of Soviet Russian Football and Saw Football, the ball is after you rather than you being after the ball. Disaster ensues as you try to flee and the arena begins to collapse around you. You escape the collapsing arena only to be crushed by a falling piano that fell out of a transport airplane 10,000 meters up in the air.

88. Football-Fan Football

The rules: get drunk, tailgate (hold a picnic outside your car and watch the ants take your food), chav (get dressed like you're emo), riot (throw things and run against people wearing shields while yelling stupid things), act like total maniacs (which is like rioting, only louder and dirtier), and get even drunker. boy, that's the life, isn't it?

87. Cincinnati Football

Points are scored based on who can intercept the ball the most times when thrown by the other team and how long a team can go without calling a time-out or asking for water. Some players are known to have died of dehydration and exhaustion. Bonus points are awarded if a player gets arrested.

86. Rutgers University Football

This game consists of picking up axes and running with them, and also trying to kick axes into trees (yes this game really does kick axe!). A touchdown is worth seven trees and a field goal is worth three trees. When football was first played at Rutgers University, they played on a field against Princeton, and at that time, they couldn't even find a ball. So they had to cut off Hey Arnold's head. Once that happened, the lumberjacks got interested, and that was how college football was born. For some reason, though, the name "Scarlet Lumberjacks" never really caught on.

85. Scottish Football

The game can't be played because it turns out that both of the teams turn out to have been too penny-pinching to buy a ball for the game or to pay for a referee.

84. Middle-earth Football

A team of about 300,000 elves, good men, eagles and dwarfs fight a gigantic hoard of 600,000 of orcs, trolls, wolves and evil men for control of the ball. A couple of hobbits manage to sneak in behind the enemy lines and throw the ball into the fires of Mount Doom where it was once forged.

83. The Matrix Football

Neo constitutes a one-man team with Agent Smith as the other one-man team, with the Merovingian as referee. Agent Smith begins to duplicate himself rampantly by turning the audience into copies of himself. Suddenly Neo has to singlehandedly fight a team of 100 Agent Smith's for control of the ball. The Smith's win by 205 1.

82. Ultimate Horror Showdown Football

One team consists of Jason Voorhees, Dracula, Pennywise the clown, The Mummy, a werewolf, The Fly, and Frankenstein's monster. The other team is Pinhead, Michael Myers, Freddy Krueger, Norman Bates, Chucky, Leatherface and the Burger King Guy. The referee gets horribly slaughtered, then the entire onlooking audience, then the entire population in the city where the game is being held. Pinhead then slaughters the rest of the fiends with his razor-equipped chains only to trampled to death by Mecha-Godzilla.

81. Westboro Football

God hates you and your faggot game. You will burn in Hell if you play this variant. When a football player slips on the grass and suffers a foot injury, Fred Phelps shows up and shouts mockingly: "Thank God for wet grass! Thank God for all dead football players!"'

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80. Pacman Football

In addition to the players chasing the ball, Pacman is also there chasing and trying to eat the opposing team's players during the game. Pacman is in turn being stalked by four ghosts. However, when Pacman scores a touchdown, he just ends up at the other endzone.

79. Infinite Football Crisis

Alexander Luthor Jr. and Superboy-Prime shows up and claims that the football game that is being played is not what the game should be, so they use some mumbo-jumbo cosmic machinery to "bring back" all the football variants that they claim were lost in the previous crisis, resulting in the creation (or recreation) of all the numerous football variants listed here. Superboy-Prime tries to kill both of the football teams, but is imprisoned in the heart of the sun by FIFA.

78. Boring Football

The national sport of Mediocre Britain. Always ends with 0 0. The games are only moderately entertaining to watch, the stadium is so-and-so, the jumbotron is black and white, the players are bored and everything is kind of average at best. It is referred to as "soccer" in the United States.

77. Cowboy Bebop Football

Spike dies at the end of the game.

76. Japanese Football

Involves a punch in the face, then followed by a kick in the crotch (that's how football got its name).

75. IKEA Football

The football pitch, the goals, the stadium and even the ball comes packed in rectangular boxes and most assembled and put together manually before the game can begin.

74. All-Referee Football

All the players and goalkeepers are exchanged with referee's and the game becomes a matter of giving the opponents yellow or preferably red cards to send as many opponents out as possible. This is done by tricking the opponents into violating as many in-game laws as possible, including the law of gravity. The team with the most referee's left at the end of the game wins.

73. Anarchy Football

Variant of football which is exceptionally dangerous to play, and nothing really matters. If you try to kick the football, it might either a splode, end up at the other end of the universe, become intangible, end up in your own team's goal, become edible (although it wouldn't taste good), not move at all, or the football may just decide to kick you instead. Even worse, it could randomly turn into a Grue and eat everybody in and around the stadium. Of course, when you kick the ball again, it will behave completely different from the last time. Therefore, the game becomes completely silly and nonsensical and you are at a certain risk of losing your own sanity if you attempt to play it. In this variant, the chances of you spontaneously transforming into a goat and actually hitting the ball are equal.

72. Apathy Football

A game that nobody cares about actually playing, as it's too depressing. Meh...

71. Argentinian Football

An exquisite display of athletic theater. Mostly consisting of players attempting to convince the referee that they have been brutally injured by a player that was no less than 10 feet away from them during the last play. If this doesn't work, players tend to resort to using their hands to assist in scoring; (See Diego Maradona)

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70. Australian Rules Football

Also known as Solitaire, is played in Outback Steakhouses. It involves kicking jumbo shrimp (or prawn) into kangaroo pouches. It is considered to be the worst form of football by Rugby League fans.

69. Aztec Football

Just like ordinary football, except that the team must capture as many opponents as possible and sacrifice them to the Gods during the breaks (there are also more breaks than in ordinary football). The team that has sacrificed the greatest number of opponents at the end of the game wins.

68. Ball of your Football

Which involves kicking the balls of the feet of the other 200 players in the given time (45 minutes each way [there are 9 directions of play])

67. Ballfoot Football

Which involves kicking people in the balls with your foot.

66. All Your Base Football

The game is played in space bases. A coach granted with the title of "CATS" takes the base to end the game. The game Zero Wing takes place after a game of Base Football.

65.Basket Football

Which involves kicking wicker baskets into bonfires.

64. Chocolate Football

The football is made of chocolate and the players try to eat it instead of kicking it. The team that has gained the most pounds at the end of the game wins.

63. Communist Football

There is one ball per player to eliminate inequality between players, and any player who proves himself better than other players and makes a goal is taken off field by security guards and is shoot by the KGB, and his properties are thus confiscated by the government.

64. Cowbellball

In which That Old Ugly Dude who walks a lot tells a washed up comedian that he needs more cowbell. Despite this, the sport is still in severe lack of cowbell.

63. Canadian Football

Also known as CFL, is a medical condition swelling the ball of the afflicted's foot.

62. Catholic Football

In which the object is to kick the ball until it flies in a perfect line through space. Any player who kicks the ball in an arc is burned as a heretic. Wooden rulers are commonly used to beat the opposing team.

61. Chinese Football

Played by kung fu masters, whoever was the first one to use the "Dragon Fist" wins. The all time scorer was Jet Li, who scored 99999999999999999999999999 goals in the Fearless Cup(aka the movie Fearless)

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60. Detroit Lions Football

Which follows no logic known to man and yet still attracts the attention of unfortunate slobs from Southeast Michigan on Sunday afternoons. Never to be associated with the Super Bowl other than to watch it on TV or host it in Detroit, like that one time where the Steelers crushed the Seahawks.

59. English football

Otherwise known as The Quest for the Holy Cup originated in 1072, there were Women's Quests, Children's Quests, Dogs and Cats Quests the aim was to dribble a rock from one side of an acre area to the other, it was considered perfectly acceptable for them to kill their opponents, one day one of the crusaders leaning against a bit of wood and discovered that he had a crossline symbol in red from the paint that had been applied earlier, later in 1722 this became known as the Cross of the House of Hanover later changed to St George.

All over the world people couldn't understand why irritating foreigners kept kicking balls towards them and kept kicking them away and this eventually became known as the World Cup and in 1866 England even won this competition which by then had evolved into kicking a piece of cow gut about.

Recent manager Sven Goren Erikson was sacked for moonlighting selling mobile phones and his choice of team including controversially an all female team with Faria Alam and Ulrikka Johnson figuring prominently was not a good idea although everyone else shrugged and accepted this because they knew that England would never win anyway, suspicions remained though that he might have some personal bias in regard to the decision. To make sure his players were ready for the match and didn't get up to anything they shouldn't to he has developed an unusual technique sleeping with them personally.

58. Head Football

Which involves shrunken heads.

57. Faria Footie

Method of manipulating the balls with the toes this goes on with various people until someone scores.

56. Foot Football

Is a common martial arts practice in which the person bangs their foot up to avoid the dreaded Stomp technique.

55. Football with a missing football

Where the actual ball is missing, leaving the players clueless as to what they should do. So far, only one goal has ever been made during this game variant, and that was when a supporter grew restless and threw in a football from the bleacher just to make the game just a little bit interesting.

54. Football Golf

Where drunken men use their foot instead of a club, shouting "Whore" whilst trying to sink the ball into a hole. Rules are generally made up as they go along, as certain hazards need to be avoided such as nettles, small children and dog shit. Try to get the ball into a hole they made with their heel. The foot is used instead of a club, the foot is used when striking the ball, the person house "Whore"

53. French Football

which involves 11 goalkeepers per team (a.k.a Le defense Line or Maginot Line N°2), all wearing white jersey.

52. Fútbol

Which is basically soccer played in Spain, although they think they're playing something else.

51. Gaelic Football

Is one of the Irish sport where two teams try to kill each other, without using a stick this time. It is dominated by John Kerry, who has won the championship 33 and 1/3 times.

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50. Gay Football

A perfected art by Christiano Ronaldo whereby homoerotic Europeans chase each other's balls.

49. Garland High School Football

Where the drunkest people in the world get out and do it big. Garland high school even beat Jesus' team circa 0 B.C..

48. Gary Neville

Football's least lovable scouser hating goat child. Son of Neville Neville (seriously!)

47. Genius Football

A game where you pull your brain out of your head and proceed to kick the opponents brains, this continues until one side can no longer recite the periodic table or the lyrics to "We Didn't Start the Fire".

46. Geordie Football

In this variant, which is usually played in the Bigg Market area of Newcastle, the ball is replaced by 'phern' boxes, and there is no winner. Only a fat man dressed as a zebra swinging a black and white scarf around his head. This is the 8th biggest form of football in the world.

45. German (Nazi) Football

The team that can be the most fascist to a minority and create the most death, fear, terror, squeaky noises, weight loss, rape, abortion, burning and pillaging, bribing of other government leaders, killing of UN inspectors with carefully planned traps, creating a super race, ruling the world as a giant empire, and who kills a Grue (which of course is the hardest part) wins.

44. Ghetto Football

Involves large numbers of black people and/or mexicans with guns. The offense tries to reach the end-zone to score, but the ball carrier is often shot before reaching said end-zone, thus in a normal game the team with the last man standing wins (Normally the last man standing is then arrested, for reasons unspecified.).

43. Halo 2 Football

Where every player is armed with a plasma sword and battle rifle. Most players suffer from a playing deficiency and usually end up jumping over the edge because everyone else is rubbish(This game is most commonly played on the X-Cube Station console by Microtendoy.

42. Hippie Football

Where the teams doesn't play at all, but instead sit down together on the grass wearing colorful clothing and smoking marijuana and keep saying "give peace a chance" and preach about an end to the unjustified violence against the footballs, who are "kicked around violently for no reason".

41. Marching Band Football

The football team switches places with the marching band. The flautist realizes that playing outside linebacker is no walk in the park, while the wide receiver gets pissed off because he not only can't play a trombone, but thinks it's a dildo. Popularly played in high school, followed by the football players sticking the marching band members' heads down a toilet.

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40. Disco Demolition Night Football

The ball is replaced with a bunch of disco records, and the players go into the middle of the field, and blow up the disco records. Pandemonium erupts! People run all over the place like chickens and chant "Disco Sucks!" (Then everybody remembers that they are supposed to be at a baseball game, whereupon they continue doing what they did before.)

39. Intelligent Footballing

Not a game, but a theory that it's not the players who causes the ball to move, but an Intelligent maker. Widely used by creationists.

38. Iranian football

The team that enriches the greater mass of uranium (for peaceful purposes of course) wins. Any remaining uranium is donated to the Iranian association of distribution of nuclear weapons (a.k.a. Iran's nuclear program).

37. Italian Football

The team that successfully bribes the ref first wins. Or most of the time the team who scores first and then goes into defensive mode until the 90 minutes is up wins.

36. Jedi vs. Sith Football

Star Wars football, where one team are all Jedi knights/masters and the other team are all Sith Lords. Played with lightsabers in addition to the football and spiced up with various force powers such as telekinesis, force lightning, precognition and telepathy. Most often the game will be quite a massacre and there will only be one player left alive at the of the game.

35. Jewish Football

Which is exactly like normal football, except that teams score one point for every one thousand people who leave the stadium because they can't stand the players whining that they can't run 90 minutes and have a diving lesson anyway.

34. Jihad Football

Like American football, except that all the players are terrorists and has bomb pasted onto their football clothes and will try a suicide run toward the enemy goal and blow up the goalkeeper as well as themselves.

33. Kick-the-can

Played by poor kids with an old tin can. Players kick a can aimlessly around a street. Usually finishes after one of the players gets cut on the can and gets tetanus.

32. Kick-the-head

The earliest known version of football, in which players, unsurprisingly, kick each other in the head, usually nine times!

31. Microsoft Football

Is not played at all as the game crashes as soon as it starts, upon which a giant Blue Screen of Death appears on the Jumbotron or whatever display there might be. It also costs more than previous versions and has barely changed.

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30. Midget Football

Kicking midgets. Plain and simple. Last midget standing wins.

29. Quote smackdown football

One team consists of Oscar Wilde, Yoda, Captain Sarcasm, John Madden, Sun-Tzu, Yogi Berra and Captain Understatement. The other team consists of Noel Coward, Mark Twain, Captain Oblivious, Yakov Smirnoff, Captain Obvious, Swedish Chef and John Locke. The only game that actually takes place involves John Madden and Captain Obvious beating each other up. Otherwise, the other players are usually too busy making up quotes about the game instead of actually playing it. The game may go on forever because there is no force in the universe capable of making them all shut up, no matter how much you would have wished there were.

28. Monster Football

Played by monsters, in which the ball is replaced by a severed human foot. Current champions of this game are the Hard Cock band Lordi!

27. Ninja Football

In which every player has a ninja-sword and in order to take the ball from an opponent, you must first challenge him/her to a sword-duel to the death.

26. Pirate football

Presumably better than Ninja football, the debate still continues in congress. this game involves the quarterback slamming the opponent and the linebacker blasting the ass off of the other team with a musket. the rest usually ride their ship to the other side while booing the other team.

25. Pirates vs Ninjas football

A game in which one side is the Ninja side and the other is the Pirate side. This is often played in Neverland where the Pirates, with their cracked up pirate ship can fly, although you can imagine the crowd. This form of football may end the controversy over Pirates vs Ninjas.

24. New Zealand Football

Possibly the first clone of Australian Football. Said by many to be horrific and only played by duckheads.

23. North Korean Football

The team that builds the largest nuclear arsenal and successfully launches it against Japan and South Korea wins.

22. Portuguese Football

Primping, preening, and falling over.

21.Quantum Football

The ball exists either in the home or away goal net. The ball has no other state in between so no actual play can take place. See Leicester City. "

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20. Real football

Less cheerleaders and rules, and more players.

19. Reversed Football

A variant where instead of each teaming having eleven player of which one is a goalkeeper, there is instead ten goalkeepers and only one player per team, which makes it almost impossible to make any goals.

18. 'Rugby Football

More commonly known as Quidditch, requires kicking rugs and babies at windows, hence rug(ba)by.

17. Rugby Football League

Similar to Rugby Football but requires the players to pretend to have a fit when tackled instead of staying under a group of thirty 20-stone men... pussies.

16. Shottingham Forest Football Club

Treehuggers and Brap Brap gangstas are widely believed to be the worst football club in the Republic of the East Midlands. An illustrious history with many titles such as the European Cup, FA Cup and the English top division trophy puts them far ahead of poorer rivals such as Derby County but not Leicester City. Both Nottingham and Derby are notorious for lack of history or heritage and the odd League Cup or stint in the top flight is the pinnacle of their achievements. . Derby County in comparison are not much better and their only 'claim to fame' is their English League Title, obtained by Nottingham Forest's legendary manager, Brian Clough. Many of their fans and residents of the county have a strong tradition of intercourse with sheep, hence the club's nickname 'Sheepshaggers'.

15. Soccer

Better known as Wussy-Man Football, but we all know how stubborn those United Statesians can be. Involves two teams of Europeans or South Americans running after a ball and flopping around like fish out of water. (see Brazil)

14. Soviet Russia Football

Where the ball kicks YOU!!

13. Spartan Football

Football? This is SPARTAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

12. Swedish Football

A term when a team tries to play football, or any sport, as boring as possible. The only good thing we ever got from the Swedish was the Chef, and possibly IKEA.

11. Three sided football

A game of Actual football involving three sides, played only by Situationist and followers of its creator, the Danish artist Asger Jorn.

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10. Time Traveling Football

The game proceeds as expected, but then the ball is suddenly sucked into a cosmic maelstrom and ends up somewhere in the future. Now Bill and Ted must team up with Donnie Darko and Marty McFly and travel to a futuristic dictatorship ruled by Kang the Conqueror in the year 2415 and get the football back at all costs so that the game may continue. The catch? Kang the Conqueror has already traveled back to the distant past, to ancient Egypt under the pseudonym of Rama-Tut, and he's taken the ball with him! 69, DUDE!

9. Tufte football

A bunch of hunks and beautiful men running around and believing they are doing something good. A collaboration with Fox resulted in a television series about themselves, honoring their president Erik Thorstvedt, Star Wars, Buffy and nice, unhealthy values.

8. Whodunnit Football

South American game. The balls are whacked against a brick wall until the prisoner confesses.

7. Volley Football

The same as American Football, except using a gigantic board and statues.

6. Alien vs. Predator football

One team are all xenomorphs, the other team are all predators. The referee was found dead just before the game begun. And you? Well, you're the ball. Figure out the rest.

5. Islamic Football

Some muslim comments that the football looks just like Muhammad, minus the beard. Turmoil erupts in numerous Islamic countries. Angry Islamists demand that football should be censored, and FIFA's local office in Pakistan are assaulted and burned down as a result.

4. You have two cows football

The two goalkeepers are replaced with two cows.

3. Zero gravity football

Gravity is zero and an upwards kick may send the ball flying into deep space and the players and the goalkeepers keeps floating around in midair.

2.

Zork football	Score: 1 2	Moves: 5
C:\> Run "Zorkfootball"_ > look You are in a nondescript arena of nondescript size. Around you is an endless grass field stretching out as far as your eyes can see. Ten meters away you see football players of two teams trying to catch a ball. In a twist of fate, a player kicks the ball in your direction. The referee, who looks oddly zombie-like, stands five meters in front of you with his back turned toward you. Oh, and there's a Grue about 20 meters to your left. kick the ball look around you insult the referee sit down and do nothing throw in the towel examine inventory examine grue attempt to pronounce 'xyzzy'

1. Uncyclopedia football

The rules of the game have been allowed to be edited by preteens, so the game consists pretty much of Euroipods, Mr winkler is GAY, rampaging grues, Fisher Price, endless Zork pages, You have two cows, Russian reversal jokes and misquotes by Oscar Wilde, Captain Obvious, Captain Oblivious, Noel Coward and Yoda. It aired weekly on NBC for only the 1998 season.