From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Commonly believed to be a huge problem in Africa, World Poverty is said to affect 1.1 billion of the worlds population. A man who knows stuff about poverty said something like this 'In Somalia, there is only one water well per village, flies stick to your face and chocolate is scarce.'
Thankfully though, world povery simply doesn't exist. If you go to Africa, you are likely to see a bunch of overweight kids snorting coke and playing frisbee.
Many well-informed citizens have backed up this theory.
“It isn't even a f***ing theory, it's fact.”
One Mr. Barnslow of Chicago notes his recollection of the state of African countries:
"I remember travelling to Africa when I was young. I was about 13 years old and I got there by swimming across the Atlantic. When I arrived drenched and tired, I was astonished to see large factories everywhere crafting parts of what seemed to be a large rocket. Those children aren't starving at all - They're employed! It warmed my heart to see such hard workers being made out of children ages 4 and under. Only later did I realize I forgot to take my medicine...and that i didn't seen to have any cannabis left....."
edit The Reason Westerners Are Lied To
The Great Irony
Westerners have traditionally been lied to about Ethiopia, Africa etc because it's a fantastic place to live. They simply don't want to share with us. They watch us going about our daily lives, occasionally feeling remorse but for the most part getting wasted and laughing at us. The technology, healthcare and drug intake is way beyond anything we Westerners can imagine. 67% of hospital admissions in Ethiopia are related to obesity. The average house is a little over twice the size of a house in the wealthier parts of England. The average lifespan is 97 years for men, 101 for women. The average car has a bath in it and runs on English banknotes. Which leads us to......
Our fund raising efforts are shown on t.v and is cult viewing for many of the youths throughout Africa. Our money is simply burnt as fuel in their vehicles and occasionally rolled up and used to snort coke. Large film studios have been built exclusively for the purpose of making footage of Ethiopian's looking desperate. The film studios recruit Ethiopian's with eating disorders and health problems and film them "living" in their film sets. They are paid generously and assisted with any of their future medical bills. As the living standards in these countries continue to rise it's actually becoming harder and harder to find any citizens who are unhealthy enough to take part. In recent years it's almost exclusively been drug addicts and super models taking the main roles and this trend looks to continue.
edit Live 8
Live 8, was voted in at number 1 in all the polls as the funniest T.V moment of 2005. If there was ever a moment when some people had felt 'this has gone to far', this was it. President Gertrude Ibengwe Mongella was prompted to make an official statement telling everyone to "just enjoy the show".
edit The Truth Group
There has been a growing number of people calling for the truth to be told to the west. The Truth Group was formed in 1997, it is an international group and has members from Nigeria, Rwanda, Ethiopia, Indonesia and Bangladesh. They are for all intents and purposes an "underground" group and are generally extremely unpopular with the general public. High profile members of The Truth Group typically end up in jail or missing.
The aim of The Truth Group is to persuade the general population that nations such as America, United Kingdom, France, Spain, Italy and Germany need to know the truth about the non existence of poverty and furthermore, the truly luxurious lifestyles most of the populace enjoy.
To most though, coming clean is simply not an option due to fears that there would be a strong backlash and quite possibly a world war.