Portal:Religion

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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Religion portal.

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Religion is the act of worshipping a creed or deity in which one has mistakenly attributed supernatural powers. 'True Believers' are also known as schizophrenic or having a neurological disorder in scientific, medical, or sane circles. It was invented by tribal leaders at least 2 million years ago in order to control and financially exploit the citizenry and in the Western proper World was still going strong until the separation of Church and State. In the 3rd or improper World it's business as usual. Typically god is portrayed as a giant bearded man in the sky that flies around granting wishes, but there are some variations.

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Billy Graham

Billy-graham

Q: What did Jesus mean when He said the meek will "inherit the earth"? Am I supposed to be doing something to prepare? If so, what? — T. L.


A: First of all it's important to realize you are not alone in your worry. As you probably well know, it was during His Sermon on the Mount that Jesus said: "Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth" (Matthew 5:5).

This has caused no shortage of anxiety on the part of the meek, who are given to being rather squeamish in the first place. It throws at their feet a rather lofty goal, but with much key information omitted — specifically, who, how, and when? Does "meek" refer to the collective en masse, or a subset of duly appointed representatives? Are said individuals meeting in a lawyer's office for a reading of the will, at a table engaged in some sort of collective bargaining agreement, or meeting with the current owners over a cup of coffee for a straight exchange of ownership papers? When is this to occur exactly? Will God be sending one of His angelic representatives by for a chinwag about the particulars, or are we to be searching the earth and skies for some kind of sign? And what, God forbid, should happen if the time arrives and the current rulers of earth decide to renege on the agreement?

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If you don't agree with absolutely everything I say that means God hates you and you are going to Hell

~ Fred Phelps on Everyone.
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